STRUGGLE in NoFap Journey

Code: 2wrhba
Highest streak: 12 days
Location: India

I want to ask everybody out there…who are on 30 days ans above…and also who are grandmasters here.

Do you achive that high streak in one shot? Or you achieved it gradually like 10 days then 12 days then 15 days and so on.

Suggest some diary who are on very high streak now and written it from day 0 and fall many times. Becoz i have seen some diaries of masters here but they have no relapse in that( or relapsed after 40…50 days) this shows that they are writing that diary when they can achieve 30 days easily… i want to read that struggle of…day 0 again after evry 3 days…7 days…and then he achieved around 70…90 days now.

Right now i am tired of bouncing back again and again. Also i think…may be there is no one here who is addicted more than me to this masturbatn problem.
Here is my data of relapses:

Addicted from last 16… 17 years ( at the age of 8)… can you think…a child of 8 years can masturbate… i really want to curse that guy who taught me this…but i will not…becoz i am no one to curse him… God will see him.

Year: total relapses
Starting writing in Nov 2016: nov.( 34)… dec.(18)
2017: 293
2018: 232
2019: 297
2020: jan(9)…feb(20)…march(20)…april(18)

Trying to stop it from so many years as new year resolution… and seriously from 2017…
I got to know about this forum and no fap challenge kind of tthing and so.many people are trying… youtube videos…etc etc from start of 2020… i am on this forum from 22 Feb 2020.

So masters tell me…had you have this type of addiction or seen anybody like this who is cured now.
if YES then it will be a glimer of hope for me and if NO then it will be biggest motivation for me to become the BEST FROM THE WORST.

I WANT ANSWERS OF EVERY QUESTION ONE BY ONE.

@kostantinosNF @ERNOL @Forerunner @NEO @Brahmachari_17 @Bashi @Ashu321 @Martial_Beast @hirak

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Also i am tagging some guys who may help me…and guys also tag some others masters here…so that we can learn from them…

@Adioz @selfconqurer @josephvt @somebody008 @selfconqurer @Livectin @taimee432

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Brother @neo_150
I have started tracking my nofap journey from November 2019 when I decided to quit porn and masturbation, it was really hard for me and I am the guy who did it almost daily 2-3 times… I guess out of 30 days in a month, I would relapse at least 28-29 days… I was not able to abstain from porn even for couple of days…
So, you may say a guy who masturbated 40-70 times a month atleast!!..
When I first joined rewire my first streak was of 4 days and I put all my energy and effort into but then I fell into a series of downfall…
Every time I did, I promised myself, this will be the last time and I failed but I always believed I will be able to conquer it.
But everytime I fell, all hope seemed lost and shattered.
I have not been able to reach crazy streak of 60 days, or even 100 days and beyond (which I want to reach).
My new year resolution was to quit porn forever and you know what I relapsed 57 times in the month of January itself!!
But then I started to keep myself busy and I was able to achieve 30days of nofap in febuary-march (highest of this year) which was really unbelievable for me and I couldnt believ it because it seemed a really big deal at that time…

I have not been able to quit this addiction and even my current streak is 3 days(my goal is to reach 30 days this month).
But I have achieved a streak of 30days, 20 days and 15 days (counting big streaks only (big for me)) and lots of 2-10 day streak in between, this year out of 120 days… I am telling about my streak only because I think if a guy like me who fapped daily atleast twice can go 80days clean (in total) out of 120 days, so you can too easily, have faith in yourself.!

In this journey slowly I realized that quitting porn is a journey with a lots of ups and down… Some times you will feel great and feeling you can achieve anything and sometimes you will get angry and sick of what you have become, feeling helpless, trapped and thinking there is no way out!!

