Hey, It has been a while that I have been here but I wanted to share with you that life without PMO is amazing.
After being addicted 38 years, trying to stop for 32 years and finally working on my recovery from PMO for 14 years, I am finally free from the temptation, from the impossible craziness of the urges and pull of lust, from the desire and from the never ending mind-bending desire for the unreal sexual fantasy. How is it possible to be free? What is the solution? For me it started by understanding the nature of the problem, the nature of the lust addiction itself.
There are really 3 problems in any addiction, including the PMO addiction. I needed to know what these problems where and why I could not find any release from my addiction no matter what I did.
It is not that understanding the problem or the nature of my addiction actually helped me to stop acting in my addiction and stopped me from fapping, no it did not! But it gave me motivation to actually try a solution that has the power of helping me never going back. No more relapses, no more just holding on and counting days as if beating my longest streak was going to beat my addiction.
Problem 1: The first problem is physical. I am physically different than others in that I have an allergy to lust. Yes lust - not PMO. The real beginning of any binging cycle starts with LUST. It is like the first drink for those that are addicted to alcohol. This means, IF I let any lust stay within me (if I entertain lust), if I take this first drink, by thinking of something sexual, an image comes in my mind and I really consider it or any fantasy in my mind that involves something sexual, then I have a hard time to stop lusting. Lust leads to more lust and more lust and then the next step for me is I need to fix my lust thoughts on an image to make it more real and more enjoyable. That is when I try to edge and start searching for an image that is lustful but not nudity or sexual (I am trying to stay clean but I just want a little bit and I think that a little bit will not hurt (that is the 2nd problem, but I wll get to that below)). This continues and continues until I am seeing porn and then masturbate and then feel completely disgusted with myself because I have PMOed again. Let me know if you can relate.
This is the allergy it means that WHEN WE START WITH THE FIRST DRINK OF LUST WE CANNOT STOP UNTIL WITH CRASH WITH PMO. That is the allergy. We physically cannot take lust inside our minds without continuing the cycle that ends with PMO and feeling ashamed. Maybe other people can lust and then they can stop, but I CANNOT. I am not able to stop and stay stopped. Once I am triggered with LUST it is only a question of time before I PMO. Like any allergy, I cannot take it, because if I do I will for sure get the reaction.
It is important to understand that this addiction is a physical sickness. It is not because I am not strong, because I dont have the will-power, the character, because I am wicked, not good or immoral. It has nothing to do with these things that shame us into believing that we are bad people, or weak people.
We are sick people. We are sick with an allergy, a physical allergy that when we take our first drink (in my case LUST), I cannot stop taking more and more and more until I am drunk with lust and then I PMO. That is my reality, each time and every time.
I dont have the strength to stop once I start.
I hope you can relate to this because there is a real solution. But we must know more of the other 2 problems first. This is only the first problem, the physical problem. I will stop there for today, and share with you the second problem tomorrow.
But before I go, know that you are a good person, that you have a lot of strength and will power and morality in you. That is a fact. It is just that you are sick and your malady makes it impossible for you to control your lust and sexual fantasies once you have started. That is 1 of the 3 problems.
There is a solution that will make you into someone that NEVER wants or NEVER needs to use lust and PMO ever again. This solution is not with you trying harder, hitting the gym more, being more busy or never having a girl friend or relationship ever again. I am married for 27 years, I have 7 kids and 2 grand kids. Life can be normal, happy and easy with no temptation if you live in the solution.
But the solution if not you trying harder and hitting your head on the computer screen because you are trying to stop an urge. The solution is being in a place where a power much stronger than mine, takes away the need for lust and the urges and the release of PMO and all the craziness of addiction. Have a great day guys and I will post again. Reach out and believe…
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