Oh brother, nobody cares what I think or feel or whether I’ll die today or 60 years later. It’s just my choice. If I choose to I’ll die without doubt.
My parents’ only reason to bring me to life is to ease their problems, share their difficulties and loneliness and only the people who needs me for something will care how long I live.
Now I don’t have my aim and my problems. All I do is pretending that I do what my parents expect. I told them 1000 times in 1000 ways not to expect anything. But they have a strong argument. They gave me birth. They don’t imagine that my life is not theirs. If it gets to the point where my whole future will depend on their choice, I am strongly sure I will leave the world.
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Perhaps I should share myself and my life because it is very similar to yours.
Since you desire choice, I will not force anything upon you.
I ask only to here me out and read everything I want to share with you right here.
I want you to know I care even though we don’t know each other. I truly care. I am very different from other people.
Personally, I believe your parents are acting Co-dependant. My Dad sure does.
Will you let me share my story?
I promise you will find similarities between you and me.
What do you say?
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I’m here to listen as always. Sure you can share yours.
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Ok.
I am 32 years old. In April I turn 33.
I was homeschooled for most of high school.
Since I graduated high school in 2009, I have always lived with my parents.
At first my goal was to get a job and save money.
After a year of no luck, I went to college. I still lived at home and drove an hour one way to school.
After graduating in 2016 with a Bachelor’s degree in Information Technology, Management Information Systems and business analytics, no company would hire me still.
Still living with my parents at age 27, I got my first job working for Walmart as a cashier. I lasted 3 months.
I knew a guy in Real Estate and took a course to do a career in Real Estate. When I completed it and took the state test, the guy moved to Texas and said sorry, but I’m not going to take you on now.
I now 28 in 2018 went to a different Walmart an hour north of me and worked for 12.00 an hour.
In August 2019, a tractor trailer truck hit my car and destroyed it. The cop at the scene favors the truck driver and I am without a car. I called my parents to pick me up.
After that, I was in pain throughout my body.
When 2020 came, the pandemic started and I quit Walmart for fear of getting Covid. I never got Covid by the way.
I was unemployed, in pain still, and lonely. By April of 2020 I was using PMO as a coping mechanism for my life.
I never had a girlfriend, no woman was ever interested in dating me, and PMO became my substitute girlfriend.
I have been addicted since.
Now fast forward to 2023. I left my job I had in 2022 to pursue a higher pay and closer distance one.
Only to quit after a week because the store manager made a fool out of me for covering a shift no one was scheduled for. She was mad over 2 hours of overtime.
So here I am unemployed again figuring out my future.
My college debt sits at $42,900.
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Hey brother
We do care
And just stay strong
Its just a phase of life where u are being tested
Okay lets start super small
When u started nofap what was ur reason to start nofap?
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Donot lose hope brother
U will surely be able to get better with time
Stay strong
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And do you have good moments in life?
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I didn’t start nofap.
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Good moments
Waking up and having the freedom to buy what I want when I want.
Owning my own car that I alone paid for. It cost $26,000. And know this is my first completely mine. No parent financial aid at all. Know too this took years of savings.
My college debt was 52,700. So paying 9,800 off was nice.
Being outdoors where I live is a beautiful place. Let me send you some cool photos of birds and animals that I have taken.
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Looks like you’re from the USA, right? Because my university costed like 1000$ per year and my father paid for me. Unfortunately my country is way more corrupt than USA. The living is times harder.
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Yes. USA.
College is very expensive here.
So what country do you live in?
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I’m from Armenia. Probably never heard.
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I heard of it once, but I just looked it up on a map. You border Iran, Turkey and Georgia.
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We are close to lose the country
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What is happening there?
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This guy explains it in quite good way
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Tired of insomnia loneliness lack of money being disappointment to parents and simply having nothing to enjoy. Wonderful feeling. I always want to live easy or not to live. And life says: it will be always hard. You won’t leave and you won’t get ease.
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Also facing this, and i don’t know what to do, sometimes i find myself in deep depression and and wonder if i will ever be rich one day
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A note for me to read when thoughts/urges appear:
When the thought comes remember:
There’s something better than it. We don’t know what it is but it’s there.
You’ll get money. It’s normal to have packs of money.
Attracted by everybody. Remember that wonderful feeling of being in the center. It’s gonna be back.
Freedom. Parents won’t be afraid to trust you. Nor anybody else.
Sex is better. Don’t die virgin. Get to enjoy at least your first sex.
New home in new country with new people. One of my dreams. Sometimes dreams come true. Don’t give up.
When thoughts come, it may feel like you don’t need all these. But let’s be honest, other time you’d like these.
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Something about the recent relapse.
I don’t actually call those sessions relapses, because a relapse for me is the returnement of an illness or addiction that came back. The PMO session in my case is not a relapse, because the addiction don’t go away for an important amount of time.
Well the previous session was a little different. I did not just got my usual need for those videos to satisfy myself. I tried to understand how much of that “satisfaction” does my brain need. I collected everything that turned me on and tried to stretch them for as long as my brain needed to feel good. Usually I do the session and even then I don’t feel enough and because I experience orgasm and need some time and energy for the next one, I feel incomplete. This is why it contains a huge amount of addiction. But this time I gave the brain the whole time it needed to get completely what it wanted.
And something I noticed may be very important: the brain will never get satisfied this way. It will crave for more and try not to end the session, because the shocking amount of content is basicly infinite. I ended after somewhere about 4-5 hours. And I felt some questions after the session that my brain never asked me, like: “Dude, where is the love?”, “Where are the tocuhes of that cutie?”, “Didn’t she suppose to hug you?”, “Doesn’t she suppose to have a good smell?”, “Where is she after all?”.
I layed down with this thoughts for some time. I understood that these thoughts won’t kill the addiction or something. But they meant something for sure.
I had feelings of love only once and for very short time a couple of years ago. I’m not a guy who can fell in love with most of girls. Basically I don’t like 99% of the women. And me, the guy with already lost in feelings got heartbroken a couple of years ago.
But something sent a girl to move into our building recently. I don’t know who she is, I don’t know her name, but it needs only 1 second of time seeing her and I enter home with a wide smile. I saw her smile and the cute “hi” today. That simple “hi” felt 10 times better than the whole previous session I was in 
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