Preachers Dreams (Autogynephilia Files) [38 M] đź”’ (no more activity)

Journal
1

September 01, 2024

Introduction
First I will set the seen. Second I will tell the story. Then I will tell you my conclusion. I just want everybody to know that I am a man, but I dream that I am a woman. So to not confuse anybody I fantasize that I am a woman.

Dream 1
The forest is covered in snow and is hot snow. The trees are tall as cedar and they stand out because there is no snow on them. It is dark as night I can hardly see. I have a feminine body and I am dressed as a woman in a long pink dress and red high heels. I have makeup on my face and a purse on my side. I am now running in this forest that is covered in snow, because I am being chased by wolves that are ravenous and foaming at the mouth. I keep running in my high heels and my feet hurt like they were on fire. The wolves finally stop when I stop and they just look at me wondering what I am going to do. The snow is like it is getting hotter as dawn breaks. I get up and walk to a cliff and see over the cliff a waterfalls that is frozen. The wolves look more ravenous now than they were at the beginning. I stare at the wolves more carefully and see fire in their eyes. The snow is getting hotter and hotter as the sun comes up. Then something else happens the wolves turn into beings that I have never seen before. The one that was a leader turns into a hideous ugly creature that has claws and it looks like a werewolf with horns. The other wolves turn into dark beings that are cross between a rabbit and a bear. Then something happens that I will never forget I start to itch and scratch all over my feminine body and everything falls away. I see that my body is a man and I fall over this cliff I continue to itch and scratch. As I fall into the freezed over water I feel a burn that ingulfes my body. I feel like I am on fire and my body has no relief. Then I see this hideous beast again and this time I am melting in heat and darkness. The place is so terrible that it smells of sulfur dioxide and smoke is everywhere. Worms are eating at my body and I have nothing to relieve my body of this pain. I hear screaming and shouting in this place. Then I awoke from my sleep and praised the Lord that I was not dead.

4 Likes
3

September 02, 2024 Monday

Introduction
My dreams for today has two dream so bear with me. I have started having dreams that has effected me. Just to let you know I am past the 1 month mark waiting on 2 month mark. Let us begin with the dreams.

Dream 1
I was on a boat heading for an island. When I got close to the island I had to go and see my counselor. She was a beautiful lady. She looked like Laura Lynn but her name was Kim. She ask me what aroused me the most. I said feminization. She said okay. Then we docked on this island and she walked me to this cave with a lot of equipment inside. Then she told me to strap myself into this chamber that was almost like a casket. The only thing different was that it had vision goggles. When I put these goggles on I could see myself in a mirror at the beginning. I looked and I was feminine. I could still hear my counselor through the vision goggles she said now put on the army clothes. So I put them on and sure enough they were feminine army clothes. She told me once I walk out the door I was on my own. When I walked out the door people were shooting at me. A bullet went past my head and I ducked. Then this Japanese man came up to me and continued shooting at me. I then grabb the barrel of the gun and he kept pulling the trigger and I was dead. The game ended for me but I was unconscious back on the island. My body was laid on a comfortable bed I was naked. Then I heard my someone ask my counselor what arouses him. She said feminization. Then the guy that ask said okay. Then the guy ask do we have any dresses here. The counselor went to the closet and pulled out a white dress that had frolics and flowers on it. I was then dressed with bra panties pantyhose then the dress. Then something happened I awoke from my unconsciousness and I was hard. Then I awoke.

Dream 2
I was back in the forest were my body was feminine again. This time it was raining with thunder and lightning. The dream begins I was walking down the trail and these wolves were after me again. This time though they weren’t so mean. They were just watching me. I saw a cabin on a hillside in the distance and I tried to get there but everytime I think I got closer the further it got. Then the wolves turned mean when I tried to get close to that cabin. So I did what I thought was possible for me to get close to that cabin. I stripped plum naked of my feminine clothes and sure enough the wolves tore the clothes to shreds. Then the door to the cabin opened and I stepped inside. As I stepped inside there was a blinding light that ingulfed my body and I was a man again. Then the light dimmed and I standing on street corner of Jerusalem and there on the cross hung Jesus. I cried for forgiveness and as I was asking for forgiveness I heard Jesus say “Father forgive them for they no not what they do”. Then I was clothes in a white robe and felt clean. Then I awoke.

2 Likes
4

September 03, 2024 Tuesday

Nothing but pitch black and light at the same time all night.

