Lets make it easier for new ones. Need your help

advice
help
#1

I need your help! Starting with no fap is difficult. Many of us tried for a long time to get rid of PMO. We figured out which concepts worked and which don’t. Even if we are still sturggling there are things that clearly help us.

But every new member has to go through that again because there is no nice list of good or bad things
We could change that. Let’s write down all the things that helped us the most to stay clean or reduce urges.
Like this, new members (or even veterans) can try out the things on the list and figure out faster which things work for them.

If many people help me with ideas and things that worked out I will make a beautiful post out of it which could make the life of everyone so much easier.


Technology

It’s not always possible (and in a long run not useful) to remove every digital device out of your life. But mindlessly browsing through the web very often triggers urges. The goal is to use the internet / smartphone and laptop only for useful things (work, hobby …)

Some useful tips:

- Delete all your social media accounts (youtube, facebook, twitter, twitch, pinterest, dating apps and so on).
It sounds like a harsh reaction but lets be honest, they are just a waste of time (You can still use things like youtube for example to watch education or hobby related videos. But without an account you won’t get the “recommanded” videos which will lead to binge watching)

- Use porn- and app blockers
On the computer:
“K9 Web protection” is the way to go. Send an impossible-to-remember password to an accountability partner

On the phone:

  1. Download “Spin-Browser” and “App lock”. Lock every other browser and the playstore with app lock and send it’s password to your accountability partner. (Spin browser is a porn-free browser)
  2. Use “keep-me-out” app. You can choose critical houres, where you can’t excess parts of your phone (like when going to bed) or you can define how much time you can spend on your phone per day
  3. Use “Quality time” to track how much time you spend on the phone.

- Accountable2You:
Ever wondered what would happen if someone knew what you are watching right now on your computer? This is a great app for your smartphone or PC which tracks the apps you use and websites you visit. If you do something inappropriate it will message an accountability partner. It doesn’t block anything, and you could deactivate it, but your accountability partner will be notified.

- Delete porn:
If you downloaded any movies, clips, pictures, any nudes from your ex or if you have magazines, delete them all or throw them away. Be committed to change.


Wellbeing / Relaxation

The better you feel, the less your mind will need the dopamine-rush of porn and masturbation. Thus, it is really important to adopt a healthy life-style. This will take some time to figure out bad habits and form new ones but it is very worthwhile.

- Meditation:
Great to calm down and relax. You will feel the needs of your body and mind better. It helps to know why you are unhappy and what you can do to become more happy. It’s important to find the style of meditation that suites you best. Below a link to a topic about two great apps (“headspace” and “insight timer”)
Meditation apps

- Writing a diary:
For me personally, together with meditation the most important thing. You don’t have to post it here, visible for everyone. It could also be on a piece of paper.
Every few days, take yourself 30min or so to write down eveything that stresses you, everything that went well and which steps you could take to further improve your situation or to reduce the negative feelings you have.

- Going for a walk:
A long walk (30-60min) can clear out your mind. You have time to think about how you feel and all the things that are bothering you. Highly recommendable if you have an urge or if you feel down

- Motivational list:
At some point of the journey you will be frustrated and urged to watch porn. Remind yourself why you are doing all this. Write a list an pin it to a place where you can always see it. Some ideas for motivational lists:

  • What are your goals in life? What do you wanna accomplish in 1 week, half a year or 10 years. Remeber how much time and energy you waste on porn and how much better you could use that time to reach your goals.
  • What are the consequences of watching porn? What kind of person will porn make out of you? Some ideas in the link below.
    Harm of porn
  • What are the benefits of not watching porn now? What kind of person could I become?

- Relxation
Don’t entertain any thoughts towards the virtual world like:

  • Could I watch just one?
  • Does my porn blocker work on this?
  • Did something happen since the last time I watched?
  • Could there be new stuff?

None of these thoughts are leading anywhere. All of them are keeping you trapped within a virtual world. Exactly the place you want to leave. Replace these and think about what you could do in the REAL world and take action to do them


Physical activity

Activating your body makes you feel better and stronger. It can energize and give new energy to fight this addiction.

- Cold shower:
Good if you have to tackle an urge but also to strengthen your will and feeling more alive

- Any kind of sport
Depending on your preferences. jogging or cycling can be relaxing and like meditation calming you down since you have time to think about various things.
Fast running or rope skipping on the other hand can energize you

- Hands out of pants:
An unnecessary touch in the wrong moment can trigger an urge. There is no need to touch your Thing all the time. It will stay in place even without you checking it.

