Didn’t post yesterday for some reason . I was doing good till 4th but my motivation was affected by nightfall , not that I was worried Because of nightfall but wasn’t feeling good because of the urges and low drive that came from it and fell into the trap of social media loop again . That’s a bad escape root . Also , I am having mixed emotions of anxiety and motivation and was feeling a bit depressed since morning . Guess its just because of the breakthrough even though its been many days since the cycle of relapses but I will pay attention on 11th from tomorrow , as classes are starting . I do not need to fear and panic , being neutral is necessary . I get very much happy & take things for granted when everything’s good and feel extremely low when things are even a small bit down .
I had found out my problems and thought it would be easy to get out this time . But I was not noting them down , when the moment of test comes , I start to act the same way again . I want things to change but I don’t feel like I am actually putting all my effort to change them . I know my goals but my system is wrong . Additionally , I opt for motivation to arrive everytime and when mood is low ,I just become lazy . Habits need to be done with effort and I guess that’s the only way for me to become better now . At least now I know there is no external problem , it has all just fitted in my mind , making me think unclearly . From tomorrow , what I will face will be hard and will try to demotivate me . All I need to tell myself is to endure , fight and keep improvising . Changes will be visible only after I cross the threshold , just sitting here in my comfort zone won’t do anything.
BREAK THE CHAIN
Another Relapse
This time I had resisted upto 7 days after all that shit I did previously . I was having active thoughts not to relapse but urge came forward . I faced a lot after the last relapse and I didn’t expect I will relapse again so soon . I have to accept that my momentum is lost and I have also lost the reasoning to nofap .
This time I don’t focus on willpower or negative consequences . I will only resist against laziness and procrastination . And yeah the urges started with last night’s nightfall added by fantasization . I am spending too much time on screen which leads to me to bad places during urges . It has become hard to become consistent and motivated . I know the bad things it brings with it , the guilt and brain fog . Why is it still getting harder to resist , just for small pleasure . I am starting to see myself as the old addict . There’s only and only guilt after it . Huh I am tired now
If I do not fight , things will not change back . Will start reading EasyPeasy and your brain on ■■■■ from tomorrow . Its always the same repeated grief for a few days , things start to get better and so fades the older pain until I relapse again . I have become like the older me 2 years back .
Aadi bro you’re right. Laziness and procrastination is exactly what young addicts suffer from. It is a lot easier for us teenagers to quit then the older ones with years of addiction. We must must stop being lazy and work hard to improve. Success will make you forget about all the pain you had in the past. Let’s start small.
With the right mindset, I am sure you will overcome this
Alright… let’s do it then .
And I can be busy as classes have started and I will have a lot of work to do . Just that I need to avoid getting distracted and stop procrastinating .
Ahh
things do not seem to change but are getting worse
I have no count left of the relapses in past 18 - 20 days . Its more than I had done in last 2 years . Never after starting nofap I have felt so weak and misplaced . Fighting urges has become more difficult than ever and there’s only guilt when I feel the effects but there’s not morality left . Well , I will see if things change from the working day tomorrow or I’ll have to return to the old ways .
I think that message is missing for which I started nofap , its has just become goal - ridden now . Whenever I need it , I do it but whenever I’m free I feel like doing it for the last time .
The brain fog is worse today , same intensity which I fear . So many relapses made me feel like I have depleted everything I had gained in one year . Everything is fkd badly , when I woke up in the morning , even my parents why did I look so sleepy and unenergetic . My mom kept asking if anything was wrong because I had become completely silent and pale face . Lesser they know what has happened . I can’t even tell this to them . If this continues , things will repeat the same way they did last year . I feel broken but I won’t cry . I have nothing to lose now , I will fight .
Anyways , mom’s leaving home for a week , day after tomorrow . I will be alone here again during my hard time just like before .
Well one thing’s there that I remains in my head when I am alone . I started to feel better when I was in coaching or while playing outside . Thoughts repeat when Im alone . After last relapse , I had enough time to relax myself , bcoz of which I did not feel brain fog for long and everything got better . But these three are the end . I have new things to learn , build strength and sharpen my mind . But its going rather backwards now .
Huhhh , I won’t give up this time and fight actively , its all just in my mind and things will be better soon .
Well I started to feel better . Now its just how I decide to act . Its getting hard to stop procrastinating and more regrets lower confidence . It has become hard to sit for more than 2 hours in my home to study . Also , I have started to feel my weaknesses , how I feel bad when someone says anything negative and how I feel over excited from a compliment . Also , I keep thinking too much , I do not give my brain rest to perform things on its own silently .
First step before even building good habits is to first stop the bad ones .
I’ve got rid of youtube and instagram in the past days . Now I have to focus on other ones . First I have to just notice my lifestyle without judging . There are many things which become habits and take place without our knowledge . Noticing and Journaling them down is very important . Also , I am now starting to understand how habits work and simply thinking about change isn’t sufficient . There are a lot of the things in the system .
Break The Chain
Surprised to see you are also reading atomic habits, I think we all should have a specific group for atomic habits, with a title “Atomic Habit Readers please join here”
Lets make the participants to dedicate some time to read this book everyday.
And after every chapter. Participants are allowed to share the summary and their thoughts briefly.
Lets sum up all the thoughts in a single post , Probably the 2nd post of the challenge for the future reference of others.
A small Scoreboard to to display no of chapter the participant have read
Then giving certificates to participants who have finished reading it and a Hall of Fame section to display the name of the participants who have finished reading.
Hey there @The_Ambitious_One and @The_Rising_One how about creating a group for all readers, if we are planning to create a group for a book then we can extend it further to all kind of book, so many people can share what they read, what you think?
Everything is hitting me hard
Everything’s repeating even when I don’t what them to
I feel broken , useless , pathetic .
And the more I am stressing and remembering it now , the more its destroying my mind.
I think I need to accept that things have fallen and only can time can fix it .
Fear , anger , anxiety , confusion , demotivation , cloudness . Nothing else
. I faced a lot after the last relapse and I didn’t expect I will relapse again so soon . I have to accept that my momentum is lost and I have also lost the reasoning to nofap .
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very useful after exams .
