Lol I still read it 
.
It was a good read. Just keep on doing the things you are responsible for bro, donât feel sad, things will get better.
5 Likes
More diistracted today . Woke up late coz slept late last night . These schools exams end tomorrow so I will be less burdened and get time for improvement . A lot of habits to rebuild . My first move shall be to build a conscious understanding about using phone and laptop . It does not entirely deplete my study time as earlier but it decays the quality of study . Productivity is higher , in less time more work is done without distraction . I have to build the habit of sitting for long , even without any distraction , I usually donât sit for more than 40 - 45 mins and keep taking breaks , which in one hand is good if I just take a walk around but goes in vain if touch any device . An imp test in 15 days , I have to gear up for that and have to revise whole syllabus , wonât be a big problem coz I just did that during these weeks but more prep is required . I cannot cross the threshold until I beat my dependency on screen . I have to build my habit strong enough that I use devices only for requir. I do not take them as internet pleasure but use them only for studying .
4 Likes
Uneasy day , was feeling little clogged . Also tired asf .
Improvements to make :
increase study time without any device
increase meditation time
Get my hair cut , I have become too lazy to go to barber .
3 Likes
One of the worst day I have ever seen in life . No , no relapses or other . Its multiple events one after other related to something else I donât want to share . Its the aftereffects of sins 6 months and I have become weak & stupid. I must take this as an opportunity to use the pain as power to defeat all that is pushing me down . At least , its the time when reality hits you and you have to pay back all that you have been wasting , although no emotions lasting for long now . Its hollowness , all due to excessive stimulation thatâs been the real problem . Some sort of unclarity , you dk whatâs happening with you and things go lightly .
Everything comes back to you in the end . Its high time . All I need now is to stop being weak and helpless and make my own way . To fight this stronger than ever
3 Likes
Feeling bit better now . Habits are good , study time has risen sudden , idk but ever since realizing how much bad I was doing , I feel like I am automatically going back to the hardworking mode . It has now been carved into my sub conscious , I cannot waste time . I need not get sad for little things , I need to fight harder everyday . No urges , sexual thoughts or bad motives in the past 7 days . Now I will keep this consistent for some weeks and then slowly incorporate better habits . I have to improve every minute thing . Lot of challenges ahead , Feeling motivated to do more .
At the speed of force
5 Likes
Ah
So I got lazy in the weekend . Its always the weekends , I donât get busy enough though I have got work to do but weekends are hard to be productive for me . Well , much of the day is left and I at least got a few things done yesterday . Will do as much as I can now .
Turns out , skipping track of your habits does affect productivity . When I have written how much things are left to be done , I donât tend to waste any time .
For all time , always
4 Likes
With my eyes opening , I am slowly able to connect to my past . Lmao , every year after 2020 feels like a different chapter of life .
Apart from all this talk , I can see my away ahead . Lot of things to improve .
Fought much urges last night , Even in my dream , my mind was stopping me from fapping .
5 Likes
Damn exhausting day
It was due to sleeping late , incomplete sleep and nightfall last night because of which I was exhausted as hell . I felt like fainting down in the class . I will not stay awake at nights listening songs now 
.
Well , the feelings get up and down . I was feeling weirdly depressed and tired by the afternoon itself . The heat is also high from a few days , I didnât take enough water either . It was getting reminded of last year , the early months . They were just like that , damn painful . But at least I feel something , its better compensating my mistakes than to not accept them and commit more . Either way , I am braver than what I was back them, I do not fear the consequences as long as I am doing my all . My mind is also clogged from few days , probably because to bad sleep schedule too .
I remembered this song my father used to play while working in his office , In evenings , I used to go and sit beside my fatherâs desk and do random things like drawing , stapling , printing etc with all the office stuff . I liked the song , I feel it now .
4 Likes
3 Likes
11th october
Habits good
Mood up and down
Life is throwing many challenges and I am tackling them with all I got . Its fun , uneasy sometimes . I am coming to my sense more and more by every day , which also makes small things very painful . Mood is erratic , sadness is constant but most of the times talking to people overshadows it . Now , confidence is quite broken down and anxiety is high . I remember how well I rarely missed meditation , now I just procrastinate it .
I thereby give myself 20 days meditation challenge , if I skip meditation any one day , Iâll have to do no screen for 2 days .
A small price to pay for salvation
4 Likes
Damn so I had to come back to RC after the hell of a day today . I had sexual dreams last night and since my morning , the thoughts wouldnât go . I distracted myself several times but they were buzzing again and again in my work . There was whole loads of urges , one of those which had led me to relapse every time last 6 months . I never realized their intensity had increased this much . Also , I had slipped around 2 weeks every time and its that time now . I had surpass this , even though things wonât be all easier after that too but at least it will bring some stability . I was constant equlibrium between relapsing or not in the afternoon . It had become crazy .
I knew I had set out to change myself but it wonât last long if did not make amends in to my thoughts and habits . Theyâre the main culprits Iâve been fighting for so long âwronglyâ. By the evening , I felt peaceful after engaging from urges all day . I feel more stable and increased belief in my willpower . I was sweating as I had fought a real battle with swords 
. Iâll complete 15 days tomorrow , life has started feeling real . I cannot let myself fall back again and the only way to ensure that rn is to get rid of this noisy mind .
I wanna see myself ready for a new journey by the end of this month . Its just about getting stable enough to be confident enough to be stand on my feet again .
Festivals are ahead , though I have tests in between but I at least want to live them instead of passing them in my room fapping , separating myself from reality .
4 Likes
I have gained back 2 kgs that I had lost this year . Hoping to gain at least 2 more by the end of this year . (Mom recipes do work)
2 Likes
Exhausting day
Woke up early and meditated . More energy and motivated today . Still lot of improvement to go ahead . There are minor mistakes I am still doing , limiting productivity but still my productivity is higher than ever . Concept building is going strong . I enjoy it
Every day is new lesson . Lot to do ahead .
Dhivara, prasara shourya bhaara
Uthsara, sthira gambheera
Ugrama, asama shourya bhaava
Roudrama, nava bheetirma
5 Likes
à€žà„à€Čà„à€Șà„ asf
good night
4 Likes
Found this somewhere
An tear fell as I realized that I reach the end of the book and Iâll be rereading it not living it
3 Likes
Your absence has gone through me Like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.â -W.S Mervin, Separation.
And I found this 
while trying to find where your quote is from. Now Iâm tempted to send this to my ex
Donât worry, I wonât.
5 Likes
WOah
3 Likes
Send her this
Even though my heart no longer yearns for you, I must give credit, where creditâs due: I enjoyed every single second I wasted on you
3 Likes
Lmfao 
Thatâs a good one, and itâs got a rhyming sceme too!
4 Likes