The Macro Files (Overcoming Macrophilia) [25, M]

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone is doing well tonight! I won’t make this a long post tonight (at least, I don’t think it will be ). I’m not gonna lie, today was a little rough. As far as urges go, it wasn’t the worst day; but emotionally, it really wore me down. Now you say, “Big deal, everyone has bad days. You just have to take it.” But sometimes you feel like you’re unable to deal with the things in your life. What makes it all the more discouraging is that you see others that are in the same boat as you, and they seem to be doing fine with it, and it makes you feel like you’re some kind of freak, or maybe you’re a defect, or that you’re just not as good as everyone else. It makes you feel: alone.

And the problem for me is that, as I’ve said in the past, my mind a lot of times instantly wants to turn in the direction that leads right back to masturbation. Some times it’s not even an explicitly sexual thought; sometimes it’s just a thought of wanting something to numb the pain. Now wanting to be comforted in these situations is normal. I remember last year, I went to the Emergency Room with kidney stones, and that was some of the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life! I don’t wish that on even my worst enemy! At that time, all I wanted was to feel a little relief from the pain that I was experiencing; and honestly, if someone had told me that I had to get down on the floor and snort like a pig, I’d have said, “Oink, oink!” . I say all that to say this: life is hard sometimes, and it’s normal to want to find some solace in the middle of it. But what’s unacceptable is to let masturbation be that solace in your life! The Holy Spirit is supremely that great Comforter in our life! He stirs in our heart, leading us to take our burdens to Christ. That’s what Peter told us to do, “Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.”. Secondly, we find it in our brothers and sisters around us, who pray for us, and encourage us along in our struggles. I know that today would have been a lot worse without the prayers of some of y’all on here, and I thank y’all for them!

To an adult, tying your shoes isn’t a big deal. You do it regularly without thinking much about it. But to a little child who’s still learning, it’s a big deal, and as silly as it sounds, it may even bring that child to tears if he is unable to complete the task. I believe that it’s the same way with us in this addiction. We beat ourselves up so many times for not being able to beat this thing right away because others are doing so much better than we are; but that doesn’t mean that our problems matter any less. A songwriter once wrote, “If it matters to you, it matters to the Master.”. If it’s something that legitimately burdens you, and brings you sorrow, remember that God is touched with your infirmities! You may not think of it this way, and honestly I didn’t think of it this way for a long time, but has it ever occurred to you that when your eyes are filled with tears, His eyes are also filled with tears for your sorrow? He looks on His dear child, and says, “I see your struggle, and I care!”. Remember that as you’re in this fight. No matter the battle, the big ones, or the small ones, they matter to Him! He is there to help us in our progress as well! In Isaiah 41:13, we read, “For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

I know that post went a little longer than I meant , but I hope it’s been a help and a blessing to you! It helped me to think on some of these things today

God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope y’all are doing well today! Today was a much better day than yesterday, and I thank y’all very much for your prayers for me!

So we’re back on what masturbation steals from us, and tonight, I’d like to deal with the fact that masturbation steals intimacy from us. Similar to what I said about it stealing our strength, a lot of people would think this ironic, considering that many believe that they feel more intimate whenever they PMO. But “feel” is the keyword in that statement. For a brief moment, it really feels that we’re intimate; but what are we intimate with? The person on the other side of a screen? They don’t even know that you’re alive! The person in your fantasy? They’re just a phantom, literally a figment of your imagination! PMO is nothing more than A.I. : Artificial Intimacy!

So why do we seek it out? Because real relationships aren’t as easy as these imaginary ones that we make up. People can reject us, and wound us deeply with their rejection. Or sometimes, people hurt us even if they don’t mean to. But the people in our fantasies don’t do that. They’re mind-readers; they know exactly what we like, and how we like it, and they only exist for the soul purpose of fulfilling us. Not so in a real relationship, though. There’s actual give and take; sometimes you give more than you feel like, and sometimes you take more than you’d care to. But again, there’s that chance of getting hurt, and that’s a risk that we’re not willing to take. Or some of us have even attempted to take this risk, and the memory of the pain is too fresh in our minds.

In all honesty, this isn’t a subject that I can claim to be an expert in. I have struggled, and still sometimes struggle with these feelings. After all: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Isn’t that how the saying goes? I’ve put myself out there before, both in pursuit of marriage, and in friendships, only to have my heart crushed time and time again. I think that’s one of the things that normalized macrophilia for me. In real life, I felt like relationships only crushed me in the end, so it would make sense that in my fantasies, I would be crushed by a giantess. I felt no one really regarded me in my relationships, so I would fantasize about someone who disregarded me as a human being.