- Don’t look at triggering images:
Soft-Porn doesn’t make your life easier. Don’t stare at girl, don’t google for hot women / singer / actresses. It will just make your life much harder.


How to approach nofap

- Get a companion:
It is important to have someone whom you could talk to whenever you feel down and vice versa to pick him up when he felt. But also, to share moments of success. Better to have just two companions whom you really trust than having 100 who don’t know you
At least add people who won’t condemn you but can never condone porn use

- Identify triggers:
In which situations do start watching porn? At which place? Which combination of things? If you always take your phone to the bathroom and you relapse there, then don’t take your phone to the bathroom.

- Choose your mode:
Is sex allowed? How often? Do I wanna masturbate? If yes, how often? Where do I draw the line? These are things which you have to decide for yourself.

- Short goals:
Set yourself short, manageable goals. The moment you tell your brain that you won’t be able to watch porn ever again something weird will happen and it will fight you even more. Instead starting with 3 days, then 7. If you reached a goal, realize that you accomplished something amazing!

- Try not to form a new addiction:
This one sounds obvious, but it happens faster than you think. Don’t replace watching porn by playing computer games, binge-watching movies, watching YouTube all the time. Others start to get addicted to this forum which isn’t a good thing either (I caught myself of this one too).

- Find bad habits:
The happier you are and the more healthy habits you have, the easier it will be to do nofap. Take yourself some time and write down all things you would like to change in your life. Change them one after another (not all at the same time).

- Relapse is a part of the journey:
Don’t be to hard to yourself if you relapse! Instead of punishing yourself build yourself up for the next streak. If you punish yourself, you will just start binging the next days. Also, write down why you relapsed and what you could have done better


What to expect / Success stories

Shall I tell her?

19 Likes
CHALLENGES for 15/30/60/100 Day Goals! :trophy:
Giving up, empty, seeking for help
#2

P blcokers, lock your devices at 9pm. Lock YouTube, social media, browsers. Let’s be honest we only use those to kill time and for no good reason.

4 Likes
#3

Great initiative.

I would like to add pornblockers to the list. I know they can be fooled or circumvented but they do help during those “I’m just gonna take a small peek” moments.
Another great tool that has helped me a lot is a lock out app.
Every time I’m alone and I feel even the slightest urge coming on I just lock myself out from all apps that can access the internet.

4 Likes
#4

@gunsblazing great minds think alike :joy:
Just wrote the same thing

4 Likes
#5

Another great tool is making lists.
One list of the bad that has come out of you addiction and one of all the good that will come when you beat this addiction. Look at the lists when the urges come to remind yourself of why you are doing this.

6 Likes
#6

Lol that’s funny :grinning:. Anyways this and I also use a startegy that I made for myself self Which was inspired by @Aragorn Everytime an urge hits me.

2 Likes
#7

Keep going brother.

We have a long road to travel.

And we will reach the destination happily.

4 Likes
#8

Add Cold Showers to the list

4 Likes
#9

We can make a common editable post like scoreboard, in which everyone will put things.

1 Like
#10

Only thing which helped me is to completly look away from any kind of erotica.

4 Likes
#11

Thanks a lot for all the inputs. I will add them
@AnkitK i thought about that too. But i think it will get too messy if everyone starts to edit. But i will think about it

If you remember something additional just post it

Also, if anyone knows some good topics which can be really useful, just link them

#12

I gave it a new look. Hope you like it.
Any further ideas?

3 Likes
#13

Correction on phone there is an app " keep me out" (not lock me out) which don’t allow to use your phone on particular hours, which you set in the beginning.it will help you to stay away from porn in night.
@neveragaintw

I like the idea to help newcomers.

