The Macro Files (Overcoming Macrophilia) [25, M]

[user1234567890]

Okay, I’m not really good at this, but I just wanted to put a few of my thoughts out there. I hope they can be a help to someone, and if nothing else, I believe it’ll be a help to me to get my thoughts out there.

So in case you don’t know me, I’m user1234567890 (my parents named me after my great uncle, user 1234567890-, but they felt the dash would make my name too long ). Anyways, I’ve struggled with masturbation for over 10 years. What I never realized until this year is that I have had trouble with something known as macrophilia (which involves fantasies involving giant women, I know it’s weird). For many years, I’d look up stuff that was related to this fantasy (Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, anything involving giant women would turn me on), and even up until recently, I’ve struggled with this.

But one night recently, I had relapsed, and I was looking up stuff related to macrophilia, and ran into something that really made me think. I ran into a clip of (apparently) a horror TV show that showed a guy that had been shrunk (weird thing, I actually have trouble saying that word out loud, it’s a weird quirk for me. anyways, back on subject) to the size of a bug, and a woman came in the room and mistook him for a roach, and struck him repeatedly with a newspaper, which resulted in him becoming a gory greasy spot on the back of the newspaper she was using.

Now when I saw this, it actually really creeped me out, and oddly enough, unlocked a long forgotten memory for me. You see, I wasn’t always turned on by macrophilia; in fact, anything that had to do with a human being being shrunk actually kinda low-key scared me. Now, of course, there’s no known way that could happen, but it was a real fear for me as a child. I remember seeing the commercial for Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, and getting creeped out by that scene where his dad almost eats him in his cereal.

This, in turn, got me to thinking: Where did the change take place? Why was I scared of this to begin with, and why do I now try to use this as a fantasy?

Well, I came to the conclusion that my reason for being afraid of it is what I would call “The Pac-Man Effect”. You see, in Pac-Man, when he eats a Pac-Pellet, all the ghosts turn blue, and the tables are turned on them, and they no longer have power over him for a short interval of time; in this same way, I believe that it scared (and even scares me) to think of not being in control of something in my life. Often I fear, or even hate, feeling helpless, or like I can’t do something by myself with no help. Often I try to find a way to do something without anyone’s help. I feel like, if I’m ever at the mercy of someone, they’ll either let me down, or worse, look down on me for needing the help in the first place. This is the reason for. I believe, my irrational fear of being tiny, and at the mercy of someone.

Now you may ask, “Then where does the weird giantess fetish come into this whole equation?” Well, I think this has been my way of coping with my fears, as I stated before, of needing someone. You see, it’s impossible to have a romantic relationship with yourself (unless you are a narcissist; in which case, you probably have a fetish that involves mirrors rather than giantesses). And rather than taking the risk of being hurt once, or even again if you’ve attempted to pursue a relationship in the past, you (or I, in this case) use this fantasy as a coverup for what you’re really afraid of. Think of it kinda like the old joke about women in high heels: the way that women keep from thinking about how much the high heels are hurting them is by thinking about how much their earrings are pinching their ears. And rather than risking getting hurt by another girl, I’ve used this twisted fantasy of a girl using me, if for no other reason, for her own self-gratification.

Maybe none of that makes sense, but somehow it makes sense in my weird mind.

The truth is, I know that I don’t really crave having giant-sized sex. What I really crave is having a real relationship, within marriage, with a (normal-sized) girl who really loves me, and who I can love. But rather than pursue an actual relationship, I pursue this fantasy, because, at the end of the day, if it hurts me, it’s just all in my head: (seemingly) no real-world consequences.

So what do I do with this information? Well, first and foremost, I believe I need to seek to find my fulfillment and my confidence in God. I believe by deepening my trust and relationship in Him, I will find the fulfillment that I seek. Second, I need to learn to exercise a little more understanding and patience with those around me, and cut down on the paranoia, especially with girls. As for anything else, I’m not really sure. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m still seeking them, and that’s a step in the right direction. As I heard one psychologist say recently, “Be curious about yourself, without being harsh with yourself.” I’m still asking those questions about myself, and trying to learn what the solution is. Of course, I’m also seeking the answers prayerfully, and I know that God will lead and guide me in the right way, as He has promised to do.

So if you’ve made it this far (congratulations, by the way, for not falling asleep through all that ), you may be asking, “Why did you even bother to type all this junk out?” Well, to be honest, when I first discovered masturbation and didn’t even know what it was called, I thought I was the only person who did it. And then after I discovered what masturbation was called, I thought I was the only one who had these weird fantasies, and struggled with them. In other words, I thought I was the only one, and that I was all alone. Maybe I’m the only one on here who’s struggled with this, but if not, I hope that this can be a help to someone just to know that they’re not alone either.