And I would also like to mention @Forerunner :pray:(through heroes 90 days challenege) who showed the path to overcome this for good, seeing his streak of 250+ days made me believe that it is attainable, it is possible and i will follow the path and I can achieve it too… I believe in you sir!
So enjoy this journey and slowly you will have all the will and self discipline to leave this for good, forever…
I pray that myself and all my brothers conqure this for good… Hope this helps :pray:

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Thanks brother… and yes i want some more companions… plss share your code here…
My code 2wrhba

Watching companions doing good is really motivating.

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I will answer your questions soon.
For now,
My sharing code : vt9fry

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Hello ,yes as far to ur question.
I am At day 99 today :slight_smile:

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You are already in my companion list.

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Hello @neo_150

I don’t consider myself a master. With experience I’ve gained and tools I’ve learnt over the past few years, I have been able to recover from this addiction. I am not “fully” recovered but I have tools that help me bounce back off and get on a good streak again.

I’ve noticed this in your post:

Putting that in relation of how many days we have a year, you have been a frequent relapser. My guess is, you most likely are using the “wrong” methods. Perhaps it’s using willpower or trying to ignore the urges or whatever, it’s not working.

PMO is a symptom, not the problem. Your NoFap journey should be about finding that real problem and working on that. What is it in your case?

I have some tools written in my diary that are supposed to help you connect with yourself and find out what is truly the problem you have to work on:

Let me know if you have questions. Take care.

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Hi I am replying since I was tagged.
My streaks used to be small. It used to be 7 days.
With time I improved myself. Then my average streak used to be 15 days then 23 days then 30 days.
It’s about your mindset, willpower, strategies and dedication. With these you can improve your streak. I will DM you some stuffs. Read it if you like.
And please no need to be disheartened by number of relapses. You just need to stay committed and meanwhile come up with methods to avoid relapse, develop willpower to not give in to urge. We all have what it takes to get out of the addiction.

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Thanks brother… i see your diary…it is full of tools… you have done a great job there. I will read … i will DM you bro if i will have some questions to discuss.

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Bro…Find a purpose in your life.fix your mind there. because without stand for something you will fall for anything.use your urge energy in some constructive things and everything that you do ask yourself is it necessary.you must do yoga, pranayam for better functioning your mind.see mind is the matter,if you dont mind it doesn’t matter.stop looking answer outside,it is already inside you ,just with the help of self realization you will tackle those urges.Do meditation regularly daily to controll your mind.Remember that there is no substitution for hardwork.make a irreplaceable resolution to never fap anymore and use your will power to unleash your hidden potential.Last thing i would like to say that diet is most important.what you eat will definitely affect your body,mind and thoughts.Donot eat process food,wine,over spicy food, chilly, coffee and try vegetarian items if you aim for high streak.Always look after your thoughts, because it will become your actions, actions become your habits. Wish you all the best ,god will bless you my brother .

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Thanks brother… you are right… we all have what it takes.

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Thank you brother. I have started all these habits… now i will try to maintain consistency.

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I am still Bachelor’s

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Thanks for tagging me brother, but I’m very far from a ‘grandmaster of semen retention.’ My counter is on day 4 right now :sweat_smile:. That said, I do have more experience and understanding than my counter currently displays. Since I was tagged, I’ll add to what my brothers have already said and share some of my experience and advice.

My highest streaks have been 250 days (June 2019 to February 2020), 58 days (November 2018 to January 2019) and 45 days (February 2020 to April 2020). So most of my success has occurred within the last two years. Before that, I would regularly get to 14 days or 21 days, quite few 30 day streaks over the years, but I would always fall back down around then. My previous highest was 41 days, and that was a record which took years to break.

