Hi @anon13059885 congratulations on reaching and breaking your highest records. Keep going brother.
Did you felt any difference between both the streaks? Are you fully recovered ? Do you feel more powerful than before?
4 Likes
Thanks @tuku
I’ve had higher streaks when it comes to the days, e.g. I’ve made it to 90 and 150 days more than once. It’s just that in past streaks I’d reach a point where I’d start slowly engage in unsafe behavior, paving my path to a relapse, until eventually I actually did relapse to a full extent. By unsafe behavior I mean stuff like doing “google research” or watching videos on youtube that were slightly sexual.
In this streak though, I’ve had very tight accountability and commitments in place, which makes this streak feel far more beneficial than a streak of 150 days I’ve had in the past.
I plan on continuing the path of self improvement and sobriety with the tools I have in place now and just keep that going, regardless of being fully recovered or not. I think if I were to let go, take things “easier”, relax too much, then it wouldn’t take long and I’d find myself in my old habits again. If being recovered is seen as a part of character, then it has to be seen as a result of habits in place, it’s never a final state in my opinion. There are guys with several years of sobriety, they continue to support others and still have their tools and self improvement goals in place.
The best for your journey man.
4 Likes
Day 80
For me, recovery is built upon two pillars. One being a nofap plan and the other being a self improvement plan. Both documents are short and their content answer different questions.
NoFap plan:
- What’s your reason for doing nofap?
- What would you gain from abstaining?
- What are your threats, situations, emotions etc. that fuel your urges?
- Who do you F.A.S.T. check-in with every week?
- Who do you support on their journey?
- What tools (software and commitments) do you use to reduce/handle your threats?
- What healthy habits do you build?
- What counts as a relapse for you?
- Who do you immediately inform about a relapse?
- Who do you review your plan with?
- On which day do you review your plan on a weekly basis?
Self improvement plan:
- Apart from succeeding in NoFap, what other reasons do you have to improve yourself?
- What affirmations do you have to build healthier relationships with others and yourself?
- What affirmations do you have to take ownership of your life and response to every situation?
- What’s “bad” in your life and how do you replace it with a healthy alternative?
- What are your goals in the next couple of months?
- What things do you want to achieve in life?
I hope some of you find something useful within these questions that can help you on your journey too.
7 Likes
Congrats on this streak man!
I’m on day 86 no PMO right now so we are moving along together here. Your journals are very helpful for me and I enjoy reading them. Always learning something new.
Keep up the great work bro!
5 Likes
Thanks man, glad to read you find something useful for your journey here. All the best on your recovery.
6 Likes
Day 89
In less than 30 minutes I’ll have completed the cleanest 90 days of no PM in my journey, all thanks to the tools and commitments I’ve mentioned in this journal over and over again. I’m struggling to find what else to post to be honest, because I think I’ve shared all I can regarding this topic. If you have questions, feel free to ask of course. Otherwise consider myself repeating the tools, increasing my commitment for the next 30 day sprint and then another sprint, and another sprint and another. It’s continious active recovery.
Take hope and take action. Love that phrase.
8 Likes
Congratulations brother 
You have made an amazing run and your journals have been great to read as you have made this journey. You deserve every bit of this streak.
I wish you all the best in going above and beyond 90 days!
5 Likes
Hey I have a question, how many wet dreams did you had in this streak ? Do you think wet dream occurs less in hard mode ?
4 Likes
If by “wet” you mean actual stuff-coming-out-wet, then just once if I recall correctly. Sexual dreams overall, I’ve had more of those. There’s no way to actually control them though. I’d go to bed without doing anything in specific and I’d have explicit dreams. Most of those happened in the 70-85 days range.
I think even more in hardmode. If the body has no means of emission, since there’s no sex, chances are probably higher that stuff will come out by itself. However, my hard mode streaks have been way shorter to actually tell. I’d say one would have to experience 90 days hardmode and 90 days classicmode to tell a difference but then again, it’s different for each man in recovery.
4 Likes
Day 91
This is my sprint plan starting today. I create this kind of document every 30 days and I share that with my AP. I’ve had a sprint for 1-30, 31-60, 61-90 days. Each sprint reaffirms my commitment and keeps me engaged in recovery.