I don’t know how frequently I’ll post on this, but I’d like to post at least weekly, so I’ll try to post something new by next week!

[Rab_J]

Great post, your uncle 1234567890- must be proud of you. Good luck

[user1234567890]

Thank you! Oh, you know he is😄.

[user1234567890]

So last time I talked about my addiction to macrophilia. I talked about my fears last time, and I touched on what drew me to it. I’d like to talk about that a little more this time. So what made me afraid was lack of control, or powerlessness. What drew me to it was two different things.

First, it was around this time that our family started homeschooling. Previously, we attended a private school, but my parents had fell on hard times, and were no longer to afford our education there. Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t destitute, but times were hard.

Not only were times hard financially, but for me, times were hard socially. Outside of church functions, I didn’t really get to see any of my friends; and though we tried to keep up with one another for awhile, we eventually drifted apart, and weren’t as close as we once were.

Now you may think that this is something petty, but let me say this: never underestimate the value of having regular companions that you talk with, and share with. Often this kind of addiction thrives in darkness, which is why it’s so important to have a friend that you can share your struggles with. Even the book of Proverbs talks about how iron sharpens iron, and how it’s the same way with friends who encourage one another to do good. One of the things that I’ve really appreciated about the community on here is the amount of support from other members, and I don’t take it very lightly. Again, never underestimate social interaction with friends.

But anyways, I was very lonely, to say the least. I went from seeing friends on a regular basis, to maybe seeing them a few times a year. And during that time, I believe I was looking for something to fil that void. Now do I think I would have discovered masturbation under other circumstances? Possibly. But regardless, as a lot of boys do, I discovered that when I did a certain activity, that I got a really good feeling; and at this time in my life, I was looking for something to make me feel better.

Now when I started, I didn’t even know what masturbation was, and my fantasies were not sexual in nature. However, they were often macrophilic in nature. They would either involve me as the tiny one, and a girl as the giant, or they would involve me as a giant, and everyone else as the tiny people. Again, the idea of either of these was exciting to me, and I was longing for excitement. I think my fantasies of being a giant were part of what I talked about: my fear of not being in control. In this fantasy, I was in control, and I was the one that people had to listen to. I would feel heard, and like my needs and desires were important. Sadly, as soon as the fantasy ended, and I masturbated, my self-consciousness about these needs would increase rather than decrease.

But as I grew older, and learned more about the facts of life, my fantasies became more sexual in nature, which is what brings me to my second reason for falling for macrophilia: sexual curiosity, It don’t take a genius to figure out what happens in these kinds of fantasies. Even in such movies as Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, where the woman grows to incredible size, often the clothes of the character in these scenarios tears, and either they are nude, or at least, immodest. And for a boy around that age, and with puberty taking place, these type of things were exciting. Now when I first found out what masturbation was, I felt deeply ashamed of the activity that I was caught up in, and I told myself that I would never do it again (how many of you have ever heard those words?). But by that time, masturbation had a pretty strong hold on me, and it really didn’t want to let go. And as you can see, to this day, it’s still hard to get over sometimes.

So that’s my story about how I got into it. (Alright, you can wake up now, the credits are rolling ). I’m sure that’s not how everyone gets into this type of addiction, but that’s my story. But the main theme of it is, a lot of us get into this addiction trying to medicate a wound in our lives. For me, it was loneliness and isolation. For others, it may be something else. It may be a feeling of not being loved, or not being appreciated, or even just for the dopamine hit. But it’s pouring gasoline on a burning house: it’s not solving the problem, it’s only making it worse. It may give you a temporary boost of confidence, but for every inch of temporary confidence it gives you while doing it, it takes a foot of it away after you’ve completed the act.

Now I’m kinda like a fat man in a phonebooth: I don’t have room to talk ; but as someone who is fighting the same battle, my best advice is to not isolate yourself in the middle of this struggle. I know it’s hard, and I’ll talk about that another time, but finding someone to help you is one of the best things you can do! Like I said, there’s a lot of great people on here who will do everything they can to see you succeed. They want to see you overcome this addiction as well! I don’t know anyone on here who will look down their nose at you for having this battle going on inside of you. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us that, “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man,” or, in other words, what you’re struggling with isn’t anything new. Don’t do it alone!

Lastly, my best advice, is to seek God in the middle of your struggles. I know that most of you may be rolling your eyes at this advice, and I’m not trying to over-spiritualize everything, and say that you can just pray a prayer or two, and all your urges will go away. But I am saying that God will help you if you will seek Him. The rest of that verse that I quoted goes, " but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." There is an end in sight! Just keep seeking God!

