The Happy Nofap Method (similar to Easy Peasy / Freedom Model)

[ToThy]

Hi guys, I would like to share with you the ‘Happy Nofap Method’ from Chinese nofap forum which I found very useful. It’s similar to the Easy Peasy and the Freedom Model, aiming at happily quit PMO forever, without struggle or pain. After reading the article I feel that I can really quit PMO happily forever!

The article is quite long, I would split the topic into several posts, elaborating the main points and add some of my opinions. I wish you guys find it helpful and finally enjoy freedom without pain, guilt or shame anymore!

[ToThy]

Introduction

Usually when we start our nofap journey, we start checking in every day on nofap forum, and we tell ourselves we cannot PMO again. But soon we find ourselves struggling, waves of urges come and we feel overwhelmed. Even though we have rather long streak, we still doubt that ‘Is it over? Have I quit it already?’ And we probably have the subtle feeling that, we may PMO someday.

But if you adopt the Happy Nofap Method, you’ll not struggle at the very beginning. You’ll abstain with ease and embrace your life happily. Stay tuned and I’ll elaborate in subsequent posts

[ToThy]

The Root Cause of Failing to Quit

Traditional nofap method is that once we abstain long enough and reach a threshold (e.g. 90 days), we will be free from this addiction. Or you may opt for a gradual approach, reducing the frequency of PMO until abstinence. But these methods do not remove the root cause — desire, your craving towards PMO. When you’re in good mood, when you’re peaceful, you’ll have few cravings; but when you’re stressful, when you’re down, when you face some triggers, you start craving PMO. That’s why you struggle, that’s why you relapse.

The Happy Nofap Method can fundamentally remove your desire towards PMO - by changing your identity (next post).

[ToThy]

Changing Identity — from Nofapper to Non-fapper

Let us contemplate: Would you feel struggle if you don’t take drug for a lifetime? Certainly not! Because you don’t have the desire to take drugs. Then would a non-fapper have the desire to fap? Again no!

So as nofapper, you abstain from PMO. But actually, you still crave for it. That implies you’re still a fapper but just temporarily don’t fap. You may try doing push-ups, or taking a cold shower, still it’s kind of escape rather than actually removing your desire towards PMO.

So the key is changing our identity - we are non-fappers, we genuinely have no desire to PMO. But how can we achieve this? Next post will introduce a powerful visualization to reinforce your new identity.

[ToThy]

Acknowledging our Twisted Desire
(with Powerful Visualization)

Let’s visualize, two drug addicts sitting at the side of road, one of them taking a vaccine that has been used by others, putting in heroine, sucking in dirty water, and injecting into his vain. How do you feel? ‘What the hell! Disgusting!’ But what about the drug addict sitting next to him? ‘Quick! Lemme enjoy!’ Then we see that the drug addicts are suffering from mental illness.

Then visualize, those fappers, in toilet, in the room, in the dark, playing their body part again and again, releasing great amount of essence/Ojas out of their body. How would non-fappers feel? ‘Pervert!’ But what about fappers/nofappers? ‘Oh why can’t I join them…’

You see, the desire of fappers is a twisted desire. You like PMO not because you enjoy it, but because of mental illness. When you visualize others fapping, you naturally feel disgusted. That means if you wish, you can easily become a non-fapper

[Nep_12]

@ToThy

When you visualize others fapping, you naturally feel disgusted. That means if you wish, you can easily become a non-fapper

That one will need a little more elaboration.
If you visualize someone say vomiting, you’ll be disgusted again. That doesn’t mean vomiting is inherently bad. It is a highly necessary process.
Or it applies to pooping too😅 again it’s not a bad process as such.

But nofap is definitely twisted.

I’m not saying that you are wrong, simply that this explanation doesn’t fit for now, and that it will require some more elaboration.
I’m waiting for the next part, I guess there you’ll have it.

[ToThy]

Maybe the term disgusted isn’t very fit. You may think of the word perverted. I mean, when you see others doing such addiction-related behavior, you naturally have some bad feeling and think ‘How come they do such perverted thing just to ruin their life? Are they nuts?’ Think of the girls! How would they feel if they find you fapping?! Just like that.

[ToThy]

Hi bro, actually I saw your post and don’t feel weird about your method, it’s actually a method taught by Buddha, called Patikulamanasikara (contemplation on dirtiness). Such contemplation can reduce your craving towards woman body. I’m using similar method as well, contemplating their blood vessels, flesh, bones etc. to convince myself that woman body doesn’t deserve my craving.