1 Like
5

September 04, 2024 Wednesday

Introduction
This is a dream where I was next to a lake that is clear as crystal. There was a man with me but I could not see his figure. He had scars on his hands and feet. This dream is the beginning of my life that is strengthened by hope. so let me begin.

Dream 1
As I said I was on a lake that is clear as crystal. There was a man beside me who had scares on his hands and feet. I could not see his face because it is bright. He talked with me and asked me a lot of questions. This is the conversation.

Why do you want to be feminine? He said.

I said, I want to be feminine because I like the clothes and what women have more than men.

He said, Don’t you remember Deuteronomy 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

I said, Yes I remember that verse very well.

He said, I made you this way for a purpose not to damage the body and destroy what I have created you to be.

I said, Okay what is it that you would have me do?

He said, I want you to go into the world and witness to others that I am alive and I am the same yesterday today and forever.

I said, I can’t because I have fear of speaking to others.

He quoted 2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

I said, okay but why do I want to be feminine.

He said, This is not of me and the true word. The worldly pleasures are only temporary but my word shall be for all eternity. Just know that I am that I am. I know your fear but my grace is sufficient for you. This temporary feminization act is of the enemy and not abiding by my word. Understand that the devil has placed these thoughts in your mind. I wonderfully and carefully made you who you were meant to be. Don’t settle for the first thought that you think is from me, because I don’t want you to be feminine, I want you to be masculine. A man is strong in strength but a woman is strong in the mind. I created the creation this way because the man can do the hard work and the woman always does the thinking. You know that you love me because I died for you on the cross. So to clear things up I want you to know that I love you so much that I died for you. Now I want to ask you one more time why do you want to be feminine?

I said, It is not my place to be feminine but I must be masculine and change my way of thinking and be a witness for your glory.

Then He turn and looked at me with loving eyes and smiled at me with a big grin.

Then I said, Jesus is this you. My Lord and My God. I will never doubt you again if I can help it.

Then I awoke.

1 Like
6

September 06, 2024 Friday

I was in a hospital bed. I was ready for surgery. I was changing my body to feminine form. The nurses were nice to me. Then the doctor came in and asked if I really wanted this surgery. I thought it over and I said yes. When I got close to that surgery room then I said no. The nurses then ask the doctor and he said bring him in because I accept his first answer. Then that is when I get up off the bed and ran away. I didn’t care about my clothes at all. Then I saw on the news that I was being hunted by this doctor. So I changed my identity so that he could not find me. I ran to the mountains and hid in a cave. I lived like a mountain man would. Then a strange light filled the cave. I saw the man that was on the lake with me in my other dream. I said hello Jesus.
He smiled and said hello. I heard your answer the first time and the second time. I sent that doctor in your dream as the adversary. I accepted your second answer because I wanted to test you whether or not you still wanted to change or not. I like your second answer. Be strong in me and don’t give up hope because I am alive.
I said yes Lord I know that you are alive and that you created me this way for a purpose. I will remain strong in you Lord and believe in you with my whole heart. Thank you Jesus for dieing on the cross for my sins. Be with me each and everyday that I live.
He said I am with you always even to the end of the word. Teach others how to believe in me.

Then I awoke.

1 Like
7

September 08, 2024 Sunday

Introduction
This dream might seem a little weird so bear with me. If you have seen the movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit then this will make sense to you.

Dream
I was in two worlds where there is a cartoon world and reality. In reality I was an ordinary man that took care of the cartoons. I was a hit with Roger Rabbit and Bugs Bunny. They came into my world to solve the case of Daffy Duck missing. (I forget to tell you I was a private eye in my dream). So then I went looking for clues at the last place Daffy Duck visited. I had to go into the world of cartoons and visit the the lone ranger bar. Daffy Duck was staying there in room 16. In cartoon world 16 was an unlucky number. When I went into the room there was was this cartoon woman in the room. I asked if she knew where Daffy Duck was. She said no I don’t. I asked if I could look around the room. She said that was fine. So I looked in the closet and found Daffy Ducks clothing of (you guessed it) Daffy Duck skin. But something peculiar was at the bottom of the closet. I looked closer at the object and it was red hot skin. I tried to grab it by my hand but it was hot. So I got my tweezers and put it in a hot container box. I said to her thank you. So I left the room and came back to the real world to do an analysis on the skin. The skin was the cartoon devil. So I called Bugs Bunny and tell him that the devil has him. Bugs Bunny says oh okay he lives in the cave up on a hill in my world. Then I asked does he have a telephone. Bugs Bunny says I don’t rightly know. So I take my trusted cartoon car to this world and drive to the top of the hill. I look for the cave and I see one with smoke coming out from it. Then I hear Daffy Duck saying to the devil that he will not get away with this. The devil just laughs and says I will to. Then out of nowhere the lady that was in room 16 pulls a gun on me and tells me to move. I am being captured by this woman I don’t think so. I turn quickly and grab the gun from her hand. I then call the cops and the detectives of cartoon world arrested the devil and the woman. I asked Daffy if he was okay. He’s said yes and thank you for rescuing me. They were trying to keep me from testifying against Donald Duck. Donald Duck didn’t do anything bad but they made him steal something that I witnessed. Everything was fine after this case was closed.