Alrighty, thank you for taking the time to read it. I know I put a lot on here, but, hey, the category says diary, so you were warned . I know what I put on here is kinda weird, but maybe you can relate to something that I’ve put down here. And if you got nothing out of it, look at it this way, the 5 to 10 minutes that it took to read this post was 5 to 10 minutes that distracted you from relapsing, so there is that . Anyways, I hope it helps you. I know it helps me just to get it off of my chest. God bless you in your fight: whether it be against ■■■■, masturbation, or even macrophilia. God bless you!

[user1234567890]

Hey, as this is my diary, I feel that I must also report my failure here as well. Last night at 11:50, I gave in and relapsed . As I said before, it’s an addiction that I struggle with greatly.

So what happened is I was getting ready to go to sleep, I had an urge. Now usually I end up just fantasizing, but last night, my mind wanted more than that. Now I’ve never been on any sites like onlyfans or cornhub (I prefer broccoli anyways), and even up to this point, I’ve never been on any of those sites. However, I have in the past looked up a movie that I know has full frontal nudity, and sadly plays to my fantasy, and that’s a movie called Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader. The sad thing is that it’s easily accessible, as it is free on at least a couple of different places. But anyways, I already started edging as I was searching for it, and before I even got to any of the scenes with nudity, I had already ejaculated, thus completing my relapse. . So I went ahead and turned the movie off.

Like I said last time: for every inch of temporary confidence it gives you while doing it, it takes a foot of true confidence away after you’ve completed the act. When I masturbated last night, I felt so ashamed, and so disappointed in myself. How could I be so stupid as to mess up a perfectly good streak for just a few minutes of cheap entertainment?

As discouraged and disappointed as I am right now, I will continue to press on. If I give up, then I have truly failed. But my story isn’t over yet. I know that I will be victorious over this by God’s grace. God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Today has been good. I’m only one day in, but that’s one day more than I had yesterday. I once heard someone compare this journey to walking. He said walking indicates that you haven’t arrived yet. If you’re still walking, that means you haven’t reached the destination yet. And that’s how it is with this addiction. I’m not running, but I am walking. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m not where I was!

So the topic that I’ve dealt with here is macrophilia (did I mention that before? ). I’ve told why I was afraid as a child, and I’ve told what drew me into it as a preteen and a teenager (man, that feels weird to talk about those years like they were long in the past! I’m getting too old for this! ).

So when you look up about masturbation, a lot of people on the internet will tell you that it’s perfectly normal, and it’s okay for you to do it; and that you should only quit if you’re avoiding social activity or responsibilities due to it. In other words, if you’re not hurting anyone, then you’re good. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, there’s a problem with that. The fact of the matter is that it is doing someone harm: YOU!

I discuss macrophilia on here because this is the area of my failing; but it may be different for you. Now you may think that this is just something that user1234567890 struggles with, and that’s it (and that’s what I used to believe as well). But strangely enough, this is actually something that others struggle with as well to varying degrees. Some struggle with it to the degree that I do, and fantasize about these things; some do, as I did when I relapsed last night, and look up videos or movies, or even books and stories online, portraying these types of fantasies. And then some go as far as they can into reality with this unrealistic fantasy, and actually hire really tall women (like 7 feet tall) to help them act out their fantasy to the fullest degree that it can be acted out. Now the strange thing is, even though this is something that people are actually searching out, and trying to act on, There’s not a lot of research that’s been done on macrophilia. Very little information exists out there on what drives us to these things. I’ve discussed what I believe drove me to it, but as I said, it may be something else for someone else.

One thing that I believe is harmful about this activity (in spite of the fact that I struggle with it) is that it is degrading ones self. Different things happen in these fantasies, but many of them end in humiliation, destruction, harm, or even death. On the milder end of things, some of these fantasies simply involve the person fantasizing about being manhandled and picked up like a gum wrapper. But on the grittier side of things, some of these involve not just being picked up like a gum wrapper, but treated like a gum wrapper, or in other words, like trash. Some of these fantasies involve being ingested in various ways, or being stepped on, and crushed like a bug. It’s demeaning to the person that is experiencing this fantasy; and yet, they’ve conditioned their mind to believe that it’s good for them, and that they cannot live without it. When you hear someone who is talking disparagingly about themselves too often, you will try your best to help them correct their mentality. This thing is also a cry for help, and should be addressed as one.

