I was watching your progress brother and I was so excited for you! But I am sorry for hearing that you relapsed.
Same experience here. I once did 15 days without urges and it only took me one peek till I lost everything. There are two main things that I discovered:
1_ Peeking is bad. Period. It makes you move many steps back and it wonโt cause anything but urges and it might be the route source of gradual increase in tension to masturbate.
2_ Peeking is not back to zero. One of the most common excuses is that โif you peek once then whatโs the point? Just peek again it wonโt make any difference anywayโ. This is obviously wrong. Peeking makes the streak worse and it will lead you to watch Pornography for longer period, edging, till we get to this excuse โIโve done it all, itโs too late now. I can start again cleanerโ and you relapse.
The key is moderation. You must analyze your brainโs excuses and take the right decision. Although I guarantee that all of the excuses are wrong but thatโs the only way master thyself.
Now donโt get in to the chaser effect and start again! Aim for more! This is the way! So when will you make your second step?
I just woke up somewhere at 8 am (rarest thing in the world ). Reason for waking so early is call from friend (as we have planned our party bcz of Holi) and Nightfall. Yeah you read it right, Nightfall. BKL aaj hi hona tha ese bhi (worst day to happen). Actually again itโs my fault bcz I slept on around 6 am (my Insomnia is back) and before Sleeping I accidentally or maybe half intentionally watched explicit content. Plus slept upside down So it happened. Now I am feeling Irritability in mood and also headache is present. I only got 2 hrs of Sleep . I m suffering from worst sleeping patterns right now. I think my Insomnia is back. I have to work on it real quick otherwise itโll make my brain numb in few days.
Yesterday I went for some Beverages shopping with friends (as shops will be shut today) and made plan of party with them. Bhaisahab kuch jada hi badi party hone wali hai . Iโll leave my house maybe around 9:15 am and planning to return back at around 3 pm (6 hrs of dangerous party with some Desi Dance ).
Today is gonna be wasted for sure and I canโt do anything for it. Iโll resume my studies from tomorrow onwards with full force. But now I m going to Freshen up and then Iโll leave home after sometime. However my mood is not very good (bcz of Nightfall and also of Headache) but what is done is done and I canโt stay all day in bed bcz I have all beverages stored in my room (of my friends also ).
Now going, pray for me so I can return home safely
Bbye,
Happy Holi, Enjoy your day buddies
PS :-- Anyone thinking (for non Indians) that why I m planning such a huge party, itโs bcz Today is Holi (one of the biggest festival in India).
In Kerala no one give a f**k about holi. The people who plays holi here are those narcisists on social media to show " Hey !! My life is cooler than yours โฆ "
People are different in every city or State. Some people likes it very much, some likes it moderately and some donโt even like it. But I think whether someone likes it or not, they should always Respect every festival, irrespective of religion, caste, community, etc.
For example :-- As you said Kerala people donโt like much holi BUT In Delhi, 26 lacks bottles of alcohol worth almost 60 crores sold out in 1 day (record breaking, thatโs craze of holi in delhi).
About 8th March (Holi) :-- Long but Interesting Story Ahead
So Holi is done. I enjoyed it averagely (not upto mark). After writing that post (on morning of 8 March, you can see that above), I freshened up and I had finished just one piece of snack then suddenly my friends came and carried me with them (chain se khane bhi nhi diya ). After meeting with neighborhood friends I came back home to collect beverages from my room at around 10 am(that was high high risk moment ). My father and grandfather was at main entrance and I couldnโt bring beverages in front of them. So my friends had to wait for 10-15 minutes. My room is at first floor just left to Balcony So I threw beverages bottles from Balcony to road to my friends and they had to catch them (agar galti se bhi slip ho jati to bhai sabki fatt jati ). They grabbed them pretty well and put them in Car Trunk. Then I left home around 10:20 am and then our party started. We partyed around 4 hrs. We went outside of our city. I even played with around 10 dogs during our ride . I also played Holi with Beggars and financially low people (as no one was playing with them ).
Attaching some pics :โ
After returning home, bathed, ate snacks and went for sleeping. Slept for around 2 hrs and after Waking up sat in Balcony to watch nature (as here was raining). After that Ate dinner, watched movie and made some plans for studies. Slept around 2 am and woke up today around 1 pm (Slept for 11 hrs straight).
Today I did nothing special, ate, little bit study, friend came in the evening to meet me as he was going again to business. Just finished up my dinner and now maybe Iโll study little or sleep.
Bbye
Most Unproductive Day. Woke up around 10:30 am and then freshened up. Form was pending for the final year so I went to college today to fill that up and yeah Done with that. Submitted fees and filled form for final year exams. Exams most probably will start from march last week. So now I have to start study with full focus bcz around 4-5 days will be wasted in exams for sure.
Took my bike today after around 1 week. Itโs always feel nice to ride bike. Some years ago whenever I felt like depression or lack of thinking power I just takes out my bike and go for a ride. Especially on higher speeds above 60-70 km/h. But nowadays I donโt feel like taking my bike out.
After returning back from college I ate lunch and then slept. After Waking up roamed in home and wasted time .
At night time I oiled my hairs and took bath around 10 pm and had dinner afterwards.
Now Iโll sleep after some time and from tomorrow I have around 15 days in my hand before exam starts so I have to study with full potential for at least 15-20 days. Will try my best tomorrow.
Now Bbye, GN
I Relapsed. That was completely my fault. From last two days I m not taking nofap seriously after my Nightfall.
Whatโs done is done. Now time to look forward. From now Iโll take atleast NoFap and Studies very seriously, irrespective of mood, day, holiday, parties or anything. Just NoFap and Studies top priority. Also I am starting my Habits list from today or tomorrow again as I left using it long time ago.
Anyway, going to start my day with some good work. Will update at night.
I am hell addicted to phone. Seriously I m feeling like a Slave to my phone. I canโt even live for more than 15 minutes without my phone. My average screen on time is 8-10 hrs.
I am feeling so much guilt and depression. I want to reduce it as maximum as possible (ideally it should be like max. 2-3 hrs). Even due to high phone usage I usually lose my energy for studies and boom, again same cycle repeats.
I am destroying my sleeping routine, studies (studied 0 hrs today), energy, physical health, etc just due to one reason i.e. Phone.
Now I have to take some strict actions against myself to help myself, otherwise everything will go in vain.
From tomorrow Iโll use habits list again with screen on time present in it.
)
). Reason for waking so early is call from friend (as we have planned our party bcz of Holi) and Nightfall 
. Yeah you read it right, Nightfall. BKL aaj hi hona tha ese bhi (worst day to happen). Actually again itโs my fault bcz I slept on around 6 am (my Insomnia is back) and before Sleeping I accidentally or maybe half intentionally watched explicit content. Plus slept upside down So it happened. Now I am feeling Irritability in mood and also headache is present. I only got 2 hrs of Sleep 
. I m suffering from worst sleeping patterns right now. I think my Insomnia is back. I have to work on it real quick otherwise itโll make my brain numb in few days. 
(6 hrs of dangerous party with some Desi Dance 
. I also played Holi with Beggars and financially low people (as no one was playing with them 
:โ
!!
.