Then I awoke.

1 Like
8

September 10, 2024 Day 42

I am changing this to a diary, so that I can be accountable to what I think during the day. I know that it says dreams but that is what it is all about.

Okay here it goes. Some of you probably never heard of Autogynephilia and I will clarify it for you. It is man who dreams as himself as a woman. I have been doing this since I was 11 years old. I always looked at my mother and imagined myself as she is.

Yes I did try a few things on that belongs to mother at that age but I didn’t feel good about it. About age 13 I tried again and I was aroused by the feel of the clothes. That is when I first masturbated. So in short the feel of the clothes aroused me but I still didn’t feel right. Then I was 16 and begin again imagining myself again as a woman.

I talked to counselor but I didn’t mention anything about my situation. I just told that I was depressed and not thinking clearly. Everyday that went by I start imagining myself as a woman and it aroused me to masturbate at least 1 time everyday. Then to catch up to this day, back in 2021 I found the rewire companion forum. I knew that I could not be judged by these people on here. So if to inform yes I still have Autogynephilia but I am overcoming this obstacle as well.

To change things differently I haven’t thought of being a woman for 42 days straight now. I will also like to thank you for listening to what I had to say.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep up the fight and know that our redeemer lives.

3 Likes
9

I appreciate your bravery in telling your story, Brother. Even in anonymity, it can be hard to let it out, but I’m glad you did. I’m very proud of you for making it 42 days thus far by the grace of God! You’re definitely an inspiration to me! God bless you in your fight, Brother!

2 Likes
10

September 11, 2024 Wednesday

Day 43

Okay I want to tell you more about me after age 16. In 2007 I joined the Navy and was released 5 months after. I thought during that time I could repress my thoughts. But around 3 months in the Navy I had those thoughts again. I got very angry at another sailor and almost committed suicide. I talked to a counselor during my time in the Navy, but I still didn’t tell them my situation.

So to go a little further in my life, I did sleep with a night gown that (of course) was a woman’s. I enjoyed sleeping in that for about a week. Then I threw it away. Then I bought a bra that fit me but I didn’t make any fake breast. I also bought panties that fit me as well. Then I did something that was also embarrassing I bought a dress (nothing fancy mind you) just a plain dress. Yes and also bought some pantyhose.

To began a little further I tried on these things behind closed doors. Then I knew something was missing. Then I went and bought a whole makeup kit and nail polish. Then I went home to try this again. Then something strange inside of me aroused me. I never did go out in public like this because I was embarrassed.

Then a little bit I further on I went to church and talked to a pastor about this (yes I finally spoke up about my problem). The pastor directed me to Deuteronomy 22:5 and then I understood what was going on inside of me. I went home that day and threw away all of my feminine clothes. I thought it was over.

Then a few years later back I was 32 it all started back over. (Mind you I supposed to have been a Christian since 1996.) so I bought everything again and started looking up sissy schools on the internet. I was excepted at one of the schools as Carrie Leatherwood and then I changed my mind. I seen the stuff that they do there and it grossed me out.

Now at age 36 I found Rewire companion forum and knew that this could help me. So I created a name that was close to my belief and it would have been Believe_100% but the forum wouldn’t accept the % symbol. So I went with Believe_100 that was close enough. Yes during that time at age 36 through 38 I have uninstalled this app several times. But when I got back to this app I found @user1234567890 and he help me along the way alot.

Well just wanted to let you know my life story. We are all caught up now and I haven’t thought about it for at least 43 days now.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our redeemer lives.

