The Mini Challenge

General Discussion
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Saturday

@anon67854825 @Forerunner @Forodwaith

Yesterday was a Good day, I did voluntary work with kids as usual, in the evening went to Mass. Still had a fall yesterday night in bed. Need to stop taking my phone to bed, I keep thinking that it is fine but it’s not, my appblocker is easily bypassable I discovered, so I should not rely on it to stop me, it only puts distance between me and the addiction, but it’s not the fix.

@Rebooter81 I also think that too, ■■■■ makes me feel ashamed almost in a subconscious way and inhibits my social skills a lot, during my longer streaks I felt so much more joy in staying with other people, and more capable of talking to anybody without fear.

Lord, it is a struggle and you know it, I want to be free, give me the strength to try again and never surrender! :pray:

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@anon67854825 A labour of love is never a burden bro :pray:t5:

Every day, I do the following tasks to maintain my recovery:

  1. Morning routine - I recite my list of 10 reasons for continuing my streak, a list of affirmations, a list of verses from Scripture, read 3 chapters of Scripture and do some exercises.
  2. Practice defeating urges in my mind at least twice throughout the day.
  3. Connect with other people on this journey - logging on to the forum, sharing on WhatsApp, Telegram and Discord.
  4. Listen to the ■■■■ Free Radio podcast.
  5. Destroy any sexual thoughts or fantasies within 2 seconds.
  6. Don’t look at women sexually - look away within 2 seconds unless I have to interact with them.
  7. I have accountability software on all devices, no browsing for sexual content. My friend and AP on this forum - anonymous - gets emails if I search for anything questionable which could lead back towards PMO.
  8. 8+ positive habits for self-improvement like exercising, drinking enough water, reading books for self-improvement, working on projects and hobbies etc.

Once a week on Sundays I have a check-in with my AP where we discuss how my recovery was for the week - how my mood has been, what positive habits and activities I’ve engaged in for self-improvement, what actions (like those above) I’ve engaged in to remain free of addiction, any slips during the week (no slips within the past 70+ days, no pornography or masturbation whatsoever since starting this streak) and any threats to my recovery (negative emotions like high stress at work, a desire to return to browsing on YouTube or Instagram, feeling drawn towards ogling and objectifying women out and about - impure thoughts).

I also read my psychoanalysis once a week which reminds fully of all the reasons why I’m far happier on this side of addiction and the better life I’m moving towards.

Once a month I re-complete a chapter of the book Power over Pornography: The Proven Solution to Overcoming Pornography Addiction in order to keep the concepts fresh in my mind.

I have a monthly plan with my AP that includes rewards for another 30 days clean and penalties for relapsing. (Under my plan, a slip like watching an unsafe music video counts as a relapse.) My next reward for this month is a deep tissue massage - male masseur :sweat_smile:, while any slip during this month would result in a counter reset, reporting the relapse to my AP, friends and companions, (my mother :sweat_smile: ) signing up for addiction therapy sessions twice a month at £80 a pop and joining a 12 step support group in real life. “Hi everyone, my name’s Joshua, I’m addicted to pornography and masturbation.” Hiiii Joshuaaaa.

GOD willing I’ll continue each day free and clean. I could get by doing a lot less :thinking:, but I’d rather do overkill than feel like roadkill.

Sunday

Last month of the year, looking to recharge and finish strong, GOD willing.

Morning Routine: :white_check_mark:
Wake Up Before 6 AM: :x:
Three Important Tasks: :white_check_mark:

Final video for #NoPornNovember! I’ve struggled for many years trying to quit this addiction. With experience comes wisdom. I’ve been sharing methods to help my brothers come out of pain and suffering and conquer this addiction once and for all. In this video, I share the story of my struggle with this addiction since starting to look at pornography 14 years ago.

I recorded a video every day of #NoPornNovember, all videos are in this YouTube playlist. I’ve added insights, helpful advice and motivation to strengthen and uplift us all on this journey. I pray it helps you.

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Sunday/Week 48

:white_check_mark: 7/7 Wake up 5:00
:white_check_mark: 7/7 Affirmations
:white_check_mark: 6/7 Meditation
:negative_squared_cross_mark: 1/7 Exercise

Week Result :palm_tree: :palm_tree:

Week 46 :gem: 78.57%
Week 47 :gem: 60.71%
Week 48 :gem: 75.00%

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Sunday

Thank you for this @Forerunner :pray:
Things are already coming to mind :dove:

Prayer = @Gk-00 @Forodwaith @Rebooter81 @Rohitash @Forerunner @BruceLee Prayed and lite candles for you guys, myself and my friend🕯️

this journey/media =
I realise I don’t have an AP.
Part of me puts it off when I feel rested after realising some truths. It’s a great feeling, but I don’t always put them into action - I guess it’s step-by-step.

I don’t use my laptop often. It’s just sitting there tucked away - and occasionally reach for it and think “f**k it - pmo”… Luckily, most of the time - probably all- I stop and say “wtf? man?”