Sadly, I think that macrophilia is the same way. It shows us a glimpse of the mentality of the person who is involved with it. Somewhere deep inside, this person is experiencing self-esteem issues. If nothing else, they do not have the level of self-respect that they should have. As I said, macrophilia is demeaning to the one fantasizing about it, and in many scenarios, the person is absolutely disregarded as anything but either a toy for the giantess’ amusement, or even worse, a pest for the giantess to destroy. There’s no real love in macrophilia; just one figure towering over the other (literally), and a total disregard for the feelings of the other. If this were just a weird fantasy, that would be one thing; but the problem is that life imitates art, and eventually, the train of though that shapes this fantasy ends up shaping the thinking once you’ve returned to reality. You start thinking, “I’m nothing. I’m less than nothing. I’m insignificant. I’m useless. No girl could ever really love me.” And this is the association that’s made in your mind when you masturbate to macrophilia.

So what do we do? Well, the first step to being free from it is to realize the harm that it’s doing to you. In 1 Peter 2:11, Peter says, “11 Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;”. Have you ever heard anyone say, “This thing is eating me up, or, tearing me up inside.” ? Well that’s what Peter is saying that it does to us. As long as we regard it as a supportive friend, and not as the blood-sucking leach that it is, things will never get better. I realize even in my own life that it’s most certainly not an overnight process. But at the very least, I want to be like the man who was afraid of elevators: I’m going to be taking steps (yes, I heard that one while I was riding on my segway ).

Second, it’s not just enough to remove the lies that are tearing us up, but we have to replace it with the truth that will build us up. When we tell ourselves that nobody loves us, and that we don’t matter to anyone, we can remember what Jesus said in Matthew 10:29-31." Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows." When no one else cares, remember that God cares for you! Not only that, but there are people on here who care for you, and will support you to the best of their ability. Your life matters to someone. Never forget that!

Okay, I’ve stayed up way past my bedtime taking forever to type this out! I’m gonna be dead to the world tomorrow at work if I don’t get some sleep. I hope that something I’ve said has been a help to you. God bless you in this fight! .

[Rab_J]

In this word sadly the big guys, in powerful positions they dont invest much in people, to help be better stronger healthier person starting from mentality. But rather, they invest much into destruction of humanity, and evil in general. They want us to struggle to be addicted to use their products which would make us more attached to this.

I like your posts and the way you analyse things. Keep going

@user1234567890

taking forever to type this out

Taking us forever to read it

God loves you and he’s cheering up for you.
Have a great day at work

[user1234567890]

Sadly, this is true!.

Thank you!

And, yeah, I think it’s because when I’m talking to people, usually I end up getting interrupted; but when I’m typing this out, I don’t have anyone to tell me to shut up . So that can be a good thing, or a bad thing.

[user1234567890]

So sadly, I have to report another relapse last night. . But while I have that bad news to give, I do have two points that are an improvement.

1: I didn’t look up pornography, or anything related to macrophilia
2: I didn’t fantasize about anything related to macrophilia

While what I did was wrong, and I’m very sorry for my failure, I also see the positive. It’s not a lot of progress, but it’s a little. Just getting out of that mindset of macrophilia is a step in the right direction!

Now I’d like to talk about something that transcends macrophilia, and that’s the topic of guilt.

One of the hardest things that I do on here is reset that timer whenever I’ve relapsed. Not just because I’ve lost my streak (I’ve already beaten myself up mentally for that), but because I worry what others will think. All sorts of thoughts rush through my head. “What will they think of me? What will they say? Will they think that I’m weighing them down, and abandon me altogether? And would they be right to? After all, I’m just discouraging them with my failure. Even if they want to help me, they’re probably at their wit’s end, and realize that they’ll never be able to help me. Once they see that I’ve failed once again, it’ll be the straw that broke the camel’s back, and that’ll be the end of that.” And the list goes on and on. I can definitely relate to a sign I once read that said, “Hold on…Let me overthink this!” .

But honestly, these thoughts go through my head whenever I’ve relapsed and have to reset my counter. And then there’s the temptation to just not reset it. After all, who’s gonna know? And like I said, it’ll probably just be a discouragement to them to see me fail, and it’ll mess up their streak.

Some of this falls under a different category known as pride (I hope to cover that topic a different day). But honestly, I have these thoughts because of guilt. And whenever you feel guilty, especially when you really are guilty, it’s hard to do something with the feeling. And to make matters worse, you feel like if you don’t feel guilty enough, then people are going to think that you just don’t care that you failed. So you talk yourself into staying in a guilt-trip mindset.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think that we should feel bad for doing wrong things. It’s perfectly normal for someone to have feelings of remorse for wrongdoing; and if these feelings of remorse fail to show up, often we seek the help of a behavioral specialist for that person. But staying in that guilty mindset isn’t going to keep you from relapsing again; neither does it remove the fact that you’ve relapsed again. We feel like we either have to beat ourselves up for what we did wrong, or otherwise, we’re just calloused towards our wrongdoing.

