Monday 4th May
I relapsed again this morning,
But it was a great day.
I want to take a fast from words for a little while,
Finally with, I’ve fallen into edging/viewing territory the past few months. It may as well have been constant relapse and damage.
So I feel the need to zip it 
in both senses 
Week 8 - Mon, May 4, 2020 - Streak: 0 days
Late night tonight, but I’ve been thinking a lot, digging into my mind. I’m hiding behind this addiction, trying to blame other things for my unhappiness, but it’s really just this. This is why I feel like I’m in hell. It always has been.
It really is time to change.
Wow, you can do it brother, get up, find your solid ground and don’t do it again because is your life at stake, your future, your happiness, your loved ones. Let’s step out of the pity pits and be extraordinary.
Day 0
PMO 2 times in last 2 days.
Glad to see you’re rarely down on yourself about this journey, brother. Always good to see the humorous side of things. I have much to learn from your perspective; one relapse usually destroys my mood for a good 2 weeks.
@Special_Bird Sorry for what you’re going through brother. I think this post could help you:
@Mazerunner Very well said brother! @Karan050 Great bounce back from the relapse man, keep going!
@weir Time to rise again bro!
Today I had a wake up call from a companion.
The brother was asking what people are honestly doing to prevent relapses and truly live a life of freedom. He said that we know we will feel bad afterwards but we still continue to go back. We come back to the community and share all these negative stories about how upset we are at relapsing and how great success would feel, but we don’t do anything concrete to change our behaviour. He has passed 500+ days and enjoying a life of freedom, and he’s surprised that no one is even messaging him to ask how they can achieve the same results. To my shame, I haven’t messaged him either to seek advice.
I could see that my words are inconsistent with my actions. I keep saying how badly I want to be free of this, but I’m not taking the positive actions to change and improve. I’m not even doing what helped me achieve some success before.
It’s time for real change.
Today was free and clean, thank GOD!
May 5 2020 check-in
Day 24
Day 1
Feeling ready for a fresh start. Had one urge but controlled it comfortably. With the lockdown going on alot of you will be constantly in the house. But it requires us to stay our strongest when we’re at our most vulnerable.
Week 8 - Tues, May 5, 2020 - Streak: 1 day
@Forerunner Wow thank u brother for linking that! Ug it really frustrates me how easy it is for us to forget these things. That’s all very true, I need to remember to look at the rest of my life too. What’s my mindset? Where do I want to be in a month? In a year? In 5 years? Often times I get so focused on my school, I forget all other things with my health. I need to take care of myself. Sitting and coding for an entire weekend straight isn’t really healthy, even if it is helping me progress in school. There’s better ways to accomplish that. But that was finals, so things will be much easier to get a handle on now.
That’s a great point, and often times I think the realization that we do this makes us want to avoid making resolutions or positive statements, but that’s really not the right way to go. It should instead fuel in us the motivation to change that inaction into healthy, consistent life choices. That should make us go out and make these things we promise ourselves a reality.
Good stuff brother 
It’s really great having you back man, the energy here is already picking up.
As for me, it’s a late night again so keeping it short. The biggest thing I need to do first and foremost is reset my sleep schedule, for real this time. If I make sure to get into bed 15 minutes earlier each night, then I can get back on schedule slowly without having to keep taking melatonin. Gonna set the reminders.
Resisted a big urge today, thought of you guys. I really want to bring my life back into peace.
Anyway, goodnight 
Tuesday 5th May
Thanks @Forerunner
Words carrying meaning, memory and power.
So, God is my crutch!
my resting place and my stronghold.
Thanks be to God!
I can laugh, live, love and let go.
Life is fleeting, and a mystery.
I didn’t relapse yesterday, but Lusted for some moments in the morning and stopped.
“Facebook friend suggestion = exgf”
I had a long good day.
The past two days we’ve been painting a room, and making some adjustments.
I’ve been working on other people’s music, mixing and recording.
I stayed up until 4am 
Great, but…
No, not a healthy way to be balance
Sorry I didn’t Check-in last night guys, and to myself - this is a good and wholesome routine.
Being here accounting is good. Thank you
Thinking of you @Forodwaith this is a new beginning for you always with you in spirit.
Thanks so much for that encouraging affirmation @anon67854825! I’m a little over a day into my reboot and an entering a time of prayer for sexual healing. The Lord has been revealing so much to me and I really am on a journey with him.
Thanks again!
