𝗬𝗮𝘀𝗵'𝘀 𝗗𝗶𝗮𝗿𝘆 🍁ㅤ

17 March, 1:50 pm

Bhaisahab Fat gayi. I am very sick right now. Sick as hell.
I have fever, headache, intense weakness bcz of Intense Vomiting from last night. I vomited around 15 times from last night.
Kuch kha nhi pa rhe, even not able to drink water bcz jese hi Kuch khate hai turant vomit ho jati hai. I am currently dehydrated and weak af.
Dekho try karta hu jald jald sahi hone ki. Body is not supporting me. Going through extreme stomach pain (maybe bcz of vomiting).
Milta hu bhaiyo jald hi, tab tak duayo me yaad rakhna :skull::smiling_face_with_tear:

I was thinking last night to study 12 hrs today and now
I be like :— Re ma ch*di pari hai !! :skull: (sorry for lame joke)

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Oh bro, I hope you recover fast :pray:
Did you see a doctor?

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Actually now I m feeling 75-90% recovered. Thanks to my strong Digestion. Thanks for asking.
How’s you doing buddy ?

OOL (out of likes :joy:)
So here :heart:

I am doing fine brother, I just finished my exams. I am really happy to know that



Glad to hear this. All the Best for further classes. Keep Going like this :maple_leaf:

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21 March, 1:05 pm

I woke today again with Headache and Irritability. I don’t why from last some days I m feeling so much Irritability, Headache, Feeling of Incomplete Sleep like feelings after Waking Up.
These feelings affecting my days to some extent. I also Waking up very late (12 pm) from last some days bcz I am getting difficulty to sleep early at night even after laying to bed around 3 am. :crescent_moon:
Now I have to also put focus on these things before they get out of hands.

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23 March :spiral_calendar:

Did nothing today except using my phone. My Today’s screen on time is 12 hrs. Can you believe this ? Seriously 12 hrs and in that 12 hrs 9 hrs is Youtube. I wasted my whole with very little study. I didn’t do yoga and exercise from last 1 week. Only 40 days left in my exam and I still have 85-90% syllabus to be cover.
What I am doing with my life ? Where this Procrastination, Laziness, Evilness, No control on pleasures, etc will lead me in life.
Answer is No where. These things will only induce negative thoughts and get me in never-ending loop.
I am gonna give my full boost or potential tomorrow, if that’ll work then it’s great but if it doesn’t then I am leaving of all these things i.e. Rewire app, Preparation for NEET exam, Big dreams for life, etc etc.


All the best brother! I hope you accomplish your goals and prepare good for your NEET exam :muscle::star2:


29 March, 2:45 am

•Confession !!

I want to confess something here about my NoFap journey and overall growth and other stuff.

● On new year, I decided (like everyone did) to change myself to my better version in Studies, NoFap, Overall growth (like exercise, good sleeping schedule, etc) but now when I look back to last 3 months, I destroyed myself. I did nothing. Literally nothing to become better, to get out of this crap, to make myself and my parents proud. I just wasted my last 3 years.

● Today I was thinking about me that how I used to be 3 years back (now I am almost 20 years of age). Full of confidence, glow, super attractive, childish but at the same time top alpha, good in Studies, less introvert, never fapped, happy, proper sleeping schedule, best mental health, no overthinking, no phone addiction, used to ride bikes a lot (sports bikes), lots of male friends + female friends (many of them had crush on me), etc etc. In simple words :-- FREE !!
But now just opposite of what I wrote above. Just failing in almost every department of my life. Didn’t used Instagram, Facebook from last 4 years.

● My biggest biggest and biggest mistake was to accept that girl proposal 4 years back. Before her I had rejected almost 20-25 girls Proposals. But after accepting her proposal my life turned upside down. We were in relationship for almost 3.5 years (broke up in February 2022, more than a year now). I am not saying that she was wrong but … nothing…leave it. (Don’t want to write about this topic).

● From last many months I m trying so hard but failing miserably everytime. In Studies, growth, Nofap (writing my Relapses of this year)…

TOTAL RELAPSES ::-- 19 (from 1 January 2023)
TOTAL NIGHTFALLS ::-- 9 (from New Year)


PS ::-- If you read it till here, then THANKS BUDDY. Need your BEST WISHES :heart: !!


