Bashi's notes on recovery

Sharing code - pt9rxb
Age - 26
Gender - M

What you’ll find in this diary
In this diary you’ll find the tools and pieces of wisdom I’ve taken from podcasts or fellow men in recovery that have helped me on this journey. By no means have I “mastered” any of this and neither do I have answers for all the questions that arise. I’m just me and that’s okay.


Day 26
Sometimes the pretty obvious motivates me: You will never be able to count your streak in years if you can’t even make it through today.


Day 27
Recovery is not a ladder where you go up and fall back to zero after a fallback. It’s a road where you walk the right path and sometimes go a few steps back. Yet, you don’t want to get off your path!


Day 28
Sometimes when we get into a new streak, we wonder if this will be our final streak. If we want to quit porn for the rest of our time, then picturing ourselves in that position helps: Picture yourself with a streak of 999 days. What does that version of you do throughout the day? Most likely that version of you takes care of himself, helps brothers in NoFap and he resists all urges at all cost. More importantly though, he doesn’t even let those thoughts get the best of him, looking at porn is just not an option. Be that version of yourself today.


Day 29
The more I abstain, the better my relationships get. It’s about being honest with others, being in the moment and being genuine. It’s that confidence that isn’t arrogant but honest and open. So I want to remind myself: The way to your true self becomes more clear with each day you say no to porn and isolation but yes to healthy habits and connections.


Day 30
Start your day intentionally. Whether it’s by taking a cold shower or knowing exactly what to do once you put your foot off the bed. Use your time wisely, you’ll never get it back.


Day 32
We must trust the process. We all have phases where abstaining is easier but likewise there are phases where abstaining is difficult. It’s important to know that both phases are part of the process and just like it got more difficult from one day to another, it will also get easier. So: Trust the process and commit to being free.


Day 34
I’m sure you’ve heard of “focus on building the new instead of fighting the old”. It really boils down to this, eventually. If you are trying to abstain by just fighting the urges, you’ll find yourself in a situation where you are on “idle” mode, maybe sitting in front of the computer, not really doing anything productive. In the end the urge is too strong and you relapse. I’ve been there a couple of times. So instead focus on doing healthy habits, have fun with other people, be social, build connections and move on. Going back to porn to seek “comfort” shouldn’t be an option anymore. Choose freedom.


Day 35
Under the influence of porn behaviors, guilt, shame and isolation, our minds are crippled. I’ve experienced that once I’ve build a decent streak, my mind becomes more creative. I have more ideas. I remember my dreams when waking up more often. Without abstaining, I have less of that if not even nothing at all. So do yourself a favor and free your mind by making the right decisions today.


Day 37
What you feed grows and what you starve dies. This is so relevant in NoFap. If you feed the urges, further engage in those thoughts, make the mental edging intensify, then you are feeding your addiction. At one point it’s too much. If you let those thoughts starve, they become weaker and die eventually.


Day 40
For many of us, guilt and shame play a role in the cycle of porn use and relapsing: Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done. Shame is thinking that at your core, you are a bad person.
Maybe you think that you are not good enough to make it. Maybe you think of yourself as less than others. Those thoughts build shame, you seek to cope with that and use porn. Guilt comes in, then there’s more shame and more porn use.
Shame grows in isolation. Find people to connect with to break that cycle!


Day 43
Do you remember the movie “127 hours”? When your life is on the line, you might go as far as drinking your own piss and cutting off your own arm.
Remember what’s on the line here: your dignity, your integrity, your relationships and your health. Those things are important. I’m not saying you should cut off your penis so you never relapse again but I’m saying that your reason should be strong enough to keep you off those websites and compulsive behaviors.


I hope you make it to day 90, we are all rooting for you :smiley:


Day 46
When obsessive thoughts about porn behavior try to populate my mind I try to gain distance from those thoughts. I think about my goal and about what this shit has already cost me. I also think that there’s no way I can go back, as I want to have a decent and solid streak at some point in my life. So whenever you feel those stupid thoughts come up (e.g. “just one video” or “just one fap”), think of your goal. If you are at day 10 now, think of how you want to reach 100 and if you are at 110, think of how you want to reach 500. There’s only going forward.


