The Ambitious One's Diary - Growing up with losses

[The_Rising_One]

Dont want to be harsh but where are your updates regarding your goals. If you are doing it in your physical diary , great but if not I am telling you accountability does wonders. It would at least keep you at a baseline discipline if you screw up.

If you are taking a break , please make you set your goals in your physical diary.

If I sound dominating , I am sorry. I just want you to get better. For that soft sympathy wont help. Clear actions are needed. Even I am also screwed up in screwed up in studies , but at least I am studying something these days. Its because I hate to see a lot of in my goals.

[Binocular]

Shift your perspective from constantly gazing at the mountain’s peak. Progress isn’t solely about day 300, 100, or even 30. It’s in realizing that each step, no matter how small, propels you forward.

The human mind craves ease, but embracing challenges cultivates resilience. Those valleys, those daunting obstacles, the tenacious hyenas of doubt—they’re all part of the journey. Even that rugged, slippery path to the summit teaches you strength.

Motivation is fleeting, a spark to ignite your journey. Yet, it’s discipline that sustains the flames. Find allure in the mundane, and cherish each day, whether it’s day 5 or 50. Every dawn heralds a chance to refine yourself.

Amidst the struggle, remember: greatness lies in the present. Stay mindful of your footing. The rocks are there, potential stumbles. But each fall is a lesson, each step a testament to your unwavering spirit. Embrace the journey, for in its twists and turns.

You’ll be at the top in no time.

[The_integrous_one]

You didn’t have to delete that, it’s fine to express all kinds of emotions.
Plus socialising is an important part of life, get atleast some kind of socialising, don’t become completely alone.
Take care.

[nofapstar123]

[The_Ambitious_One]

Ok I couldn’t resist coming here lol .
So the day I left after getting swayed by the feelings , I had relapsed 3 times a day just one day after a previous relapse . I was fucked up too bad that day , tbh I am still recovering but I forgave myself and let go . I don’t wanna think about all that again , I have recovered enough to be accountable and disciplined for myself . I still feel some negative thoughts and much damage from the my actions , but I also feel recovering and building up quick . Though I messed up an important test real bad , its the least I have scored till now , it was first whole completed syllabus test . But at least it hit me hard on the ground , I was flying too high .
Also I have had significant changes in my discipline in the past 7 days , I haven’t used any other social media than telegram and youtube for only like for 2 - 3 hrs as whole . I have blocked most sources of time wastage thought I sometimes find a few things to take up my time . Also , it was too late till I boosted my study time hence the bad test . All of these events
altogether have shown me the mirror and the situation which I am in . And seemingly , I have a lot to improve and much lot to recover . The first thing is stop doing what I have been doing and learning from mistakes . I have wrote a few words and pasted it in front of my desk , it helps to remind me to not give up and keep fighting .
Regarding nofap , the first 7 days felt like hell after that let down , my brain felt damaged , body weak and sleepy , mind emotional and stomach kept heating . Tbh , I was scared a lot both because of my failures and its consequences . Tho it was struggling but beat urges , almost no sexual thoughts these days but I had some dreams 2 days before because of which I had some thoughts last 2 days . Need to cut it off .

So , currently life has put me into an post acopolypse (I forgot the spelling) mode , where I have to improvise discipline by breaking bad habits and creating good ones while gradually recovering from the past .

Also , I observed myself these days according to which -

→ I need to increase single sit study time , I wasn’t able to hold for long (I’ll use pomodoro)
→ Distractions while studying(cut off phone and pc while studying)
→ No or less meditation (allot specific daily timing for meditation)
→ Sleeping late(set regular time)
→ Too much negative thinking ( do affirmations and positivity)
→ Spending more time on grieving (stop overthinking and take actions)

Lastly , speaking of overthinking , I’ve let it increase so much that I has become a part of me now , probably it is one of the reason why I can’t gain mental clarity after a point . Racing intrusive thoughts and self talk have become dangerous part . I have been hearing voices and heavy dreams too . Basically , it happens everytime I let thoughts multiplicate and the solution for me is 1. Getting busy
2. Meditation ofc
3. Observing thoughts when they happen unconsciously

Resumed atomic habits

That’s it , now I’ll upload habit check list daily here , its easy to do on screen (that’s basically why I came back but decided to update) . Journaling I’ll continue doing on my diary . Though I’ll keep posting a proper update alternate days .

To mention , I did read those comments above before leaving and they helped me decide some path to proceed .
And yeah , no one day motivation now . I’ve got to run even if its raining fire .

Forgiving who you are , for what you stand to gain
Just know that if you hide , it doesn’t go away

[The_Ambitious_One]

23.08.2023

Wake up early
Attend morning prayer
no social media
limited screen
study
meditate
affirmations
prayer before sleep

No sacrifice No victory

[The_Ambitious_One]

Relapsed after 11 days
No excuses
Only foolishness

Just my mind and erotic thoughts fooling me .Same triggers , my procrastination and screen time peaked today due to free time
I will try harder this time . Trying to target this one thing once and for all .
I need to start reading easy peasy .

@Binocular

Shift your perspective from constantly gazing at the mountain’s peak. Progress isn’t solely about day 300, 100, or even 30. It’s in realizing that each step, no matter how small, propels you forward.

The human mind craves ease, but embracing challenges cultivates resilience. Those valleys, those daunting obstacles, the tenacious hyenas of doubt—they’re all part of the journey. Even that rugged, slippery path to the summit teaches you strength.

Motivation is fleeting, a spark to ignite your journey. Yet, it’s discipline that sustains the flames. Find allure in the mundane, and cherish each day, whether it’s day 5 or 50. Every dawn heralds a chance to refine yourself.

I now understand it by heart and I am ready to go step by step , developing each day .

