Rudra diary - I DARE TO SEPEND 6 MONTHS ON MYSELF

yeah, thanks to everyone @_TIGER @the_resilient_one @prothekter_aden for your advice but the songs which I listen to didn’t trigger me in any way, and whatever makes me low and make me anxious I already leave and mostly i listen bhajan

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Day 12

Jai Shree Mahakal

Helps In My Challenge today

:warning: as compared to my previous 12 days streak, today I am having sexual thoughts without any trigger and any reason, but I Handel it with ease

  • Meditation
  • 5 min exercise
  • calm music
  • pranayam

Hi bro
In case you want to listen to something, you can definitely try this

Day 12,13,14,15,16 and today’s(17th) of 6 months challenge

" Consistency Matters "

:star: in these 6 days my urge is at the highest and the reason is my overthinking, yeah I do exercise meditation, walk, breathing exercises, calm music everything, possibly the main reason is that I am not going to the temple daily which is the main source of my positivity and spiritual energy.

:star: I am getting more and more clarity day by day that where I stuck every time and what’s the main reason for relapse, that where ever I start mindless browsing( LinkedIn, Instagram, news browsing…)
all these I already left and on some areas, I am working

:warning:

  • Not going to temple daily
  • not doing daily review your day and journal
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Day 18th and 19th

:warning: from starting of this challenge I didn’t have any night fall till day 17th but after that, I had a night in two consecutive days, yep but it’s ok

:star: everything going normal but I feeling like something is stuck in me, I am not open totally right now, I think its because I am not doing my morning routine properly

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completely get rid of lustfull thoughts and night fall will come under control.
Hows your prep for certifications going on ??

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yep it’s going on but not able to give proper time someday

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Day 20 ,21

JAI SHREE MAHAKAL

:star: I am doing good giving proper time to my morning routine and yep I know I am in recovery mode

:warning: but I am having an intense feeling to use LinkedIn, talk to my female friends or make new friends
, just want to talk something and having such sexual urge, feeling like crying some time, cramps in fingers and toes, uneasiness, I am feeling warn and having stiffness, mental chatter is going on

I think I can overcome by all these

  • now more carefully use the mobile( i already reduced too much, but sometimes I scroll youtube unconsciously)
  • going temple daily
  • doing a review of my day( by writing here, I always feel more clearer)

Hey all,
Sorry for my English
I am feeling like crying right now

I got sexually abused in my childhood by son of person of the person who living in my house on the rent( for more than 1.5 year),my age was around 5-6 after that my colony friends also do this with me and I am the smallest among them (this goes for 3 year ) I am living in fear that I get kid beacuse of this . I am in worry always that I had kid ( I don’t know anything that time that boy can’t able to give birth) , whenever my father call in high pitch I thought that they get to know about that what I had done , I am living town , whenever I going in any function and some one smile on me then I thought they are taking about me and same in market place and same in school ,I am living worry that some one get to know about this

And mother father also get fight with eachother on small issues every day or the second day and make small things large

Every thing make impact on me

Every time I feel low I just do masturbation and make me feel good I can’t live with it in my past
Porn ,sex stories , every where I am seeing sexuality ,in news paper , magazine ,tv ,mobile

I had everything but because all this I am going through tough phase in my life

I am literally crying while writing this ,I can’t able to explain all these in much details .my hands are shaking while writing this

I want to be a playback singer ,spots man , a good engineer

:pensive::pensive::pensive:

This is normal bro … everyone knows… To stop this addiction you need some spiritual practice then you can handle this …
You are worrying for a simple thing… This is just a simple problems… :sweat_smile:

@_TIGER yeh bro but I am going through depression anxiety and many more terms I don’t want to explain,that’s like a traumatic experience

For recording the song in the studio u need the confidence, inner peace , stillness then only we able to do our best in singing and in vocal classes

I am getting better day by day ,hope everything will be fine soon

I record a cover song vaaste last year , I am able to record too gud in anxiety also :sweat_smile:and also participate in IIT college singing competition

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Ha engineering k students se engineer stream related k alawa kuch bhi kra stand up , singing, acting…

I am also saying lightly :sweat_smile:

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Yep record Krna tha , professional videographer hire kiya but cameraman ki bahut demand thi ,vo fisrt video hi next level ki banana cha rha tha

Not I am not that much good infront of camera

Are you an IITian??? But I am 100% sure you are fan of Sandeep Maheshwari .

Yaar Sandeep Maheshwari ko sun k kuch nhi mila , I don’t watch her videos now

@_TIGER I am tier 4 college passout :sweat_smile:

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