Bro why are you counting nightfalls? Let me put it this way. Your body was habituated to a certain frequency of PMO when you were addicted. Now that you are abstaining, your body is taken aback and you have a nightfall. It only means that your resolve was so strong that your subconscious mind had to take things into its own hands and get a release. But what also happened in the process is that your mind grew and learned that you ain’t gonna give up. So you gotta give your body time to adapt to your newfound determination.

Consideing nightfalls as a failure has been the biggest mistake in my recovery. My last best streak was 16 days, then I had a nightfall and it felt like it tainted my streak. So I PMO’d and went down the rabbit hole of chaser effect. Finally recovered and now I’m on a 24 day streak. Even in this streak I had a nightfall at day 12 but I wasn’t gonna let it fool me this time and look where I’m at now. I’m at my best streak so far.

Also, don’t get hung up on the streak too much. Just try to do better than last time. Check in once in a while to see how far you’ve come and rejoice. Recovery from any addiction doesn’t happen overnight.


You cannot change the past. Learn to take responsibility and move on. Dwelling on the past is not gonna do you any good. You’re lucky that you’ve embarked on the right path at such a young age. Stick to it and work on building yourself.

Understand this, Women are inherently valuable. Men have to build up their value.


Actually whenever I lay upside down Nightfall occurs. So that’s my fault i guess. Bcz when I lay in upside position, Nightfall happens very rarely but when I lay upright down there’s is almost 90% of Nightfall. So indirectly I can control Nightfalls but I became lazy and irresponsible in the middle of night and lay upside down. So I consider laying upside down as my fault.

Yeah, I have already accepted it and working on my present. But there’s some days when memories hit and I went into past.
Actually I became sad sometimes not bcz we are not together but bcz of damage she had done. I lost so much of my important time, energy, many friendships broke just bcz of her, hairfall started after she came into my life and it’s still here, depression, many trips I lost and even I started fapping after she came into my life. Even I didn’t know before what fapping is and how to do it.
What is done is done. I don’t miss her actually. But I wish best for her, happiness and success for her.

100% fact. I knew it from many years.
But now some a*sholes will come and say, nah nah that’s not true. In today’s generation both are equal, both have to work hard to become valuable. Women are exactly similar to men in every aspect like inherently value, physical strength, mental strength, working capacity, driving skills, sports skills and other shit.
I just hate these type of people and yeah also Feminists.

PS ::-- I just wrote my frustration about Feminists but that’s also true.


4 April, 6:30 pm

Posting here after some days. Actually I didn’t have anything special to post plus i am lagging in doing my daily habits.
In NoFap wise I am doing decent. Urges are always there but am not giving attention to them. But sometimes at night (around 3 am, you can say it morning) urges becomes so tough that am literally start doing roller-coaster on bed :joy:.

Regarding yoga and exercise, I did them last time on 15 March. On 16th I got sick and from then i am abstaining them. But now I have to get serious about them. Starting them from tomorrow onwards.

Now comes to study part. Honestly am not doing very good in Studies. NEET is around the corner and nothing is prepared structurally. Frankly speaking, there are way way more chances of not getting selected. I don’t want to give my brain fake hopes and dopamine (I know that one should not lose hope till the last moment and give up. I am not giving up, I’ll give my best shot and see what will happen).

Now coming to worst thing i.e. My Sleeping Schedule. I think my Insomnia is back to some extent. From last some days I m sleeping on 5-6 am and waking up around 1-2 pm :skull:. It’s not because I am laying late (lay around 3:00-3:30 am) but maybe bcz of some Overthinking and yeah Insomnia.

Overall everything is not going very smooth. I m majorly tensed bcz of NEET exam and what will I do if I not get selected (90% chances of it).

Now I’ll go and bath after sometime. Then try to study as maximum as possible. From morning (you can say afternoon as I woke around 1 pm :skull:) I didn’t do anything special. One of my friend came in the morning to meet me. So yeah I had some 30 minutes conversation with him. He’s planning to go Kota for NEET preparation for year 2024. He’s also inviting me to go with him but now I don’t know what should I do. Should I take another chance for NEET or go for another field/exam/course. Let’s see what I’ll decide.
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PS :-- Listening this song on loop. Pakistani songs are now trending. They are making lyrics so good nowadays.


