Comingclean's [24 F] diary&thoughts | habits • stress • notes

07.13. Daily habits:

  • praying/Bible reading :heavy_check_mark: Psalms 31, 32
  • planning the next day :heavy_check_mark:
  • keeping in touch with my friends :grey_exclamation:
  • sleeping: 8 hours
  • translating articles: :grey_exclamation:
  • working on thesis: :heavy_check_mark: 5hours
  • reading my books: :heavy_check_mark:

Habits to track weekly:

  • running at least once a week :grey_exclamation:
  • trying a new recipe :grey_exclamation:
  • writing in my paper diary

Notes:
Today I realized I have to start using my paper calendar again because I have more and more things to do and I forgot something today.
I worked on my thesis today :v:
I also want to track my days hour to hour again. This is a quite good tip to improve productivity, it worked for me before. :raised_hands:

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Psalms 31 - I like this one because it’s about forgiveness :raised_hands:

Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!

Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!

When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long.

Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Interlude

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt.

I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord .” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Interlude

Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.

For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Interlude

The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.

Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.”

Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.

So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!

Psalms 32:1‭-‬11 NLT
https://bible.com/bible/116/psa.32.1-11.NLT

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Hi everyone, I’m back again. I had highs and lows in past months. Good thing is that somebody started a blog on PMO addiction of women in my church. I contacted her and she helps me a lot.
I’m going to write more about it later. :blush:

Currently, I’m trying to understand the deeper issues behind my addiction.

I missed you a lot.

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You went away in middle of covid 19 and you are a nurse.You should have posted once a week. What’s your streak?

Welcome back… :blush:
tenor

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Welcome back sister. We are all together in this. Anything is possible Infront of the invincible human will. Lets go :checkered_flag::checkered_flag::muscle::muscle:

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‘Fragments’ - Diary of the last twoish weeks and more

In November, I started to go running (again) because of my mental health. I was stressed and overwhelmed due to the Covid-situation. I had sleeping problems, I couldn’t sleep for three weeks so I had to use some drugs to rest in the night. (I took Zolpidem)
Running 5 km three times a week helped a lot, I felt much more better. I ran 60 kms in December. (outside)
I used the app Adidas Running and noticed that the way it’s structured really helped me to reach my weekly goals. (I can’t write down exactly because I can’t find the words right now)

Anyway, because of this app, I downloaded another one where I can write down daily/weekly goals. It’s really good, you can set a timer on activities if your goal is to pray 15 minutes a day or check-in activities and so much more. It tracks your streaks, too. (it’s called Timecap)

About a months ago, I deciceded to try a new thing to prevent relapses. I created two check-in tasks: in the morning I had to DECIDE to say no to PMO today. (In other words making affirmations.) and in the evening I checked a box with a title ‘PERSISTENCE’ when I remain free.

I don’t know why, but with this method I didn’t felt that unbearable pain when I relapsed. Maybe because I had a new box to check the day after.

About a week ago I stopped tracking the ‘Decide’ one beacuse things got easier. If I’m gonna have more urges, I’ll track it again.

Beside that, having a real-life helper is such a blessing. She’s ten years older than me, has way more experience and knowledge about this addiction than me. She’s empathetic and for the first time in my life (big words) I feel that someone understands the struggles I’m facing. It’s really powerful.

When we first talked about two weeks ago, I realized that one of my main problems is the feeling of abandonment and the feeling of being misunderstood. (My father left our family when I was 2 years old and we didn’t keep in touch with him, maybe this can be the root of it, who knows?) Realizing these things helps to focus on the real problems because most of the times PMO addiction is a symptom in case of girls. It’s slightly different from men’s addiction.

I read a lot these days: the news, novels, textbooks :grin:

I left Instagram about two months ago. I miss it sometimes because of the social interactions but in general I’m happy about my desicion.
Probably because I don’t see a lot of people I don’t even know on this platform, I started to remember and think about people like my high school classmates and I texted some of them. It’s a great experience.

