August 15 : 4 hours
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15 AUGUST - 5 hours completed.
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14th August
- Study - 2.5 hours
15 August
- Study - 2.5 hours
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August 15th
Studied 12 hours.
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August 16
3½ hrs completed today
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16 August - 5 hours.
Life is becoming trash
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Is this what we call old age? Jk , I know you are working harder than most of us. Hope you find a way out, it’s a maze, not trash.
16th August, 2024
- Study - 0 hours
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Well, same here since I never got to see my grandfather or grandmother. It’s all fine, find similar warmth in other old people when talking to them.
Btw I wonder how our generation as older people will be. Using the word “Beta idhar aao or lil shrimp come here” when you are 80 will be crazy, at least in a globalised world, we Indians are rather lucky in that part. 
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Idk why but I can understand grandparents or people above 60s better than my parents and vice versa. Parents want me to fully commit to some random dream and my anger is like over the roof these days. Maybe its because of flatline Idk , Also I lost interest in P which is a good thing but lost interest in everything man. Whenever I say these problems to my parents they compare me with some random relative who is studious and all.
On the other hand , grandparents just wants me to be happy. Thats some blissful moments man.
Its like whats worth fighting for ? I’ll share one thing . A few weeks ago , where I was consistent with studying like 10+ hours , I admit I had a huge crush on a women. That was the biggest motivating factor out there. She is like some months older than me ( In fact I am the youngest in my class ) , but she drove me nuts.
Since childhood , I have crush on a women who is more studious than me combined with decent looks. Knowing that I wont get her by any means I neutralize that feeling by scoring more marks than her in academics. Once I am convinced that I am more studious than her , I’ll lost interest. It was a part of my parental upbringing where they used to consider academics like a topmost priorities. So I used to find weird ways to motivate myself.
Once I came to a realisation that academics dont have much significance in a long term , I started losing interest in that. It hits hard when I studying B.tech. But still I find some weird ways to motivate myself to study and all because this shit is necessary. Otherwise no way I’m gonna study anything.
So I applied the same on the crush I am having right now , But its not working. She is super brilliant. Now matter how much I work , I am nowhere near her. Thats why I always feel like trash despite working very hard.
Ik its not a healthy idea to compare with others and all but thats how I brought up with. Its very difficult to get rid of that.
I am sorry @Binocular , for expressing like this. This is something that I was planning to confess like 5 - 6 times in my diary. I always stop in the middle. Sorry. Wont happen again.
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Aww geez love, Beat her in studies bro, dominate it, then tell her she was your motivation all along. Bet it’s better than proposing, might she propose you instead.
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Hmm, I’ll answer this your way if you remember
“Professional Binocular: Expressing feelings is crucial to maintaining a healthy and positive environment. As long as it’s related to study—which is what this topic is about—it can be helpful to you and it might benefit others who share the same feelings. To find out more about how expressing feelings can benefit the forum, make sure to visit my official site here”
“Vegeta Binocular: hmph, I don’t care about you expressing, it’s none of my business you can do what you want. Make sure to give me a hint once you finish your moaning and we’ll have a dual. I will show you no mercy at all. Our battle shall be legendary!”
“Binocular in the mood: Yeah sure but first let me do this 10 000 reply…”
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I auto-read this in Vegeta’s Voice 
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I can only write that if I imagine Vegeta’s voice 
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I wish I was like Vegeta where the entire motivational factor depends upon your pride which is inner self rather than depending on external factors like crush on a random women etc.
That would be a sweet thing to happen. Its that
Yeah I can defeat her in academics if I fully commit to it. But its more like Thanos after getting those infinity stones . You feel a lack of purpose . Because this is not the kind of life I want. Imagine working your a** of to defeat a women in academics with the hope that you will lose crush on that women later.What a weird way to show affection ? Is my life that hopeless
?
Yeah it worked for me earlier , But more I come to realize academics dont matter much , the less this strategy works for me.
I better keep my mouth shut ig 
. This is a challenge not a diary or a general discussion
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True inner peace arises when you align with the purpose that resonates from within.
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“I want to Join”. Add me in.
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Yeah but this is also a reply challenge
We are also getting close to a special reply 
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Look who is back ? Where were you ? How are u bro ? I really missed you man .
Lets do this bro 
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I was doing good bro but been off track in recent 2 months…constant failures at academics dropped me back again in this devil’s cycle.
Last year, I thought it would be better if I cut off rewire , and it did work out. I did well, even forgot about the devil. But still trapped.
What about you?
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