Yea man, I’m frustrated cause I could use a father right now
I understand it bro. Try to keep your work organised. To be exact , write it down and put 
when done. Trust me , This will actually reduce a lot of headache in a long team though its a painful thing to start
Same here. I also dont have a healthy relationship with my father and to my mother to some extent. It hurts very badly accompanied with outburst of tears 3 - 4 times a weeks especially when I make sure no one is around.
And also with financial problems things are getting a lot worse. All I can say is to just focus on what you can do.
You cannot change your father. But you can change yourself. Otherwise things will remain as it is for many years.
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Thanks alot my friend
Sorry that you have it tuff,
Things will get better, everything will pass,
We’ll try to pass it as well as possible to enhance our situation going forward
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I’ve just finished my summer course
I fcked up, or rather got fcked up
My knowlegde exceeded my TA’s knowledge Top1 in class, with huge gap between me and the best one of them, all my classmates and my professor can testify on that
Yet life shit all accumulated every bad accident happens the day of the exam.
I get out of this low grade, and many of those who I taught getting 98/100.
Fck my life and my TA, and my lecturer.
They had me solve the exam twice with diffrent data the same time my classmate were required to solve it once, first there is a mistake in the exam structure specially were I started, and then the TA came in changed the numbers , so had to solve it yet again… Turns out that she gave us the wrong data after all, and I was right all along. She just wasted my time.
They fcked me up, again
My goal in life to show ever mother fucker that I’m way more supperior than them.
I love people, being with people ,serving and helping, but I get depressed and frustrated when people devaluate me and look down at me.
My area is part of the war zone now
As its part of Israel
Been getting missiles for the past 3 days…
Barely anything pass the Iron dom , barily anyone get hurt. Still we hear all explosions wether it was exploded above us on actually hit a target.
Bottom line, its scarry as hell
In israel there is Iron dom and other defenses in Palestin and Lebanon, they have none. God help all people, may we have peace soon. I can’t Imagine how terrifying its for them.
Its 3Am, the past 20 minutes there was 3 attacks , one missile hit my vilage, few actually fell here the past few days. its just scary as hell. No actual casualties.
In Lebanon past week over 10k injured and 1k killes. Past 24 hours alone Lebanon beared huge destruction. 500 died and 5k injured.
There is no winning at war, just losing. Some side will suffer greater loses and the other less , but it everyone still lost. Wish the goverment would understand.
All day long been hearing explosions and alarms,
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It’s frightening to even imagine it . Take care brother, may God bless and protect you all 
!
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يا رب السلام امطر علينا السلام.
يا رب، اغفر لي وسامحني
انزل سلامك على قلوب الناس، ارحمها وعزها، وملئها بنور حبك
انت وحدك القادر على كل شيء، انت وحدك كلي القدرة
انت وحدك تستطيع ان تنير هذه القلوب المظلمة
مرني يا رب ونجني
اسجد لك وانحني اعلنك ربي، ابي ومخلصي
مهما خطئت اعلم اني اسجد لك بكل ما في قلبي من حب وإيمان
ولا أخضع الا لك، فأنا لك وأعيش لك
فمرني يا رب ان لا اخيب ظنك في المستقبل.
شكرا لك يا ربي، امجدك واعظمك انت وحدك القدوس
آمين
17/10/24. 3:49
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I need help, I need company, companion
I’m relapsing alot, can’t help but surrender myself to pmo. Sleeping all night thinking about it, until I finally relapsed.
In few days I’m turning 25, from the inside I’m still the same me, but I feel the older you get the more you need to suck it and keep going. share less with people cause you’re older, you should complain less, and suffer in silence.
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This morning, I relapsed, but overall, it turned out to be a good day. I started reading “Atomic Habits” a few days ago, its good. My home environment hasn’t been very good, I’m struggling with my inner demons and my family has been pressing my nerves. After a couple of months of therapy, I was able to focus and study effectively. I went to the library and was able to read and study for about 6 good hours. The best part is it’s still 2 pm, the can still get even better
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Thats great 
Keep up the good work
Forget about pmo, you shouldn’t kick yourself every time you relapse. pmo is just tiny thing of your life, affected by how all your life is going. So don’t expect to get everything right when the rest of your life is falling apart.
Speaking of that, my diary always talked about my personal life, some inputes doesn’t even mention pmo.
I’m sad, I feel like my environment limits me, I’m not comfortable at my own home. I could try and put few reasons, few things that bothers me.
- my family will always have an opinion, and will always intervene and shove their opinions in my ears. Criticism.
- my family, will always throw more tasks and responsibilities on me, force it on me somehow.
Over all, I don’t want to live, because my life summarized, is defending myself from outside invasions. And its tuff when I feel like that with family, because I love them and I can’t imagine living a life without them.
With time, they lost my trust, disappointment after the other… I don’t want to be, being means defending and confronting, not because I’m forcing anything on anyone, but because everytime they see me they come marching to step on my life and myself.
Dimensions of that
I wake up at 6, have a spark of life, I remember my reality that I’m very tired of, and I stay in bed 2-3 more Hours.
I live my day, I excited to do 1-2-3-… I don’t do it, because I feel chained by their judgment and criticism.
They try and change my plans, and my thoughts, and disagree with me, even when they have no idea what are my plans and goals. And ultimately they would change my destination.
Sometimes I sit and just hate myself and want to punish myself, because I should be wiser and stronger, and control of my life and emotions.
2 Likes
Maybe you are stronger and wiser than you want to believe
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28/11/24 Thursday 6:00 am
In general I’m depressed, so been wasting alot of time on social media, as for today I don’t want to use my phone, no games no social media.
Things I must do today:
- I will read an article,
- I will prepare piano materials
secondary tasts (would be nice to do)
- finish an old assignment
- revise and study
- prepare piano materials for another concert
I’ll try to update here at the end of the day,
Well, 22:22 update
I failed miserably,
I listened to a novel for hours,
I read for an hour, practice for an hour.
The thing is I was supposed to do those for hours not just one hour each.
I relapsed, used my phone for total of 12 hours today.
I have a headache and a long long days starting tomorrow