Here’s something I found out, that makes sense.
An intimacy disorder describes an individual that is unable to experience true intimacy due to disordered thoughts.
More specifically, intimacy disorders are possessed by individuals that are unable to feel safe and secure when sharing their personal thoughts, desires, needs, concerns, and feelings with others. They often will develop addictive habits to cope with the lack of intimacy. The causes of these disorders vary, and not everyone’s experience will be the same.
PMO addiction is an Intimacy disorder
Whether we realise it, or want to admit it, we crave human intimacy. We have an innate need to love and be loved. We need to be close and connected to others, especially those in our immediate families. Brain stimulation is not enough—we need what matters to the heart. Without intimacy we become depressed, emotionally and mentally ill. It is programmed into our DNA. We are social beings. We long to belong.
You don’t have to have sex to be “intimate.” In fact, most human intimacy has nothing to do with sexual relations. Rather, it’s about communication, understanding, appreciation, affection, mutual respect, friendship, quality time, sharing, and many more non-sexual actions and factors. One great prevention and protection against pornography and other sexual addictions is true human intimacy — the quality and quantity of time one spends together as husband and wife; parent and child; siblings and extended family; friends and colleagues; daily connections with everyone around you. This is what matters most in your life.
Many become vulnerable and fall prey to pornography and other sexual addictions because they are seeking the intimacy that is lacking in their marriage, family and other relationships. They often feel lonely and disconnected. Through sexual addiction, they replace real emotional intimacy with an artificial sexual intimacy. Pornography is a perfect example of substituting something that is not real for the real emotional intimacy that is craved and needed in a person’s life. It is the artificial for the real, the imagined for the actual, the shallow for the deep. Pornography can temporarily and partially fill the “intimacy void” with a weak and cheap counterfeit.
But afterward, an even larger and deeper hole is left, one more difficult to fill with the next sexual encounter or porn-viewing session.
- Healthy sexuality is a powerful communication of love, commitment, loyalty, trust and fidelity. But when sex is taken outside these healthy boundaries through pornography use and other sexual addiction behaviors, and used to cope with self-criticism, self-betrayal, loneliness and disconnection, it is devoid of emotional intimacy and commitment. It is brief, intense stimulation that is hollow, empty, cold, and missing the deep meaning that can make sexual intimacy so wonderful. This brief, intense stimulation becomes highly addictive because it only increases feelings of loneliness, isolation and self-loathing, driving the individual to try and fill an ever-deepening “hole-in-the-soul.” Attempting to satisfy the powerful need for human intimacy with pornography and other sexual addiction behaviors, is like trying to continually fill a bucket with holes in it.
To heal from a pornography/sexual addiction, real love, real connection, real commitment, and real emotional intimacy need to be developed and nurtured with self and others. To do this you need to know how to develop deep relationships and overcome the fear that inhibits you from truly connecting.
- Not all of us use PMO due to lack of intimacy, but all of us do use it to compensate for intimacy. Knowing this and fighting for true intimacy instead is something we can all do. When battling lust, one of the first things we need to do is identify the false promises if offers us and fight it at it’s roots.