Day 3
āThe comeback is always stronger than the setbackā
After being sky high it was such a long way down. But now i am starting from the bottom again the only way is up. You are your strongest when you have experienced being at the top and you know what it is like, and suddenly you have fallen. But there is a little voice in your head saying now you have nothing to lose and you have the drive to be at the top again. Iām looking forward to travelling on this road again.
Heroās Day Streak: 54
Affirmation: I am.
Grateful for: My love for myself and spiritual wife. My inner fire/determination to succeed. @Forerunner for helping guide my insight to realize I only slipped and didnāt relapse. 
Another productive and clean day!
Number of thoughts: 3
Number of urges: 0
Number of practices: 10
Apps ,extensions and blocker donāt work for me. I m a geeky person. I have tried these things and the know to disable these protecting things.
Even uninstall blockers?
Detoxifyā¦well, you can give them the password or PIN for everything and you can trust that they wont do anything unless you request it to them via email. Had to email them to ublock the YouTube app. Nice surrogate big brother.
Blocksite is more customizeable and for a price like Detoxify, you can get uninstall blockage. Also an accountability partner or app, too. Covenant eyes, maybe?
Day 22 (175)
Nothing much here. All I am doing is work and trying to do things.
46 days clean
Affirmation: I cannot change the past but I can shape the future
Urges Defeated: 0
Practice: 4
daily report: Clean day, Headaches, low energy
Iām thankful for: the girl that smiled at me on my way back home.
Actually i want to work on my core couse of addiction. Many people fall back to addiction after rewring bcz they donāt work on the root couse of addiction. Now i know why am i addicted. Yes i will block my phone and internet when it will require.
Heroās Day Streak: 55
Affirmation: I will make it if I try.
Grateful for: My spiritual wife for loving me so much and us not having an argument in well over 1 week, maybe even 2-3ā¦ Iāve lost count lol which is good.
Another productive and clean day!
Number of thoughts: 0
Number of urges: 0
Number of practices: 10
Reporting day 6
One affirmation - Life is great.
I am thankful for - Staying positive.
Progress - clean day
Urges 0 / Practice 3
ā¦
Day 24 (177)
Affirmation: Love isnāt about finding the right person; it is BECOMING the right person. -Dr. David Tian
Progress: Wellā¦I love myself and should have bought myself a gift or something. But I am really overweight, so I threw the Ice cream and chips in the dumpster and ate strawberries. Lol, been in a sleepy haze with nyquil to combat the sickness. Feeling a little better. Not gonna lie, another Valentineās Day alone is a little depressing, but that is open to interpretation. Twas a great Holiday because I did not relapse. Mostly YouTube videos, PJW and Tucker Carlson, and redditing and personal work.
Urges beat: surprisingly none. Veeeeeery interesting.
Other notes:
Hope yall had a wonderful Valentineās Day, yall. Pat yourselves on the back, because many other people have fallen to the trap of Porn. Offers from everywhere to harm the minds of lonely and depressed people.
Just understand this, Kings and Queens: I donāt care whether you are alone and longing for someone, or in a happy relationship. You were, always is, and forever will be worthy of love, at the very least from yourself. Something my mentor, Dr. David Tian, emphasized a lot, as well as Dr. Eric Thomas, who emphasized āYou matterā. Seriously, hear these words: you are loved and matter. Dosenāt matter if you are longing for someone, doesnāt matter if you just got divorced or rejected or abandoned. Dosenāt matter if you were outcasted because of past decisions or current ones. You got to let this sink in; I sure as hell need to. No matter what, understand that while society or someone or a group may not give you the love you want, you deserve love, at the very least from yourself. If you cannot love, forgive and humanize yourself, then you never could really receive it from others.
And yes, I sound like some depressed recently single person whose ex broke up with them bitterly (its not, never had a relationship). But it needs to be said. I look at a lot of cynical stuff, I done arty said that. Yall saw my rants about how messed up society is among other things, but no one ever tells you these simple little things. We always go on about some Feminazi, MGTOW/incel stuff or Red Pill, Blue, Pill, White Pill, Black Pill, Pink Pill, Purple Pillā¦ What. The heck. EVER! And yet, No one ever decided to say this to everyone.
Sometimes, all it takes to stop a relapse is to actually sit down and realize that who you are is enough! If I may be a bit hypocritical in my rant again:
All of us here are trying to eliminate Porn and Masturbation and unpartnered Orgasm from our lives, even in the midst of freaking porn sites giving bonuses and free trials to promote the holiday, because they love you so much, unlike the big mean society who hates you. Pot calls kettle black, because they really do not love you. They love your revenue. They love taking advantage of you and your insecurity. They have for millenia. No one loves you or your natural fetishes, so come to us and we will make you feel better. We all know thats a lie.
I hope I am getting to someone here. Donāt let the holiday of Love make you feel like you arenāt enough because you donāt have the car, the six pack, the ideal love or the celebrity life. I dont care how many times you failed, you still matter and still are loved. The question is: do you love yourself enough to not settle for a lie like porn? Even if you have to suffer for a while? Even if you spend another Holiday alone, or outcasted for a lifestyle change? Even if it means seeing the reality of the world and still remaining Idealistic and optimistic?