The problem is that this is the lie that is reinforced by circumstantial evidence. It kinda reminds me of an old Abbot and Costello routine where Lou Costello would “prove” that 7 times 13 equals 28 . If you want to see the clip, I’ll put a link to it right here:

7 times 13 is 28 | 13×7=28 | Abbott and Costello

But that’s how these experiences are. We think that these experiences with some lousy people prove that’s all there is to real intimacy.

I remember the words that were said of an old Southern Baptist preacher by the name of Percy Ray. A man once said of him, “He had faith in the godly. Percy Ray believed in people. You know you can go through life and have a lot of experiences in life. And sometimes if we are not very careful being disappointed and hurt, we can let our faith in people diminish, and not believe in people. But, we are the losers when we lose faith in our fellow man. Percy Ray was hurt, Percy Ray was disappointed, Percy Ray had put faith in people all through the years, and they disappointed him. But, that never kept him from believing in other people and trusting other people. And, because of that, there is laid up for him a crown of righteousness.” Those were some convicting words for me to read! And in my life, I want to be the same way!

I’m not saying that we should be gullible, and just take everybody to be our friends. But don’t let those experiences make you bitter! As Mr. Brownlow said to Oliver in Oliver Twist, “'I have been deceived, before, in the objects whom I have endeavoured to benefit; but I feel strongly disposed to trust you…The persons on whom I have bestowed my dearest love, lie deep in their graves; but, although the happiness and delight of my life lie buried there too, I have not made a coffin of my heart, and sealed it up, forever, on my best affections. Deep affliction has but strengthened and refined them.”

I think that one of our other problems is that we have trouble seeking other types of intimacy. When we think of intimacy, most of the time we think “Ooh la la!” But there’s other types of intimacy other than sexual. We can be intimate with people intellectually and emotionally. The problem is that many times we skip trying to be intimate with our friends and family, and head straight for romance. That’s like trying to learn how to code without learning how to operate a computer in the first place! Let’s work on our relationships and intimacy with the people around us first.

I can relate to that last part especially, because for so long I thought that getting married would fix all my problems concerning masturbation; and when my attempts to find that special someone failed, it really upset me. But lately, I’ve been trying to work on some of these things, and work on myself as well (not selfishly, mind you, but still taking care of some issues that I had never resolved in my life).

Either way, regardless of what we face in life, always take these things to God! Hebrews 13:5-6 says, “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone’s doing alright tonight! I’m gonna make my post brief tonight (no, really, I promise! ) Today was a good day! I didn’t have a lot of problems with urges. I did have a few times that I had to turn my head to keep from having thoughts in that direction. A lot of girls dress in a manner that doesn’t make this battle any easier; but that’s no excuse for us men. We have to step up and be the man that God has called us to be! I know a lot of people will mock you for “bouncing your eyes” to keep from lusting, but keep on doing what’s right! If I can recommend a YouTube Channel to you, go check out Men On Mission! There’s a lot of good content related to this battle that we have! Go check him out!
https://www.youtube.com/@men_on_mission

I’ve had a really good day, though. I’ve relaxed a little bit today, got some laundry done, and even had a little time to work on some new licks on my banjo (I know, not everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m from the southern United States, that’s kind of a thing here ). Any time not spent masturbating is time well spent! I’m grateful to God for the day that He’s given me, and for helping me along the way! To quote Alastair Sim’s Ebeneezer Scrooge, “I don’t deserve to be so happy…but I can’t help it!”. I’ve got a long way to go on my journey, but I’m humbly grateful for these past few weeks!

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone is doing well tonight! I won’t be long with this post tonight, either. Today was good! We had two good services at church today, and both of the messages that were preached were very needed for today! As far as urges go, I haven’t had any big urges, but over the past few days, I’ve struggled with a little bit of brain fog. I’m still not giving in to masturbation, but I wish I had a little more mental clarity. I’ve wasted more of my free time than I’d really like to admit, but I’m slowly trying to work on occupying that time. I know that they say that idle hands are the devil’s workshop. I believe that idle hands are also an open door for masturbation to walk back into your life through. So many people have posted boredom as being a trigger for them to relapse, and I know at times it’s been one for me. If any of y’all have any advice about dealing with the brain fog, I’m all ears!

