Preachers Dreams (Autogynephilia Files) [38 M] 🔒 (no more activity)

Journal
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October 02, 2024 Wednesday

Day 64

Hello everyone I am back for more. I want to let everyone know that I missed a day because I was calming myself down. I have finally learned to control my urges and when was does come I just laugh at it. I now this sounds silly but this is the way I have found to overcome my urges. Thankfully I haven’t had any strong urges today but I I feel like I am getting better.

I feel like a heroin addict trying to overcome these urges but I just completed 64 days clean. I am watching a movie as I write this. Yes it is one of my challenge movies. Jesus of Nazareth is a great movie to watch cause it tells of the birth of Jesus and the ministry of Jesus and the death of Jesus and the resurrection of Jesus. I like watching is every once in awhile because it tells of my Lord.

I have listened to my music on my challenge but not all of them. I have settled down my dopamine levels by listening to my music and exercising. I have been also taking warm baths and that has helped as well. I haven’t thought about or considered relapsing because I don’t want to start back at zero. I haven’t heard from @user1234567890 in a while and I wonder if he is okay. Everyone pray for @user1234567890 because he is without power in his location.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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Yeah, I wondered about @user1234567890. I think his area was hit with the storm.

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October 03, 2024 Thursday

Day 65

Hello everyone I have been thinking today about my condition. I shouldn’t have but I brought it to mind because I have been surrendering this to the Lord. I made a covenant with God today that I will give everything of my life to him. I have surrendered my life to the Lord. Now that I have given my life to God I feel better. I don’t know if things will get better or not but I must struggle to survive.

I have finished my movie challenge and that was a long movie. I want to share something with everybody that has helped me along the way. Pixy Mood Tracker is an app that helps you track your mood for the day and asked if you have done anything for today that needs be written.

Screenshot_20240808-203534
Screenshot_20240808-203534720×1600 69 KB

It is a great app to track your mood. Here is the link to download Pixy Mood Tracker.

https://apkpure.com/pixy-mood-tracker/com.devmood.pixymoodtracker/download

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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October 04, 2024 Friday

Day 66

Hello everyone how is everyone today? Me personally I am doing great. I want everyone to know that even though I made it this far I will not be over confident at this stage. I know that if I set my standards to high then everything will fall. My life has been up to this point but I just need to step back and weigh my options on what I should do with my life. I must be more productive with my free time.

Now on a personal note I have gotten a message from @user1234567890 and this is what he wants his friends @Kanzo, @MrSam105, and @Jasonforwin to know.

We’re still without power and signal at the house right now, but we’re all safe. I did manage to get a generator yesterday, so we’re able to keep our refrigerator going again. But we’re doing alright right now. The place I work at got a lot of damage, so I’ve been out of work, but they’re still paying us, so that’s a blessing! Keep me in your prayers. My urges haven’t been as bad the past day or two. Tell @Kanzo, @MrSam105, and @Jasonforwin that I haven’t forgotten them either. I’m praying for all of y’all, and I miss y’all!

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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Thank you for letting us know about this
@Prayer_Warrior

It’s good to know He is fine. And also forgive me for my weakness in bible reading, these days I have been very very weak both spiritualy and physically, because of sickness caused by mosquitos.

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Thanks for the update, hopefully he will be back soon.

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October 06, 2024 Sunday

Day 68

Dear Journal,

I had a horrible day. I have been praying for redemption from this urge. I know that God works in mysterious ways and I know that he will help me. I have learned a prayer that is simple and not to hard to remember. God my Saviour is my Redeemer that is a simple prayer that solves all of my problems. I have been reading my books somewhat yesterday. I thank all of y’all for praying for me.

I started going to church on Monday instead of Sunday because I think it makes it more simpler for me. I just wonder what the preacher is going to preach about tomorrow. I know that this is odd for someone to go to church on Monday but it helps the elderly spend more time with there family on Sunday.
We sing a few Hymns and then the preacher preaches. I can’t wait for tomorrow.

Now friends @Kanzo, @MrSam105, and @Jasonforwin if I get any more messages from @user1234567890 I will type it here. So just keep praying for his community that they back to normal.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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I’m sorry you had a horrible day, but I hope that the church service you went to Monday was good! Don’t give up! You’re doing great! God bless you, Brother!

