Matlab usne bohot mehnat ki hai, metaphor. Wo galat na samjhein aap 
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Jab tak ragdoge nhi tab tak chamkoge nhi.
#NoRacism
#MotivationalQuote
#DonâtThinkAboutBodyParts
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20terrenkots..
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Tujhe kya laga ki mujhe yeh laga ki teacher ko kahega do min kone main aana sir
Maine galt bilkul bhi nhi socha kasam se.
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Bruhđż
And the tradition of exaggerating minor things from my diary continues
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Thatâs what she said.
..
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Easy Exam 
Had enough time to recheck twice , underline and correct mistakes .
Although I donât like how my mind was feeling . If I can , I will find the root problem else I am going to slay exams like this . Iâve accepted this now . No fearing .
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Nice work bro. Keep it up 
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March Begins
Huhh Never imagined I will come back in this place all over again . But instead of worrying about , which cannot help at all or exaggerating problems , I will just focus on what I CAN do because thatâs the irregularities of life . I donât have to wait for the best to arrive and then work hard . I have to work hard so that I can be my best in accordance to the present . I donât know why my mind got so fucked . I will if I can , try to find the reason besides relapse . I donât think only relapse and nightfalls can drain me so much , and if they can , I canât do anything but just wait . I have dark patches below my eyes , my eyes feel like throbbing out and mind is stuck . I have to think again and again while writing this and remembering words . I am completely relying on faith . Besides this , I need to find ways to do better because I canât concentrate at one place and feel burnt out soon .
Being patient is all what I can do . Its been almost a week like this I guess , things were better and clearer before that , all of this started one day and has only increased . Maybe because of focusing on it too much .
However , one thing I have noticed that it is more like a normal brain cloud but I have burnt it more because of stress , exams of course . There are times in the day when I feel positive , more like active and then I can do things just fine . Like a few peeks occur and then go down . I donât understand how to bring those peeks in and use them to be active all day . The peek is stimulated by confidence or motivation like things which generate energy and hence open the mind . I am working to get more realization about it along with having a control over my mind which is the prime importance for now .
I had urges today after a looooooong while . I was deliberately feeling to watch porn as I had some fantasization last night followed by nightfall . It felt good to fight urges after a long time .
But I have to admit that most of these things have started to occur after nofap only , much semen loss in a short span of time after very long semen retention goes down badly . Another thing is associating nofap with studies too much , while being on retention , nofap undoubtly boosts clarity , memory and thinking but after relapse I become fearful about those . In fact⌠wait
I feel bad only because of not having that kind of lead in studies I had before relapse . In other things , I just feel not so much worried except overthinking .
Damn
And its not like I become completely dumb , weary mind and brain fog just lessens the efficiency . It just affects a little bit of memory and makes me feel clouded . It does not affect my studies , but negativity and low drive do . You canât do one thing and start thinking that you are gone now .
While a boost of motivation/confidence from somewhere helps to retract it just fine.
I gotta write this in my diary asap . I am learning new things by just thinking calmly .
Its all about the mind bitch , I need to seperate my feelings from myself .
Grateful to the diary .
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Bro you have I donât know how many days of the streak but itâs good I guess. Sometimes you have to take control of your thoughts. Nowadays I am fantasizing a lot these days but I know it just brings me pain and nothing thatâs what overthinking does to you. I realised somewhat I donât lack control over thought it is just I am not taking control. Same with each one of us. You, I and everyone will have to take control of our thoughts.
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Truth has been spoken 
That gave me an important perspectiveâŚthanks
I didnât realize how much favour I was giving to overthinking while trying to remove it . Lying in bed and thinking about stuff has become a mode of relaxation which it really isnât it 
. Its just like fantasizing , taking us in mental pleasure and breaking us apart from reality . Things will only change if we want them to do from our soul 
Smortmagic
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Basically - Pain comes from the same place where we try to hide ourselves from it
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One more thing, Donât think relapsing will make you fail things or whatever, I used to think like that a lot, be guilty conscious of everything and now I realised the product is nothing.