Do you love yourself enough to stop living in this lie? Just remember that you are loved, and always will be, but PMO never will love you back; Porn is an unrequited love to a narcissistic noncommital whore. Kick em to the curb and and find someone who will love you unconditionally.
Much love, comrades and thank you for listening to the rants.
Heroās Day Streak: 56
Affirmation: I do not need a special day to remind me to love my significant other. It doesnāt mean that we canāt make it special though 
Grateful for: My spiritual wife for having such an awesome day together. And still no arguments! I think this is the first Valentineās day that weāve had no arguments in a 3.5 year relationship 
. I used to be quite unstable, but thanks to proper medication and self care all of that has changed.
Another productive and clean day!
Number of thoughts: 0
Number of urges: 0
Number of practices: 2
Will be aiming to do 10-12 per day (preferably 4 read throughs, 3x a day, or maybe 5 x 2) I just feel taking 30m before bed to do 10 read throughs is too much if Iām really tired. Iāve started to do my wind down 1 hour before bed now though 
.
It should take about 10 minutes to finish all ten, how long does it take you? The idea is that it should be a very quick process to aid you when urges come, if itās too complicated weāre unlikely to use it.
Reporting day 7
One affirmation - My energy levels are higher than normal. I feel super alive.
I am thankful for - Persisting with this challenge.
Progress - clean day
Urges 1 / Practice 3
@Backincontrol Well done in getting right back on track brother. Itās always hard coming back after a relapse, but youāve made it past the first week again. With persistence and dedication, we will surely break free.
On to new heights!
Congratulations, hero @EmeraldArcher! Youāre a true warrior!
https://cdn1us.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeekus/files/green-lantern-movie.jpg
Very proud of you man, youāve come so far on this journey! Great personal development, strides in your marriage and moving towards purity. Keep it going man! Hold onto that fire within!
Congratulations, hero @Wannabeliberated! Youāve become a mercenary!
Nearly 6 months brother! 
Keep inspiring and sharing - it really helps! We must be the light in the midst of this dark world.
Thanks, man. Gotta get back my true character, masculinity and humanity. Down with porn. May the porn industry become a thing of the past.
All hail NoFap!
CHECK-IN
Days completed: 11
One affirmation: you have to take charge of your life.
I am thankful for: what I have, we see only our pain, but there are many who are going through much more than us.
Progress: clean day
Urges: experienced, but I can control them.
Thank you so much man! It means a lot. Iāve always had that strong inner fire. But, the things that held me back in the past was not proper medication, not eating enough, not attending life coach like therapy, not having an awesome nurse I see every 2 weeks which is a form of therapy as well, working too many hours when honestly I shouldnāt have gone into the work force after graduating college or at least not shift work & over 30 hours per week and instead worked on getting properly medicated & eating well at the least, not managing my money well, and having smashy phone/wall anger problems.
(finally! After 4 years of earning my own money, Iāve been debt free since Oct 2019 and not living paycheque to paycheque since Nov 2019)
All of that was obviously weighing a fuck ton on my inner fire which is all solved now. The core things are bettering my eating and managing sleep that Iām making great progress on and not fully solved yet, but thatās okay
I got bullied a lot in school which I think started from me being the new kid and just grew from there as I became an easy target. However, Iāve had 6 teachers throughout my years of schooling who believed I would accomplish so much when I grow up, far more than the average human being.
Also, dozens of middle aged adults have told me Iām smart for my age and that always made me feel great.
I have around 6 mental health diagnoses which were triggered when my parents got divorsed when I was 8 years old. My home life was 3/4 shit 1/4 pretty good because I was such a troubled child going through the system to get the best help and medications (thank you free health care). So, Iāve lived a lot more than most people 10 years older than me (Iām 25).
People my age tend to judge me a lot because Iām different. But, people who are middle aged often see through my weirdness as just my personality and know itās weirdos like me who find success because we refuse to follow the norm like go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, buy a house, buy 2 cars, buy all this fancy shit you donāt need to keep up with the jonses all before youāre 30ā¦no wonder debt is so bad in America. The American dream is a lie. There is an American dream, but itās called creating passive income and eventually only working when you want to not because you have to and at a job you love.
I know over text it may sound like I have a sense of grandeur. Itās just hard to explain that stuff without sounding like that unless youāre in person and see my facial expressions and hear my tone of voice.
I donāt really tell people about my accomplishments because, well most people wonāt listen. But, also, most people donāt understand that success is 99% failure. If you tell everybody your goals then you fail because thatās part of learning, theyāll laugh at you and if youāre just starting to taste shit (meaning explore) you wonāt have the biggest confidence yet and you may never break through your glass ceiling which when you break through it, realize it wasnāt even there in the first place.
My true self is a mixture between ADHD hyper randomness and calm, collected and not phased easily. I just see haters as miserable people and live my life the way I want to live it because I trust myself.
I do judge people sometimes, and make close minded comments, but thatās when I get caught up in the moment.
Afterwards when I reflect, I go back to the mentally that 99% of peopleās problems are just stupid shallow shit that doesnāt matter. I care more about how I can double my work efficiency and increase my sales by 20% in the next 3 months than my stupid neighbor who blows a few leaves on my lawn or a guy cut me off while driving.
Total stream of consciousness there, hopefully whoever reads this learns something.
Peace, Love, Happiness, and Respect!
