The Macro Files (Overcoming Macrophilia) [25, M]

[user1234567890]

February 20, 2025

Good evening, everyone! I hope y’all are doing alright. I’m not doing much right now, just relaxing. I’ll be heading to bed shortly, but I just wanted to talk for a minute on here. I know that’s probably not the best reason to be posting, but anyways, here it goes .

Today, if I’m not mistaken, marks 93 days for me. But you know, the funny thing is I’m not thinking right now about, “Oh, how can I counteract my urges?” or anything like that. I know that my most vulnerable times are when I’m feeling emotional. One habit that I’m still struggling to get rid of is that when I’m stressed, or when I think about something that I didn’t do right, I find myself automatically saying to myself, “I wish I was…” well, unalive. I know that I don’t really mean those words, but it’s like a coping mechanism for me or something. Not a good one, though, and it’s one of the reasons that I want to get rid of it.

As for my reason for it, I’m not entirely sure, but this is what I theorize. I think that I say that to myself, because whenever I get something wrong, I feel vulnerable to the judgment of others, and if I “don’t exist”, or if I’m “unalive”, well then, you can’t really judge a dead man, or at least, you can’t hurt him with your judgment. That may sound totally crazy (and it probably is) but that’s what I think.

You know, I had a day kind of like that recently where I felt like a failure, and deep inside, I just wanted to shake myself, and scream at myself, and say, “Why can’t you do anything right?!” But when I thought about it, I knew I’d never talk to anyone else that was having a bad day that way. While I’m not someone that’s all about overindulging yourself and calling it “self-care”, I do think that it’s a good practice to treat yourself with no less respect than you would have for another human being. If for no other reason, just the fact that, as Christians, we’re not our own, but we belong to God.

I definitely don’t have all of this under control in my life like I’d like to, but I am trying to work on these things. As Paul once said in the Scriptures, “Brethren, pray for us.” I apologize for my ramblings tonight. Hopefully, next time I’ll have something better to talk about . As for my physical media challenge, I’m still thinking about what to do with it, but at this point, I’m thinking either the 1st or 2nd week in March. Stay tuned.

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[Induca00]

Good evening guys, big blessings to all of you. I want to share my story with all of you both to free myself and to trace once and for all the root that led me for 10 years to watch and masturbate with macrophilia content.

Since 2021 that I have decided to stop masturbating and I am thankful to God that with great efforts and His great help I have succeeded, in fact it is since March 2021 that I have not masturbated anymore. In the last period however, more or less since mid-August I have relapsed into watching these kinds of contents and although I manage not to masturbate obviously watching them causes arousal in me and from August until now 1 or 2 days every 1 or 2 months unfortunately I would fall down and watch this stuff here.

The good news is that the Lord is strengthening and sustaining me in order for me to finally once and for all destroy the root that caused me to do this. Also I recently found out that I am not the only one who has this kind of problem by finding your testimony online and I am really thankful to you for sharing it and to the Lord for letting me find it, I feel that at least someone can understand me and that I am not alone in this battle.

These days I am trying to find the root of my problems and I am delving into what Macrophilia is so that I can beat it! I will keep you updated, may God bless you and help you in your struggles! please pray for me too, there is nothing and no one greater than our God and there is nothing He cannot do!

[Jasonforwin]

So glad to see things are going well for you!
Keep it on!!

[user1234567890]

March 3, 2025

Good evening, everyone! I hope y’all are doing well. Today has been a pretty good day for me. Today makes 104 days for me, I believe. All of this has been by the grace of God, and I thank Him for every day without masturbation!

So, last time I talked about that I would give a date on my physical media challenge, and I am here to announce that I will be starting my challenge next week. I will begin it on Sunday, March 9, and complete it on Saturday, March 15, at 11:59 pm EST (no, I’m not staying up until midnight just to use social media again ).

So, for those who are unfamiliar with my previous challenge, I set aside 1 whole week where I challenged myself to use nothing but physical media (books, CD’s, DVD’s, vinyl records, tapes, etc., you get the idea ). So, in other words, that means no YouTube (oh, the horror! ), no TikTok, no Facebook, no Instagram, and no streaming services either, such as Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, Prime Video, etc.

Now in my last challenge, I set aside a few books that I wanted to finish within that week. I set the bar pretty high, and as happens when you do that, I didn’t quite reach my goal. But it let me know what I’m capable of doing. I’m not going to set it quite as high as last time, but I will still set a minimum goal for this upcoming challenge.

I’ll give my books that I’m planning on completing during this challenge, Lord-willing, tomorrow night.

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[FaithfulWalker]

Hey Brother! It’s great to hear that you’re doing well, and congratulations on hitting 104 days—what an incredible milestone! Your dedication and gratitude toward God are inspiring.