Addiction, Fantasizing, Overthinking isnât the pursuit of happiness and pleasure itâs just a desperate attempt to run away. We all are here and chose nofap because we all wanna fight our problems and losing and winning are both part of the fight. The Attitude you have towards both of them matters.
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Regarding the headstart thing. You can still think after relapse that you still have much better head start than all others around you because you made a good streak and you still wonât be fapping everyday like most of them 
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No offense to anyone.
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One Horror night
Its 6 Feb . But I wanna share things about yesterday .
I spent most of the time on laptop , productivity dropped all of a sudden in the middle of exam time , didnât even meditate . And when it was time to go to sleep , it took me almost 4 hours to fall asleep . Mind was chattering and I was feeling extremely unpleasant . It was similar to what I normally feel because of insomnia and crowded thoughts . But things changed when I was partially conscious and my mind took was dragging me towards sexual thoughts . Basically , I was lying in the bed , half asleep and heaving along with too much fantasies playing in the mind . I donât know for how long that went on until I came back to sense suddenly , around 1 pm . Though I was still not fully up to the awareness coz it was past midnight , but from what I experienced , I might be a peak . Because I had the most terrible boner I had ever experienced 
and I could feel little nocturnal emissions . Whole pelvic region was feeling tensed and I knew that the peek had caused edging , tho I had not masturbated . I tried to sleep and fell asleep within sometime and was heaving uneasy dreams and ended up having a BIG NIGHTFALL . I think I had not experienced that much emission at once in the two relapses .
Woke up in the morning with weak body (bones still feeling weak) and low energy . Although it has not had that much terrible effect on the mind which made me doubt if it was just a huge nightfall due to fantasizing . Well , be it anything , I will surely count it as a relapse because my brain surged due to fantasies and I know that it was looking for sexual thoughts because I had a good sleep after that .
However , Iâm not feeling anything so bad , maybe because it all happened sub consciously and like a nightfall . But this is the second time that it has happened due to fantasizing and came unexpectedly .
As of today , productive time was good , had some up and down feelings about the last night and felt broken but moved on . Whatâs done is done , I can only prevent any such thing from happening in the future .
Main goal for now getting rid of constant thoughts once and for all . I know I can do it , I have had exact similar phases many times in the past years and for some reason , around this time only (end of Dec to Feb/March) . This time I am not just actively going against it , instead I am getting more involved it it . Once thatâs done I have to change ways I perceive nofap , I literally have made up random bullshits about it in mind , which are mostly false beliefs .
Thatâs it for now . I am not sad this time , feeling neutral and hoping for the best . Moreover , events like these are the chances to learn more and experience better , no wonder I donât care enough when I have everything with me . The true value of time and discipline only comes to me during difficult situations like this .
Fight on
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Damn , I end up writing so long
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Damn I also hate these thoughts. That time when you get too much sexual thoughts for a long period of time is the worst but they will slowly but surely disappear when time passes. But Iâm the meantime, itâs hell
Itâs normal for your brain to get reminded of your addiction but that doesnât mean you should count this as a relapse bro, thiss happens to everyone and some even experienced more intense thoughts and nightfalls.
Thatâs your feelings man, letting them out is the best solution in needed times and I wonât be surprised if it was too long
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Ohh shit
sorry
I was a bit distracted
haha true
yeahhh
lets see
I havenât really digested it as fact yet
and I donât wanna worry about the relapse and nightfall cycle , I just want to do my best to prevent it and be disciplined .
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See you guys soon.
No , I am fine , but I am having a lot of trouble mentally . I need to work out on a lot of things now and after the exams . I promise Iâll return as a better person and wonât until I do it . I need some time 
You guys helped a lot . Thanks to everyone here .
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All the best bro, I hope you will come back soon 
.
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