What it boils down to is that we try to punish ourselves for our wrongdoing to make amends for it. But the problem is that we try to be our own “savior” when we do this. As I said, we should feel remorse, and yes, even Godly sorrow for what we do wrong; but as for the penalty, it’s already been paid for us on the cross by Jesus! He’s paid the penalty for our sin! Now I’m not telling you to take it lightly, and just use the grace of God as a license to sin. But I am telling you that you can take that load of guilt to God, and ask Him for forgiveness, and He has promised to forgive us, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness!

I like these words to an old hymn that many people know, and they convey the emotion of what I’m trying to say:

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul!

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come
Let this blest assurance control
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And hath shed His own blood for my soul

We don’t have to carry around this guilt. God knows the struggle that you’re going through; He sees the effort that you’re putting forth; and He’s ever-present to help you when you fall. The author of the book of Hebrews says, “For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” In other words, He knows the struggle that you’re going through; and, though we don’t like to think about this aspect of it, that “all points” that He was tempted in as we are, includes the temptation of sexual sin. He knows the struggle, and rather than berate us for having the struggle, He invites us to seek Him, to come to His throne room, and receive mercy, and find help for our darkest hours!

We don’t have to bear the guilt. Now should we learn from our situation? Most certainly! That would just be common sense. But when you fail, don’t beat yourself up for it. Like I said, I’m bad to do that too often; but it doesn’t help you. Find that forgiveness in Jesus, and continue on your journey, knowing that you are given another opportunity, just as if you never relapsed in the first place. Learn from your mistakes, and move forward in your fight!

I know this isn’t my typical post, but I hope it’s a help and an encouragement! If for no one else, it’s an encouragement for me to write these words down for me to look back on later. May God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Okay, so far today has been pretty good! Last night was great, and I had no problems with urges (which, I was also pretty tired when I went to bed, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing). I know that I’m only one day into this streak, though.

A couple of things you might have noticed is that 1: I changed the title to The Macro Files. I was thinking about a name for it, and considering the subject, I thought it was a fitting name. And 2: I changed my profile pic (yes, it’s AI, but it’s actually not what I was originally going for, but when I saw it, I thought it was also fitting). Anyways, I know, blah, blah, blah, useless information. Go ahead and say something worth reading!

So I talked about guilt last time, and before that, I talked about how macrophilia is degrading. Well, technically, pornography and masturbation are degrading to ones self as well; but I think that it’s easier to notice this characteristic in macrophilia. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking down my nose at anyone else, because I’m in the same boat!

So if we know that it’s degrading to us, and it’s tearing us apart, then what keeps us from getting help? Well, I think it’s a combination of two things: fear, and pride. Let’s cover the first one.

So what are we afraid of? Well number one, I think, as I discussed when talking about guilt, we’re afraid of what people will think. I told about how as a child that I was kinda scared of anything that involved one person getting shru—getting shru----(like I said, I have a hard time getting that word out ) getting small, let’s just put it that way! I was even thinking today about an old episode of the Twilight Zone called Stopover in a Quiet Town (you can look up the episode info on the Twilight Zone Wiki for the synopsis), and when I was a kid, the idea of it really freaked me out.

But it was a fear that to the best of my knowledge, I never really voiced. Some fears we have no trouble vocalizing because we know that they are common, and we’re not the only ones who have them. But then there are some fears that we don’t express because we feel that if we do, they will not be validated, or people will think we’re weird, or even that we just can’t get it together. We feel like, “Well everyone else is doing fine dealing with this. There must be something wrong with me if I can’t get my act together.” And it is this type of fear that keeps us from getting help.

Secondly, I believe we fear what life will be like without it. You say, “That’s stupid! No one is afraid of that! Everyone looks forward to life without this so-and-so addiction!”. To which my response to that would be, “Then why are you still hanging on to it?” Don’t worry, I ask myself this question as well in my struggle. Even though we want to be free from this thing, at the same time, we also know the high that it gives; and to a degree, I think we fear that nothing that we replace it with can match the high that pornography, or masturbation, or yes, even macrophilia, can give us.

Now I’ve read some people talk about the benefits of quitting masturbation, and they almost make it sound like after 90 days, you’ll take off and fly to Krypton or something (well, that might not be a good idea, Superman didn’t do so hot with Kryptonite ,but you get the idea). I saw a quote by @Forerunner on here that really said it better than I can.

@Forerunner

Compared to how I was living 3 months ago, or my life in general while engaged in PMO, the benefits feel superhuman. But I see them like this; I started wearing glasses in my late teens. When I put glasses on for the first time, it was like seeing the world in HD. New colours and contrasts, everything was sharper and brighter. But for someone with 20/20 vision, that’s how they see the world regularly.

