Daily Entry, August 11, 2024 Day 3
Hey! I hope everyone is doing well! Today has been really good! We had a special service at church, and afterwards, we had a special meal for our pastor (his birthday was a few days ago).
As of writing this, I am 3 days and 19 hours into this streak. The only reason that I know down to the exact hour is because I opened the Rewire app to make sure that I was right about my days. It’s strange, but I find lately that I use the forums more than I do the app. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it’s easier for me to type on my laptop than it is for me to type on my phone. (Hey, I might as well put that typing class from school to good use 
)
So, How’s It Going?
Well, I’m still early on in this streak, but this is just something I’ve noticed thus far:
I’ve noticed that just from that one relapse that my brain has really, really wanted me to go back to the old habit of relying on masturbation, and even macrophilia, as my source of happiness. Thankfully, I haven’t given in to either one! You know how I’m always saying that masturbation never made me happy, and it never will? Well, it’s like my brain comes around and tells me, “No, no, I swear, this time it’ll work! Just give it one more chance! You’ll see! It’ll make you happy this time!”. It’s kinda like that guy that promises that you can fix whatever is broken with duck tape, or zip ties (and yes, I have used both as a temporary fix to a problem in the past 
). Yeah, they’ll work for a short period of time, but they’re not a permanent solution.
And it’s the same with masturbation in my life. Yeah, it’ll give me a short thrill, but look at all the guilt, and the shame, and the blow to my mentality that it’ll bring with it. Even this afternoon, I had a moment where I had an urge, and I had to remind myself of that very thing.
Blah, Blah, Blah! Anything Positive Happening In Your LIfe?
I know that I can have a tendency to get on here, and tell a lot of negative stuff, but actually, there is some good that has happened lately! I find on my break time at work, I’m more likely to read an eBook, than to scroll through social media, or even watch YouTube, so that’s something! I’m not where I want to be on my reading goal, but I’m getting closer. This is kinda random, but I’ve found myself listening to some classic instrumental jazz a lot when I’m working, or reading (you know, the kind of stuff that you’d see in an old B/W movie from the 40’s ). It’s actually kinda relaxing! I’m also finding myself falling back in the habit of listening to podcasts more. With You In The Weeds is a good one, and The Chorus In The Chaos is one that I’ve just started listening to, and so far, it’s been very interesting as well! (Note: The viewpoints expressed by these podcasts are those of the content creators, and do not always express my viewpoints, but regardless of any minor differing viewpoints, are still recommended by me.)
What Do I Need To Work On?
1: As I stated, I’d like to see myself reading more than consuming social media (yes, YouTube is still considered social media).
2: On that note, I’d like to see myself do less mindless scrolling. Not just with social media apps, but even with entertainment apps (Prime Video, Disney+, etc.). I find myself just mindlessly scrolling for something to watch, and instead of me choosing my entertainment, I find my entertainment choosing me. Something doesn’t sit well with me about that. I know too much TV is too much TV, but back when we used DVD’s and Blu-Rays (if you’re even old enough to remember them, even VHS Tapes 
), you didn’t just put something on by accident, or at random. You chose to watch the movie you put in the player. I know there’s always been “channel surfing” since the invention of television, but going forward, I’d like to be a little bit more deliberate in my choice of what I watch when I choose to watch TV.
3: I want to see myself develop more of a personal devotion time. I’m kinda mixed on what time is best. I’ve heard some people say that first thing in the morning is the best time for prayer and Bible reading; yet I’m usually groggy in the morning and have a hard time retaining anything that I’ve read under those conditions. Same with having nighttime devotions: after a long day of activity and work, I’m usually in a similar condition, and don’t really get anything out of what I read. Either way, I want to see myself develop a time for reading my Bible more, and getting alone with God in prayer, as I know that this is essential to my success in this fight! Help me pray about these things.
4: I’d like to see myself become less cluttered. I’m ashamed to admit it, but my bedroom most of the time stays cluttered. I’m not talking bad enough to make a guest appearance on Hoarders on A&E , but maybe more like Oscar Madison from The Odd Couple. I’ve thought about maybe selling some of the things that I don’t use that often on a platform like eBay, or maybe Mercari. I’ve heard that daily living in a messy environment can harm your mentality, and I know that I want to see my mental wellbeing increase.
Well, I think that was the longest non-topical post that I’ve ever done . I guess I needed to get my thoughts out there. Thank you all for listening and for your support!
God Bless You In Your Fight!
), and even with body type, you may be more attracted to someone thinner or maybe chubbier. Again, nothing wrong with having preferences, as those make up the person that we are. But we also have to realize that they’re not made of stone, and they’re going to have faults and failings, just like we do!
” . Hey, it’s the little things in life that make our days! 