2 Likes
11

Brother, I can say the same for you! You’ve been a great help to me! You’ll never know this side of eternity just how much you’ve helped me! One day, I know that God will let you see, and reap the rewards for your service for Him! God Bless You In Your Fight, Brother!

2 Likes
12

September 12, 2024 Thursday

Day 44

I know that some of you think that I still don’t think about it but I do. In case you are wondering NO I am not gay. Back then I wanted to just be a woman. Now I just dream about it. Like this morning about 2:32am I woke up from a peaceful sleep and the thoughts rushed through my head. No I didn’t give in and I didn’t give up. I am still trying by the grace of God to erase these thoughts. I ask the Lord in the name of Jesus to help me go back to sleep and He did.

I am 44 days clean from masturbating and I feel great. I feel like Superman today that I can conquer anything I set my mind to. I am getting stronger in resisting these urges and controlling my actions. Don’t think just do. What that means to me is don’t think about masturbating just do whatever you set your mind to.

I am taking this time that I have masturbated and using it for something productive. At this stage things are just a little bit harder but manageable. I pray that I will by the grace of God that I will make it to day 60. After that day it will be a whole lot easier.

God is good all the time and all the time God is good. This reminds me of a song from the Gaither Vocal Band. Here are the lyrics:

God is good, yes He is
He’s good all the time
God is good, you know He is
He’s good all the time
You can search the whole world over
No greater friend you’ll find
He’s not good just once in a while
He’s good all the time
God is good, yes He is
He’s good all the time
God is good, you know He is
He’s good all the time
You can search the whole world over
No greater friend you’ll find
He’s not good just once in a while
He’s good all the time
Now, we’ve all had friends who’ve let us down
You know what I’m talking about
At the very first sign of trouble
They’re nowhere to be found
Well, Jesus stays when others go
He’ll never leave your side
He’s your friend in stormy weather
'Cause He’s good all the time
God is good, yes He is
He’s good all the time
God is good, don’t you know He is
He’s good all the time
You can search the whole world over
No greater friend you’ll find
He’s not good just once in a while
He’s good all the time
Well, He’s the one you call in the middle of the night
When your body moans with pain
Don’t worry about that wayward child
'Cause He heard you call his name
He’ll put food in your kitchen
When you don’t have a dime
He’s not good just now, and then
He’s good all the time
Well, God is good, yes He is
He’s good all the time
God is good, you know He is
He’s good all the time
You can search the whole world over
No greater friend you’ll find
He’s not good just once in a while
He’s good all the time
Well, God is good, yes He is
He’s good all the time
God is good, you know He is
He’s good all the time
You can search the whole world over
No greater friend you’ll find
He’s not good just once in a while
He’s good all the time
You can search the whole world over
No greater friend you’ll find
He’s not good just once in a while
He’s good all the time

Well that’s all for now. God bless y’all and don’t give up. Keep fighting and know that our redeemer lives.

2 Likes
13

Oh one more thing I forgot to tell all of you that reads this journal that sometime in the next week or so I will be creating a challenge called No Nut October for those who can’t make it past 30 days. Even if you have some days already added is okay as well.

2 Likes
14

I’ve heard that song, and I love it! Indeed He is good all the time! :blush: God bless you Brother!

1 Like
15

Count me in! Let me know when you put it up! :+1:

1 Like
16

September 13,2024 Friday Day 45

I am not much for writing a dairy but I want to keep myself accountable. I have been thinking about relapsing a lot today. I have been able to control my urges and not given in. I will remain clean and pure. My thoughts for today is don’t give up. I have been watching a movie to get my mind off these urges. They are manageable but sometimes painful. @user1234567890 I thank you for praying for me. @MrSam105 I thank you for praying for me as well.

I very well will not accept my dream that I have had last night. I can and I will by the grace of God overcome this. The battle is never over even at this stage. It is like climbing a mountain and never reaching the top. Complete the day I say and it will get better.

For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world but that the world through him might be saved. I’ve had this verse on my mind all day and it is John 3:17. I don’t know if anyone has heard Jesus cry but I have heard it. Every time that I relapsed I always heard someone crying. (No I haven’t relapsed) But anyway I had to look around and see who was crying. Then I remembered John 11:35 Jesus wept. Even Jesus cry’s when we do something terrible.