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October 08, 2024 Tuesday

Day 70

Dear Journal,

I am here again journal. I had a wonderful service yesterday the message was What Jesus said about sin and sinners. It was a great message from Matthew 9:2 KJV And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy; Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.

I had a wonderful day today because I did things for my mom today. The old lady that I help is reaching her time for going home to see Jesus. She didn’t eat much today but I will be happy when she goes. She will meet Jesus before I will. I heard somewhere that we our not to weep for the dead in Christ but rejoice for they are going home to see Jesus.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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I forgot to tell you this but starting tomorrow I will begin a 90 day journey. Even though my journal will say day 1 of 90 that doesn’t mean I have relapsed. It will have my days I haven’t relapsed so this is a journey that will begin starting tomorrow. Here is an example of how I will write my days:

Day 1 of 90
NoFap Streak: 71

I will take the time and write in my journal everyday for 90 days. So if I don’t have much to say forgive me for not saying much. I will try my best to write all of my thoughts down in this journal.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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October 09, 2024 Wednesday

Day 1 of 90
NoFap Streak: 71 Days

This journey can’t be taken lightly because I have decided to challenge myself a lot more. I still have good days and bad days but no matter what I will be strong. For those of you new to what I am doing is that I will write either my thoughts or prayers here. If it is a prayer that is okay by me. Now with the small talk out of the way I had a wonderful day today except for this headache. I got a little sunshine today working outside doing things that needed to be done. I am trying my best to be more productive in my everyday life. I think a lot more now than I used to. My mind is exploring with tons of information.

I have been praying that I will not give in to this urge that plagues me. It is nothing major just that Autogynephilia has tried to creep back in. I have gone this long without it I can do without 365 days. I know that my entry says “Day 1 of 90” but after 90 days I will add more days. Now to get back to the information contained in this entry I am challenging myself to abstain from Autogynephilia. I have been good today so far and haven’t had a chance to do so.

For all of you new to my journal entry “Autogynephilia is where a man thinks of himself as a woman”. I want to begin with the basic of my challenge I already wake up early so no problem there. I wake up at 4:05am every morning and would like to go to bed before 11pm. No problem there either. I go to at 9:52pm on Sunday Monday Tuesday and Thursday.
Then on Wednesday Friday and Saturday I go to bed at 10:52pm. So you see no problems either way.

Now for th challenge part I want to begin to study God’s Word every morning I wake up. Afterwards I want to do exercise. Then I want to fill out things that I put on this forum. Then I want at least once or twice listen to music. I have daily activities planned for myself already during the day so there is no problem there either. To begin this challenge I would like someone to keep me accountable. @MrSam105 or @user1234567890 also @Kanzo I would like for y’all to write a message in my journal that keeps me accountable to this challenge. Feel free to write questions or supply an answer.

Now the conclusion of this challenge is to better myself or relapse on an urge. Now I know what you are thinking “why relapse on an urge” because I sometimes did in the past and I don’t want to fail now. If I do fail in this challenge I will start back at 0 on the Nofap streak and the challenge days. So to begin the journey I will take the time to either write my prayers or thoughts in this forum.

Prayer
Gracious Heavenly Father, I pray that you will walk with me during this challenge. I know this will be trying times for me. I pray that my companions will understand what I am trying to tell them. I hope that they will keep me accountable during this challenge. Lord you are the Alpha and Omega the beginning and the end. The Author and Finisher of our faith. I pray that my faith will be strong in you and that I can trust and obey you everyday. I love you Lord and I lift my voice to worship you Lord. I ask all of this in the name of Jesus Christ, AMEN.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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October 10, 2024 Thursday
8:17pm Eastern Standard Time

Day 2 of 90
NoFap Streak: 72 Days

Hello everyone I ain’t got much to say tonight but I just wanted to let you know that I am still hanging in there. I haven’t given up hope yet and I don’t plan on it. I haven’t done much today in work wise but I did wake up early and I studied God’s Word and exercise today. Well that is all for now.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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Brother, we’ll do our best to keep you accountable, and encouraged!

Hey, don’t take that lightly! That’s a big part of the battle. Remember the Sword of the Spirit: The Word of God!

God Bless You, Brother!

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Getting a good start in the morning is probably very important. I usually try to read at least something in Scripture before I get out of bed. I haven’t gotten to the point where I feel like working out in the morning, but I do like to take a morning walk.