Overall, I’m still very grateful for where I’m at right now! I’d still rather have the brain fog and no masturbation, than to have total mental clarity, and still be giving in every night. Lord-willing, I’ll try to have a longer post pretty soon! God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone is doing well this evening! Today has been pretty good overall, but it hasn’t been without its challenges. I’ve had a few urges, especially this evening. But by the help of the Lord, I haven’t given in to them! Thank y’all for your prayers, because I know that my success is due in part to y’all praying for me!

One thing that helped me out is a video from a guy that I recommended the other day. It’s not from his Men On Mission channel, but it falls under the category of a lot of the videos that he puts over there. Funny enough, he’s actually said a lot of the same things that I’ve been saying lately, even though I hadn’t even watched his video before writing the stuff that I did! But anyways, I hope it’s a help and a blessing to you!

How P*rn Is Subtly DESTROYING You & How to Stop it.

I’m gonna depart from what I’ve been talking about concerning what masturbation steals from us, and talk about one of the lies that it tells us. I think that we think we know what the main lie is, but I believe that we fall just short of getting it right. We think that the lie is that, “Masturbation isn’t gonna make me as happy as walking in purity.”. Close, but not quite it. The truth is that, “Masturbation isn’t gonna make us happy. Period.”. Now I hear you. “But user1234567890, I remember what it was like when I last relapsed. I felt really good while I was watching pornography, or while I was engaged in masturbation. You must be wrong, it does make me happy, just not happy enough.” But the problem is that it offers a cheap pleasure that doesn’t really last.

My grandfather told a story one time about when he and my grandmother got married, and went on their honeymoon to Florida. On the way there, they stopped at an orange juice stand, where there was a sign that said “All You Can Drink For 15 Cents”. So he goes up to the stand, and puts down 15 cents, and the man gives him a cold glass of orange juice. He immediately downs that glass, and tells the man he’d like another glass. But the man informs him that he has to pay another 15 cents. My grandfather asked him, “But the sign says ‘All You Can Drink For 15 Cents’ ?”, to which the man replied, “Yeah, and that’s ALL you can drink for 15 cents!”.

So what’s that got to do with what we’re talking about. Masturbation is the same way: it overpromises, and underdelivers. It promises happiness, when all it can provide is a little bit of pleasure. Happiness comes from something much deeper! Hebrews 11:24-26 speaks of Moses, and it says, “By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter; Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward.”. True happiness can only be found in God. When we seek it in other things, those other things may provide a little bit of pleasure, even a legitimate pleasure; but ultimately, those pleasures will pass away. But God is eternal! He will never pass away, neither will the happiness found in Him!

Don’t fall for the lies of masturbation, and of the devil. One of the things that I’ve had to remind myself today is something that y’all will think is kinda silly, but I’ve thought about that line from the Princess and the Frog that I put up the other day. “It ain’t gonna make you happy now. Did it make you happy, then? NO!” I know it’s a line from a children’s movie, but you know the saying, “Out of the mouth of babes…”. There’s a lot of wisdom in that line! Masturbation never brought me happiness, and it will never bring me happiness! Only Jesus can bring me the happiness that I seek!

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone’s doing well tonight! Today was good overall. I didn’t really have a lot of urges. But what I have found is that I’ve had to process some of my emotions, and even some things from the past that deeply hurt me. It’s not that I’ve been through anything worse than anyone else; but all the same, I’m still having to revisit those events in my mind, and look at them in the light of the truth. As I’ve said many times, I’ve used masturbation as a numbing agent for my bad feelings for so long, and that absence of that rush of dopamine has made it a little difficult at times when those feelings come back up. But it’s not impossible, and I’m still working through these things daily! Continue to keep me in your prayers! Thank you for your prayers for me! I’d particularly like to thank @FaithfulWalker and @Survivor_8 for their encouragement, support, and prayers for me! Without them, I know that I wouldn’t have made it this far! Thank you, brothers! And I know that I’ve still got a long ways to go in this battle, but I’m very thankful to make it this far!

Pray for me especially over the next day or two. I know this is a mental thing for me, but this is something that I’ve had on my mind lately. So I’ve had two big milestones in my journey of quitting masturbation and macrophilia. One was when I made it to 30 days, and the other was when I made it 70 days. When I made it to 30 days, I barely made it to that 30 day mark, and I woke up in the middle of the night with a strong urge, and just acted on impulse, and masturbated. I really don’t want to repeat that experience. I know that urges are gonna come up every now and then; but I want to continue to do as I’ve done over the past 4 weeks, and deal with those urges in the way that God wants me to. I know that He is with me in this fight! I don’t want to be blindly arrogant, or even assumptive (after all, that’s what happened to Samson in Judges 16:20); but I also don’t want to devalue the promises that God gives to those who seek Him! Keep me in your prayers!