That is the main reason why I haven’t relapsed in this length of time. Believe me I don’t want to hear Jesus crying again. I would rather see a smile on His face when I conquer these urges. Now in case you are wondering I haven’t tried on no feminine clothes during this time. I have been thinking about it but I don’t want to. Deuteronomy 22:5 KJV The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. Now I want to give that verse in Easy-to-Read Version Deuteronomy 22:5 ERV A woman must not wear men’s clothes, and a man must not wear women’s clothes. That is disgusting to the LORD your God.

So to clarify it is disgusting for a man to wear women’s clothes. The devil right now is hopping mad at me right now but I don’t care. I would rather see Jesus smiling down on me and congratulating me. That’s all for now.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our redeemer lives.

1 Like
17

We’ll continue to keep you in our prayers in the days ahead. :pray: I know that a dream can really mess with you sometimes. But just keep remembering that we serve One who is greater than our dreams! “For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.” (1 John 3:20) God Bless You, Brother!

1 Like
18

September 14, 2024 Saturday Day 46

Hey everyone, it is me again. I just want to let everyone know that I am very tired at this stage. I ain’t weak or nothing just sleeping harder at night. it is like a feel good kind of sleep. Like when God put Adam to sleep for his first surgery. I feel a still tired during the day though. Quitting this has drained me but I will remain strong.

Enough of negativity time for some positivity. Well day 46 and still here. I haven’t had that dream last night that I dreamed the other night. I asked God last night if He would remove all evil spirits from my room and He did. Praise the Lord, Amen, Hallelujah. I feel tired today but I feel like I can accomplish something. I ain’t doing much today just sitting around with friends and family. I finally stole away to take the time to write in my journal.

Yeah I have friends and family over on the weekend sometimes but not all the time. I talk to my Mama more than I do my Papa. I tell her everything that is going on in my life except for my condition. That is the one thing I keep from her. We sit and talk about the Bible and growing up. Well to get back to my situation here I have family on this forum as well no one judge me of condition.

Now I know what you are wondering why don’t I tell my mother about my situation. Because I can’t, she wouldn’t understand my condition. She is my mother and you know what a Christian Mother would do. I do especially. I don’t want to have to go through that again. I don’t want to relapse either. Well it was nice talking to all of y’all.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our redeemer lives.

1 Like
19

September 16, 2024 Day 48

Okay I am glad that I missed yesterday I tell you how my day went the following day. Yesterday I went to church and the pastor preached on a message that hit home to me. I was thinking about that message yesterday and I want to tell you.

The pastor was telling us about the entrapment of sin and the beginning of sin. Eve was tempted by the serpent and gave it to Adam. Adam could have said no but he didn’t. God knew that this was going to happen in the beginning before he created the world. We must all say no to temptation and look to Jesus for help.

Have y’all ever thought about what Jesus did for us? Jesus died for our sins. He was the perfect Lamb of God sent to this world to teach love and kindness and everyone ridiculed His teachings. Even the soldiers mocked Him and spat in His face.

So to continue the day I went to Clayton and visited some people in the nursing home. I was there most of the day and I had a chance to teach my own message to these people. I taught about love and forgiveness through Jesus Christ. I don’t know if you have heard this verse or not but if your brother sins against you seven times forgive him seventy times.

I had a very great day yesterday even though I was nervous teaching these elderly people. They didn’t seem to mind and they thanked me afterwards. Well when I got home I was thinking about the challenge for you folks and it hit me. I was in the Navy for only 5 months and the ranks is what I could use to motivate you guys or girls. So this morning I put it all together and some of you have already signed up. God bless ya’ll. That is all for now.

God bless ya’ll and don’t give up. Keep fighting and know that our redeemer lives.

1 Like
20

That’s great that you got to help teach some of the people in the nursing home! I think that’s a ministry that’s often forgotten about, because a lot of those people are “out of sight, out of mind”. I know that God will bless you for what you did for them!

21

September 17, 2024 Tuesday Day49

Yesterday wasn’t all that bad because I helped an elderly lady out yesterday. Can you believe that she is 95 years old. I cleaned her fence off and then stayed with her until 10:50am. Then I went home and done nothing until 5:00pm. I worked on a roof till about 8:45pm. Didn’t do much yesterday to be worth talking about. Well I will say this I am glad that I created this challenge to motivate me as well.

God bless ya’ll and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our redeemer lives.

1 Like