Trigger - Thought - Action
Every story of a relapse with pornography or other forms of compulsive sexual behaviors follows the same pattern. There’s a trigger. There are some thoughts that follow that trigger. Then we take action in the wrong direction. Eventually we find ourselves, once again, in front of the computer, the penis in our hand and porn on the display. We ejaculate and there it comes again… the shame.
We often wish the triggers to go away or hope to find a way to make ourselves immune towards the triggers. The reality is: your triggers will never go away, they are biologically hardwired.
This means, looking at an attractive woman, seeing something sexual or whatever trigger you have, will always sparkle up your senses and initiate the thoughts.
The thoughts often come right after the trigger, almost immediately. It’s the voice that says “I’d love to have …” or “I’d love to do … to her” or just “I want to watch porn so bad!”. Sometimes it’s just self-deprecating, like “I’m such a loser for relapsing again”. The thoughts are hard to get rid off. We have been “wiring” our brain like that for years. After years of PMO, it’s one of the easiest things for our brain to think of.
The action we take after the trigger and immediate thought is what determines the outcome though. When we manage to create space between the thought and action, that’s when we can take ownership of the situation and move towards healthy recovery.
For starters, I’d recommend you do this: every time you get triggered, write it down. Doesn’t have to be on paper, take your smartphone. Write down the thoughts that come right after. What action will you take afterwards? What actions have you taken? Think about this and create awareness.