Monday
New Week, New commitment:-
Limit web/phone usage
Exercise
Seek God
Monday
New Week, New commitment:-
Limit web/phone usage
Exercise
Seek God
@Forerunner
Thank you for your advice bro. Sorry to only reply now - [it’s taken me a while to really think about it] - I was just looking for someone to give me a slap and say “pull yourself together” -so I could humbly bow and say “yes [yes], I will do that” but instead I’m challenged - Thank You It is bringing me to address difficult questions.
Full circle
Wheat from the chaff
Adjusting - accepting God’s forgiveness is actually scary, shocking, has turned so many things on its head. It’s made me loose so many ideas and things I’ve identified with.
Jesus is… I don’t know what to say
Challenges
I haven’t necessarily prayed, but been thinking and reflecting
I’ve logged into Rewire a few times today
I don’t need to do it so much, unless I need help avoiding urges, and Check-in, or for companions
I haven’t exercised much today, but plan to do some after work, before bed
How are you doing? @Forodwaith @Gk-00
Monday
All good. Solid day of work, from morning to evening, i’m satisfied and also tired!
Did not do physical exercise, I was feeling a bit weak after coming back home, and did not seek my daily prayer, need to find myself some time to stay with God in the following days.
@anon67854825 happy that you are getting back up! Let’s do this, I’ve also got a challenge ahead, to not fall again in the pit!
@Forodwaith glad that it is going better for you too!
I’m still journeying on my second day and an doing well, thanks for asking.
Its very hard to let go of - I must fight, I must do awesome things, I must show how much good I can do to receive blessings, forgiveness, grace and love.
Its more convenient when things are black & white and there’s a clear goal to strive at.
But Jesus is a pain in the arse for taking all that away, leaving us with simple open ended advise.
“Rabbi, what do I have to do to receive?”
“You know the law?”
“Yeah, of course, Love God with all your soul and your neighbour as yourself”
“So, do that!”
“No, no, I mean, what more can I do to REALLY receive the highest blessings?”
“Give up all your possessions”
“”
Why do NoFap? Because it’ll make me stronger, wiser, faster, wealthy, sexier, more talented, more loving, like a King?
Is it worth loosing my soul for the sake of worldy possessions?
When you love someone, their sins only bring you pain because you want the best for them - not what’s best for yourself.
God is Love?
It is a truly shocking statement,
A shocking thing to say.
We want there to be good guys/bad guys,
To fall, feel shit, so we can rise again, but someone already beat us to it, and swept all our trivia away.
We prefer God to be a concept,
Love, mercy and forgiveness to be nice recognisable things we can point to,
And salvation reserved for those who rise.
God has a sense of humour,
A fluffy feeling is nice, but not the truth,
Salvation is freely given to those who are open to it.
God’s forgiveness can be perplexing, and sometimes very difficult to truly accept as truth, and much easier as a nice concept.
Sin keeps us separate from God, not the other way around
Day Two
@MrXYZ Sorry I didn’t post yesterday brother; my day didn’t end till around 3 AM! Hope you’ve had a fantastic start to the new week.
For this week, I’ve expanded my morning routine to include planning my day; I figure that since the routine is becoming a stronger habit, it will help me stay organised as well, GOD willing.
Summary: Morning Routine: 2/2 Top Tasks Completed: 2/2 Early Riser: 0/2
@anon67854825 You’re welcome brother.
We’ve all struggled. Some of us for many years. I feel that with veterans like ourselves, we need to be reminded why we’re worth saving, rather than a slap. It’s not even ‘pull yourself together’; it’s ‘build a new self who you’ll be happy to be and who you’ll protect from harm at your own hands.’ There’s enough shame attached to relapsing without pouring salt on the wound.
I relate so much to that idea about forgiveness. I’ve found it difficult to feel worthy of grace after all the wrongs I’ve done in life. But if the Most High says that when I return to Him, all is forgotten and my slate is wiped clean, who am I to argue? We are still here. We can change. We can make a better life and a beautiful future for ourselves. The past is gone but the future is available. It’s an unmoulded lump of clay we can fashion into any shape we desire. We don’t have to be prisoners of our past.