I relate to what you said here so much. I have been trying to leave PMO behind since 2005, with varying degrees of seriousness and success. I did the stuff like setting New Year’s Resolutions for many years - I even went as far as setting new month resolutions, but I always failed. My relapse record used to look just like yours, and I can tell you from my experience that at that time, I was solely relying on willpower, and I wasn’t knowledgeable about how to succeed on this NoPMO journey. I just knew that I wanted to quit,
and i felt that nothing I was doing worked. Willpower is not a serious solution to this problem, but don’t blame yourself. At least you identified this as a problem in your life and wanted to remove it. That’s already above millions and millions of men. You may see your highest streak as something small, but crores of men on this planet have never gone a week with PMO/MO. I even know of a brother in this community who has been on the forums since 2012 and hasn’t reached 10 days yet. Two days ago he messaged me and said he’s hoping to finally break past the 10 day mark. Look on the brighter side.

Now, the truth is that if you’re able to achieve 200+ relapses a year, there are a lot more problems going on in your life besides PMO. Look beyond the pornography/masturbation addiction and see what else is making you unhappy in your life. Your health, your education, your career, your religion/spirituality, your finances, relationships with others and your self-image, personal goals and hobbies in life. You’ll find that there’s a great deal of work to be done in quite a few of those areas in order to make you a happier and more stable human being. Happy people don’t relapse.

From personal experience, I’ll tell you that when my relapse record looked like yours, my life was very toxic.

  • I had poor relationships with family and friends because even though I really wanted to leave PMO behind, I was a living contradiction, and I was far more interested in binging on PMO than establishing healthy relationships. My first and only girlfriend broke up with me partially because I didn’t pay any attention to her - I was doing PMO for one thing - and it took me years to heal from the break up.

  • I was failing my studies and eventually stopped education altogether - too busy watching TV shows, movies and animes online and playing MMORPGs instead of studying, along with the occasional deep PMO binge.

  • My diet consisted mainly of sugary cereal and peanut butter jelly sandwiches, not healthy at all, and besides walking everywhere because I was broke, I did zero exercise.

  • Finances, I was worse than broke, I was in debt and most of the time my bank account balance was negative.

  • Added to all of that, the biggest killers for me were my religious faith and my self-esteem. In Islam, PMO is most definitely a no-no, to say the least. According to the Qur’an, we shouldn’t even be looking at women with lustful intent unless they’re our wives, and I was going waaay beyond that. I went far down the line and escalated to some dark categories, but as a dear friend explained to me recently, all P is dark anyway. During Ramadan when we are supposed to be especially clean, I always relapsed and felt so much worse about myself. My self-esteem was shot to pieces since I kept doing things that completely went against my values and principles, I saw myself as a failure and a pervert who lacked self-control and I despised myself. I figured that anyone else could do a better job if they were in my position, I was just a hopeless case.

I tried many times over the years to succeed at NoPMO. I thought that once I get over this problem, then my life will be better. Then I will like who I am as a person. But looking back, the times that were more successful were when I focused on changing more than just the amount of days since the last relapse. On my most successful streak, yes, I did do a lot of recovery work. I read 7 books on PMO addiction, 100s of articles, posts and success stories on the forums, listened to 150+ podcast episodes from Porn Free Radio and others, read my reasons for quitting every morning and reminded myself regularly how painful the last relapse was. But much more than that, I was seriously working on improving my life. I got out of debt, I exercised frequently, I ate healthier foods and drank more water, wasted less time on video games and TV shows and put more energy into meaningful activities and hobbies, connected more with family and friends, prayed and read Scripture more, and started to do some healing work towards repairing my damaged self-esteem. Having relapsed, I clearly still have work to do in these areas, but I’ve made enough changes that constant relapses aren’t an issue like they used to be.

Not forgetting for a second the wonderful support system I have in place with my accountability partner and friends on the forum and with family and friends offline as well. Right now, there’s no way I can continuing binging for weeks on end like I used to. I speak with my AP every week, many people message me after every relapse, I have a physical counter in my family home which shows how well I’m doing to my family members and so on. The shame of returning back to zero everyday with so many eyes on my streak would kill me. And it inspires me to do the work I need to do to improve, learn from my mistakes and move forward. I’m reminded constantly of my commitment to success on this journey and self-improvement.