Sorry about the fragmented thoughts. I need to get used to form sentences in English again. :blush:

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Whoa sis, it’s awesome to see you back again! Glad to see you begin writing again-I always remember loving your persistent updates. That pair of white snickers on dp that keeps popping up? Unforgettable :joy:

I agree with what you said. Don’t worry, He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Psalm 103:13: “The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.”

All the very best!

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That’s what I don’t like , that men who leave their wife and family , for some fuckin reason …

Ur really strong , after huge setback ur doing well, really happy to know that .This PMO problem is then fuckin nothing in front of u .

Keep going :fire::fire::fire:

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Thank you for your reply!
Intimacy disorders - yes, it’s pretty accurate! Thanks for sharing!

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(I updated the blog’s title, because I’m 24. My birthday was in summer, but I’ve just noticed that I forgot to update it.)

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Happy very belated birthday!

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Heyho,

I’ve heard about a great series of Jesus and his disciples, it’s called ‘The Chosen’.

I started it last week and I’m about to watch one or two episodes a week. We’ll see. :wink:

The first episode was really captivating, the actors play surprisingly well and the story is well written: the whole concept is to show the evangelium from the perspective of every day people.

You can watch it within an app for free. (If you want to watch it online, you have to support the making of season 3) You can watch the trailer and the first episode here:

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Yeah this series is lit :fire: love the acting

Keep going! Happy birthday!
Obviously, I wished you late so that you can celebrate your birthday for longer X)

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‘We’re taking back our freedom
Our battle has been won
We have been liberated
Back from the dead, we’ve come’

Epic.

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Love that song!

Hmm… :sweat_smile:

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Hi guys,

Today I passed an important final exam. I spent 10 days to prepare for it, reading an almost 500 pages long textbook, twice.(size is between A/5 and A/4) It was difficult, but I asked my friends to pray for me and I could feel it. Usually, I get super stressed and frustrated but this time I could maintain to remain relatively relaxed and focused.

I don’t know the last time I completed an exam without relapsing during studying. And now I’m still on streak and got an A. :raised_hands:

At the weekend I had temptations and I was afraid that I couldn’t make it. At some point I knew that I had two choice: read the Bible right now or walk into the traps again.

So I started to read some chapters ot loud from the Psalms. (These are prayers.)

I read chapter 140 to 145.

Some verses in the 145 got me:

The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He hears their cry and saves them.
Psalms 145:8‭-‬9‭, ‬13‭-‬14‭, ‬17‭-‬19 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.145.8-19.NIV

I really needed the Lord’s help to overcome those urges, so cried out for his help and he got me. I was and I am super grateful for this. :heart:

Have hope, stay safe :blue_heart:

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Congratulations sister!

Stay strong in this battle​:muscle::heart:
I understand the pressure of studying and the temptation to have PMO while being tired.

I hope you always suceed!

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Hi guys. :wave:

This is day 31.

I feel great. I don’t have huge urges but the topic is still in the air.

I got my second shot of Pfizer today. I’m happy. I really want this pandemic to end and I feel one step closer. :blue_heart: (I have practices in hospitals so I got it pretty early)

I slept 2 hours in the afternoon and it was sooo relaxing. I slept like a baby. I really needed this, because I had a long, hard but succesful week.

Hope you’re alright.

Best wishes. :blush:

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You are lucky. I hope soon govt. will initiate the first stage of vaccination to elderly people. Much needed for them after the frontline worriers. I think you should take more rest.
Good Day!!

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Hi everyone,

This is day 40 if I’m correct. I uninstalled the app so I don’t know exactly. I’m writing from the web version now. I decided to uninstall it because it became like Facebook to me, I usually checked it at least once a day and spend time just browsing it, and because that I felt that I should let go this topic more. I plan to write here once a week/2 weeks. In case I relapse I’ll download the app again and restart the counter.

Some days I had temptations but I was able to manage them. I even can stop unwanted thoughts. I’m really happy because of this.

I speak with my helper every 1-2 weeks. It’s really helpful! I’m really grateful to have her. It’s so nice that I have somebody who accepts me and helps me and can give advice.

Hope you all get the help you need!

Best wishes.

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