Bashi's notes on recovery

What I have learnt from 7 years of relationship - and breaking up
Being in a relationship is comfort, intimacy, excitement, highs, lows and lots of other experiences. At some point though, I had to realize, or “convince” myself, that ending the relationship with her was probably the better thing to do. It took me days to make a decision from a place of love, instead of a place of fear or anger. I received much needed support at that time from others and I’m thankful for that.

Regret, loneliness and fear came after the breakup. It was, and still is, a new situation for me and new things and more challenges are yet to come. I have learnt some important lessons during this time and those lessons allow me to move forward:

:arrow_forward: Prioritizing sexual pleasure in the back of your head, specially if you are single and a NoFapper, is a mistake. This wasn’t obvious to me at first. Throughout the last 7 years, I had sex regularly. When I started NoFap during the relationship, I went for the “classic” mode. I do not regret that decision. It’s just that post breakup, when I saw her or received a call/text, I began lusting over her again, in a different way though. That lust didn’t come from genuine love but horniness and a compromised mind instead. It boils down to focusing on yourself, your own growth and what you can control. You can’t control others to want to have sex with you, when you feel like you “need” it.

:arrow_forward: As a man, connecting genuienly with women is far more rewarding. Post breakup, I found myself in situations where, deep in the back of my head, I wished to date a woman or meet “the one” in some kind of social setting. In those situations, I was already there sorting out, comparing and objectifing the women in front of me to some degree. I do not know if the years of PMO made me think this way or this way of thinking got me into PMO in the first place. What I do know is, that being in social settings and connecting with all kinds of people in a genuine manner is far more calming and rewarding. It’s not even about the objectification that is bad, because it is, but it’s about your own mind that is going to be at ease if you take encounters with people as they are, appreciate the moment and just enjoy connecting with others. Leave that “chaser” mindset behind.

:arrow_forward: No relationship can fix you, because only you can fix yourself. Before I got into that 7 years long relationship, I was already hooked on PMO, without being aware of it. At that time, I had the illusion that getting a girlfriend would sexually satisfy me so I would stop watching porn or masturbating. During the relationship, I still watched porn regularly and it was only my discovery of NoFap that made me realize what a problem this is. However, dragging on the issues and not properly working on myself, I kept relapsing and at some point I escalated to even worse things. Long story short, no relationship could possibly “fix” me and make PMO obsolete, I have to do that myself.

I have the impression that some of you guys might appreciate these lessons and hopefully they allow you to move forward faster on your own journey.

Take care.

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This is a wonderful post man, thanks for sharing your experience with us brother.

Keep doing the work on yourself and hopefully the next relationship brings you what you’re looking for. You’re doing great man!

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Day 71
This is perhaps the most powerful quote out of the https://easypeasymethod.org/ book for me:

It’s only when you want it but can’t have it, that you suffer.

Pretty much summarizes both the mindset of those who fail NoFap and those who successfully quit this addiction for good.

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Def adding this to my bookmarks …

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Day 92

“Es muss von Herzen kommen, was auf Herzen wirken soll.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Translates to: It must come from the heart, what is supposed to take effect on hearts.

Years of doing PMO corrupted my mind. I used to look at women through “porn glasses”. With those glasses on, every woman is an object, a piece of flesh with boobs, ass and holes “to fill”. A look, touch or smell triggered the thought of sex, wanting to do sexual acts just like those I saw in porn. That thinking came from a loveless place of selfishness.

On the contrary, there is compassion, empathy and genuine connection. That’s the thinking that comes from the heart. If we think with compassion for ourselves and others, we can undo some of the damage that porn has done to us.

Take care.

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How the EasyPeasy book has helped me - and how it can help YOU
I’m on day 94 of no PM and actually a big part of it is on hard mode. I’m currently on my 4th (or so) read of the “EasyPeasy” Hackbook about PMO:

In my current read I’ve just experienced yet another “click”:

No force on earth can prevent you from being free, unless you mope about it or wait for revelation. Go and enjoy life; cope with it right from the start.

The book works. Picture it this way: all the time you have been doing PMO has left patterns of thinking and behaviors deeply rooted in your brain. While reading the book, your brain is going to “unmask” that thinking. In that process, some parts “click” and speak to you very strongly. Other parts are processed by your brain but it doesn’t “click” right away. You kind of read those parts, understand them but it doesn’t affect you in the same way. That’s why there is a good change that although you have read the book maybe once or twice, you still relapse. Simply read the book (or those chapters) again. You will experience more of those “aha”-moments over time.