So my advice to you is:

  1. Look at the areas of life that are making you happy and work everyday towards improving them. Make small and consistent changes and gradually build on them. Practice gratitude, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance. Accept yourself as a beautiful human being now, regardless of what day your counter is showing. Don’t postpone your happiness until a future date, don’t put loads of conditions on yourself which have to be met before you feel you’re a person you can love and appreciate. Find ways to be happy and grateful today, not 90 days or 1 year or 5 years from now. Happy people don’t relapse.

  2. Learn more about NoPMO and find ways to remind yourself and be mindful of your commitment regularly. When we are aware of our strong commitment to be free, it’s much easier to remain that way. It can still be difficult at times, but you’re always stronger than the urges, and you’re in the best position to deal with them when you’re mindful. We fail when we start thinking PMO is more valuable than being free, and that mindset is difficult to fall into when we are aware of our strong desire to change and improve our lives.

And finally, never - and I really mean NEVER - fall into the trap of believing that you’re too addicted to succeed on this journey. Never believe that you’ve failed too much or watched videos that are too sick or been more frequent than other people. I have had a relapse record like yours before, and I have also been to 8 months of freedom. I have fallen into at least 10 fetishes that would completely repulse the average person, and you’d be surprised how many of us here would say the same thing. But a far better success story than myself is a fellow brother I spoke to on Sunday. He was addicted for FORTY THREE years to MO and PMO, started from magazines and went all the way to HD videos. At the height of his addiction, he was binging for 18 hours a day. On Sunday, he celebrated 550 days on hard mode. If he can quit after so many years of deep addiction, a darkness we can’t even imagine, we can all certainly do the same.

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Thank you brother… this means a lot to me… i have tagged you becoz of this experience you have shared… even you are not in my companion list… but i have seen some of your post… and i knew that you will reply something definitely… which will help me and others guys too.

This is not due to some problem… in India most of guys are doing PMO becoz they like it and that reward(dopamine). I am also doing it becoz my mind is habitual of having this pleasure and reward without doing any work. But still brother…i will try to figure out the reason behind it… one thing i have observed that when i am sad or feel anxiety then this addiction is the first thing thay comes in my mind.

Again thanks for sharing your experience.

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Dont worry brother, I’ve masturbated since 5 or 6. Seriously, I didn’t even know I was masturbating. Keep on fighting, and even if you fell, never give up!

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You’re welcome brother, glad to help in any way.

It’s good that you will take the time to figure this out. I know you said that this is something we do because we like it - like most people say in India and around the world - but it’s clear from your diary that you don’t enjoy PMO, and it’s not making you happy or bringing real pleasure.

Here are some of the issues you’ve mentioned in your diary before:

  • Self-esteem - feelings of regret and depression after relapse and lacking self-control, negative thoughts, low confidence
  • Health concerns and thoughts about the harmful effects of masturbation
  • Relationship with girlfriend has been damaged, shame after what you introduced her too

For these areas that I identified before, it’s a helpful exercise to go through each one and give yourself a rating.
4 Very Happy - There is nothing I would change about this area of my life
3 Happy - Things are great but I would change a few things
2 Unhappy - Things are bad but there are some things I like
1 Very Unhappy - I wish I could change everything about this area of my life

I’m glad to see that in your recent plan you have decided to go for the full reboot. You were only hurting yourself by giving yourself permission to relapse after every 7 days.

Keep going strong brother.

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Thanks brother… i really appreciate it.

This is good idea. I will do analysis today.

I have failed many times when i started Nofap for infinite days… I feel like aimless…
One week aim ensure atleast 7days without fap… and also after that i will try to hold as much as i can.
Also If i relapse on 7th day…then it will be 4 relapse in a month… it will be a great success for me… right now my relapse is 20 times a month.

Idk this plan is right or wrong… just i dont want that feeling of regret after relapse anymore.

How you started masturbation without hitting puberty…?