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone is doing well! Today was pretty good! Not much to report on. The usual urges came, and they went! My mind has really had to get used to that lack of dopamine that I used to get from masturbation. I’m having to find it from different things now. That’s been a little bit of a challenge for me, especially when it comes to the social aspect of things. I wrote a few posts back about intimacy, and how we don’t like to seek it from other people. I’m sadly too much that way a lot of times. I feel like I’ve got to meet my own needs, or nobody else will. And don’t get me wrong, I believe in doing all that you can do for yourself; I’m not advocating being lazy. But at the same time, man was made with needs that have to be met by other people. Even from childhood, if it weren’t for someone taking care of us, and making sure that our needs were met, we wouldn’t be here today. I find myself distrusting too many people, and worrying about how I’m going to be hurt by them. But that type of thinking is what ends up driving me back to masturbation. If there’s been a train of thought that I’ve really had to fight in the past month, it’s been this!

One thing I will say, and I was thinking about this at work the other day, but one of the things that I really appreciate about the community on here is that most of the people on here aren’t arrogant, and will help you in whatever way they can! I really do appreciate that! I’ve talked about how life sometimes will falsely validate every insecure thought that you have. Well this place seems to validate every secure thought that you could imagine. I wish there were more people in the world with this type of attitude: such a spirit of goodwill toward fellow men (and women, I know there are a few on here as well)! Thank y’all for all the kindness that you’ve shown me!

I don’t have a real long post for tonight, and I apologize for that. I’ve kinda had a lot of things going on over the past few days, and haven’t really had time to put together a complete thought for one. I’ve got the start of a topic, so Lord-willing, I will have one soon! God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone is doing well tonight! I just wanted to check in on here, and give my update for today. Again, things have been a little busy this week, and I’ve still not got a long post for tonight (you can breathe a sigh of relief ). Today was pretty normal; but my response to some things wasn’t necessarily normal. And on this, I really would appreciate some advice. I know that I don’t have all the answers to everything, and I need just as much teaching as anyone else, if not more so! So I’ve talked about masturbation in the past being my stress-coping mechanism. Thankfully, its job as my stress-coping mechanism has been terminated; but I still in a lot of ways feel like I have a hole in that spot. I’m still questioning those emotions, and trying to process them as they come along; but sometimes I feel like I could do better. I’m not as bad off as when I started, by no means; but sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about doing things to myself. I guess that makes me sound like a crazy person, but that’s my predicament.

I know I probably sound devastated from what I just said, but even with this problem, I’m not as discouraged as I once was. I do see hope, and healing by the help of God. I know that one way or another, He will guide me in the path that I need to go! Also, I know that I may not have all the answers I want, but I do know that I have one answer that I can eliminate as an option: masturbation. I may be hungry, and not know what I want to eat; but I can safely eliminate rat poison from my menu! That’s how I view this thing in my life right now. As you pray for me, please pray about this. I thank you ahead of time for taking time out of your busy day to read these posts, and to pray for me as well! I very humbly thank you for it! God bless you in your fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone is doing well! Today has been pretty good, and my urges haven’t been as bad. I don’t want to get too relaxed, but at the same time, I’ve enjoyed the good day, and I thank God for giving me another good day! There not all like today was, and that makes it all the more precious when you have them.

So I haven’t put up a long post in awhile, and tonight, I’m gonna try to return back to our subject of the things that masturbation steals from us. This topic goes along with what I said before about intimacy.

Tonight, I’d like to talk about how masturbation steals our love. Again, I’ve said this at the start of at least a couple of my posts, but this statement almost seems ironic to make, because during the act, we feel loved for that brief moment. But as I said before, that’s because it’s AI: Artificial Intimacy!

Now there are a couple of aspects of this theft that takes place by PMO. First, it robs us of the hope of pursuing true love with a real person. And secondly, it robs us of the true meaning of love.

On the first point, it keeps us from finding a meaningful relationship with someone. Now I’m not exactly the most optimistic person when it comes to romance, and personally, my attempts at this have really flopped. But I do know this much: that no relationship is better than no relationship. You may say, “Uh, User1234567890, I think you made a typo there,” but i assure you, I didn’t. We think that masturbation is better than not having a relationship at all; but masturbation is just a step down from having nothing! It’s having nothing, plus being robbed blind, for example, in our happiness, our intellect, our sanity, our…well, you get the idea after the last few posts I’ve put up .

