Thanks for the posts and time given @yadadada
I strongly suggest people their take time to read. Grasping this mindset turns what seemed like a difficult challenge into choices, but on one condition; you actually want that peace of mind. It won’t solve everything in your life, or replace God, but it will at least solve the pmo problem.
Challenges, motivational quotes, gaining streaks and accounting to one another can help get you from A to B, possibly even Z, but without a decent engine, and having a “NoFap-mentality” you never get back around from Z to A, and always start back at A when you fail.
NoFap is, for all intents and purposes, a good movement, but can as easily be a feel good idea to lessen the self imposed guilt.
Look, we all fail, and choose badly, Would you want that for your son? Would God want that for you? Or would he make it easy, support and Love you, no matter what?
Come on guys, yes, NoFap is great, but like I say, without a proper engine you’ll always be going back to A, and never reaching beyond Z
Like @yadadada I encourage people to read Freedom model, and most importantly verbalise, and start creating your own dialogue to strip away all the things that stop you from being at peace, and seeing the bigger picture with fresh eyes.
Maybe it sounds far-fetched, but I want to add a point that, when I finally know that I have a choice to quit, I have kinda feeling of ‘enlightened’. This process is actually similar to enlightenment in Buddhism imo. We are controlled by desires, we strive to fulfill our desires, just to make us become painful and stressed. When we finally understands that the mundane world is nothing — it provides no true benefits to us, then we choose to let go and return to our self, our blissful state. I would say, this is the ultimate method. Actually the willpower method is useful as well: Buddhists practice precepts, mindfulness to retreat from desire, but the willpower method cannot ultimately bring one to enlightenment; seeing the desire is fake and the the desire actually brings us pain is the ultimate way out.
The great hurdle in this, that I’m seeing or feeling right now is, not wanting pmo, and knowing fully well it’s ultimately undesirable.
I haven’t gotten fully through Freedom Model, but so far it’s helped shake off the baggage of “recovery” (or NoFap rule)
The obstacle is pmo itself, not sex, sexuality and human relationship. The big obstacle is culture and our attitudes towards sex. I grew up in 80s/90s and it was much the same as it is now, but just not as obvious.
How we view sex (or how I’ve been viewing, or, do) culturally, has nothing to do with relationship, but everything to do with idolising and possessing.
So ask yourself. Am I actually a decent guy?
Why pmo is difficult to quit?
Because sex is good,
And because to your brain,
Pmo = Sex
When you see a girl walkby = sex
When you have thoughts about it = the same.
It’s true. The whole world is selling that sex is good. The world is very degenerated compared to old days.
I wanna share some self-talk that may help us get rid of old mindset and reinforce our freedom mindset:-
Sex without love is pure destruction of body. I crave for those flesh and bones just to deplete my precious essence.
These girls are my sisters. I love them. I wish them happy and healthy
Imagine I see another guy filled with lustful thoughts and finally can’t help but rush to the toilet and fap. How would I feel? Do i want to be like him?!
That’s a really interesting point you brought up. And yeah, how we view sex definietly plays a huge part on how we view ourselves in the role of sex and relationships.
We all want sex. Sex isn’t a sin, it’s a driving force of nature, of love. Wanting sex is not abnormal. Don’t be ashamed of your desire for sex.
But how did we ever think that PMO was a replacement? That’s somthing to think about. Could it be fear? Afraid that you’ll never have a sexual relationship, you revert to a cheap imitation? Could it be envy, covertly hoping that you were the man/woman in the video? Could it be a self-destructive behaviour, where you KNOW you are doing something that isn’t ‘real’ but you engage it in anyways because it shows how flawed you are?
Think about how you decided that ■■■■ could ever replace sex. The reality is, it can’t. It’s pretty damn stupid to watch two people have sex on camera and think, “Well I wish I was that guy/girl” and then get yourself off from that. Go and BE that guy/girl. If you want sex, go get it.
You’ve done a fantastic job in illustrating the mindset for leaving ‘addiction’ and ‘recovery’ behind us. I especially like how you’ve repurposed the image of the water slide from EasyPeasy.
What a thought - we like having urges. It’s a struggle because we’re wrestling with ourselves internally, looking at flashbacks of past scenes and saying, Wouldn’t it be great to go back and watch that one?Ah, man, but what about the consequences…
This idea of changing our identity around this issue is key. During the past few days, I’ve been thinking about myself as someone with self-control, the opposite of an addict. And it’s a much easier journey. I’m still only on Chapter 2 of The Freedom Model, but I’ve been getting so many ah-ha moments of clarity and insight.
Thanks again for writing this and sharing your thoughts, brother; I hope other people here are helped by it.
I was just watching some pork, naturally, quite casually watching -what someone who’s never watched pork (and yes they do exist) would think grotesque or shocking- and started thinking “this doesn’t feel good”… “this isn’t making me happy”
I’m only doing to feel good, not because I need it, or because there’s nothing/nobody else in my life, or because I can’t be productive, or have things to do.
I only go to it because I think it’s good, or makes me feel good until I orgasm.
“Pmo = good”… But without jumping to ideology, does it make me feel good?
No. It just makes me feel sad when I look at myself.
What about you? - So what if other people do it and joke? Is it actually making you feel happy? What’s your situation? Do you work? Study? Have anyone in your life? Parent? Priest? Friend? Partner? Wife?
It’s a sad lonely old world, not the real world, but the world in which pork exits.
It’s not that you need to replace pmo with something else. Or you need to be successful, or push weights. Nor does pmo stop you from productivity.
We are not sick or controlled by urges or temptation.
Why?
Because Pmo requires conscious effort, not in the sense that it’s hard, but that it asks for our time, energy and thought process, the act itself isn’t hard, and doesn’t feel bad, actually good, but there are a whole load of other aspects happening to consider.
For one, you’ve got to open web and start searching, 2nd, you need to make sure you’re alone, nobody can hear. Your clothes, where to shoot, washing, other thoughts might come to mind and distract. That “what after” feeling. Will I feel better or happier after?
Not to mention all the riff-raff of what others would think, also faith, and the nofap-com.
The whole thing can actually be quite stressful, and so we choose. Yes or No. Not because we are addicted or sick, but because we want “This good” Or “That good”.
Jerking is a choice. Not an illness. Not something that controls us. But something we require of ourselves to pursue.
Yeah, but I am choosing to stay because of the bonds I have made here. I love this place but I would like this app to have a lighter environment instead of constantly talking about fighting urges and shit.
The Freedom Model is really transforming my life. I really find myself choose not to PMO and choose to manifest my life to the fullest. I wish everyone here can understand this and pursue their true happiness, the life they really wish to attain.
