Aamdi vro back 
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Didn’t expect this to happen this soon 
2 relapses in last 24 hrs , watched some ■■■■ too .
Wasn’t feeling guilty until now . Its hitting hard now , I thought I would make myself better but this… -_-
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You were doing good in all these days. Though you slipped now make sure that you will never slip again bro. What’s the reason behind your relapse bro?
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- I was free
- Sexual thoughts (its been the reason of relapse for the second time now)
Also I was a little pissed , I was hearing from parents since 2 days .
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Your emotions and your mind were not stable and your brain used it as an opportunity to make you relapse. So hereafter whatever happens even you pissed off, express your anger out. So your mind will not take advantage of it. Being free is the most common thing for relapse. So when you know that you are going to be free make sure there is no phone or TV there. Try to study at that time or go to sleep or move out of the area.
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Yeah
In such conditions , sexual thoughts try to come up strongly because they tend to please the mind in imagination . It leads me to relapse .
Yeah I’ll try to find new things to do for some days till studies resume .
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You shall try to read the books in this time both fiction and non fiction based on your interest and try to read the newspapers also. It will be beneficial to you till your studies resume
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Strt following hobbies. Holidays are best for them.
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Time to start all over again 
I horribly feel the effects now
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yeah 
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Its been weird time lately
I have been on complete silent mode
The past 7 days were complete destruction . I thought I would just give myself some time to relax after the exams were over , but it became even worse situation . Relapses , peeking , and nocturnal emissions have just left me with too much social media usage , heavy dopamine craving , frequent urges , fantasizing , sexual thoughts , sulken and reddish eyes , confidence breakdown , dull face , no energy and drive , brain fog . Got shifted to a new place 15kms away from my home . It was really depressing living in a flat for the first 2 days , I am used too it now . Life here is different , feels more urban and modern . I almost made it past march till now . I am completely broken but I don’t feel it . There’s hardly any guilt or motivation and things feel neutral . But this is not me . Most of the day is spent on games , movies and social idea . I was not exercising until today , meditation is still irregular .
I feel uneasy and clogged somewhere deep in my mind . All those relapses have given unnatural feeling and it feels just like those past days when I used to fap everyday and went on without facing the consequences .
Well the thing’s about what’s the next step . The next step will be more painful , difficult and things will feel worse before they start to get better . There’s fake comfort , which although provides shelter but brings in much discomfort and agony later , which steals away the sole purpose of discipline and keeps me deep down in the mud . The reason why I don’t feel guilt is because I started to relate nofap with my student life and not as a complete human being . Idk since when but I had started doing it compulsorily just to be good in the study field rather than to live a better lifestyle . The thing is PMO just takes away more and more things in every field I try to explore . I am weak now , the mind has stopped working and I am surrounded by the dark clouds of addiction .
It took me almost 30 mins to write this much shows how much my mind has been undermined .
From now , things are gonna be different for me , I have to start again and stronger than ever before . Atomic Habits and Daily Stoic have arrived today , will spend time reading , playing piano , helping my mother in house chores and badminton . Its been an uneasy yet enjoyable vacation , will be time to start class 11th in a few days . New tasks to do , habits to schedule , affirmations , meditation , detox , journaling , rewiring and new mindset , lot of things to achieve . There has been much downfall till now . Its time to get back on feet again 
.
It all starts tomorrow .
Phase 2 
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oooohhhh bhaaaaiiiii kya chal rha hai yeh.
Sholt’s post and now this post.
why tf am I getting to know this so late 
.
I am gonna call you too tomorrow or day after.
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Sad to hear this bro. You don’t write much in other group also about it. Stay strong bro. Are you alone in the new place?
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No , with parents
No no its alright
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Day 2
wake up early
exercise
meditation
affirmation
reduce social media usage
play the piano
read atomic habits
read the daily stoic
play badminton
prayer
sleep by 10:30
Yaha , I am back for daily journal now . No skipping any day unless there’s some urgent work .
Low energy after those repeated relapses , brain fog has covered too and was feeling low because of the same . Read a few pages of Atomic Habits and found out several things that I’ve been doing wrong . It was really a breakthrough . I have been going to the badminton court since I have came here but I barely communicated much with others and found it difficult to keep up with them , felt demotivated . But today , I just tried for once , to forget everything about relapse , brain fog , under confidence , low energy and all . I focused on the moment and the results were surprising . I was feeling like the REAL ME , I was not restricting myself from communicating or acting like a depressed one . I totally let myself flow in the present without having any judgement for myself . And boom , I could play well , talk nicely , I was feeling happy and joyful , open after a long time . Its just about the idea that I cannot be anything after relapse , I’ve lost all of it and will only be better at everything if I make a good streak . I shouldn’t have thought of nofap like this in the first place a year ago .
I also got opened to a new perspective on goals . Not only nofap , but also in studies and increasing productivity , I was just focusing on the goals and waiting for motivation so that I can work to achieve those . But goals have just to be made once and that too realistic and actionable . And the main part is the system of achieving it , how I decide to change myself , whether I put effort on it and whether my habits are actually inclined towards my goals or not . If I put all of my effort to improve myself rather than focusing to achieve more in anything , I will automatically be able to achieve it along with positive results and inner motivation .
If I just rely on willpower to achieve any goal and remove bad habits for one time and then end up repeating the mistakes which lead to that bad habit , I will keep repeating the same thing . Only if I change the system behind it and maintain good habits respective to the goal , I would be solve the problem at the basic level .
Another thing was about relating happiness only to success that if I achieve a goal , then only will I be happy or prosperous or anything and nothing without it . Rather , I have to enjoy every moment within the process . Lastly , after completing or achieving anything particular , I don’t have to abandon all those habits which I build to achieve it earlier . Its about becoming better and not restricting myself to one thing .
I can relate all these to nofap as well as studies at the same time .
Going to read about self identity tomorrow .
BREAK THE CHAIN
good night :_)
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Started a bit lazy but followed habits till 12 until a classmate came to pick me up and we went to his home . Played cricket , some board games and later netflix . He showed me possibly one of the best Indian fictional movie I had ever seen . Came back home , spend some time reading and had dinner .
Also , we were exploring the way from my colony to school and coaching and there were 2 ways . We went from the right path while going , but while coming back he took me from another path and when we were in the middle of that place , he told me to never come here for it was a red light area . Mf couldn’t have just told me instead of crossing from there . Well , one thing’s for now , I will never ever enter that area accidentally . And yeah , that place is literally behind the boundary of our building 
.
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Accha hai, He has made you aware but who tf is he?
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