[The_Ambitious_One]

I fell hard 2 days because I off habits . I didn’t set my goals and do my habits . I was feeling trapped of not being able to get out of it like this . Mostly , I am letting everything fall myself , I need to fight back stronger .
Read 1st chapter of easy peasy

26.08.23
Wake up early
Attend morning prayer
no social media
limited screen
study
meditate
affirmations
prayer before sleep

Goals for tomorrow :

1. Wake up early
2. Exercise + Meditation
3. No useless screen use
4. Study 5+hours
5. Sleep early

[The_Ambitious_One]

https://media.tenor.com/1qqwoKgr8moAAAAd/spiderman-spiderverse.gif(image larger than 1 MB)

Only 4 months left to this year .
At least I won’t let them go to waste

[The_Ambitious_One]

Relapsed yesterday
Started good but lost track till evening .
I talked to a friend (we have the same name) who has been taking counselling and has got pretty good advices . I was having a good chat about the same with him yesterday and he kind of had the same problems as me and has found many ways to get better . Talking to him was like seeing the mirror , I wasn’t able to see my own actions clearly or find the root behind it . Now I do at least a bit . For now , I have to relax and start peacefully , I’ve been taking too much stress about not being able to improve and cope up which led to multiple burnouts in between .

[The_Ambitious_One]

Getting through
Lost track of discipline a couple of days . Having cold too . The emotional imbalance is crazy right now , brain fog and anxiety is up , was feeling a bit lonely and was using you tube too much which called for too much regret by the night . There’s so much going through but I have felt the change in my strength to go through obstacles . That’s the only thing I can say that I have developed good this year . I am getting little stressed but not fearing as much as I did that it consumed me . Also , a lot of urges kicked in , these urges have been getting hard to beat from all the fallouts in 3 months . I almost thought I would relapse but stopped myself , it was difficult as hell . Speaking of which , the very reason I have been failing this year is because of losing the primary goal , even when I know all the effects of the addiction and keep finding out its bad outcomes in my life but the thing which stops me from hitting just during urges is missing . During urges , all these reasons fade away but whenever I have had a primary goal or reasoning for which I must not relapse , I have been able to beat urges . Contradictory to which , this year from the new session , things have been relatively smooth in comparison to the stress I was in last year due to the un adaptibility in new place , depressing thoughts and the stuff with my stomach . Those were the reasons why I had developed fear , they’re gone now due to the EVIDENCES of activities my brain has had this year . It would all be good if I did not do the act to pain thing . I took actions only when I felt its disturbing important stuff and not when it kept affecting all the other stuff in background . It was the lack of mindset , basically depends on what I give primary importance , since last year I pretty much started giving too much importance to studies only than social and behavioral things , as I mentioned earlier I had made only studies the primary importance , so I kept in mind that should not relapse to have right and clear mind to study , now as studies started good this year , the primary reason was gone , leaving behind a blind me who didn’t see anything else getting affected . Though in the end I don’t have neither studies , nofap , habits nor social behavior going in the right direction .
Well , its again about the pointing mistakes only and not doing anything thing but it was necessary to see the mirror amidst all this to lean back to track , the problem is stay aware and motivated for a few days and then I forget all of that as the days take over .
I’ll do whatever I can without fear . Little bit of headache , maybe because of cold or too much screen time today .

Courage is not the absence of fear , but the triumph over it

[future_star]

Hyyyyyyyyyyyy how’s it going on I’m new here

[The_Ambitious_One]

Argh
So I fell after doing good for some time . This week had multiple relapses , screen time peaked too after getting it under control for many days . Life’s going crazy , stable one day , everything bad another day . This is not working out . 6 months have been passed in a blink and I am becoming worse . There is lack of motivation and reason to do anything…I don’t feel anything .
Precisely 3 months left to the year to end and I have a lot to pay off which I have wasted the whole year . I gotta figure out some way , I am misdirected from the reason for which I decided to be a part of this .
Starting now…

This year is a canon event

"Am I Dreaming" (End Credit Song) - Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Piano Cover)

[CoffeeMan]

@The_Ambitious_One

There is lack of motivation and reason to do anything

Motivation is the town slut bro. She makes you feel great when she’s around and then leaves unannounced. Don’t rely on her to stick around for the tough times. Ride that wave while it lasts and then get back to basics.

@The_Ambitious_One

I don’t feel anything .

You don’t need to bro. This thought that we can do it only when we feel like it or that we need to feel great all the time stems from this era of constant stimulation. Keep your feelings aside and do what needs to be done.

P.S. excuse my tacky analogy.

[The_Ambitious_One]

Goodnight !
Tomorrow I shall rise with an ambition to change all that was done . Enough of all the crap . I have journalled it down in last 2 hours . I will be truly challenging this time…to say the least .

May god provide me with the power

[The_Ambitious_One]

Day 1

Wake up early
no phone on waking
exercise + meditate
affirm
study
laptop only for studies
sleep early

Good day , but I could make the best out of it . Almost did it but got slow by the evening which keeps a few things pending . The start was not as powerful as expected , I remember all of it just in the night but I have to build the habits in the day . Well , it can’t happen all in one day , can it .

Never forget where you come from

Aararaari Raaro

[CoffeeMan]

Bro I was reading it
I got through 70% of it and you removed it

[The_Ambitious_One]

ohh
I felt it was random feeling I usually have at nights
well , better in my head
will only motivate me anyway

[CoffeeMan]

Well, I wanna say from what I read, it’s too early to judge where you’ve landed. But it’s definitely high time to shape your destiny.

[The_Ambitious_One]

Indeed , sometimes I misjudge or underestimate things.
There’s no point just thinking about that stuff all that time when I have precious time left to improve myself again .