I’ve head people refer to this thing as a sexual detox, and I think that’s a good term for it! And as soon as you get rid of those sexual toxins, the sooner you can enjoy life naturally, and experience the natural joys that life without sexual sin can give! When we let go of masturbation, we open our hands up for something even better for God to place in them!

So those are just a couple of thoughts that I had. I’m sure there’s a lot more fears that we have that keep us from quitting. You’re more than welcome to leave your thoughts. Thanks for taking the time to read! I know it’s not easy reading sometimes because I start rambling (sorry ), but I appreciate all of you that take the time to read it! God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Last night went very well, but I ask you all to please pray for me. So far, with the help of the Lord, I’m still trying to stay strong. But lately, I’ve had a situation that’s made me pretty anxious. I know that in the past I have used masturbation, and macrophilia, as a coping mechanism. But swallowing poison just because you have a headache isn’t a good solution. Masturbation isn’t my friend. Macrophilia isn’t my friend. They’re not welcome in my headspace. The rent is past due, and they’re 3 months late, so I’m evicting them! . But seriously, I said in one of my posts that as long as we consider this addiction to be our supportive friend instead of the bloodsucking leach that it is, things will not get better . I’m trying to remind myself of that right now in my life. I know that sometimes I’m prone to anxiety (not clinically that I know of, but I think mainly from all the dopamine that I’ve flooded my brain with through years of masturbation), but I don’t want to cope with it this way. There is a way of escape that God promised He’d make in the midst of temptation! So keep me in your prayers tonight (or today, or whatever hour you’re reading this). I thank you ahead of time, and God bless you in your fight!

(P.S. : On a lighter note, bet you didn’t think I could make a post this short, after the past few that I’ve done )

[Forerunner]

Thanks for tagging me brother, got me to reread my old post after many years. Glad it’s still helpful to people 5 years later.

The way of escape is always at hand. The best thing we can do for ourselves is stop indulging in the fantasies when they come to mind. Thoughts become actions, actions become habits, habits become character, character becomes destiny. God forbid we be destined to continue in sin and addiction. By thinking purer, happier, healthier thoughts we return to our true nature and our real destiny.

May God bless you

[user1234567890]

@Forerunner Well thank you for the great advice! It was a help to me!

(Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. It’s been a busy day. A good day, but a busy day!)

[user1234567890]

Hey! So, I probably won’t make this a long post either tonight, but I just wanted to give a quick update. Today was good. I haven’t had a lot of problems with urges; but that being said, I know I’m just getting ready to make it into my fourth day. I’ve got a long way to go. But I’m so thankful to God for His help in making it this far!

I will write here a short note to macrophilia and masturbation.

Dear Sirs,
I am writing this to inform you that your services will no longer be required, as I have deemed you to be unsuitable company for my good friend, ME! You will not be given severance pay in light of all the assets that you have already stolen from my client. I will require you to leave any keys that you have obtained while in service, as you no longer hold the keys to my client’s life, well-being, and happiness. Do not expect a letter of recommendation of employment elsewhere either. I shall be alerting all in whom I am in contact of your nefarious deeds and intentions, as you have given yourselves to the promotion of the degeneracy of the public.

With no due respect,
Myself

Anyways, I’ll talk to y’all later! God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I just wanted to come on here and make a quick post. Today I’ve had a few urges, but I’ve tried to fight them with the truth. I’ve been a little anxious lately, and in the past, I’ve used masturbation and macrophilia as a coping mechanism.

…except, they’re not a legitimate way to cope with anxiety, or anything for that matter!

According to Google’s definition, cope means “to deal effectively with something difficult.” What’s wrong with this picture? You see, whenever I’ve used macrophilia as a “coping mechanism”, I’m not really dealing with it effectively. I’m simply numbing it. It doesn’t solve any problem legitimately. If anything, it adds to my problem.

What’s wrong, I have self-esteem problems? Let’s add a giant woman that berates me, makes me feel small, and looks at me as nothing to the mix and that’ll make me feel a whole lot better! Sounds logical, doesn’t it? But that’s the insanity that I’m believing in my mind when I surrender my anxiety to masturbation. You see, I’m craving love and affection and a deep, intimate connection (not just physically, but intellectually and emotionally), and I’m isolating myself to this fantasy that can never fill that void in my life.

I know that I have urges, and my body wants me to act on them; partially because it’s a natural desire, and partially because for years I’ve trained my body to believe it can have whatever it wants. But I can’t keep drinking bleach, just because my body says it’s thirsty; and in the same manner, I can’t keep masturbating to macrophilia just because my body says it needs that surge of dopamine. I have to deny myself, as Jesus said we were to do. There are better ways that actually deal with my problems, than just masturbating to let off a little steam. We need to learn how to deal with the problem, not temporarily pacify it.