Relapsed :slightly_smiling_face:

Now 4 years completed in doing masturbation. I masturbated first time on 1 April 2019. I m standing on 4th April with another relapse.
I am trying to follow NoFap from around april 2020. So in NoFap wise 3 years completed.
Now it’s my responsibility to stop this habit/addiction/sin completely otherwise one more year will pass in the blink of an eye. That’s so depressing to think how 4 years passed doing masturbation and 3 years passed in trying NoFap and there’s no significant progress present today.
This addiction looks small but it’s like small knife which can give you deadly wound.
Starting again from tomorrow and now I have to stick to my words of I’LL NEVER MASTURBATE AGAIN IN THIS LIFETIME. It should not be a part my life. It’s not worth it. I have to factory reset myself to my older self before 2019 in terms of NoFap.


Maybe the best saying for Overthinkers !!


My Love for Animals >>>>> for Humans :heart:


Today I was just going through my gallery and look what I found. This pic (shayari) is somewhere 4-5 years old, when I used to write shayari and quotes. I don’t know how but with time I indulged in my life so much and forgot everything.
So much Nostalgic feelings attached to it. Days back then was so peaceful, interesting, full of joy, with no such sins which I have now and full of life. I miss those days :heart:

PS :-- I had an insta id (name is written in side corner) where I used to post all of my shayaris and quotes but I think that id is deleted now bcz It’s not available on insta (obviously mene hi delete kari hogi kbhi but ab yaad nhi).


:heart: ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

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24th April, 1:15 am :spiral_calendar:

After long time came back here to write something.
From last couple of days I m feeling Emotional Heaviness. I m trying to focus but sooner or later they tends to come back (thoughts) and drain my energy (emotional).
Actually I m so much stressed from last few days. There are many reasons for it. Some important ones are :–
• Studies (as my exam is around the corner but I m still not prepared for it and worst part is I don’t know what I’ll do after my exam. I mean I m so confused in choosing my career line/field. Some of my fiends are doing very good in their lives but here I wasted my 3 years just doing nothing. Can’t imagine the pain behind seeing everyone coming back from colleges with their degrees and I m just sitting at my house thinking what should I do)
• Dopamine Cravings (I m not giving heavy Dopamine to my brain from last some days and it’s after effect is not good)
• No Routine in the Day, etc etc.

Today I m even feeling some heavy urges. Just resisting them somehow.
Sometimes I m wasting my good amount of time in watching IPL matches (Am Huge Cricket Lover) which is obviously not good at this time. But I reduced it pretty much.

Today I took my bike :motorcycle: for a ride almost after 1 month. I pushed it till approx. 125-130 km/hr (my kind of therapy as I love riding bikes in high speeds) and then slowed it down, but didn’t get much benefit in emotional drainage. Studied for sometime but not much bcz of some irritation and emotional heaviness.
Listening some songs in loop and I think some songs are also contributing in my emotional drainage :man_facepalming:t2:. But still I love them.
Anyway trying to do my best but things are not going in my favor and you know what worst time is coming up (know it already bcz after somedays I have to decide my career field/line and maybe I’ll choose it without liking it).

I wanted to write so so much more but not getting right words and unable to express so yeah…
Bbye, GN !! :crescent_moon:

PS :-- Here’s one song cover which I think sometimes drain my energy but I still love it. It’s lyrics are somehow/sometimes so relatable. :heart_on_fire:


No good comes from worrying about the distant future and goals that seem insurmountable. Your best bet is to do your bit everyday. At least that way you’re inching towards your goals and have a chance. It’s better than doing absolutely nothing and just worrying.

Now as I was typing this, I was thinking to myself that I give a lot of advice but don’t implement it myself a lot of the times. It 12 pm right now. Chal padhte hai aaj bro. When you read this, I want you to sit down to study. I’m starting now and I’ll set an alarm for 2pm to check back if you’ve started. At night we will report to one another how much we studied today.

Over and out!