But seriously, we trick ourselves into thinking that we have more with masturbation than we already do. If you’re in a relationship, you may feel like at least you have more fulfillment in your life with PMO than you may currently have otherwise. And if you’re single like I am, you may tell yourself that it’s just to tide you over, until you find that special someone; then all of that masturbation stuff will be out of the way, right? But you still have nothing! You don’t have any more fulfillment with masturbation. There’s no real bonding, no love, no affection, nothing but a phantom. Imaginary friends are alright when we’re children; but there comes a time when we need to make real friends and have real relationships. As long as we’re holding on to this, we will never improve. We’ll never move on to a true loving relationship.

Secondly, we are robbed of what love really is. I know I’ve covered this briefly when I talked about Job, but love isn’t just about us, or about some euphoria that we experience 24/7. Read 1 Corinthians 13, and see what it says about love. That’s a pretty high standard!

I won’t speak for everyone else, but I’ll say this about myself: so many times I’ve thought I was in love with a girl, and realized later down the road that I was in love with what she could do for my desires. We as men want to be respected, and to a degree, even feel needed; but nothing feels worse than to feel like we’re just being used as a means to an end. Well, why do we treat women that way? We tell ourselves that we love them, when if you get down to it, some of us fall in “love” (or lust, if you wanna get down to it) with what they give us. How do you think that makes her feel? That’s not love. I’m not against a married couple enjoying all the benefits of their marriage. I’m just saying for anyone like me, who is looking for a relationship, that we need to make sure that we actually love the girl, and not just what she can do for us.

If you don’t read anything else in this post, please read this. My Sunday School teacher once told about a father that was talking to his son about love and lust, and the son asked his father, “But Dad, how will I know the difference between whether I’m falling in love, or whether it’s just lust?”. His Father wisely answered him, “Son, the difference between love and lust is this: Love can’t wait to give; lust can’t wait to get.”.

Let me give you a quote by C.S. Lewis that I’ve thought about over the past few days, and maybe some of you have already read it before. “For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back: sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides. And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among those shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect lover: no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity. In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself . . . . And it is not only the faculty of love which is thus sterilized, forced back on itself, but also the faculty of imagination."

I know that it’s hard to think about real, sacrificial love, because sometimes in life you feel like the Giving Tree, and you just give, and give, and give, until there’s nothing left of you. But love is not in vain. Jesus said in Matthew 25:40, “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”. I can’t speak on what marriage is like, because I’ve never been in those shoes; but I do know that it can get discouraging, even when you genuinely, sacrificially, and selflessly love someone, and care about them, and they don’t return that love. But love isn’t wasted; it’s just redistributed. One day, in one way or another, you will find that love coming back to you. I’m not promising romance for everyone (hey, I can’t even tell if I’ll ever get married and have a relationship one day), but as I talked about with intimacy, you’ll find that love in those who care about you: in a friend, in a family member, and chiefly, in our Heavenly Father!

Okay, that definitely went longer than I expected , but I hope that something that was said will be a help to you. I’m not an expert (that ought to be obvious by reading all that), but I think it’s time that we seek true love, and not some erotic fantasy that will never love us back. I keep quoting it, and I’ll keep quoting it because it’s helped me the past few days: “That ain’t gonna make you happy now. Did it make you happy then? NO!”. Don’t turn back to masturbation. It’s not waiting with loving arms; it’s waiting with a knife, ready to plunge it into your back. Look in the right place, and you’ll find the love that you’re seeking! God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I hope everyone is doing well today! I won’t make this a real long post tonight, but I wanted to keep with my program of posting daily on here. Today was good in a lot of ways. No relapse, no really bad thoughts, or anything like that. Something that I am struggling to find lately is energy. I don’t know what that’s due to, and it could be that I just need to make a few lifestyle changes, and I’ll find that energy. I know one thing’s for sure: I haven’t found that super-energy that everyone talks about being a result of quitting masturbation yet! But again, if y’all have any advice on what I might could do to increase energy, I’m all ears. I just feel so tired all the time lately.