I’ll probably try to do a longer post next week. I got to thinking about it while I was at work today, and I think what I’ll try to do is one longer post each week, and then 6 shorter posts the rest of the week. We’ll see how it goes. Keep me in your prayers, please! God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I’ve just got another quick post. Hopefully not as long as the last one. Today has been good! I haven’t had as many urges today, but that’s not to say that I’ve had none. With summer here, let’s just say that a lot of girls aren’t dressed in a way that makes this addiction easier. But in spite of that, I’ve tried to look away when I’ve felt myself starting to think that way. I know that a lot of people make fun of guys that “bounce their eyes” like that, but for me, that’s what I’ve gotta do. I haven’t had any real urges involving macrophilia today, so that’s a good thing as well! I know I’ve got a long way to go, and I don’t want to be celebrating a premature victory, but in little ways, I can feel myself looking at things differently, handling stress differently, and even looking at my addiction differently! I know that this is in part due to some of your prayers for me! Thank you for them, and God bless you for them!

I’ve been thinking about my next long topic, and I hope to have it ready for you next week sometime! God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I hope everyone is doing well this evening (or morning, or whenever you’re reading this)! Today was a good day! We had church today, and the visiting preacher preached a couple of good messages that were an encouragement to me, and a challenge to live for God!

So I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is so far my urges haven’t been as bad lately. The bad news is, my Pac Man game hasn’t been so hot (no, literally, like the old Pac Man game , my life is really going to crumble if I don’t do something about that!).But seriously, as far as urges go, today hasn’t been bad, and I’m thankful for that. I’m approaching my 6th day into this streak, and Lord-willing, I will have made it to 7 days when I wake up in the morning!

Okay, so I did learn something today. I learned an expression that describes most of my posts: TL;DR ! If you’re like I was, and don’t know what that stands for, it means Too Long; Didn’t Read . I’m not going to do a long post tonight, but I will probably do one either tomorrow night, or Tuesday night. But I’ll try to have a summary for anyone who don’t wanna read the whole drawn-out thing. I’m between a couple of different thoughts, and I’ll be praying tomorrow and thinking about what to put down here. I hope that it’ll be a blessing for you! God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I hope this finds you all doing well! Today went well for me. I had a few urges, but I tried to concentrate on what was causing me to feel the urge to masturbate, and when I addressed the cause, I was able to answer back to it with the truth, and that helped me with my urges today.

Okay, so I promised a longer post tonight, so grab your popcorn (or your sleeping bag, it may get that long . For the summary, scroll to the bottom of the post). I’ve talked about some things that hinder us in the recovery process. I mentioned guilt, and I’ve mentioned fear. But tonight, I’ve got one that may seem a little strange; and it may be that I’m the only one that struggled with this, but I think that there’s more than one out there that’s had trouble with this. I think that one of the things that can hinder us from getting help is pride.

Now I know that’s an inflammatory statement to make, and I can already hear what some might be thinking. “WHAT! PRIDE IS MY PROBLEM?! Man, you are so off base on this one! I don’t have an issue with pride! Didn’t you say the other week that with macrophilia that it shows that the person has a LOW SELF-ESTEEM? You just don’t know what you’re talking about!” And I hear you, because I thought the same thing at first. But maybe by telling another part of my story, I can explain exactly what I mean. Now I know I’ve told how I got started with macrophilia and masturbation. But I don’t think I’ve ever told about coming on here before.

So, about a year ago, I realized I had a problem with masturbation, but I was too ashamed to even ask anyone else about what to do. So I did a couple of things. One: I started listening to some podcasts on the subject of quitting masturbation and pornography; and Two: I downloaded a masturbation tracker app, or, a streak counter. I tried a couple of other apps out before I came to Rewire Companion, but the interface of those apps never came close to the simplicity of Rewire (so I will say whoever developed the app did a really good job!). And then I saw the message board, and I wanted to put something up there; but for awhile, I was hesitant to do so, because you had to sign up with your email. “My email? My personal email? What would someone think if they saw anything like that in my inbox? Why, they’d think I was some sort of addict, or something!”

After tracking relapse after relapse, I got discouraged, and I tried another program. It was actually while on that program, that I discovered the term for the fantasies that I was having: Macrophilia. And I thought that this other program could really help me out. But in this other program, They gave you a list of stuff to do before you could move on in the course, and one of those things was to find an accountability partner. Again, in my head, I’m thinking, “An accountability partner? Where would I find one of those? I mean, you can’t just go up to people you know and say, ‘Hey, I’m having trouble with masturbation. Do you want to be my accountability partner?’. It kinda makes any social interaction with them a little awkward afterwards.” And from that point, I came to a standstill because I wasn’t willing to share my problem with anyone, even under anonymity,

But after the girl I was talking to broke up with me, my life really started to spiral. I didn’t even really try to resist. Finally, I came to my senses, and realized that I was going to have to swallow my pride, and get some help. And that’s when I made my first post on the forum asking for help. And I can honestly say that since joining, I’ve received more support and understanding than I could have ever imagined! And to think, I could have experienced that a lot sooner, if I had swallowed my pride, and joined a lot sooner!

