Why do we still want to PMO?
Let’s say you read my above post and you think, “No I don’t want to PMO! That’s the opposite of what I’ve been saying! Here on Rewire we all DON’T want to do it, that’s why we’re trying so hard! What nonsense are you talking about!”
Let me ask you. If you don’t want to PMO, why do you still relapse? Why do you still crave it so much? If you didn’t want to PMO, you would’ve stopped by now, instead of spending years here, and you would’ve quit Rewire. That’s right, the goal should be TO QUIT THIS APP. To not even use it as your “solution to this addiction”. The true solution is your own choice. It doesn’t matter what you say to me, but I beg you to look inwards and start really thinking about what your relationship with PMO really is like.
Let’s say you think, “Ok, I acknowledge that every time I relapse, it shows that I was actually desiring PMO deep down. My urges are me entertaining at the thought of PMO. What do I do about this?”
That’s a good start. And to do that, we need to think about why we started a PMO habit in the first place.
The Freedom Model addresses it with this notion: We all want happiness. ain’t that simple? Whether now, 10 years ago, or 10 years in the future, we all strive towards happiness. When we were first exposed to PMO, that gave us happiness. But not just any type of happiness. The PMO option for happiness triumphed others at that given time. Maybe we were going through a period of stress, like studying for examinations. Maybe it was a form of escape from reality, like during a boring weekend. Or maybe it was an emotional dampener, like when we broke up from a relationship (definitely been there). Well, all these reasons lead to the same result: an attempt at trying to bring your happiness levels higher than your status quo.
If there is a better alternative for the same price (ie our time and energy), who would rationally choose the inferior option? It’s an easy choice for PMO every time as compared to our other aspects in life (hobbies, friends, family etc.) Additionally, we’re not so great at seeing the long term effects, and the costs of these. It’s just because we so happened to value the HAPPINESS value that PMO gave us at that time. It’s why others can make a valuation for something that makes them happy that might not make sense to us (eg. A new handbag might make your girlfriend very happy but not a new PC, another “hit” might make a drug addict happier than he values losing his family).
Essentially, we started to PMO because it was the happiest option in our perceived mind. It was likely to be objectively wrong, but it was subjectively the best choice to us. So don’t worry thinking that you’re some kind of possessed freak with a broken circuits, because everyone in life makes a subjective choice to what they think is best for themselves. You just judged appropriately at the given time. Sure, it was a little short-sighted, but hey, you’re looking at it proper now.
After years of choosing this perceived choice, it basically became second nature, except that the side effects start to come in. As our life gets worse, we start to want a bigger “hit” to raise that happiness levels to back at where we are so used to getting it. And every time we fall back deeper into a lower state. We think that PMO is the solution to our terrible lives, not realising that PMO is the CAUSE of it.
The funny thing is, PMO isn’t even an increase in happiness. It is, at best, a very average temporary dopamine boost. How would you define happiness? Tingling in your hands, feet and a max 10 sec feeling of lightness? Or what about success in your work, having family time, excelling in your sports, having fun with your friends, developing your hobbies. What is happiness? Happiness is what you give meaning to. You’ve just been choosing one mode for your “happiness”.
So that’s the reason why you wanted to PMO. How do you stop wanting to PMO?
Well unfortunately, that’s something that nobody in the world except yourself can figure out. How could an individual ever convince somebody to want to do something? Even if I point a gun at your head and force you to do something, you can decide in your head that you didn’t want to do it. You have to decide that this habit, which you have let gone too far, is something just not beneficial for you. Maybe you look at how it’s affected your physical and mental health (I know that one time I seriously considered stopping was when my foreskin was chaffing and fucking bleeding) (Yeah, even that wasn’t even enough to get me to quit ). Maybe you look at your loved ones and see how your habit has affected them. For fuck’s sake, you LOVE these people. Why are you doing this to them? Maybe you just, for once in your life, decide to do something better for yourself.
You decide why you want to stop this habit. It’ll take some deep thinking, but dig deep and figure it out. And then WANT IT. Want to stop PMO. It’s not good just saying it here on the forum and then still craving for it in your head. It never did you any good anyway. That very temporary dopamine boost, that fades away instantly? Not worth all that pain and suffering. Remember, no amount of views from the clouds is worth the broken bones when you ride the water slide.
If you’re struggling to quit, if you’re relapsing multiple times. Slow it down a little. Realise that deep down you still want to PMO. Figure out why. And then think about why you don’t want to PMO. Once you don’t want to do it, you’ll simply make the choice to not do it. Ever. Lock the door and walk away.