The physical media challenge sounds like an awesome idea! It’s so refreshing to disconnect from all the digital noise and focus on tangible things like books and music. I think it’s smart that you’re setting a realistic goal this time, and it’s all about making progress rather than perfection. I’m sure you’ll do great!

I’m really looking forward to hearing about the books you’ve chosen for the challenge. It’s always interesting to see what people pick when they challenge themselves like this.

Wishing you all the best as you prepare, and may God continue to bless you in this journey! Keep it up!

[user1234567890]

Thank you, Brother! It’s all been with the help of the Lord!

That’s actually one of the things that I like about the idea of the challenge. It’s kind of a digital detox. So much of our entertainment feels like it’s chosen for us already through the use of algorithms, and you really wonder sometimes, “Did I watch this because I wanted to, or because it was stuffed in my face on a screen?” It lets me be intentional with the content that I consume.

God Bless You, Brother!

[user1234567890]

March 6, 2025

Hey, I hope everyone is doing well this evening! Just wanted to get on here real quick with an update about the physical media challenge that I mentioned in my last post that I would give my books that I plan on reading for this challenge. I’m a day late, and I apologize for that.

Last time, I chose 6 books to read in a week. This time, I am cutting that in half, and choosing 3 books. The books are…

#1: Mere Christianity-C.S. Lewis

Once again, Mr. Lewis makes it to my list of books to read. I’ve never gotten to read this book, and it’s one that is often recommended. I look forward to seeing what Mr. Lewis has in store for me in this book!

#2: Hard Times-Charles Dickens

As I make my way through the works of Charles Dickens, this is the next one on my list. It’s actually one of the shorter books that he wrote, but I’m sure that it’ll be an interesting read! Mr. Dickens always tells a captivating story!

#3: The Storytelling Coach-Doug Lipman

This last choice may sound like a strange one, and maybe it is. I was between something in the historical/biographical category and the self-help/improvement category, and I went with the latter. I’m not very familiar with the author, and I’m not completely sure what to expect going into this book, but I hope to learn from what I read, in one way or another. I’ll be sure to give my review of it upon completion.

Now, in my last challenge, I limited myself to listening to only certain albums, and to watching certain movies. I do have an amendment to make to this portion of the challenge. I will not have a set list of albums to listen to, but I will keep up with what albums that I choose to listen to, and report what I’ve listened to throughout the week. The same criteria still applies, though: it has to be on physical media (no Spotify for me, sadly ).

Now, last time I chose a TV series, and I limited myself to only watching it for a maximum of 30 minutes a day. Once more, I’m changing that up slightly (though I will again be significantly reducing my screentime, as I did previously). Rather than watching for a maximum of 30 minutes a day, I will be picking one movie to watch during the week. Once that movie has been watched, that’s it, no rewatching. The rest of my time will be dedicated to reading for the week. Think of this movie as my treat for the week.

And the movie is…

Batman-Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson

It’s a classic. 'Nuff said

I’ll make one more post before I start my challenge. During the week of the challenge, I will be MIA from Rewire, but I will return after the week is up.

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

March 8, 2025

Hey, I hope everyone is doing well! As promised, I just wanted to put up one more post before my challenge next week. I haven’t even started my Physical Media Challenge yet, but I couldn’t wait to start on one of my books, and I’ve started Mere Christianity. So far, I’m about 15% through with it already, and it’s really good! Mr. Lewis hasn’t disappointed

Now I mentioned about the movie that I’ve picked out for next week. I think what I’ll do is save it to watch at the end of the week, that way, I don’t feel more tempted to watch other stuff during the week, instead of completing the books for my challenge.

As I said in my last post, I will be absent from Rewire Companion Forum all during next week. I’ve already discussed with my friend, @FaithfulWalker, that I will keep up with my progress for the One Year Bible Challenge offline, and I will update it once I return the following week. Out of all the reading that I will be doing, I don’t want to fall behind in my most important reading: the Word of God.

If any of y’all want to take this challenge for yourself as well, I would be more than happy for you! You don’t necessarily have to stay off-forum during the duration, as I am, but I would encourage you to engage in using physical media for one week, and abstaining from social media and streaming media. Read a book, listen to some CD’s, play a vinyl record, even watch a DVD or Blu-ray if you want to, just make sure to be intentional with your content, and not just mindlessly scroll for something to watch. I would encourage you to read more than watching TV, but I will leave that up to your discretion. And if you want to share what you’ve read, watched, or listened to, I’d love to hear about it!

