Wow! God has blessed her with many years! The only person I know anywhere near that age is an elderly preacher that visits our church, and he just turned 92. Sounds like were working on opposite parts of the house: youâre working on the roof, and Iâm working on flooring right now! 
God Bless You, Brother! Keep fighting the good fight, and keep looking to Jesus!
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September 18, 2024 Wednesday Day 50
Hello everyone I didnât do much today. I had a strong urge this morning but I did exercise this morning to overcome the urge. Today has been a wonderful day because @The_Rising_One helped me fix my challenge and it does look better. Most of the day starting at 8:00am I sat with this elderly lady again until 11:15am. Then from there I have been working on the challenge to make it look better.
Well didnât do much today. God bless yâall and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our redeemer lives.
2 Likes
September 20, 2024 Friday Day 52
Dear Journal
I am writing this to let you know that I have had a wonderful day. I have been watching YouTube today. A classic NASCAR race. I donât watch the newer races because they have to many rules.
Okay I want to let you know that I will begin a challenge for myself. I will start on Monday starting with reading books. I will tell you my suggestion on Sunday and I also will start listening to music and watching movies that are appropriate. I have this calling as well to be a witness for Christ. I am nervous about doing this but I must remember 2 Timothy 2:7 KJV For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
I am 52 days clean and still going strong. @user1234567890 and I have decided to challenge each other and I hope and pray that he doesnât give in. If anyone is ready this and you want to know how to recieve Christ message me and let me know. I had a few slight urges but I havenât given up. I know that at this stage I am clear minded and no brain fog. I know that the battle is still there but I must remain strong.
God bless yâall and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our redeemer lives.
September 21, 2024 Saturday Day 53
Dear Journal
I donât have much to say tonight but I will update my collection of books, music and videos tomorrow night. I pray that yâall keep praying for me. The battle is never over it just gets more and more easier as the days go by.
The devil is a liar and I say that in the name of Jesus Christ.
God bless yâall and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our redeemer lives.
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I canât wait to see the books and music and videos that youâve picked out for next week! 
Iâm excited for you! Iâm praying for you! Donât give up! Just remind the devil of that place that God has for him one of these days! Thereâs a lake of fire thatâs waiting for him, and thereâs a glorious heaven for Godâs children! God bless you, Brother!
Hey @Prayer_Warrior and @user1234567890 , I really appreciate that you guys have shown courage to let everything out and fight your demons. Tbh I was not even aware that people can feel that way, so I apologize if I come off as insensitive to your problems. I just wanted to share something with you that might help, so came here. Much like you I had my fantasies too, always being attracted to very athletic, curvaceous women in movies, etc. But our imaginations often donât align with reality. The only girl I have ever truly had feelings turned out to be an average Indian girl, who happens to be slightly chubby and Idk if she even has curves, I never even cared about that part irl. So, I feel that when the right person comes, we forget about all our fantasies and phillias, which are nothing but a result of things around us and our own habits and practices. So guys, stay strong, you can definitely overcome your challenges. My best wishes to both of you.
2 Likes
September 22, 2024 Sunday
Day 54
Okay guy I told you about a challenge for myself. I will do this challenge for about 2 weeks. I have chosen my movies and books and music. I think that I will continue even after 2 weeks. I have already completed the Bible over and over so many times I canât seem to put it down. The Bible is my favourite book though. So I will begin with my list.
Now for my pick of movies Jesus of Nazareth 1977. (I know that yâall are thinking why that one). The movie is 6 hours and 22 minutes long.
Now for my pick of books I have chosen something that depicts the end times. It is a series so it might take me a while. The Left Behind series is a good series to read because I already read them one time in school but now I want to read them as an adult.
Now the list of music might bore you but this is my list.
Good Morning Mercy - Jason Crabb is a cd that I bought the other day and it looks like there might be some good songs to listen to.
WOW Hits 2019 this CD has at least 30 various artists to listen to. Itâs over 2 hours worth music to listen to.
Now this might seem weird but I found this album stashed in my bedroom not opened. There is Hope - Josh and Ashley Franks is a CD that lifts me up.
Now I have one more CD that I would like to share with you.
Firm Foundation - Selah is a good album to listen to. I have a lot of Selah albums.
That is my list and thank everyone on this forum for taking the time to listen to me.
God Bless yâall and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.
1 Like
Sounds like youâve got some good choices for your challenge! You know, Iâve never read any of the Left Behind books, but Iâve heard a lot of people say that theyâre really good. I may have to check them out for myself! God Bless You, Brother!