Ap? I thought about my sis,
Then my brother :pray::dove::candle:

@Gk-00 I agree.
Blocking is very limited, and it’s far too easy to bypass it.
That ‘drive’ will always find what it wants.

Also, we can always find something in images or YouTube, which, I think is as more neurologically forming as quick pmo.

In the past I’ve ended up spending more time testing it, images or YouTube - in which addiction feels very present, and real.

In other times, when I’ve completely allowed myself to ‘p/m’, I lose interest very quickly.

exercise = none today

social/attentive = church/family. I’m quite jovial, fun, quick witted and easy going.
But I don’t feel right giving myself praise, I’m not always completely aware of myself, nor the depth of other people - like I had felt closer to before/in the past.
I’m not as fun as I used to be generally,
I’m a lot wiser in one sense, but perhaps less wise in other ways.
To have good characteristics is a blessing, not self praise :pray:

The simple point is, I’m not fully as attentive for others, my surroundings, and myself, as I have been in the past :pray:

At times, I can get carried away,
which isn’t a bad thing
Others times, not so - but in both cases, the above is consistent.

It feels like I require consistent reflection whilst being present, please Lord - guide me with this :pray:
It’s not some heavy burdensome thing.
Being a little naive, and lacking self-awareness has its blessings, but the desire to be fully attentive is inescapable.

I’ve made it to Day 5 this Sunday.
I’m glad to start again at Day 1 tomorrow :pray:

Thanks be to God for each day :candle:

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Admire the discipline some great tips and advice there I’m not as disciplined but I’m working more discipline into my routine and like you am now accountable on all my devices. clearly your approach is working; attack it on all levels and from every angle. I have time in the Morning to read my bible at work (hard life) as part of an online bible group with my church, accountable with a guy at church from a week ago who is also in the online bible group both of these steps have helped immensely so far I’ve only had to conquer a couple of urges in a week but it will get tougher I’m sure

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Sunday

@anon67854825 @Forerunner @Forodwaith

Yesterday I fell twice. I am not ready for another streak yet, I think I need to explore again the reasons why I do no PMO, to find more motivation, and meditate all this with the Lord in my prayer.

Hoping to be back fighting with you soon and to bring a positive end to this year :pray:

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@Gk-00 Definitely agree with @anon67854825, blocking software never worked for me. It was even more exciting to find things that slipped through the filter, like a scavenger hunt. And things will ALWAYS slip through; there are 500 million + pages of pornography out there, no software can block them all. Added to that, there are other images and videos we can act out to on Google Images, YouTube or social media sites.

We have to build a mental fortress against those urges. Not a fortress of willpower - we all have enough of that, thank GOD. No, we must fortify ourselves with our reasons and the truth of why we started this journey. The whispers of the enemy are all lies, and when we face those demons head-on and confront them with our reasons, they falter every time.

Monday

I want to wake up in good time. 10 hours sleeping is not for me.

Morning Routine: :white_check_mark:
Wake Up Before 6 AM: :x:
Three Important Tasks: :white_check_mark:

New video - What counts as a relapse?

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I relapsed this morning again. Guys, I’m feeling really worthless right now. :man_facepalming:t3:

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@Forodwaith, my dear friend, you’re not worthless. You’re immeasurably precious. Fearfully and wonderfully made. This life isn’t where your story ends. There is triumph on the horizon, and great victory.

The failures of the past are no barrier against success in the future. And don’t take failing to mean that you’re a failure. You’re not broken. You are strong and courageous, you haven’t given up the fight.

What you need is a better plan. There is the man who prays for food, and the man who gets up, tills the earth, sows the seed, waters the ground, fences off the crops from birds and pests, and prays for a good harvest. We have to put in some effort into our plans and allow Him to Bless the work. All my planning would be for nought without His Grace. But I plant the seeds nonetheless, and seek His Blessings for it everyday.

With structure, we see success.

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Monday

@Gk-00 @Forodwaith
Hang in there my dear friends :pray:

Exercise = none today - I’ll do some now.

Social = I went out this evening with my friend, and 3 of our friends.

Attentive = I was aware of my sloppines, and aware we’re limited to language in expressing experience.

Media = still not great :pray: but I survived, Thanks be to God for giving me freedom.

piano scales = I practiced the same scale/fingering, and while away from the piano.

Prayer = nothing much, but was attentive to mediate friends debates, and lighten the mood.

this journey = I see flaws in asking my bro - I’d be using him as a deterant.
I have a close single male friend, my age, who knows of nofap.

Thanks be to God for each moment :pray:

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Monday/Week 49

:white_check_mark: 1/7 Wake up 5:00
:white_check_mark: 1/7 Affirmations
:white_check_mark: 1/7 Meditation
:white_check_mark: 1/7 Exercise

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Monday

@Forodwaith @Forerunner @anon67854825

Good day, I worked at university. Want to Mass in the evening.
Had a fall in bed before going to sleep, I’m still in the mood of not committing again to no PMO, I want to change this but I feel a bit blocked. Need to pray more and talk through this period with the Lord! :pray:

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Thank you! That is very encouraging for me.