Anyways, until March 16, 2024…

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

March 16, 2025

Hello, folks! I’m back from my challenge. I hope that y’all are doing well tonight. I’m here to give my report from my physical media challenge, and I’d like to give my report under 3 categories:

Books: 2/3

Out of the 3 books that I picked out to read for my challenge, I finished Mere Christianity and The Storytelling Coach. I got a few pages into Hard Times, and I will definitely be completing it in the coming days, but I did not complete it before my deadline. As I said in my last challenge, this gives me an idea of how many books that I’m capable of reading in a week, at minimum. Last time, I only completed one, and parts of a few other books. At least this time I did finish one more book than my previous record!

Mere Christianity
This, for me, was hard to put down! I would highly recommend this book to anyone on here to read! Mr. Lewis did not let me down! Some of the ideas that he put forth are concepts that I’ve never considered, but really made me think differently on the topics. Give it a read if you can!

The Storytelling Coach
This book was a little different than what I expected, although I still enjoyed reading it. I expected it to be more about improving your public speaking, or storytelling. Actually, it turns out that the book is about helping other people learn to tell stories (so, my bad ). The good news is that Doug Lipman also has a book for people who want to improve their own storytelling called Improve Your Storytelling, so I may look into ordering that one at some point!

Music

During this challenge, I did listen to a few of the same albums, but I also listened to a few different ones. Here’s a few of the albums that I listened to:

On The Sunny Side of the Street - John Lithgow
The Essential Doc Watson - Doc Watson
Somewhere Over The Banjo - Charles Wood
The Great Dobro Sessions - Various Artists
How Great Thou Art - Elvis Presley
2nd To None - Elvis Presley
The Entertainer - Little Roy Lewis
Golden Gospel Banjo - Little Roy Lewis

That’s just a few of them, but they were some of my favorites!

Abstinence From Social Media

Now this is not one of my proud points. I cannot claim that I was 100% abstinent from social media. I did have a couple of days where I spent a little time on social media, mostly catching up with messages from friends on there. But I will say that I spent 95% less time on my phone than I usually do! To tell you the truth, I never even got around to watching the movie that I had picked out for me to watch on Saturday. What time I had for entertainment, I tried my best to spend that time reading, and I really enjoyed it!

Now, I have an announcement to make…

Announcement

I’ve given this much thought and prayer before making this decision, but I have decided to make this my final post on The Macro Files. I’ve enjoyed writing here, and I thank everyone for their support and encouragement that they have shared with me! I will still continue to participate in the One Year Bible Challenge on here, but you may not see me as active on here in the coming days.

Today makes 117 days of freedom for me, and I thank God for that number of days! I know I’m not invincible, and I am just as capable of falling now as at any time. I’ve seen men on here with greater streaks than mine that lost them, and that thought is a sobering one to me. As the scriptures say, “Let him that thinketh he stand, take heed, lest he fall.” But by the help of the Lord, I want to continue to walk in purity. I’ve lived for so many miserable years with masturbation, and even Macrophilia (as this journal has been the subject of), and I know that I’ve really defiled my life with those years of fantasizing and masturbating. But I know that the years ahead do not have to be the same as the ones behind me.

Again, thank you all for everything that you’ve done, and that you do! I’m very grateful to all of you on here!

May God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

May 18, 2025
Day 1

Dear Rewire Companions,

I hope everyone is doing well in their journey. I haven’t been on here for a long time, and I didn’t think I’d come back honestly. When I last posted here in The Macro Files, I believed that my case was closed, and that I had finally conquered this addiction. End of story, right?

Well, not so much. I believe the last time that I posted at all on Rewire was during the Perfection Nevada Challenge, where I sadly was a victim of one of the Graboids. And since that last relapse, I have had trouble finding my footing again. I can’t remember for sure, but I believe my longest streak lately has been maybe 2 or 3 weeks. Something close to that.
I’m not even sure what all to say on here tonight. I felt like I could finally handle this addiction by myself, but I’ve found out that I can’t. At least, not right now. I’m not strong enough yet.

So, in light of my recent struggles, I have decided to start writing on here again. I’m not sure about the frequency of my entries at this point. My plan is to post on here nightly, though. My posts will probably not be anything fancy, and of course if you’ve read my journal here, you know that sometimes I can run on and on. But I promise that what I write will be from the heart. That’s where I’m having the problem, and that’s what needs to be exposed. I am counting tonight as my Day 1. I will write a little more tomorrow night, Lord-willing, giving a little more details of what’s been going on lately. Anyways, keep me in your prayers. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[FaithfulWalker]

Welcome back Brother! Day 1 is just the beginning of a new journey. Here is my new journal Brother 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁 𝗝𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 [38𝗠].

[user1234567890]

@FaithfulWalker Thank you for the welcome back! It’s good to see you on here again! God bless you, Brother!

[user1234567890]

May 19, 2025
Day 2

So, over the past several weeks, I’ve had a lot of stuff that’s went on. After I lost my 135-Day streak, I really struggled, and part of me didn’t even want to admit that I had lost it. But my conscience was too honest for me to admit otherwise. As I said last time, I’ve had a few small streaks, but nothing really that major since then.