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September 23, 2024 Monday
Day 55
Okay guys I told you about my self challenge yesterday and I read 3 chapters of the first book. The book is interesting to read and I like it so far. Today was a little busy, I hung drywall today until 10am. Then after dinner I put some shingles on a roof. I still have urges at this stage but they are manageable. I have thought and thought today about my condition and I shouldnât have. (No I havenât relapsed). I want to but I donât want to start from the beginning again. Autogynephilia is hard to deal with but I know Jesus can help me. @user1234567890 is helping me stay strong and I God that he is around.
Thank yâall for listening.
God bless yâall and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.
1 Like
Day 55! 
Thatâs really good!
I understand what you mean. Even now, I still find my mind wanting to drift towards macrophilia. But Jesus is greater than either one of our âphiliasâ! Itâs like @Kanzo is always saying, âJesus is worth more than sin!â Hang in there Brother! Our labor is not in vain in the Lord! God bless you!
2 Likes
September 24, 2024 Tuesday
Day 56
I have been thinking about the future and look beyond myself. I see a better person in the future that serves the Lord and worships His Holy Name. I know that I canât predict the future but I can at least hope.
Now that I see this I pray that I donât fail. I believe everyone can accomplish this task if they take the time to assess the situation. I know that th battle is never over but at least it will be easier. I still think about the past and my Autogynephilia phase. I will not and I am not going back to that again. As God is my witness I have covenanted that I will be better.
Now I want to paraphrase something for you. Say that a heroin addict tried to quit all by himself/herself they canât do it. So they must ask for help of others. Same way with masturbation addict he/she mis ask for help. I know that I am just rambling but that is my opinion.
Now I want you to know about my self challenge. I am reading the books and listening to the music selection. I havenât got to the movie yet but eventually I will.
@user1234567890 has failed but I hope that he doesnât give up. We all make mistakes but we must challenge ourselves to a certain amount but donât overdo it.
2 Timothy 1:7 KJV For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
I must be a witness for the kingdom of God and not be so nervous. My witness is that back on 1996 I got saved by the grace of God. But my life was still not right with God between then and now. I thought back then that I could serve God and serve the devil at the same time. I thought back then that I could go to church on Sunday and be wicked through the week. But that was not so. I must serve God whole heartedly and get my life back on track.
Well anyway I must fight and never give up. I can and I will not give up hope. I know that my Redeemer lives. The word impossible means Iâm possible. Nothing is impossible with God nothing. Thank you God for saving me and dieing on the cross for my sins.
God bless yâall and donât give up hope. Just keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.
2 Likes
September 25, 2024 Wednesday
Day 57
I have been praying all day for @user1234567890. I havenât done much today because it has been raining. I have this thought that has been haunting me all day. Autogynephilia is hard to deal with but I will not give in. I know my Jesus will set me free. I have been reading my books today. I havenât watched the movie yet though I will get to it eventually.
Well God bless yâall and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.
1 Like
September 26, 2024 Thursday
Day 58
Okay Brotherâs I want to tell you a little more about myself. Several years ago I was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimerâs. I tend to forget a lot of things. I also am diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. So I do have a lot of problems. I had the compulsion to masturbate once every day. So I diagnosed that as compulsion disorder. So there is a lot wrong with me, but when I get to heaven nothing will be wrong with me.
Brotherâs I told you I had a self challenge I want to add three more movies to my collection. Now I know what your thinking âwhy change the list.â I have changed it because I wanted to. So the list of movies I have selected are Iron Man 1,2,3.
You say âwhy this selectionâ because I believe that we all can stand against our problems and face our fears. I am still reading the books I have selected and the books are pretty good to read.
I have a calling from God to witness to you Brotherâs and I donât know how to tell you about my love for Christ. @PrDr was offended and I have apologized to him. If anyone knows how I can tell you on this forum how to accept the Lord I am open to suggestions? @Kanzo has been reading his Bible but sometimes he is distracted. I understand if he gets distracted because sometimes I get distracted.
God bless yâall and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.
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Brother, thatâs what keeps me going! To quote from an old song:
Weâre nearing Caananâs happy shore,
Our home so bright and fair,
Thank God weâll never sin again,
Thereâll be no sorrow there!
Good choice of movies, BTW! I love the Iron Man movies! 
God Bless You, Brother!
2 Likes
I am not offended brother. Do not think that way. I love you guys, and I hope only the best for you. I just wanted to clarify that Iâm not Christian, so that nobody here is confused owing to the way I talk sometimes.
As for your problems with Alzheimerâs and bipolar, Iâm really sorry to hear that. You are really a hero who is not only overcoming his addiction but several other challenges in life. Since Iâve been in research earlier, there were a few works that I went through in which it was inferred that many a times, curing your addiction helps greatly in improving memory and mental strength. While reading the book âmiracle morningâ, I also learned that its author Hal Elrod was battling permanent brain damage after his brutal accident, making his memory so weak that he could hardly even remember people visiting him in hospital 10 mins ago. That is when he took the route of meditation, affirmations, journaling and visualizations. Today, he not only has an impeccable memory but also a business empire and a best-selling book to his name.