The truth is there, yet we refuse to see it. Many guys here have probably read something about the book by now but it seems that the majority does not want to read the book at all. “I do not have time”, “I’m good, my method is working” or “I’m too stressed at the moment” are common excuses. The book is short, precise, covers all the necessary things you need to escape from this addiction and it’s literally for free. So, what are you waiting for? You have nothing to lose. Just read it.

Take care.

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Thanks for suggesting this book here dear brother @Bashi
I too read it once and I reached till the end about 100+ pages and I stopped. The brainwashing was so strong that I didn’t even mind to complete the book. Then I relapsed from my greatest streak of 112 days and I told in the forum this book doesn’t work, these are all fake claims. Then again I worked real hard, like “climbing the mount Everest” and reached 75 days and did that “one peak” and fell down to 0.
I was using the “will power method” through out my life and failing again and again.
No matter how high I reach (in streak) if Iam leaning on will power method I’ll fail.
Because the Brain washing done by society,
Friends, porn industry, our own addiction is so strong.
To break that there is only one way and that is shown in this book.
Now Iam reading it again and again getting that “aha moments”, as you said brother @Bashi, now.
But I do believe I need to read it again and again to really get it into my mind.
Iam at page 100 now. Now the greatest thing I hate in this world is pmo.

another important thing in that book is, HE TELLS US TO CONTINUE PMO TILL WE REACH THE END OF THE BOOK.

AND THIS WORKS :point_up_2::point_up_2::point_up_2:

When you are reading that book and pmo-ing you’ll become conscious at wtf you are doing and I felt literally disgusted.
Iam not enjoying it the least. Iam hating the chore of putting your pants down, watching girls being choked, getting escalated to more extreme content and “the dark monster” inside my subconscious telling me you are a filthy piece of shit for watching this and masturbating.
The other day I saw the click bate of a guy keeping his leg on the face of a women. My desentized brain couldn’t provide dopamine on any other video and I clicked on that fucked up video! :sob::sob::sob:

You understand what this pmo is doing to our brain

if any of you really want to stop read this book again and again.

Not audio book.
Bro @TheFinalFrontier download the book, sit your ass down and read. Then reread. Because this is the only way.
This PMO is an addiction and there is a huge chance that we’ll continue it till the end of our life if we don’t Conquer it in the right way.

I STRONGLY BELIEVE, 100%, THIS BOOK SHOWS THE SCIENTIFIC, REAL WAY TO GO WITH IT.

READ, REREAD AND REREAD THIS BOOK.

This is the right way. Willpower method won’t work with this addiction Brothers. Even this forum is doing more bad than good to us due to brainwashing. Read the book carefully you’ll understand everything.

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@neo_150 @josephvt @_TIGER @Martial_Beast @Ash_Matt Everyone
I don’t have time to tag everyone.
So guys all to you please read this book. If it didn’t ‘click’ in your Brian the first time. Reread.
It is the only way. “Will power” won’t work. We have to take off those brainwashing from our mind. The withdrawal of pmo is nothing. Everything is done by our mind.

The fucking brain washing is the thing that kills us.

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@Tagore @drago @neo_150 @josephvt
We can follow a lot of method!!! But remember one thing without daily routinee like meditation, exercise, wake up at 4 am. We cant achieve that type of energy to control the semen in our body.
@drago said… I am following MEDITATION. YOU WILL SEE THE RESULT WITH IN 2 DAYS. We cant do meditation 15 mints in a day??? Just do it bro before sleeping… In my strategy first 15 days is easy.
Thank you bro… Now my average streak is 15 days… I think 2 times masterbation in a month is not a problem… But i will smoothly make into 20 days.
@josephvt i learned from bro that he stopped watching porn. I am not watching also :innocent::innocent:
A BOOK, WILL POWER NOTHING CAN SAVE YOU.
@Martial_Beast is the best example.
Only make a pattern in your routinee.
WAKE UP AND THINK ABOUT YOUR DAILY ROUTINEE. LOVE YOUR ROUTINEE. :heart_eyes:

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Thank you @Tagore @Bashi
Will do. Right now the most powerful tool for mr is diverting urge energy to productive work. I’m ‘harvesting’ urges basically. But will read the full book.