So, what am I doing now? Well, obviously journaling here, for starters. I don’t know what it is, but sometimes I feel like I can get my words out here better than I do in person. If you were to talk to me in person, you would probably talk to me for an hour straight before getting to what’s really on my heart. But with a keyboard in front of me, I feel like my thoughts just flow a little better. I need to work on my social skills in person for sure, though.

Secondly, I recently started seeing a therapist through BetterHelp. I went back and forth for a long time about whether to seek a therapist, but after an incident a few weeks ago where my temper really got the better of me, and I really flew off the handle, I figured it was time to bite the bullet and try to get some help. I still have my rough days, but I’m very optimistic about this.

Third, I have started reading more Christian material. Some of it has to do with quitting masturbation, but some of it is about how to become a better man of God. I feel so unworthy of that title in my life, and I want to live up to it more and more. I’m tired of using the excuse that nobody’s perfect to justify my poor behavior. I want the Holy Spirit to work in my life. I’m not living for God as I should be. I’m praying every day, and I’m reading my Bible every day, but I want more of Him in my life.

In closing, I would like to share these words to an old hymn, and I want to say these words from my heart tonight…

Holy Spirit, light divine,
Shine upon this heart of mine,
Chase the shades of night away,
Turn my darkness into day.

Holy Spirit, power divine,
Cleanse this guilty heart of mine;
Long has sin, without control,
Held dominion o’er my soul.

Holy Spirit, all divine,
Dwell within this heart of mine,
Cast down every idol throne,
Reign supreme, and reign alone.

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

March 20, 2025
Day 3

I’ve noticed lately that I keep running into Psalm 51: at church, in a podcast I was listening to, and even in a book I’ve been reading. Funny enough, Psalm 51 is at the heart of the subject matter of the book! I’ve noticed David’s reaction to his great sin (though, as I compare it to my own struggles, I can’t say that his seems much greater than mine), I see that he doesn’t just handle it solely with self-hatred and self-loathing. Let’s be honest, he doesn’t exactly fill his prayer with self-affirmations, either, but he openly and honestly pours his heart out to God in repentance. This is the sort of repentance that I want to see in my life. It’s one thing to talk about hating myself, or hating this sin, but David speaks of what he hopes to see after God forgives him. He speaks of rejoicing (vs 8), helping others to draw closer to God (vs 13), and of singing God’s praise (vs 14).

My question to myself, and to whoever else may be reading this, is, “What do I want to see God do in my life post-addiction?” In other words, what do I hope to see in my life after God has set me free from this? No more masturbation is cool, and that’s great. But I think I’ve gotten my mind so much on just getting rid of the problem, that I haven’t taken the time to think of what I would like to see God do in my life as a result of His forgiveness and His healing.

That’s just my thought for the evening. God bless y’all!

[user1234567890]

May 22, 2025 (I’m just now realizing that I wrote March on that last entry . Sorry about that)
Day 5

So, I recently finished a couple of books that I would recommend. One of them is a book called The Man In The Mirror by Patrick Morley. He goes through different problems that we face as men, and he tackles the subject matter scripturally. Definitely give it a read if you get a chance!

The second is a book called Redeemed Like David by Mark Ballenger. This book specifically deals with p*** addiction, but it deals with it in a different manner than I expected. It uses Psalm 51 as sort of an outline for repentance and recovery from this addiction. I’ll be honest, I grew up in church, and I’ve heard Psalm 51 and the events surrounding it many, many times, and I thought I knew everything there was to know about it, but reading this book made me look at it in a whole different light! The best thing about this book is that it is free from Mark’s website ApplyGodsWord.com. The only thing it asks for is an email, and you can receive a free copy of the book. (Note: if you click on the link, and it looks like it’s just taking you back to the same page to put in your email afterwards, make sure and scroll down, and then you’ll find your free ebook. I had a little confusion about that when I did it, so hopefully it’ll be a help to you.)

Anyways, right now I’m doing okay. I’m still struggling with some negative thoughts in my mind right now. I’m not having thoughts about macrophilia, but I’m struggling with some thoughts from my past. Sorry to whine for a minute, but I guess I’m just trying to share a little of my struggle for a minute. Even though I know that God forgives, and He remembers our sins no more, sometimes I struggle to believe that people do that. I wish I could unsay some things that I said a few weeks ago, and I’ve tried to the best of my ability to make things right. But I still think of the incident, and it burdens my heart once again. I know God has forgiven me, and to the best of my knowledge, so has the individual. But it still hurts to know that I had that amount of hurt inside of me ready to lash out at someone. Anyways, as Paul said in one of his letters, “Brethren, pray for us.”