But with that being said, I’m not sorry for quitting masturbation, and I am very humbly thankful to my Lord for helping me to make it this far! Even if He didn’t let me make it another day farther, I can still say it’s been so good to have the feeling that comes from quitting this mess! In spite of the lower energy that I have in this season of my life, I’d rather struggle to find energy, and not have masturbation, than to have the energy of a rocket ship, and still be chained to this thing! I know this lack of energy won’t last forever. But pray for me about this matter. Thank y’all for reading this! God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I hope everyone is doing well tonight! I’ll be pretty short tonight. Today was a good day, and tonight, we got to go to what we call a camp meeting. It’ll be going on all week, so keep the meeting in your prayers, and keep the preacher there in your prayers.

Tonight he preached about bitterness, and if I’m perfectly honest, I struggle with it. Honestly, I was tempted to say that I have struggled with bitterness; but it’s really a struggle even now for me. Different things, different circumstances, and different people that have hurt me in the past. It’s hard to let go sometimes because the pain is so deep, and the memories so fresh (even after many years). And then you see the people that hurt you, and they’re doing fine, and nothing seems to phase them.

You know, as I was typing this, I thought about a similarity between this, and macroohilia. There’s actually an aspect of macroohilia where the giantess either is clueless to what kind of damage she is doing, or doesn’t care about the damage she is doing. And possibly this is one of the reasons I’ve latched onto this fantasy: I’ve seen people hurt me, not caring whether they did or not, and somewhere in my mind I have believed the lie that all women are like this. It’s just a thought, I’ve never really considered it before; but I am a firm believer that we’re hooked on this thing because there’s a lie somewhere that we’re telling ourselves.

Anyways, pray for me concerning this as well. I know I’m not the only one that’s been hurt before, and some of y’all have probably been through worse hurt than me. I’ll do my best to pray for y’all! God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I hope y’all are doing well!! Today has been a little bit of a struggle. I can’t really explain why, but I’ve felt kinda sad today (not to the point of sitting down with a carton of ice cream and eating the whole thing ), but still, I guess lonely. Sometimes I feel alone, even when I’m in the middle of a crowd, I can still feel lonely, and start second-guessing myself. I know I’m not alone, and even tonight, I went back to the camp meeting that I told y’all about last time, and after service, I got to reacquaint with some friends I don’t get to see too often, and that felt really good!

I know in the end, that these feelings come around to try and drag me back to masturbation, and I don’t wanna go back! I keep reminding myself that masturbation never made me happy, and it will never make me happy! I’m not ready to give up this good feeling this comes from not giving in! Sadness comes and goes, but I know that Jesus is always with me. He tells me the truth, but this thing does nothing but lie to me! By the grace of God, I want to keep trusting in Him, and not go back where I was.

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I hope everyone is doing well! Today was rough. There’s no other way to say it. But this story has a happy ending: it did not end in relapse! I won’t say that I’ve responded to every difficulty today in the way that I should, but if I can say nothing else, I can say that I haven’t run back to the arms of masturbation and macrophilia, and listened to their lies!

I’d like to say more, but honestly, I’ve felt kind of…I wouldn’t say numb, but maybe emotionally drained. I’ve been praying and asking God to help me through this thing that’s bothering me. The sad thing about life is that just as you’re getting victory in one battle, it throws you right in the middle of another one to fight simultaneously. But I find encouragement in some song lyrics:

I don’t know what tomorrow may bring
I can’t tell you what’s in store
I don’t know a lot of things
I don’t have all the answers
To the questions of my life
But I know in Whom I have believed

And He knows my name
Every step that I take
Every move that I make
Every tear that I cry
He knows my name
When I’m overwhelmed by the pain
And can’t see the light of day
I know I’ll be just fine
'Cause He knows my name

Let me leave you with the words of Paul in 1 Thessalonians 5:25: Brethren, pray for us. I desire your prayers during this time. I humbly thank you for them. God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone has been doing well today! Today went a little better than yesterday. There’s still some things from yesterday that I’m praying about, but on the whole, it was a better day. I didn’t have a lot of urges, so that was a blessing!

I’m still working on a longer post, but hopefully I’ll try to have it up tomorrow night! God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I hope y’all are doing well! Sorry for not posting last night. You remember me saying that I felt really tired lately? Well, apparently last night my body agreed with me, because I laid down a little after 7:00pm, and didn’t wake up until 4:00am the next day . So that’s why I didn’t put anything up yesterday. Yesterday and today went well. Not a lot to report on there, but they say that no news is good news!

So tonight, I’d like to plunder through the ill-gotten gains of masturbation, and reveal another one of the things it has stolen from our lives. One of the things that masturbation steals from us is our patience. How so? Well masturbation is instant gratification. “Relationship building? What’s that? Getting to actually know someone? Who needs it? All I need is a screen or my imagination, and to just sit back and enjoy myself!” All of the things that people take their time to have are bypassed, and it’s like we rush straight ahead for the good feelings that come from having a relationship.