[yadadada]

Self-image and self identity are very powerful psychologies. This is because once again BELIEFS are self-fulfilling prophecies: if we think we can do something, we will do it (or at least have a higher statistical chance)

How do we start to believe that we are a non-PMOer? How do we know we are truly believing rather than just saying it out, or going through the motions? Your idea of visualisation in a 3rd person perspective does hold a point: if we can imagine SEEING ourselves do something that disgusting, we can discourage ourselves. But I don’t think that is enough to scare away some of us. How do we make ourselves believe that we will not a PMOer?

[ToThy]

@yadadada

How do we make ourselves believe that we will not a PMOer?

No worries bro I will further elaborate in subsequent posts, I just need some time to organize and write. Yes belief and mindset are core to quit addictions, instead of willpower and tactics. Thanks for your comment, stay tuned

[ToThy]

Are You Really Willing to Quit?

Let’s reflect on the statements below, ask your heart whether deep inside you hold such beliefs:-

1. I will quit PMO, but not NOW
2. I don’t want to give up the JOY of PMO
3. PMO has more pros than cons (this statement is tricky; it seems irrational at first but probably deep down we feel like this. I’ll elaborate later)
4. It’s painful to quit PMO
5. I’m afraid I can never quit

If you find that you have the above beliefs, you probably still want PMO from your heart. You still want it, just afraid of its negative consequences. @yadadada wrote a wonderful post about this I recommend all of you to read The mindset you need to quit. Forever

[ToThy]

The Moment is NOW

So let’s reflect on the 1st statement of above post. Usually we find certain special days to start our journey, e.g. New Year, Monday, birthday, etc. But I think you already find that, this is helpless to your abstinence. In my experience, I’d probably BINGE the day before. If you have to find a certain day to quit, that simply means you’re still reluctant to quit. When will you be ready? If you’re determined, then without second thought you’ll quit NOW.

The author shared an example – you come to a swimming pool, the water is cold and you keep doing some preparations: warming up, tapping your body with cold water, but no matter how you’re determined, you still cannot get used to the cold water with ease. No matter how well you prepare, it will not be any easier than directly jumping into the cold water. So there is never a day that you’ll be ready to quit; the moment is NOW.

[ToThy]

The ‘Joy’ and ‘Benefits’ We Credit to PMO

Now let’s focus on Statement 2 and 3. Please seriously ask yourself if subconsciously you think the followings are true:-

• You feel relaxed and relieved after PMO
• PMO alleviates boredom and loneliness
• PMO makes you more alert and ‘refreshed’
• PMO relieves your stress and anxiety
• Talking sexual issues boost your relationship with friends

In following posts I’ll explain one by one that all these ‘joy’ and ‘benefits’ are FAKE. Our twisted mind is fooling us, with the sole target to persuade us to PMO. PMO has NO SINGLE benefit at all. Our mind credit the benefits to PMO just to rationalise it.

[ToThy]

The Truth of Feeling ‘Joyful and Relieved’ after PMO
(IMPORTANT!)

We now demystify the ‘joyful’ feeling of PMO. Most of you should have the experience of holding your pee. Holding pee is painful and uneasy, and when you finally have the chance to pee, you feel ‘relaxed and relieved’ when you finally release the tension. Isn’t it the same as PMO? You have craving, and when you have abstained for a period of time, you start to feel struggle and unease, your subconscious mind keeps fuelling the urges, and you become more and more painful. And when you finally relapse, you feel ‘relaxed and relieved’ and think that PMO is ‘joyful’.

How about a non-fapper? They don’t crave for it, they don’t feel the struggle and stress. They don’t need to relieve the tension. They are constantly in a state of relaxed and relieved. Just like a non-smoker doesn’t feel struggled not to smoke; they are constantly at ease. In other words, PMOers have to PMO in order to go back to the state of non-PMOers. So you know realise the truth of the ‘joyful’ feeling of PMO. It’s not because you really feel joyful to PMO, but you actually can’t help but PMO to feel relieved.

[Nep_12]

@ToThy

essence/Oja

Is that a Chinese term? Oja I mean.

I believe I’ve already said in Ayurveda this is called “Ojas”. That’s a Sanskrit term though.
Weird I didn’t pay attention to it before.

[ToThy]

Sorry my fault lemme correct it, thanks for correcting me

In Chinese it’s called Jing (精).