Now you may say that this doesn’t really fit under the pride category, and that it’s more akin to fear. But this last thing I have no doubt was pride. You see, my last reason for not reaching out for help was that, “I really don’t feel like I’m that bad!” You see, I knew I had trouble with masturbation, but I never felt like I was a “■■■■ addict”. I had never been on, and still to this day haven’t been on, any sites like ■■■■ Hub, or OnlyFans, I had never flipped through a Playboy magazine. And deep down, I thought, “I’m not as bad as those guys! I’m not watching ■■■■, I just have an addiction to masturbating while fantasizing about giant women. I’m not a weirdo!” (Anyone else sensing the irony here?)

So what changed my mind? The night that I finally fell to what I thought I was above falling to. I looked up a movie that had full frontal nudity, with the intention of…well, you can guess what happened. And after that night, I realized that I really wasn’t any better than anyone else. I was just as bad, if not worse, because I put on a facade that I was better, like a Pharisee. And once I realized that, it really showed me that I needed just as much help as anyone else.

SUMMARY:
So there’s my story. So, long story short, our pride can keep us from getting help, whether it’s the pride of what people will think, what kind of people we’re going to run into, or even the thought that we’re not really needing that much help. But the sooner that we see our need for help, and dismantle these lies, the sooner we can get that help, and rebuild our lives with the truth. Jesus said in John 8:31b-32, “…If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” One last thing to remember about pride: Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goeth before destruction, And an haughty spirit before a fall.” If we don’t get rid of the pride that’s keeping us from getting help, this thing, like an acid, will keep eating and eating at us, until it’s completely destroyed our lives. Get the help that you need! Always look to God for your help! Seek the help and support of the community on here! There are a lot of good people that have been a tremendous help and encouragement to me, and I am very grateful for them, because without them, I wouldn’t even be as far as I am! I’ve got a long way to go, but I know I’m not alone on this journey!

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this (or the summary at the bottom of the page ). I hope that something that’s been said will be a help to you. If nothing else, it’s a help to me to see where I’ve come from, and where I’m heading. God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I just thought I’d put up a quick post today. Sorry for the “novel” from last night . I don’t have as much to say tonight. Today hasn’t been terrible, but I’ve had a few urges. Most of my urges have come from the desire to self-medicate. A lot of times I found myself feeling anxious, or melancholy (not for long periods, but just for maybe a minute or two at a time) during the day; but rather than succumbing to my feelings, I tried to question myself about why I was feeling that way, and diagnose whether it was a legitimate feeling, or if it was rooted in something untrue. Now that being said, I’m not saying that we should just suppress our feelings. As a matter of fact, I think that’s one of the things that we try to do with masturbation: we try to suppress those negative feelings with the euphoria that we experience from masturbation. But I do think that we should think about what we’re feeling. Even in the Scripture, we are told to consider our ways (Haggai 1:7). Think about it like the host of a TV show gently interviewing a guest, and gently asking different questions to their guest, attempting to gain some insight to their guest’s passions and motivations. As you question these feelings in your life, ask yourself what is the motivation of that feeling, what brought it about, what does it hope to accomplish in your life, and what the real solution is to meeting the need in your life that this feeling is addressing. Let’s face it, masturbation isn’t really solving the problem that you’re suppressing. It’s like drilling a hole in the boat to let the water out. And most importantly, ask God to be with you as you process these feelings. If you need professional help, I’m all for that, but don’t forget to include God in your struggle. He’s always there!

Sorry if my thoughts are a little scattered tonight. I hope they make some sense, and that maybe they can be a help to you. Like I said, if nothing else, they help me voice some of what’s going on inside my mind right now. I’ve asked it many times, but continue to keep me in your prayers. I’ve got a long way to go on this journey, and I don’t want to turn back to masturbation just for a temporary relief. God bless you in your fight!

[Forerunner]

It’s your journal brother, your posts can be as long or as short as you’d like them to be.

I definitely relate to that issue of pride. When I finally bit the bullet and joined this community in 2018, I had already spent many years avoiding the idea that I was addicted or needed any external support. I told myself that communities like this were for addicts and people with serious problems, not me. But it was dishonest - PMO had already caused so much damage in my life and things weren’t getting any better. I joined Rewire Companion and people were so welcoming and supportive, and I gained so much understanding that I didn’t have before about conquering addiction.