A couple of examples come to mind when I think of our impatience:

The first thing I think of is from the Disney movie Cars. I think of the scene where Lightning McQueen is sentenced to repair the road that he tore up, and in his attempt to finish quickly, and get back on track for the Piston Cup Race, he rushes along with the paving machine, and makes a road that’s too bumpy for anyone to drive on. He eventually has to scrape up the mess that he’s made, and repave everything, only this time, at a more reasonable pace.

https://media1.tenor.com/m/gNY8f4djNU8AAAAC/living-island-pogo.gif(image larger than 1 MB)

I think this is a good example of what our impatience is like when it comes to masturbation. It teaches us that all the thrills and excitement that come with intimacy are “super-easy, barely an inconvenience”! But if we’re going to have a successful relationship with someone one day, we are going to have to get rid of these false ideas in our heads, and build up our relationships at a more normal pace.

Now you may say, “Well, yeah, but it’s accessible right now! I know it’s not great, but it’s still something, isn’t it?”. Which brings me to my second example: chocolate brownies!

Sure you can go to the grocery store and buy a Little Debbie’s Brownie, vs going home and making a pan of homemade chocolate brownies. Sure it’s easier to get a Little Debbie’s brownie and eat it; but even though it takes more time and effort to make brownies yourself, the taste, the quality, and the freshness of the homemade brownies far exceed that of the Little Debbie’s Brownie!
*Note: Brownies are not intended to be the sole staple of any meal, and should be consumed responsibly. Reader should practice the habit of balancing diet and exercise in a manner that promotes a heathy lifestyle. (But, you get what I’m saying.)

The thing about the impatience that masturbation brings about is that it also seeps its way into other aspects of our lives. I know that when I’ve engaged in masturbation on a regular basis, I am more apt to have a short temper with others, or to be filled with stress and anger more easily. One of the lies that we tell ourselves is that it only affects this one area of my life; and we have no idea of how much damage it really does to all of our life!

I know it’s not easy to wait, and I know there’s some that have been waiting longer than I have. But I do know it’s much better to wait! Hebrews 12:1 tells us, “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,”. One day, I believe that we will see the fruits of our patience. Even without a relationship, I know that quitting masturbation is worth it!

I know this one is a little more scattered in thought, and for that, I apologize. But I hope some of it made some sense, and has made a little bit of sense! God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone is doing fine! Sorry I’m late again . Believe it or not, the same thing happened, and I fell asleep before I could put a post up. I’ll try to do better about that in the future.

Anyways, yesterday I did have some stronger urges, but I talked to one of the friends that I’ve made on here, and he encouraged me to keep on going! Today has been pretty good with no strong urges.

So one thing that I will make note of is that yesterday I hit the 40 day mark! Today makes 41 days without masturbation! I know I’ve got a long way to go, and I’m still learning as I go, but I thank God for the past month and 10 days! I thank y’all for your prayers, and I attribute my success in part to your prayers. I thank God for His help in my life, and for giving me friends on here that have supported me and encouraged me! I really don’t underestimate the impact that this has had on my journey! Thank you all!

(I say all that like I’m gonna leave or something )

I’m still gonna try to post daily on here, and continue to update my progress, and keep posting. My next target I’d like to reach is 70 days. So far, that’s the highest that I’ve ever made it in my life! I’ve only reached 30 days twice, and 70 days once. I’d like to make it far beyond that, though! I know that I can with the help of the Lord!

Just remember that masturbation is a lying, thieving, blood-sucking leach! It never made me happy before, and it’s not gonna make me happy, now! When it tries to come back into my mind and my life, this is what I want to do with it…

Right out the front door!

Keep me in your prayers! God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope everyone is doing well this evening! Today has been good, not a lot of heavy urges or anything. Not a lot new to report on there, but that’s a good thing!

I’ve said many times that this battle is not so much a battle of “Don’t do this or that” and more of a battle of tearing down lies, and putting truth back in their place. I am still a firm believer in this principle, even up to this point! Many times when I’ve struggled over the past month, the thing that kept me from relapsing is reminding myself of the truth.