Tuesday
Day of work, been at university all day. Could have concentrated better and be more productive, but eventually It will get better, I think the lack of concentration could be also a withdrawal symptom, so I have to deal with it and do the best I can without giving up!
I need to seek God more during the day!
Tuesday
Hey @Gk-00 @Forodwaith
I did some exercises
Spent most of the day reflecting
Limited media (ie, web/YouTube/apps)
I checked into Rewire a few times today, and wrote some thoughts out that I haven’t posted.
So, not much dwelling with an idle mind, or being obsessive, or obsessive about trivial things
I should probably change “Limited media” for “idleminded, obsessive, or obsessive about trivia”
I was triggered this morning and didn’t turn the switch off. Pretty disappointed in myself. Thoughts…
Pretty lousy, I had my phone in bed, triggered by Twitter. I need to not go to bed with my phone even if it’s my alarm, I need to get up and sit in my living room. I may want to invest in a different alarm clock if this continues to be a problem. I should have put my phone in airplane mode last night because even if I need network for mediation, by the time I get to that part of my morning ritual I have more self-control.
Back to Day Zero
I offer up my prayer for those weak moments for what it’s worth
Thank you, that really means a lot and I believe it will be powerful and effective. I’m taking some much needed time to slow tonight.
Wednesday
Worked all day, still more to do
Moments of reflection, prayer
Limited media - Rewire several times to check up and write some personal notes.
One idle moment in Google news - those curiousity driven posts about something weird, and then I’m on Google maps looking for a pentagram in Kazakhstan
Some exercise and before bed
Wednesday
Another day of work at university, came back home late, I also went to Church today.
Pretty active week so far, having lots to do, work, friends, etc… surely is helping me a lot in maintaining my streak, thanks be to God for everything!
Thursday
All good. Another day of work, I got a bit too much distracted though, watched a too many YouTube videos when I should have been working
Prayer: went to Mass today!
Did not do physical exercise this week so far, aside from walking a lot every day to catch trains and so on I come back home quite late these days and don’t have the motivation to exercise, tomorrow I will have more spare time and want to remediate on this front!
Thursday
@Gk-00 @Forodwaith
A few idle moments on YouTube today, nothing of real interest.
I saw this quote on Rewire today - very telling
“Boredom is the root of all evil-the despairing refusal to be oneself”
-Soren Kierkegaard
A few exercises through the day
if I’ve got some spare moments, I’ll just do a few press-ups and squats 1 perk of working from home, or living where I work
Moments of prayerful thoughts, reflection,
And sang with the choir this evening
I’ve become confident, I need… Want to be in Day Zero, Never the moments leading to it
I had another relapse on my way here but I’m glad to say I’m on Day One of my journey back into recovery and reboot. I think and feel that I’m on good footing, I’m glad to have the companions here, and I’m eager to grow in self-mastery.
Mini-challenges
I want to add a new challenge here too , journaling at night.
Peace
After checking-in, I went back to work, and had a fall too.
My mindset has changed very much recently, and will take some getting used to.
This new light I want to hold onto, but it’s an old light that has always been there - it’s a reality I can’t hold, but bow before.
He said to those who obsessed about the law but forgot the most important ones;
“Even those who lust after someone, sin in their heart”
Sin being a depart from God.
Luckily since joining this app the severity of my lust never feels as strong as it used to, and hope this belief doesn’t cause me to fall to the sin of *Pride.
*I’ve been so obsessed with sexual sins, that I did’t notice other sins, and how one leads to another.
I get so caught-up, pumped-up and enthusiastic about work and ideas that I can fail to stay humble. Work, Pride and Egos are things that have often tainted the water.
Pride = not living in the truth,
Sloth = laziness, indecisive, unspititual
I hope to stay humble, recognise the truth,
And be assertive to make decisions = am I going to work? Am I gonna rest?
And most importantly, being adaptable to those unplanned moments given by others, and to see God in the midst
Being spirited and working hard starts and ends with giving Thanks and Glory to God
Just control your mind…everything will be alright