[decaf]

I recognize this from my studies of Buddhism and specifically returned to the Kayagata-sati Sutta which I looked up - I remember very fondly this passage from it:

“And further, when walking, the monk discerns, ‘I am walking.’ When standing, he discerns, ‘I am standing.’ When sitting, he discerns, ‘I am sitting.’ When lying down, he discerns, ‘I am lying down.’ Or however his body is disposed, that is how he discerns it. And as he remains thus heedful, ardent, & resolute, any memories & resolves related to the household life are abandoned, and with their abandoning his mind gathers & settles inwardly, grows unified & concentrated. This is how a monk develops mindfulness immersed in the body.

“And further, when going forward & returning, he makes himself fully alert; when looking toward & looking away… when bending & extending his limbs… when carrying his outer cloak, his upper robe, & his bowl… when eating, drinking, chewing, & savoring… when urinating & defecating… when walking, standing, sitting, falling asleep, waking up, talking, & remaining silent, he makes himself fully alert. And as he remains thus heedful, ardent, & resolute, any memories & resolves related to the household life are abandoned, and with their abandoning his mind gathers & settles inwardly, grows unified & concentrated. This is how a monk develops mindfulness immersed in the body.

“And further, the monk reflects on this very body from the soles of the feet on up, from the crown of the head on down, surrounded by skin and full of various kinds of unclean things: ‘In this body there are head hairs, body hairs, nails, teeth, skin, flesh, tendons, bones, bone marrow, kidneys, heart, liver, pleura, spleen, lungs, large intestines, small intestines, gorge, feces, bile, phlegm, pus, blood, sweat, fat, tears, skin-oil, saliva, mucus, fluid in the joints, urine.’

And it raelly begins to take off from there, including even the description of corpses, and how it is important to develop mindfulness to never focus on the body.

The full text is available here.

I am not a Buddhist, but I have always found Buddhist texts instructional in terms of building a psychological framework for understanding a thing since they tend to be quite practice oriented.

[ToThy]

Nice that you learn Buddhism Yes I would say Buddhism is more a philosophy or practice than a religion. We can practice Buddhist teaching in daily life without being a Buddhist. The most important thing I learn from Buddhist teaching is karma, and I’m really feeling its power. So doing good is not merely a moral issue; it has karmic implications, and it may even help you with nofap

[decaf]

Yes, I also heard someone say that there is not “Buddhism” but there are “Buddhisms”. This is because there are people who practice Buddhism from a very particular religious tradition that has its own cosmology and pantheons of gods, like in Sri Lanka or Burma or even in the Pure Land Buddhism that exists in places like China and Korea, and then there are Buddhists who practice in a very secular way, and for them Buddhism is an ethical system, a philosophy, or even a sort of psychology…

And many Buddhists are somewhere in between on the spectrum.

I had contemplated becoming a Buddhist very seriously at one point… and then I became an Orthodox Christian…

More on topic:

How about a non-fapper? They don’t crave for it, they don’t feel the struggle and stress. They don’t need to relieve the tension. They are constantly in a state of relaxed and relieved. Just like a non-smoker doesn’t feel struggled not to smoke; they are constantly at ease. In other words, PMOers have to PMO in order to go back to the state of non-PMOers. So you know realise the truth of the ‘joyful’ feeling of PMO. It’s not because you really feel joyful to PMO, but you actually can’t help but PMO to feel relieved.

This was very profound and very well stated.

The drug addict needs their drug to feel normal - PMO addicts need the PMO to level themselves out.

This is also good:

It’s painful to quit PMO
I’m afraid I can never quit

I have begun to think of it in terms of it is painful to quit - and I am afraid to quit because I sometimes lack faith in my own convictions and thus still want to do it… and sometimes, this can even happen on unconscious levels:

you end up wrestling with lust for days, off and on, and then when you are stressed or tired and find yourself alone, it is so easy to cave in… and so I have stopped thinking of myself only in terms of “I was defeated by PMO on day 12…” I should also think, “I defeated PMO 11 days before that day.”

[ToThy]

Thanks for your appreciation bro We need to thank the author who wrote the article about the happy nofap method. I can see very well that most of the urges are self-imposed - I still crave for it, and I’m actually fueling the urges. We need to genuinely hate the very act of PMO. I think now I hate M from my heart, and now finding ways to hate P from within. I’m thinking about, the act is actually dirty and ugly. And woman skin is monotonous, nothing beautiful, not to mention the flesh and bones inside. And there are many more true happiness we can pursue - going hiking, nice talk with friends, spending time with loved ones, visiting different places… instead of fake happiness of O which just deplete our valuable essence. Why stay in the dirty dark toilet when you’re ready to embrace the sunshine and world outside?