One of the things that I’ve mentioned on here before is that masturbation never made me happy, and it will never make me happy! We tend to get comparative when it comes to this, and say, “Well masturbation won’t make me as happy as (fill in the blank).”. It could be walking in purity, or a real relationship, or whatever you want to fill in that blank with. But there’s a problem with that kind of thinking. The problem is that you will eventually talk yourself off of your position. Example: “Well, masturbation won’t make me as happy as a real relationship; but I don’t have a real relationship, so masturbation will have to do until I have a real relationship.”. Sadly, I know this from experience. The sooner we realize the truth that it never made us happy, and it will never make us happy, the sooner we can start to process this thing.

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! I hope that everyone is doing well tonight! This morning started out with a pretty strong urge as soon as I woke up, but I didn’t give in. The main thing that I’ve had a struggle with today was anxiety. I can’t really explain the reason for it, but I’ve had moments where things were going fine, but I still had a feeling of being anxious, kinda like something bad was happening, or like that someone was disappointed in me, even though that no one was. What I’ve tried to remind myself is that what I feel or think isn’t always reality. Sometimes what I think people are thinking of me isn’t always the way that things are. Either way, I don’t need to run to masturbation for comfort. Masturbation never made me happy, and it won’t make me happy now.

You know, I think that masturbation is kinda like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. No matter what kind of activity you watch or fantasize about, or what you do while engaging in such content, it will always leave you feeling empty. It pulls you in closer, and makes you think that if you come a little closer, you’ll actually get something from it. But it only leads you into a cage. That’s what masturbation is: a decorated cage. It doesn’t matter if it has curtains, or carpet, or furniture, or even beautiful pictures on the wall; if it still has those steel bars keeping you captive, you’re still a prisoner.

God Bless You In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey! Sorry I’m late again . This week has been a little interesting, and I didn’t get home last night until later. I hope everyone has been doing well! Don’t worry, I haven’t relapsed in the time I’ve been gone, and I thank God for that!

When I’ve been tempted to relapse, I’ve thought of a combination of different things. One of those things that I’ve thought is, “How would you like this story to continue?”. What do I want my next post to say? Do I want to say, “I’ve relapsed again, but 45 days was a good streak,” or do I want to be able to say, “I’ve had some moments of temptation, but by the grace of God, I’ve not given in!”? With our actions, we decide one way or the other which way that the story ends.

I’m ashamed to say that in the past, I’ve been a poor author to my story. I’ve chose poorly as I’ve written the plot to the story of my life. The good news that in Christ, there is always a new beginning! That doesn’t mean that I won’t have to face consequences for how I’ve hurt those around me, or even my own body; but the story doesn’t have to end here! I thank God for the new beginning that He’s given me in this journey! I’m still not very far into it, and again, I don’t say any of this in boasting; but I’m humbly thankful to God for 45 days without masturbation or macrophilia!

God Bless Your In Your Fight!

[user1234567890]

Hey, I know I’ve been MIA for a couple of days on here. So, how’s everything going? Well, I still haven’t relapsed, so that’s good! As for how I’m feeling, well, that’s another story. I’m not sure if yesterday was really that rough, or if I’m just mentally that weak. I keep mentioning being really tired lately, and yesterday was one of those days where I really felt it. It honestly makes me feel like some sort of defect that I feel this tired all the time. I know that’s not uplifting or anything, but that’s how I honestly feel. I’ve had to deal with a lot of negative thoughts and emotions in my mind over the last couple of days, and I feel a little worn down from that as well. I know that sounds pathetic as well, but don’t underestimate what your mentality can do to your life.

However, not everything is going wrong in my life! Last night, I had a dream that I had a strong urge to masturbate. It was actually very similar to many situations that I’ve had where I would wake up in the middle of the night. But anyways, I remember in the dream that I had some of the strongest urges I’ve had in a long time; but this time it was different. Instead of just starting to edge, and then trying to stop in the middle, I didn’t even start edging. I just kept reminding myself of what I’ve reminded myself over the past few days: that masturbation never made me happy before, and it will never make me happy! But in the dream, it felt like my urges were getting stronger, and I thought I would give in! But I called out to God, and asked for His help to fight these urges, and He heard me, and in a few minutes, the urges were gone.

Now you may be saying, “Well, that was just a dream. What about real life?” Well, I believe God is capable of doing the same thing for me when I’m awake. I know He’s helped me to make it this far, and I thought it would be impossible to do so.

Again, I’m sorry for not posting regularly. I haven’t forgotten any of you. Please don’t forget me and continue to pray for me. Thank you for reading this, and I’ll try my best to post again tomorrow.

God Bless You In Your Fight!