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October 11, 2024 Friday
7:00pm Eastern Standard Time

Day 3 of 90
NoFap Streak: 73 Days

This is going to get bored but I will tell you what I am thinking. The_Rising_One has helped me figure out what to do about my situation. I am not to act upon my fantasy but just keep these thoughts within my head. Let it become a part of me but don’t take action from my frame of mind. What I am saying is that my thoughts on Autogynephilia is to reside in my mind. I can think about it but don’t act upon it.

To do this I will have to control my urge to dress as a woman. So the thing that I am trying to say is that all my thoughts should not be acted upon. I am beginning to understand what it means to meditate upon my thoughts. I have been praying and seeking God for guidance on my situation and I have the answer. God wants me to think about this and change my attitude towards those that do so already have changed their bodies.

Here is the bottom line of things I am supposed to used these thoughts for the purpose of contr my urges. I have had no strong urges today because I have meditated upon these thoughts that have plagued me all these years. Be as it may I have the tendency to act as a woman but now I just let it be in my mind. This technique is useful for me because I don’t have to be what I am thinking.

Now to go into the future a little I plan to take the time to listen and focus on what my mind is telling me. My conscience will be my guide and God will control my soul. Control is key to keeping myself sane in this situation. Conflict of the mind will sometimes arouse my suspicion. The better of the two will always win. I have surrendered my life to God in what I have been seeking. God sent The_Rising_One to tell me what must take place only in my mind.

For others it might be something else triggering them to give in. My hope is that they find the trigger and don’t act but think about the trigger. My trigger was Autogynephilia, I can imagine myself as a woman but I don’t need to show it on the outside. Note that when you think about your trigger don’t be a condescending person and act upon that trigger.

Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that this journal entry will help those that have a trigger overwhelming them. I pray that you Lord will guide there heart in the right direction. God as I pray to you I pray that my life will be different from this day forward. Speak to my heart Lord and tell me what I must do. Guide my hands and feet in the truth of your love. I ask that you remove satan and his demonic possession from my mind, my heart, and my soul in the name of Jesus. I pray that all will fulfill your purpose in life. I pray that everyone on this forum will have the willpower and the what to attitude to remove this addiction from there mind. I ask all of this in the name of Jesus Christ, AMEN.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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Keep up the good fight, Brother! God will lead you into all truth! God bless you, Brother!

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October 12, 2024 Saturday
6:47pm Eastern Standard Time

Day 4 of 90
NoFap Streak: 74 Days

Hello it’s me again. I haven’t been working today, I have been thinking about how to master this thought process. I haven’t been honest with myself for a long time. I haven’t totally forgiven myself of the acts that I have done in the past. So to everyone here reading this journal entry I say now I forgive myself.

Let’s talk about forgiveness for the moment. Anyone that hasn’t forgiven themselves now is the time to do so. Believe that once you forgive yourself a light will shine through. Don’t hesitate to take the time and forgive others as well.

On another note believe that Jesus is the Redeemer and don’t give up. Hope is a blanket that covers all sins. Love is a light that outshines the sun. Faith is the size of a grain of a mustard seed. We must all walk by faith and not by sight. Jesus said with men things are impossible but with God all things are possible.

I build my hope in Jesus upon which the rock shall stand. Look at the cross daily and your sins will be washed away. I was watching YouTube today and I heard something that made a whole lot of sense. Jesus suffered for three and a half hours and the Father could not look at His Son, because all of our past, present, and future sins was upon Him.

Obadiah 1:21 (KJV) And saviours shall come up on mount Zion to judge the mount of Esau; and the kingdom shall be the LORD’S.

Prayer
Gracious Heavenly Father, I pray that I carry my cross daily. I want to sacrifice my life and surrender it all to you Lord. I want to be a witness for all the world to know you. I know that satan will try to persecute me and make me fall but I will not give in. I pray for those on this forum that they will see that you are the way, the truth, and the life. I ask this in the name of Jesus, AMEN.

God bless ya’ll and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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October 13, 2024 Sunday
7:09pm Eastern Standard Time

Day 5 of 90
NoFap Streak: 75 Days

I would like every one to know that I have had some minor urges today. I have not relapsed on these urges but I will stand strong in the Lord. In Hebrews 12:11 (KJV) Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. also in the ERV it make it more simple. Hebrews 12:11 (ERV) We don’t enjoy discipline when we get it. It is painful. But later, after we have learned our lesson from it, we will enjoy the peace that comes from doing what is right.

