I need your help! Starting with no fap is difficult. Many of us tried for a long time to get rid of PMO. We figured out which concepts worked and which don’t. Even if we are still sturggling there are things that clearly help us.
But every new member has to go through that again because there is no nice list of good or bad things
We could change that. Let’s write down all the things that helped us the most to stay clean or reduce urges.
Like this, new members (or even veterans) can try out the things on the list and figure out faster which things work for them.
If many people help me with ideas and things that worked out I will make a beautiful post out of it which could make the life of everyone so much easier.
It’s not always possible (and in a long run not useful) to remove every digital device out of your life. But mindlessly browsing through the web very often triggers urges. The goal is to use the internet / smartphone and laptop only for useful things (work, hobby …)
Some useful tips:
- Delete all your social media accounts (youtube, facebook, twitter, twitch, pinterest, dating apps and so on).
It sounds like a harsh reaction but lets be honest, they are just a waste of time (You can still use things like youtube for example to watch education or hobby related videos. But without an account you won’t get the “recommanded” videos which will lead to binge watching)
- Use porn- and app blockers
On the computer:
“K9 Web protection” is the way to go. Send an impossible-to-remember password to an accountability partner
On the phone:
- Download “Spin-Browser” and “App lock”. Lock every other browser and the playstore with app lock and send it’s password to your accountability partner. (Spin browser is a porn-free browser)
- Use “keep-me-out” app. You can choose critical houres, where you can’t excess parts of your phone (like when going to bed) or you can define how much time you can spend on your phone per day
- Use “Quality time” to track how much time you spend on the phone.
Ever wondered what would happen if someone knew what you are watching right now on your computer? This is a great app for your smartphone or PC which tracks the apps you use and websites you visit. If you do something inappropriate it will message an accountability partner. It doesn’t block anything, and you could deactivate it, but your accountability partner will be notified.
- Delete porn:
If you downloaded any movies, clips, pictures, any nudes from your ex or if you have magazines, delete them all or throw them away. Be committed to change.
Wellbeing / Relaxation
The better you feel, the less your mind will need the dopamine-rush of porn and masturbation. Thus, it is really important to adopt a healthy life-style. This will take some time to figure out bad habits and form new ones but it is very worthwhile.
Great to calm down and relax. You will feel the needs of your body and mind better. It helps to know why you are unhappy and what you can do to become more happy. It’s important to find the style of meditation that suites you best. Below a link to a topic about two great apps (“headspace” and “insight timer”)
- Writing a diary:
For me personally, together with meditation the most important thing. You don’t have to post it here, visible for everyone. It could also be on a piece of paper.
Every few days, take yourself 30min or so to write down eveything that stresses you, everything that went well and which steps you could take to further improve your situation or to reduce the negative feelings you have.
- Going for a walk:
A long walk (30-60min) can clear out your mind. You have time to think about how you feel and all the things that are bothering you. Highly recommendable if you have an urge or if you feel down
- Motivational list:
At some point of the journey you will be frustrated and urged to watch porn. Remind yourself why you are doing all this. Write a list an pin it to a place where you can always see it. Some ideas for motivational lists:
- What are your goals in life? What do you wanna accomplish in 1 week, half a year or 10 years. Remeber how much time and energy you waste on porn and how much better you could use that time to reach your goals.
- What are the consequences of watching porn? What kind of person will porn make out of you? Some ideas in the link below.
Harm of porn
- What are the benefits of not watching porn now? What kind of person could I become?
Don’t entertain any thoughts towards the virtual world like:
- Could I watch just one?
- Does my porn blocker work on this?
- Did something happen since the last time I watched?
- Could there be new stuff?
None of these thoughts are leading anywhere. All of them are keeping you trapped within a virtual world. Exactly the place you want to leave. Replace these and think about what you could do in the REAL world and take action to do them
Activating your body makes you feel better and stronger. It can energize and give new energy to fight this addiction.
- Cold shower:
Good if you have to tackle an urge but also to strengthen your will and feeling more alive
- Any kind of sport
Depending on your preferences. jogging or cycling can be relaxing and like meditation calming you down since you have time to think about various things.
Fast running or rope skipping on the other hand can energize you
- Hands out of pants:
An unnecessary touch in the wrong moment can trigger an urge. There is no need to touch your Thing all the time. It will stay in place even without you checking it.
- Don’t look at triggering images:
Soft-Porn doesn’t make your life easier. Don’t stare at girl, don’t google for hot women / singer / actresses. It will just make your life much harder.
How to approach nofap
- Get a companion:
It is important to have someone whom you could talk to whenever you feel down and vice versa to pick him up when he felt. But also, to share moments of success. Better to have just two companions whom you really trust than having 100 who don’t know you
At least add people who won’t condemn you but can never condone porn use
- Identify triggers:
In which situations do start watching porn? At which place? Which combination of things? If you always take your phone to the bathroom and you relapse there, then don’t take your phone to the bathroom.
- Choose your mode:
Is sex allowed? How often? Do I wanna masturbate? If yes, how often? Where do I draw the line? These are things which you have to decide for yourself.
- Short goals:
Set yourself short, manageable goals. The moment you tell your brain that you won’t be able to watch porn ever again something weird will happen and it will fight you even more. Instead starting with 3 days, then 7. If you reached a goal, realize that you accomplished something amazing!
- Try not to form a new addiction:
This one sounds obvious, but it happens faster than you think. Don’t replace watching porn by playing computer games, binge-watching movies, watching YouTube all the time. Others start to get addicted to this forum which isn’t a good thing either (I caught myself of this one too).
- Find bad habits:
The happier you are and the more healthy habits you have, the easier it will be to do nofap. Take yourself some time and write down all things you would like to change in your life. Change them one after another (not all at the same time).
- Relapse is a part of the journey:
Don’t be to hard to yourself if you relapse! Instead of punishing yourself build yourself up for the next streak. If you punish yourself, you will just start binging the next days. Also, write down why you relapsed and what you could have done better