Hi guys, sorry for being missing again. I’ve never stopped thinking about checking-in more regularly on the forum, but never got around doing it sadly. I have relapsed a lot in the last weeks, not going in the direction I want to be going, I need to change this!
Thank you for tagging me, I will try to catch up with you again 
Some good news lately, I completed my master’s degree last week and finished university! I’m so happy for that, but now I have new challenges ahead, namely finding a job in these difficult times with Covid-19. We will see, a chapter closes and now it is time to start a new one! 
I really want to start a new reboot, but having a lot of trouble lately, these days I’m quite lazy, not having to study anymore coupled with being at home for quarantine is not helping with no PMOing…
You are every day in my prayers guys
Hoping to have the strength to start again, will keep you updated 
Days:6
I woke late around 8 ,it was a sleezy day i slipped into my social media.It kinda affected me though,that random phase of sadness hit me…I started feeling those emotional torments,sometimes it kinda feels alone in the world when u can’t find the right people…I feel like i lost my innocence,joy and overall my soul…Sadly i only realized it after a decade of addiction…If someone has went thru the same phase,can u give answers?
Day 4. Check in. I found great song. It’s lyrics is 
.
“I feel glorious, glorious
Got a chance to start again
I was born for this, born for this
It’s who I am, how could I forget?”
I can see you’re starting to think differently already 
Yeah, sadly it is easy for us to forget these things. That’s why your quote “Mindfulness = Freedom” is so powerful. It is when we are unmindful that we are in the most danger. These are the kind of things that would be on our radar if we were in a mindful state, and we would be aware of what needs aren’t being met effectively and take the necessary steps towards improvement.
@Gk-00 Congratulations on your master’s degree! 
You can turn this around brother, 
I have struggled with being at home myself and sadly fell into binging, but adding some structure and productive habits have really helped, thank GOD. It’s good to stay connected here.
@simion Sorry for what you’ve gone through, brother. That’s painful. I’d say that all of us can relate on some level.
From my experience, as we leave pornography and masturbation behind us and dive into self-improvement and changing our lives for the better, those feelings begin to fade away. With time they can become a distant memory. When I was on 200+ days, I was closer to removing those feelings for good. There was more peace and joy in my life, urges were few and far between, and there was a partial return to that childish innocence where I saw women fully as human beings and not objects for sexual pleasure. I know that by going further, there is even greater healing ahead. We will get there with GOD’s Help.
We also have to work on forgiveness and self-acceptance. We can’t do anything to change the past. 5, 10, 15, 20 years of addiction, they’re gone. What we can do is be grateful for the present moment. Right now, we are in the right place. We are on a hero’s journey to make our lives better. We have to love and accept ourselves as we are right now, and keep moving forward.
@Karan050 Great lyrics brother, thank you for sharing!
I killed my prideful self and decided to message the brother on 500+ days today. He gave me some helpful advice which showed me many flaws in my mindset.
There is no separating NoPMO and self-improvement - they must go together in order to maintain a life without addiction. We can go for a period of time without acting out, but if the circumstances in our lives which lead us to that behaviour haven’t changed, it’s only a matter of time before we return.
We have to be humble and focus on self-improvement. Correctly meeting our needs will remove the desire to self-harm for momentary pleasure.
All of us for various reasons want to remove this completely from our lives, and that is the commitment we have to remember at all times. Forget about the day count, it’s just a measure of how far we’ve come. If we’re committed, we don’t need to set any targets like 90 days or 365 days or 1800 days, we are sure to meet them with GOD’s Help.
Today was free and clean, thank GOD!
Congratulations! Life happens! I’m glad you pop in when you can.
Wednesday 6th May
Hiya @Gk-00 glad to hear from you too
@Forodwaith
@simion what’s your question?
I’m 37 and had dark experiences, you will get through it, don’t worry, but keep looking out for the good things to come.
Good morning, Good day,
Good evening then I started to edge,… Stop,… Edge,… Stop 
Here
Word🙌Thanks for the positive affirmation…I’m so grateful for that …Bless!!!
I’m not sure about what could be the cause ,sometimes i become so emotionally unstable to the point feeling all the negative emotions in intense like bitterness for nothing…
Had extremely hard urges, but by grace of god was able to control…thank you god for giving us wisdom of controlling ourselves and thank you for the wonderful brothers in the journey of nofap…each one of the brothers here in this journey are special to me…my respect 
to each warriors and i believe we all will come back stronger out of this mess very soon n we will keep rising… cheers to our brotherhood in this journey of nofap…thank u all for being there.
Check in - Thursday 7th May
Day 8 - All good… glory to God