3 Likes
#14

Excelent post. In my opinion there are to phases completely different in this addiction: First one: From 0 to 30/40 days Second one: From 30/40 days to all your life.
In first 0 to 3 days is specially hard because your braim blames you in this way "Oh no I lose my streak now I have nothing to lose, so I will fap 5 times and next day I will start again!! But next day your brain will say " Waw, I want more, only this one more, I only will lose 1 or 2 days. So my advice for the first three days is to read the benefits of nofap and the consequenses. Internalize that pain that you are suffering and promise yourself that you will be a better person, not in five years, but today. Brick by brick and you will have a great wall. Start with especific plan in your live and this will be polemic but I recommend that in first days we have to focus in not doing bad things instead of start new habits. Why?, in my case in those days I feel zero energy, like a plankton and when I start a new habit it requires for me a lot of energy, that I dont have, so overstrain leads me to stress and failure. This cause my anxiety and my brain choose the easiest way to release anxiety, so I start to fap. Also when I want to start doing new things, I lose my focus in not doing bad things. And the other cases, 0/3 days for super streaks that fail at 50-300 days. Our brain will said: “Now I am stronger, I already overcome this addiction I dont feel nothing I will continue with my super live”. But I have bad news, Your superpowers have gone. 1 realease is enough to weaken you, specially if you were a porn addict for more than two years. So my advice here is to rest this 3 first days, and to think about what happen? :thinking: I forgot my beginnings? I am not doing my new habits? I am stressful and I forgot the terrible consecuences of fap? Take a time to plan again and rest. Everything I have told is from my own experience. I am in this addiction since I was 12, And I am struggling again this since I was 13, now 24. Later I will write about the following phases and the strategies that I use. Now I am in day 53, my best in four years. My code is 1b5335.

9 Likes
#15

The next phase is from 3 to 7 days. This is an easy phase, but a tricky one. If you make a good plan to avoid bad things and you rest properly, you will not have any problems in this phase.
It is important to recognize your “cue” that means your signal to fap. If you feel urgues when you go to the gym because of all sexy girls in shorts, dont go to the gym. Try to do exercise otherwise. If your cue is to be alone when you are working or doing homework, it is forbidden to be alone. We have to be RADICALS or this will not work. Avoiding your cue is the secret in all nofap journey to succed.
The tricky part on this phase is the anxiety, so it is better to AVOID COUNTING DAY BY DAY in this moment.
Next it comes for me the most difficult phase in our journey from day 8 to 15. Welcome to urgue waves. Our brain now is angry😡 and start asking for meal “Hey want dopamine and the easiest way to get it is with PMO I want it noww, only one time”.
There will never be a magic formula to overcome urgues, even the strongest minds can fall, but here I share my tips.
The first and logic one, is to avoid thinking about sexual fantasies. How? Doing something that completely absorbs you and doesnt let you think, because overthinking will kill you. Another thing that can help a lot is to talk to someone and always being in company. I dont like to go walking or jogging because I start to think. Or I like to watch a movie that really absorbs me to forget the sexual desires. We have to know that the urgue is like a trap, you feel like possessed by a beast. What happened to me? I do my best efforts in one day and I am happy for overcoming urgues, but I thought that urgues lasted only one day, so the next day these were stronger than before and I lost the forces. So it is really important to now that you have to be prepared for resist up to seven days with strong desires and the best thing to do this, is to remember that all is false and it is an illusion that hurts you.
If you pass this phase, congratulations, I think that 70/80% fail in this phase (0-15 days). Next phases are more easy and you start to improve in your life, but beware🐍, the brain wil attack different and our strategy should also change.

7 Likes
#16

Thanks a lot for sharing this friend.

2 Likes
#17

@neveragaintw , Man, it’s such beautifully crafted. Thanks for the all efforts you took. It’s great. Couple of things I wanna add is,

  1. Those newbies who are starting-off are recommended to take small steps at a time, like 3days , 7 days, 21 days and then 30&90 days. Vowing to 1000 days of nofap at the first day never works.

  2. Getting a personal companion. Get yourself a personal companion and be held accountable for each other. Both the companions can share their streak, ideas, progress and most importantly you’ll there for each other during urges and will beat Everytime.

  3. Reward yourself : Let it be starting a new habit or trying to curb an addiction, you’re doing something what you hate, and when you completed those little streaks, 3 days , 7 days ,21 days… reward yourself whatever you like. For me, I used buy myself nice food and chocolates.

9 Likes
#18

@krishvamsi30 I really like the ‘reward yourself’ idea - I’m doing that one myself! It’s a bit weird taking myself to dinner alone but the experience really helps me see that I’ve accomplished something worthwhile.

4 Likes
#19

Didn’t expect so many people to comment on this topic :smile:
Thanks a lot. Each coment is a huge help to this topic :smiley:
@srubio I’m thinking about adding a section to my post with links to posts like yours and success stories
I feel like it could be overboarding if I start to add the complete text. Also, maybe it starts to get to a personal level. I guess every person could experience it differently which means that I should add multiple texts like yours. Never the less this is an extremly useful summary of this journey. I definitely wanna add that in some way. I will think about a good solution and will come back to it

@krishvamsi30 Thanks a lot. I will add them during the next days

4 Likes
#20

This is gold :pray: @Rebooter81 @Drewberg @NurA

6 Likes