Recovery Adaptation

Taken from recoveredman’s episode 119
It’s still day 46 but I thought I’d share this piece of information as I relate to it.

Chances are, you can relate to this situation too: you start a week off strong. You are connecting with people, feel motivated, stick to your plan, no edging and you feel like you’ve got it. But then somehow, at the end of the week, you find yourself in front of the computer relapsing once again. Usually we’d look at what happened on Friday and think “next time I’ll do this or that differently, this won’t happen again.”.

However, you’ve got to look at the days in between! Those are the days you must examine. What do you do and NOT do on a normal day? What happens on those days, that’s your recovery baseline, that’s your recovery set point. Whenever you feel like things are going well and you are going strong in recovery, strengthen your commitment and DO MORE! Don’t wait until you’ve got to do something to prevent a relapse! That way, when you are experiencing a “fall”, it won’t get you to the point of a relapse. You will have that extra buffer. So for short: when you are doing well in recovery, invest more and go harder!

Investing more can be helping others, connecting more often with your AP, doing more healthy habits and so on. So use that momentum and the next “down” will be much weaker!

Take care.


Day 49
How you treat yourself and others has a strong impact on yourself and thus on the decision whether you turn to porn again or not. There are a couple of indicators:

Respect needs and values of others. Accept a no and act accordingly. Be honest with yourself and your boundaries also.

Engage and be vulnerable. Express your thoughts and emotions. Create a safe environment. You might need to heal yourself.

Make intimacy possible. Give feedback based on actions instead of character. Accept differences in character. Don’t shame others. Think of others as your equals.

Use forgiveness. Let go of painful experiences and focus on the present. Don’t hold grudges because of things that happened in the past.

Focus on your own path. Build yourself. Follow your own healthy habits too. Don’t be overly dependent of others.

Think of your own anxiety, jealousy, insecurities and other negative emotions. Make decisions for yourself. Focus on your own path. You can’t control others, as they don’t play by your rules. You can only control yourself.

Try to communicate clearly. Say yes to what is coherent with yourself. Don’t be passive aggressive and speak up instead.


Day 50
These have been my cleanest 50 days ever. Building habits each day. Remember: Build the new instead of fighting the old.


Day 52
The outcome of your actions reveals your true intentions.


Day 54
When you start seeing not only watching porn as problematic but also edging behavior, you’ll again a lot of awareness and realize how early things can start to go wrong.

Edging can be any pattern that mimics porn behaviors. So it can be doing “research”, go into “click bait”, watch some sexy videos or surf with the intention to find something.

I’ll give you an example:
So recently I noticed a new pattern in my behavior. I would read news more often. I didn’t quite understand it at first but it dawned to me that the underlying reason was me hoping to see maybe some news about an “instagram star” or “celebrity”, whatever could be somewhat “interesting”. At its core, this behavior is basically my brain having the hope to see something, get me closer to porn. This is edging behavior.

In the past…
I would get to maybe a good 130 days streak and slowly engage more in that type of things. I had other means back then. Maybe I’d watch some video on youtube, or do some “research” about a model or something. The urges started to get stronger. Maybe more mistakes pile up, boom, relapse at 150 days.

So, what to do?
I highly recommend taking a couple of minutes at one specific day each week and think about edging behavior patterns you might have. Try to eliminate those. Maybe it’s the best to say goodbye to youtube, if that’s a weak link in your journey. Maybe don’t read the news anymore or only allow yourself news from one source that is safe. By doing this regularly, you’ll get free of obstacles in your recovery and you’ll also get better at anticipating your edging behavior patterns. And the less you have of those, the easier it is to abstain from porn.

Take care.


I recognize this behaviour so much! I failed because of this even more than from urges. It’s key to recognize the pattern and break free of the cycle.

Thank you for sharing brother!