You are already praying everyday brother, so do not doubt that God is by your side. You will overcome everything. Stay strong and do not pull yourself down with small things like offending me. Weâre all in this together.
Thank you Brother for that encouragement, I had to read it several times before I could answer. I will stay strong. I know now that I have my opinion and you have your opinion. But I will start listening to your opinions as well. I respect you and what you do hear to help everyone. Thank you Brother.
2 Likes
September 28, 2024 Saturday
Day 60
Hello guys I am here telling you what I have thought about. I have been thinking that I am a woman again. I have these thoughts again and I must stop. Even at this stage the battle is still hard. I am fighting and the only person I can trust is @user1234567890 about my problem. He is not available at the moment and I miss him terribly. (No he is not dead). He is just unavailable at the moment because he has no power and no internet in his location.
So if anyone on this forum would like to talk to me and try to understand my problem please feel free to dm me. I am still challenging myself to write in this journal. @MrSam105 you might seem like a good friend and understand what I am going through. @MrSam105 if you want to talk just dm me.
@Kanzo I need your help too. I donât want to fall and I donât want to give up either. I need someone to talk to and I need help. God please help me! I ask in the name of Jesus remove satan and his demonic fantasyâs from my mind.
God bless yâall and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.
2 Likes
I have been reading over your journal, and I think I understand your situation a little better now. I really should spend more time in this forum paying attention to other people than myselfâŚ
I have had some temptations toward autogynephilia myself at times. Not as severe as what you have gone through, but the temptation isnât entirely foreign to me.
You are blessed though in the connection that you seem to have with the Lord.
2 Likes
September 29, 2024 Sunday
Day 61
Dear Dairy,
I havenât had any urges today. I just past the 60 mark today. I have had a wonderful day today. I started having church on Monday so I will tell everyone about that tomorrow. I just everyone to know that prayed for me thank you. @MrSam105 thank you. @Kanzo thank you. God bless yâall. Thank yâall for for understanding my problem. Sometimes I have good and bad days and sometimes I just want hide in a hole somewhere.
I am still doing my self Challenge to try to control these urges. I havenât done much reading today. But I have watched Iron Man 1,2,3 Friday Saturday and Sunday. I want to add more movies to my collection and I think they might be good. **Jaws 1,2,3,4 I heard was a good movie to watch.
I wanted to add these movies because I am continuing my challenge until October 31, 2024. I think that this challenge will be good for me to do myself.
I havenât found any new music but I have listened to some of music on my challenge list. Now I know that some of you donât understand why I am continuing this is because I believe that this can help me be more productive in every thing that I do. I have started waking up early in the morning to study Godâs Word. I have been doing this for about a week now and I have been feeling better about this. Most of the time I have urges in the morning so that is the reason I started getting up early. I am just rambling on and on I know. I started taking extra virgin olive oil before I go to bed. I thank yâall for listening.
God bless yâall and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.
2 Likes
September 30, 2024 Monday
Day 62
Hello everyone,
I had a wonderful day today. I went to church today and the message was about How People Dishonor Christ. Some people take Jesus for granted and the people of His time did not like him. That is the point of the message.
@PrDr has given me a suggestion to meditate and be mindful of my surroundings. Now I have found a verse on meditate Joshua 1:8 (KJV) This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.
Thankfully, I have found in the Bible that it has a lot to say about calming our minds and keeping a vertical focus on the One who lovingly created us and knows us intimately.
The apostle Paul reminds Christians that theyâre called to be mindful and live with an awareness of the present
Philippians 2:1-5 (KJV)
If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,
Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
Prayer is one very practical way Christians apply mindfulness to daily life
1 Thessalonians 5:17 (KJV)
Pray without ceasing.
Meditation appears in the Bible in the context of spending time studying the Word of God
Psalms 48:9 (KJV)
We have thought of thy lovingkindness, O God, in the midst of thy temple.
Psalms 63:6 (KJV)
When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.
We should look to Jesus and think about true, admirable things
Hebrews 12:2 (KJV)
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Philippians 4:8 (KJV)
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Christians shouldnât let themselves to be distracted by worry about the future
Matthew 6:25-34 (KJV)
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Scripture teaches us to âtake every thought captiveâ
2 Corinthians 10:5 (KJV)
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
Paul tells us to âbe transformedâ by renewing our minds
Romans 12:2 (KJV) And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
and to practice God-honoring thoughts
Philippians 4:9 (KJV)
Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
So in conclusion I say all Christians should be meditating on the word of the Lord and have a clear mind to focus on what He has to say.
God bless yaâll and donât give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.
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