Having a sponsor, a mentor, a recovery coach: I have had another addict help me, mentoring me and coaching me to stop. It helped a lot and as long as I was living the solution he shared with me it helped. However, a sponsor, a mentor or a coach is still human power and it could not stop me from faling and watching porn again.
Going to recovery meetings, 90 meetings in 90 days. I have gone to recovery meetings with different fellowhip. SA, SAL, ARP for 14 years. Meetings have helped, and give me knowledge of the solution, helped me to be less secretive, helped me to find a sponsor, helped me to see other people that were doing great and had the type of life without porn addiction that I wanted to have, but since I have attended meetings regularly for 14 years I still relapsed over 25 times. So it was better than before, much better. But if I just attended meetings and did not live the program of action that was discussed in the meetings, I still would relapse again. So recovery meetings are for sure part of the solutions but not the complete solution.
Self-Help books, personal development courses. I have read hundreds of self-development books, attended courses and seminars, even teach self development to thousands of people. It did not keep me away from porn and lust.
Recovery knowledge, studying the Big Book. I have read books about addiction and know a lot a about it. It did not give me the power to stop. I have also read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous for many years, even if the solution is in the book - writen in black on white, just reading the book did not make me never touch porn again. There is a difference in knowling about the solution and living it.
Intelligence and education: I studied at university. I consider myself intelligent, probably above the avegage. Being smart did not stop me from my addiction.
Frothy emotional appeals, interventions, threats and ultimatums: It did not mather how much my wife would cry or plead with me, or ask me to stop. It would help for a time, I do love her. You see the problem is not that I needed to be convinced to stop. I wanted to stop. I wanted to end this addiction. I was sincere and really wanted to never practice my addiction again. Convincing me was not the problem. I was convinced and motivated. I just did not know HOW to stop and stay stopped.
Positive thinking, affirmations, self-talk, gratiture lists: I believe in all these things, I have taught it to other and I even have a booklet that I published to show people how to use affirmations to change you inner self-image. This is important to me and I use it for myself. However, it did not work against my addiction. Years of affirmation, positive thinking and self talk did not stop me from relapsing.
Guilt, shame and remorse. I have live and experienced a lot of guilt, shame and remorse. I have cried, and pleaded. Feeling more guilt, shame or remorse was not the problem. Actually it was more of the underlying problem than a solution.
Keeping Busy: Yes, I was busy, carrying my planner, planning all my time… Did not work.
Yesterday’s spiritual experience: I have had some very strong and powerful spiritual experiences. They have helped me a lot, but unless I kept close to God and kept having a spiritual connection with him each day, I would not find the power to keep me in recovery over a long period of time.
Memory strategy. Thinking throught the consequence of our actions. This did not work for me because when the liar in my brain was trying to convince me of watching porn or lusting, my brain was hijacked and the obsession was blinding me to all other types of thinking including the consequences of my actions.
Jail and incarceration: I have never gone to jail, but I know people who have gone to jail and it did not fix them. They were still addicted to porn after they came out.
Good reasons to stop, makeing list of reasons and consequences: I had lists, I had really great reasons to stop, including an amazing wife, great children, a desire to be close to God. Reasons where not enough. The problem is not about deciding to stop.
Moral and philosophical convictions, reputation: I am a man with strong values and beliefs of what is right and wrong. I really believe them, say it and try my best to live them. I had convictions, and even if my porn addiction was against what I believed was right and moral, I still could not stop and it would rip me appart.
Suffering and humiliation: I have suffered for 32 years, each time trying to stop, feeling guilt and shame. I would confess to God, my church leaders and my wife each time I had a relapse, each time this was humiliating and painful. This helped me, that is sure, but it was not a premanent solution.
Sobriety time: Time sis not the solution. I have counted days and had a really long streak sometimes over 2 years with perfect non-porn or lust, my obsessive mind would bring me back to porn. Time does help (the plasticity of the brain does heal our brains with time), but by itself cannot give me long term power to stay stopped.
Exercise, hitting the gym: I have exercises every day. It is good. I have done both cardio and strenght, muscle building exercise. It is someting good and helpes but it did not stop me from relapsing.
Holisting medicine, acupuncture, hypnotism: I have seen professionals in these fields, I have seen energy workers, light and pressure acupucture that where specialised in addiction. I have seen Neuro Linguistic programing experts (NLP) and it had not worked.
Healthy Diet, vitamins, fasting and cleansings: I have tried many diets, I was even vegan for a while. I have researched vitamins and supplements to find if some could lover my desire for sex, taking over 40 different supplements per day. I have fasted for short periods, long periods (over 10 days), intermitent fasting, water-fasting, dry fasting. I have done all these things and not one of them was a solution to my addiction.
