Its all down to zero
How do I even get out of this
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i ain’t sure if i am the right person to say this to you mate, i’m prolly a year or a few months older than you, that’s it…
still, i’ll say this and you already know this…
keep working, don’t fap, imagine how you would be if you didn’t work today, or fapped today for that matter, imagine looking at you from a 3rd person’s POV, if you are anything like me, you’ll be disgusted, the misery you’ll see can even make a man weep…
you know what to do… do it
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Yo @Stoicicada /@gredma feroci…
Welcome @Zestycicada brother!
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who the hell is that guy, some dimwit he is… how are you doin’ brother?!
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Don’t ask about him, he ran away with his neighbor and was asking for money online. He said " i am randi-ing (coming) to meet you" and he is a minor too!!
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I am back at the same place where I started 2 years ago
Feels like I have reversed all the progress I made and it will take a long leap to replenish all of this .
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I can’t get out of this
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If would suggest you to incorporate some good habits like you were doing earlier. Its sad to be in that situation. Incorporating some good habits can help you see some progress even if streak sucks.
Or I cant say , maybe you are very disciplined man but decided not to update here. In that case , I should ask you for some advices 
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Even my discipline is fucked too much lately
Can’t resist urges , too much laziness and procrastination .
It sucks
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I dont want to sound cliche but set some goals.
Update that in your diary. If your laziness consumed you put that 
, in whatever the goal that you have planned earlier. Seeing a lot of will create an indirect pressure to be better next day.
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I have you see people like @The_integrous_one , he updates his diary even if he screwed up like hell. Earlier he never fails to update his diary even for a single day. If his day was screwed up , he will write a novel about that day ( I wont suggest you to write a novel , but atleast write what gone wrong ) .
Now see what he has become , Got IIT for M.tech , rejected it. Was proposed by a girl , rejected it. Now got BARC ( Idk what is his current scenario now ). Opportunities wait for Samaranjay to choose.
I hope u got what I meant
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Are you spending too much unnecessary screen time?
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Yeah 
I was not accountable for it
Yes brother , he’s the person seeing whom I started writing a diary . He was deadly consistent . I cannot keep it for long . I think not observing what I am doing all day or acknowledging my mistakes is the biggest reason to my failures .
Yeah kinda , I actually put blockers in laptop or pack it to keep it away when not necessary . But my brain fools me after one or two days of detox . Like I wasted a lot of time on screen today , seeing which I feel guilty and detox for one day tomorrow . After studying for a pretty good time and doing productive things , my mind tends to seek out for it again , thus because of small craving , time gets wasted alternatively .
I have been so lazy , haven’t read even atomic habits completely . Not just that , it looks like I have lost all the good principals and little bit of wisdom that I had gained . I feel completely lost and dumb . Never imagined to be here after all this time
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In fact , it is only now after opening up here I do see what I’ve done to myself . It was like I was living in a dream , just passing by what is happening and not actually observing it .
Huh , enough.
For now I’ll set daily goals and count it here .
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X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X
Wake up early
workout
meditation
clean the room
study more than 5hrs
Reduce screen time
No games
No social media
No fantasizing
Good start , it was still very difficult and painful though . I have sunk very deep into this , it will need lot of strength to get out . Firet half was very productive but energy dropped down by evening . Also , my speed of studying has become slow , I get less work done in much time . Mind feels like shit too , will get better in a few days .
Still screen time gets me , I need to target and eliminate it asap else it will keep consuming more of my time .
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Day 2
Hard day , good productivity . No social media , games and unnecessary screen time today . It was very hard and my the crave for dopamine is making me feel worse but this is the fight . Currently , there is too much heaviness in the brain and it feels clumsy . Healing will take time.
Apart from that , productivity was good . Mood kept lacking but managed it by socializing more .
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That’s a very good start. Keep going 
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Relapsed on Day 4
Its not the same anymore
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Hi bro, I am working in ONGC now as Assistant Executive Engineer (Mechanical)
14 days on off pattern in Mumbai high offshore. 14 days work, no access to phone and 14 days holiday. That’s why I disappear from time to time, But I have training for next two months so I’ll be active here until end of October.
I still journal though, not here always but offline mostly, especially during moments when I am having some emotional or any kind of turmoil going on in my mind and it always calms me down and improves my mood.
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After all of this
I must isolate myself out of screen world and fight back alone , find wisdom and get out of the thin sheet of screen which trapped me more than PMO . I hope to find a way out of my present condition and come back stronger , by getting busy in my life and achieving what my parents have sacrificed for me .
I started lone and I have to find the path ahead alone . I will come back only after I am certain that I am strong enough to stand again .
I will keep what I had learnt from here and will come back in between to update or if I want to get any help.
See you guys , you can also assume it as a break but it will be long .
Until we meet again
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