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i was gone for a while. but i’m back, and You are the first I was looking for. one scroll and i find new tools that maybe work for me too. THANK YOU again

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Day 130 and a message of gratitude
2020 is coming to an end in a couple of days and I’m wrapping up this year with a 130+ days streak. Events throughout this year have put many of us in isolation and in unexpected situations. Still, there are many reasons to be thankful. In times where it’s easy to complain about other people, the government, the restrictions and so on, the importance of gratitude is even bigger.

The stoics said:

We suffer not from the events in our lives, but from our judgement about them.

Whatever loss, rejection or frustration you have experienced, the way you perceive the event impacts you more than the actual event. Accept the things you can’t control. Maybe you have just relapsed. Why be sad about it, when you can’t change it? Focus on your reaction to that relapse and put positive energy into your recovery today.

Think of your problems in relation to the sky.

Do some things really change the course of our lives? Do the “bad” things that happen to us even matter in a couple of months or years? Don’t be a chronic complainer. Think of all the things you have now, as “basic” as they might be. You have vision, the ability to hear, legs to walk, meals to nourish yourself and family to love. What if those things were taken away from you? Be grateful for the things you have.

Take care.

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One moment at a time… I’ve completed 150 days!


Reaching 150 days has been an important milestone for me because I’ve never gone beyond that number… I’m breaking a mental barrier in this very moment and every second contributes to it. This is now my all time highest streak!

On this journey, I’ve written about quite some tools on this “diary” and I don’t have necessarily anything to add at the moment. If I were to pick the most important tool though, I’d say it’s the “EasyPeasy hackbook” (https://easypeasymethod.org/). That book helped me look at PMO just like I look at smoking (as a non-smoker): it’s a disgusting waste of time, bad for my health and it has never given me anything so there’s no reason to feel deprived.

Take care guys, every day counts.

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Congratulations Brother; truly you are an inspiration for all of us. Keep going like this. Slowly and steadily you made. Keep going forward and get as far from this filthy addiction as you can.
Bro, btw what kind of a counter is that? Is that another app?

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Great bro… Congrats and All the best… Your diary is amazing and it consist of all tools/ideas/mindsets and many more.

Thanks for sharing info bro…you always inspire me.

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Thank you guys @neo_150 @Tagore
That counter is from here Bashi and it’s set similar to my counter in the app. Just a way for me to check the number without checking my phone.

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Massive congratulations to you man! Every moment from now on is a new commitment to freedom and a better life.

It’s a great thing to witness the progress you’ve made. Keep growing and inspiring us all!

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NoFap does not need any discipline
I come across this misconception among NoFappers quite often or sometimes even among people outside the NoFap community. The misconception is that abstaining from porn needs willpower and self discipline. The truth is, to do NoFap, you do not need any discipline or willpower at all.

If you are a non-smoker like me, you’ll relate when I say this: I do not need any willpower or discipline to stay a non-smoker. When I walk by a store that sells cigarettes, I do not feel any urge to buy or smoke cigarettes. For me, smoking is disgusting, self-harm and I know for certain that it gives me no benefits. When I look at smokers, I do not envy them at all. Sometimes I even feel sorry for them: “Why would they do that to themselves?”.

Look at PMOing for what it is: it’s the practice of looking at a screen, where you see people having fake sex with no intimacy, and masturbating because you have deluded yourself that for whatever reason looking at that crap is somehow enjoyable. However, porn is disgusting, it’s self-harm and you know for certain that it gives you no benefits (unless you think waiting for the erectile dysfunction to happen is a benefit). When you look at porn consumers, do not envy them at all. You might even feel sorry for them: “Why would they do that to themselves?”.

You need 0 discipline and willpower to be a non-smoker, so why would you need any of that to be a NoFapper? Now, you might be ready to argue “but I’ve never smoked, so that’s easy. I’ve watched porn though…” then I’ll have to stop you right there. Read this text again. What part of “porn is disgusting, it’s self-harm and you know for certain that it gives you no benefits” do you not understand? Understand that and you break the illusion that PMOing gives you enjoyment.

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Loved that post brother! It will help me alot! Thanks

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Your diary has great content. Can you suggest your most helpful posts if you have any?

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