There you go. I have tries all these things, and not one of them was the permanent solution to my addiction to lust, porn and masturbation. Some of them helped. Some of them where the solution but I did not know how to do it correctly. I have come to believe that there is no human power that can solve my addiction problem. That is the truth for me. It is my experience.
What is your experience? Have you found a solution that has worked long term?
I also tried many things. Some like easy peasy helped for a while. I still think that it can be of great help to set propper mentality for the change we need. But it’s also not a final solution. I’m curious about your resolution.
I also liked Easy Peasy and had hope it would work, but like you, it was helpful but not the solution.
I just posted the 3rd and last problem that is at the core of addication to anything including Lust, Porn and Masturbation. Check it out here: Part 3 - The Spiritual Malady - Debilitating Negative Emotions
I hope this is helping some people to see more clearly into what addiction has been for me. This is the begining of getting better is to understand exactly what is really happening.
This always happens to me
And also some day i wake up and i suddenly get an odd fantasy type so my brain makes me curious to see if there is some po*n on that particular topic
This search led me to worst fantasy which i wanna eliminate no matter what
This same behaviour of brain deceiving me exists in other addiction for example for me it exists in games and youtube
Like for example
I dont want to play games
But my brain just wwakes up at random times and tells
Start playing clash of clans because that will help in inproving strategies and so on
There are many more examples like this but its about my realisations which many wont agree unless they go through those things
So ill keep this short
I started laughing when i was reading this
Because this is so damn true
We relapse with the intension of reducing the stress but the relapse doesnt reduce the stress it just for few seconds makes us feel that there is no stress
What u said was all true
Plus most of the time once we start we dont just stop with 1 pic
We will search more with the thought that i can see something more better without actually watching ■■■■ but atlast we end up with watching ■■■■
And also we put lots of effort just to find that one clip that can stimulate us
I have done that. I get currious. I just wonder… This had gotten me so many times.
I know that is the crazyest thing ever. PMO leads to more guilt and stress when I wake up from it and see that I have done it again!!! I hate myself for being so weak. Well those emotions just build up until I need to LPMO again to feel good. I call this pure hell.
Its true that spirituality helps but the problem is many times we keep it as a side activity
Basically if i woke up late then i wouldnt go to temple to pray or anything else because since i woke up late i cant waste my time because i have to study or other work
Yeah i used to think spiritualuty is waste of time untill few weeks back when i dont knw how i just asked myself few questions
- Okay u dont have time for spirituality and u need to study so dont do spiritualtiy
But promise urself that u will not relapse
Will study minimum of 6 to 7 hrs
U wont waste more than 1 hr on youtube
And everytime i broke my own promise
So thats when i spoke to myself while i waste tons of time while i have to be studying then how can i give studies as reason when it comes to spirituality
Infact spirituality helps me to remain calm atleast for sometime and that makes day better
So i realised how my brain manipulates me😅
This is one of the things that i realised after a year of using blockers
While i was using blockers some how when the urges hit i would relapse very easily
And when i used blocker i used to feel like some 1 has restrained me
But then when i was just sitting doing nothing i again had a thought
Will restricting work for me??
Its basically when i used to use blocker somewhere i would easily give up
But now every time urges hit me there is no blocker to prevent me from watching but i myself tell i dont need it
Sure i was relapsing few times
But when i ised to succeed those few days it was because i decided to tell no to urges instead of being bound /restricted from watching it
Blockers never worked for me
But yeah it was one step to understanding how i want to improve my life
Truely agree with this
And thats why we need to understand whats the true cause of our addictions and tell the urges that there is no need for me to watch ■■■■ or mastrubate
A new update was just posted. This is the Part 4 about the solution: Part 4 - The Solution - 12 Steps of Recovery
It is really interesting how we try to manage this addiction. I will do this, and then that and I will get one more day and not fap. I have tried this for years and it works for some time but for good. My obsessive mind is stronger and really cleaver. When I think that manage or control my addiction then I end up finding out once more that I am really powerless over my addiction. This is actually part of step 1 of recovery to admit that I am powerless over my addiction and that my life has become unmanagable. You can find more about this in my descirption of Step 1 of the solution here: Part 4 - The Solution - 12 Steps of Recovery - #4 by 24hours24
Very well written. Youve described a mental phenomena that all of us face when delaying gratification; and youve described it very well.
It seems like you know your thoughts well. You are well equipped to defeat this. Good luck my ffiend
@jmgjmgjmgjmgjmg642 - Thank you for the compliments. I have been battling this for a long time and I am really happy that I have been able to find something that works. Best of luck to you too.
how are you rn dude?
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