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Tuesday

Today was highly unproductive. I don’t want to make a habit of it.

Morning Routine: :white_check_mark:
Wake Up Before 6 AM: :white_check_mark:
Three Important Tasks: :x:

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I’m a day back in. I’m letting the Lord lift me higher and remaining convinced that I work from victory not for victory. From victory to victory.

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Tuesday/Week 49

:white_check_mark: 2/7 Wake up 5:00
:white_check_mark: 2/7 Affirmations
:white_check_mark: 2/7 Meditation
:white_check_mark: 2/7 Exercise

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Tuesday

You are much loved
@Gk-00 @Forodwaith
@Rebooter81 @Forerunner

Prayer/Reflection/this journey = I spent a lot of time with you on my mind @Gk-00 - Through the day and in Tai Chi :pray:

Our journeys affect each others - For better or worse? Perhaps from God’s perspective they don’t exist - in that, we don’t have to playout an esoteric drama :pray:
I hope it’s never a burden to be here, and any doubt or shame swept away by the power of God

Exercise/Social = Tai Chi was good - I went much lighter at it today and focused more on keeping stable.

They’re nice people - people are.
I swear, wishing the best for others, saying little prayers behind their backs, helps.
My instincts tell me its the connection with others, not being alone.
One old chap, his eyes just look so much softer the past month since he joined,
-and we are living in ‘The-Now’. I like to think.

I sometimes see him in the street, “hey mate, you alright?” it must be a nice feeling for him. Like the time I went to the sauna and “oooh ffs! I forgot my shorts!” :man_facepalming:t2: And totally buff, hench dude covered in tattoos says “have mine mate, I’m done for today - just leave them at reception”

I’m just a lanky muso-looking guy with scruffy hair - easy too wrongly assume people.

Work = similar day @Forerunner :sweat_smile: though not quite :pray:

Piano = nada

Media = :thinking: let bygones be bygones :pray:
Lord hear my prayer, however weak it is at times.
For Morning, Day and Night :iphone:

Attentive = I try
Empathy = Lord guide me to feel it, and grab it

Lord don’t humble me, but help me to humble myself often :pray:

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Wednesday

Late to bed, late to rise. Come on now, let’s finish the year strong.

Morning Routine: :white_check_mark:
Wake Up Before 6 AM: :x:
Three Important Tasks: :x:

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Wednesday

@Gk-00 @Forodwaith
@Forerunner @Rebooter81

How are you guys?
Always pray for you :pray:

I’ve often wondered, can reporting negative things sometimes create a negative cycle?

Sometimes I’ve also thought, we can wrongly and accidentally - turn this journey on the app into a competition.

Other thoughts; the classic phrase “this time I’m gonna do it… And I’ll do ABCXY&Z”
We overload ourselves, never letting any of our good and noble intentions take root and grow.
@BruceLee good job man! :+1:

Today was another inactive day, later realising it is okay :+1::grin:
How often do we stop/can we stop?
On my way to Mass this morning - there was a flyer on the floor - Meditation (nothing profound, but I just remembered it now)

Prayer =
I went to Mass, but I feel like I was just going through the motions - though I’m thinking, that’s okay.

Sometimes we need silence beyond our striving.

Social =
my good old mate called this morning,
“wanna go for a drive, take my drone for a fly?”
…errrmmm :thinking: but I should be…
“Yeah, cool, of course!” :+1:

Exercise/Relax =
steam room, push-ups just now.

This journey = some reflection about that industry - I may post it later in Check-in diary.

All good, always ~
My thanks to God, alone :pray:

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I’m two days in. I’m struggling with a sense of meaninglessness that makes it hard to get up. I think I’m borderline depressed. This is a difficult status to inhabit because stories of intimacy (either erotic and/or fantasies of romance) become more appealing.

This is part of the enemy’s strategy against me. Break down a sense of meaning and purpose and then I am weaker against the lures of lust.

But I’m aware of these schemes so this morning I was fighting before I even got out of bed. It was like as John Piper has described, waking up with Satan sitting on your head. I called out to the Father but didn’t get the same rush of emotion I normally due. I sense that God is testing me so that I can be made stronger.

The Word I heard was, “Stand and wait for the salvation of the Lord.” Waiting seems passive by it is far from it. It is an active, persevering waiting under which I endure stress, hardship, and must continually mortify the flesh as it’s tantalized by these vain imaginations. But I know he’s in the waiting.

I cannot. I am not. But what I cannot and am not God can do, of this I am actively trusting Him for a speedy deliverance.

Maranatha, Come Lord Jesus.

@anon67854825 @Gk-00 @Forerunner

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