Being disciplined is very painful but it is worth it. There is a saying that I have learned in the Navy but now I use it for NoFap Suffer the Pain of Discipline or Suffer the Pain of Regret. Contemplating on this thought makes me stronger to resist the urge. Be it as it may I still have battles at this stage. However the urges are not as strong as they used to be. I am still in the flat line stage but I hope to accomplish the God mode.

Now in conclusion I have the battle of the urges down but not controllable. The ultimate goal in my life is to be what God would have me be. It is placed upon my heart that God wants me to be a witness for the world. I must accept this and begin the quest of talking to others. So I will say a prayer for those that are beginning to start this journey. God bless.

John 10: 11 (KJV) I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

Prayer
Father in the name of Jesus Christ forgive me for not resisting temptation.Father forgive me for getting pleasure from this sin. Forgive me for everything that is unforgiven now. I am so sorry God. Father close those doorways and break all legal grounds that demons and spirits are using to harm me. I take authority now over all forces of evil and sexual demons harming me now and I destroy your connections to my mind, subconscious, emotions, sexual organs,dreams, past memories, past sins, desires, eyes, will in my stomach and I destroy your connection to my want and sastisfaction and desire for pleasures now in the name of Jesus. I cast out now all demons of incubus, succubus,Eldora, mare, demons of masturbation and I demand you to leave me now in the name of Jesus. I break now all evil connections attaching to all parts of me and I command you to leave me now and go to the pit in the name of Jesus you are powerless and harmless against me. Your assignment is broken cancelled and destroyed in the name of Jesus Christ who died for my sins. Father please destroy all evil links to me now I have not named. Lord please unhook and remove all remaining demonic attachments to me now in the name of Jesus Christ. Father God take the holy spirit fire and burn all evil impressions,connections, implantations, and residues the evil has left behind and remove them from me now God. God please remove all evil connections to visions,memories, images, pleasures, past experiences things I have seen or thought and burn it all now in Jesus’s name, burn in Jesus’s name, burn in Jesus’s name.

Leave me now leave all parts of me go out now in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Lord burn now all evil openings connections, ties, and chords thru which this evil is coming now in the name of Jesus. Burn in Jesus’s name, Burn in Jesus’s name, Burn in Jesus’s name. Through the Name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, Amen.

God bless y’all and don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and know that our Redeemer lives.

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October 14, 2024
7:43pm Eastern Standard Time

Day 6 of 90
NoFap Streak: 76 Days

It’s harder to stay on top than it is to make the climb.

I have the tendency now to be overconfident. I don’t want to be overconfident because I know that I will fail. I just want to step back now and slow down to a crawl. I know that I must be very sensitive to every action that rambles through my mind.

For this technique to work I must find a reason to be not overconfident. As I fight this feeling I must not give in. God will help me along the way not to be overconfident. Exactly now I must put my faith in Jesus to not lose my confidence. I don’t want go back to 0 either.

So in conclusion of all this place your trust in the Lord to help you overcome this urge to be overconfident. Don’t be overconfident because it will tear you apart.

Matthew 16:17 (KJV) And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-jona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven.

Prayer
Dear heavenly Father, I pray that I do not be overconfident in my choices. Help me to overcome my overconfident attitude. I pray that you Lord will be with me every step of the way. God I pray for my attitude to change. I ask in the name of Jesus you remove these terrible thoughts of being overconfident in my head. I ask this in the name of Jesus, AMEN.

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October 15, 2024 Tuesday
7:53pm Eastern Standard Time

Day 7 of 90
NoFap Streak: 77 Days

The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed

Well I did it, God finally took away the overconfident attitude by the grace of God. Take the time to listen to your heart and stop receiving the lies of the devil.
Well I am not convinced that I will always be strange but I will be confident enough to resist the urge to relapse.

Well don’t have much to say tonight. Just don’t be overconfident in your attitude.

And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

Prayer
I thank you Lord for not letting me be overconfident I’m my attitude. I pray for @user1234567890 at this time that he has relapsed. I pray that he will be feeling your presence Lord. Lord I pray that @user1234567890 not be overconfident in his actions. Lord I thank you for @user1234567890 for him to be an encouragement to me. I ask this in the name of the Father and Son and Holy Ghost, AMEN.

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