‘Fragments’ - Diary of the last twoish weeks and more
In November, I started to go running (again) because of my mental health. I was stressed and overwhelmed due to the Covid-situation. I had sleeping problems, I couldn’t sleep for three weeks so I had to use some drugs to rest in the night. (I took Zolpidem)
Running 5 km three times a week helped a lot, I felt much more better. I ran 60 kms in December. (outside)
I used the app Adidas Running and noticed that the way it’s structured really helped me to reach my weekly goals. (I can’t write down exactly because I can’t find the words right now)
Anyway, because of this app, I downloaded another one where I can write down daily/weekly goals. It’s really good, you can set a timer on activities if your goal is to pray 15 minutes a day or check-in activities and so much more. It tracks your streaks, too. (it’s called Timecap)
About a months ago, I deciceded to try a new thing to prevent relapses. I created two check-in tasks: in the morning I had to DECIDE to say no to PMO today. (In other words making affirmations.) and in the evening I checked a box with a title ‘PERSISTENCE’ when I remain free.
I don’t know why, but with this method I didn’t felt that unbearable pain when I relapsed. Maybe because I had a new box to check the day after.
About a week ago I stopped tracking the ‘Decide’ one beacuse things got easier. If I’m gonna have more urges, I’ll track it again.
Beside that, having a real-life helper is such a blessing. She’s ten years older than me, has way more experience and knowledge about this addiction than me. She’s empathetic and for the first time in my life (big words) I feel that someone understands the struggles I’m facing. It’s really powerful.
When we first talked about two weeks ago, I realized that one of my main problems is the feeling of abandonment and the feeling of being misunderstood. (My father left our family when I was 2 years old and we didn’t keep in touch with him, maybe this can be the root of it, who knows?) Realizing these things helps to focus on the real problems because most of the times PMO addiction is a symptom in case of girls. It’s slightly different from men’s addiction.
I read a lot these days: the news, novels, textbooks
I left Instagram about two months ago. I miss it sometimes because of the social interactions but in general I’m happy about my desicion.
Probably because I don’t see a lot of people I don’t even know on this platform, I started to remember and think about people like my high school classmates and I texted some of them. It’s a great experience.
Sorry about the fragmented thoughts. I need to get used to form sentences in English again.