7 Likes
Day 104
Deep down, we think effort is valuable. There’s also a part of us that wants to avoid effort. So many guys in recovery take one step further: they try one filtering software, they get an AP, they join a group and so on… but when things get hard… when effort is required, they avoid putting in that extra effort and give up. For them, it’s always about “that one change” that’s going to fix all of their issues in recovery. “I just need to do this”, “I just need to get rid of that one trigger and I will be fine”…
The reality is that recovery requires you to take action and put in the effort in a couple of areas in your life. That’s how you make meaningful change in your life. You grow into a better version of yourself by putting in the effort. I am not saying you should wake up at 05:00 every day, study 5 hours, work 10 hours, workout, eat healthy, socialize, help those in need, meditate, read 100 pages, journal, support others in recovery etc. all in one day. However, you should regularly look at your life and think about what there is to improve. Keep yourself engaged, stay active, go for the positive habits. Keep growing as a person, continuously, because happiness is growth and growth makes you actually recover from this addiction.
Inspired by Matt’s podcast: https://recoveredman.com/218-nobody-cares-work-harder/
6 Likes
Love this! Well said brother 
4 Likes
Self-improvement is essential on this journey 
5 Likes
Day 20
A message from Matt
6 Likes
I didn’t know that’s what integrity meant, but it’s certainly the goal! Moving towards being whole - no longer being a divided man. Thanks for sharing man.
Glad to see you got straight back on track brother! Keep going strong!
4 Likes
Day 27
A message from Matt
“Taking action” is an important point. I try my best to learn from my mistakes in recovery so I reduce the likelihood of doing them again.
8 Likes
Day 30
30 days completed. I’m gaining back some momentum. My current sprint reminds me of my reason:
I choose to be porn free today because porn costs me my confidence I want to be full of integrity.
I’ve put more focus on being mindful this sprint. Shaping my thoughts. Craig Perra’s advice is a lot about being mindful, being aware of what we are thinking. Don’t we all know the situation where a trigger causes obsessive thinking: all we picture in our head is then just body parts and perverted stuff. We need to break that cycle at its earliest stage. The triggers will always be there but our response will change the outcome.
11 Likes
Fear-based recovery
This is an extract of my notes on fear-based recovery, that is specially relevant for me today.
Fear-based recovery means that some parts of you engage in the process of recovery mainly because you fear missing out on something or fear the consequences of PMO. If that’s the case for you, even if just to some degree, this might cause some negative effects:
-
Your motivation will lose power over time: fear as a motivation is exhausting and we become hopeless, too tired to care.
-
Your fear-based compliance will have trouble with facing consequences: being honest will be difficult, we are afraid to lose something if we are honest.
-
Your fear-based compliance will make it difficult to endure suffering: when bad things happen and the situation changes, we adapt a victim kind of thinking.
You need something else to pull you along on this journey, because fear won’t give you enough motivation. You need to practice honesty, instead of being afraid of losing respect, love or affirmation. Remember that your performance in recovery is not what measures your worth. Don’t let relapses and fear of the consequences make you shift responsibility for your actions.
Your recovery needs to be based on mercy, gratitude and acceptance. Understand that you are doing recovery not to earn affirmation and love (from yourself included) but because you are already worthy of it. If you feel isolated, engange in a group which practices acceptance. Don’t try to get pride, affirmation and love by earning it. You are worthy of treating yourself with love and self care, because you matter. You are you and that’s okay.
5 Likes
Trigger - Thought - Action
Every story of a relapse with pornography or other forms of compulsive sexual behaviors follows the same pattern. There’s a trigger. There are some thoughts that follow that trigger. Then we take action in the wrong direction. Eventually we find ourselves, once again, in front of the computer, the penis in our hand and porn on the display. We ejaculate and there it comes again… the shame.
We often wish the triggers to go away or hope to find a way to make ourselves immune towards the triggers. The reality is: your triggers will never go away, they are biologically hardwired.
This means, looking at an attractive woman, seeing something sexual or whatever trigger you have, will always sparkle up your senses and initiate the thoughts.
The thoughts often come right after the trigger, almost immediately. It’s the voice that says “I’d love to have …” or “I’d love to do … to her” or just “I want to watch porn so bad!”. Sometimes it’s just self-deprecating, like “I’m such a loser for relapsing again”. The thoughts are hard to get rid off. We have been “wiring” our brain like that for years. After years of PMO, it’s one of the easiest things for our brain to think of.
The action we take after the trigger and immediate thought is what determines the outcome though. When we manage to create space between the thought and action, that’s when we can take ownership of the situation and move towards healthy recovery.
For starters, I’d recommend you do this: every time you get triggered, write it down. Doesn’t have to be on paper, take your smartphone. Write down the thoughts that come right after. What action will you take afterwards? What actions have you taken? Think about this and create awareness.
8 Likes