Keeping it real[21 M]

Ok, I never thought of creating it because of my irregular schedules and also am a bit lazy when it comes to these things.

I have just ended my 87 days streak. Let’s see what the upcoming week holds.

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Nah bro your our PRINCE, C’mon show us the real you.

A relapse doesn’t necessarily means you’re at 0, It is just a set back nothing more than that. 87 days is a dream for some c’mon bro cut some slack you did freaking amazing.

Don’t let chaser effect get you, DON’T LET YOUR BRAIN TRICK YOU INTO THINKING I HAVE ALREADY RELAPSED SO WHY NOT WATCH CORN. That would be the most terrible thing you can do.

I know watching a bit fat zero would be depressing but don’t let it get you. Just a set back nothing more than that, Not much damage.

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Let this be the rise of a fallen prince!

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It is a very productive space. Especially in a bustling space like this forum, having your own diary really helps so much. My diary has really been the history of my interaction with people here. And has really been helpful in my downtime. Even recently just posting in my diary made me believe that I will recover my progress back. Now I am beginning to feel that confidence. So diary writing is great and especially when people get interested in your life’s happenings. It is a very sweet experience. Also your 3 am 4.am thoughts have a space to get collected. So yeah brilliant start. Wish you all luck and we are all with you. Much love. :heart::heart:

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How ironic about the title of this dairy. I was 3 days away from earning the ‘king’ badge and now I am a prisoner again.

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Thanks man, as much as I like the term ‘king’ and the way I just missed onto that title. I think this prince who has fallen, must comeback stronger and earn the badge ‘king’.

The next few days are crucial. As most of my 7 days streak ends in a streak of 20+ days and reaching 20 days gives the confidence needed to go onto a longer streak.

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Since the setback is fresh I am writing a bit more in this diary. I will try to write something atleast once a day or two to pour my feelings out and let’s see how it goes.

Maybe this can be a gentle reminder to not engage in that stuff again.

This maybe a setback but what about completing NNN first time in my life? That can be the starting point of my comeback.

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I fapped two times just in few hours after that relapse. But I did realised my mistake. Spent little time with the family on birthday and got motivation to do better in life. Also talked to that girl yesterday.

Just completed 2 days and feels like I can arrest the slide. I think I will rebuild from here.

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Wtf broo…

Why t hell you did that after getting a nice start? Bro just suicide atm

You are letting everyone down with your stupidest excuses bro. You don’t deserve one single ounce of love. You deserve no backing from your bros and supporters.

Man, what’s this? Why are you not properly addressing this issue? Why are you repeating all the same mistakes? Are you an idiot?

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Now hold on a second, it’s true I failed many times, I confess, I repeated my past mistakes and I was wrong. But I am human, I make mistakes but everytime I do, I always try to get back up again.

I know you might think it’s pointless if I’m gonna fail eventually. I admit I wasn’t taking it seriously enough, the chaser effect got me but in a way, I think it’s me who got it. I have no excuse but I do have one thing that will always be in my disposal.

I do not deserve one single love? A one single backing from my bros? Please, I do deserve them and much more. That’s why I must rise again and be better than yesterday! That’s one of the reasons why I am here. To find the real me who deserves all goodness in this world. The real me that I have always wronged.

You always keep blaming instead of making peace with hardships. By that, I don’t mean by surrendering to them, but by accepting them and carrying on what you’ve started.

War, though at times a necessity for peace, can become a treacherous path that, when faced with the wrong adversity, leads one towards their own grave.

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@PandaCub @Binocular I’d recommend both of you to read “Your brain on pon" and "Easy peasy way to quit pon”

Even if you have read easy peasy read it again, Your brain is subconsciously telling you that you guys need pon, which is absolutely wrong, The void pon creates is crazy and it needs to be looked with a deeper lense. It’s not that we are quiting anything, No we are not giving up anything at all. This my sound a but lame but do people who don’t watch po*n get any urges to watch it? Absolutely NO, but then why do WE get it?

You have to have the realization that po*n is nothing but a few pixels laid on screen. It’s nothing more than that bros. It doesn’t benefits us at all. This realization is what helped me alot.

I know both of you have good knowledge even better than me and can easily leave po*n forever.

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Thanks @Binocular and @kazim.09. I am taking break for few days. Take care of the next milestone challenge till then. And I must comeback with a clearer head and true intent to actually go for the kill.

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Damn… I had those books on my phone but I still haven’t heard them yet :joy::sob:

Thanks for reminding me

We will inchallah.

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Man I know you went into a shithole and constant loop of relapsing. But atleast you have completed 2 days and did some positive things today, let’s build onto that!!!

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Man, you are aware of your immense potential which goes beyond materialistic things. Achieve something in life, don’t be afraid to try and explore. Make your parents proud. Don’t know if that girl will say yes but bro you know she’s a gem and likes you, prove her right that you are a man of value. I know the current phase of loneliness and scarcity of true friends is making you bit depressed since you no longer live with your family. But bro don’t be scared, go out and you will find someone good. Even if you don’t atleast you won’t be alone all the time living in the hostel.

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Man I am rooting for you. The last time you completed 6 days, you went on a streak of 87 days. Let’s beat that record this time. And for fuck’s sake don’t waste your time on that girl and I am sure you will do something productive with your time.

Your family and people here love you so much, please put efforts to make them happy.

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Man tf, I felt peak loneliness today. Thought of viewing erotic things but stopped myself.

Anyways, I think I have issues with companionship. Gotta address that. Feeling very weird since few days.

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Man I know the burning fire under you which has had enough of being scared of shit. I know you have had enough and now you want to be assertive af. Now please show it with your actions.

Show the aggression to achieve something.

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The kind of adrenaline I experienced in the past 2 weeks, I don’t know how to put it in words :skull:. Anyone interested to know?

Long arse story

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This world is not a rosy and fairy world.
I know I haven’t shared this in an open and more clear manner till now.

Also, my philosophy is “don’t supress it, address it” as far as my issues are concerned. But I also go about the philosophy of “don’t be a bitch, don’t cry like an mf, solve the issue”.

With these things in mind, I think I will try to put things here related to my social struggles in finding friends since I became a teenager (I am 21 now). Pretty much close to one decade.

I will not rant, but say the truth. It may sound trivial, but it gets complicated with every betrayal and every time you get exploited and not given due value.

The time has come to add one weapon in my arsenal. I want to change my life this year, the seeds have been sown in november 2023 and it must come to fruition at dec 2024.

Most probably I will prefer sharing my shit this weekend.

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