After reading 100s of post on “how to handle urges?” with people suggesting different methods and tips and whatnot, and myself giving a lot of advice about doing this and that etc. There is something that everyone is kind of missing. With time, people forget why they started doing nofap and they just want to a achieve that “badge” of honor, racking up days and caring about having the longest streak amongst all their companions(you might not say this, but you also know that this is what you do). This is perfectly natural. Humans are competitive in nature. What strikes me that people keep on relapsing everyday. I have tried to even talk to some of them and they usually come up with excuses like “I was feeling lonely” or “I was too horny” or " I was stressed from work" etc. But I always try to cheer them up by motivating them to stand up again. But here is thing. A man or woman who has seen what masturbation can do to their life and body will never even think once of relapsing. Urges will come for sure. But the sole reason that fapping had destroyed your life so much is sufficient to fight that urge. Even after that if you are relapsing, it means you haven’t even seen a little bit of what masturbation can do to a person. You are either doing it coz it’s a trend or you just wanna achieve a high streak and be cool. That’s just plain stupid. And take it from me, you don’t wanna know what happens when fapping takes complete control of your life. It is no joke. You cannot just relapse like that. Are you controlled by someone else? Can’t you control your own hand? These kinds of things amaze me. In the end I just want to say, if you are relapsing even once, maybe nofap is not for you.
Then I have one question.
why are you here?
If you think it is easy, why do you need the support from this forum? why even getting the idea that you should look for a community to help you doing nofap?
Nofap is not simple at all. It is not about how to not masturbate. It is about finding a way to live a life where i don’t need to masturbate. And this ain’t easy at all.
If a real addict just stops watching porn, he will find a huge hole filled with emotions. You have to learn what your problems are, you have to analyze your habits and then find new ways to live, form new habits and change everything.
If it works for you to just quit fapping then I guess you are just a really lucky guy.
I can just speak for myself, but I can say that it was damn painful having to handle all my emotions without a drug.
or it exactly is what you need. Because porn has such a tight grip on your life, that it has infested every single aspect. It became so severe that you can’t even imagine a life without. You see a girl in the streets and it reminds you of one of the girls you saw in a porn. I see a couple kissing in public and it reminds you of the cams you saw. You are bored at home and the habit of 15years of porn makes it almost impossible to not think of porn.
You think it is easy to change something that took 1/6 of each day for the last 15 years?
Thank you for the reply, this just what I needed. I see, just like many, you too missed the point. I said it’s simple, not easy. I admit that I was here to seek motivation at first, but when I started seeing the benefits of nofap, I never onced had this doubt in my mind, should I fap again or not. I had (or have) urges and mind you, it was not at all easy, but it always comes down to this whether I wanna jack off my willie or not, the choice is simple. Anyways, this post serves as a critical motivation for those who just fap and relapse, without thinking about the consequences ( I have one companion who said he chose to relapse, I mean, what kind of a stupid excuse is that?). This post shakes those kind of people into reality. I know, it is a harsh, insensitive and hard pill to swallow, but this will heal you.
I understand and agree with the basic message of the post but he ended with being a little too harsh on those who struggle and fail.We all know why this is so difficult. I it’s because in the short-term losing never felt sooo good!Yet winning at life would feel so much better!!! Few people even come close to their real full potential.PMO is holding us back from a truly epic destiny.Stop dreaming your dreams and live them!
I think we should consider too that emotions are involved in this problem and people do have different situations.
I think we should not discourage those who are keeps trying. Perhaps you might think they are not serious enough but you can’t tell that too. We are fighting the sAme addiction but we face different problems. And remember we don’t have the same strength and weaknesses.
It’s like you have a task to cross a bridge above the sea, it may be easy for you but what about the others who are afraid of water?
I agree that the answer is simple and not easy but what I understand about your last sentence is like if you ever relapse you don’t have the chance or hope of overcoming this addiction so don’t even try again.
I am sorry ( and not sorry) for hurting anyone’s feelings here, but this is a harsh reality of this world. You might not get a second chance. I am not saying everybody’s strengths and weekness are same, but choosing to fap is YOURS AND ONLY YOUR decision to make. The girl inside the prono didn’t come out and jacked off your Willie. The hot super model in bikni didn’t stroke your dick. The girl in your thoughts didn’t “actually” suck your cock, you stroked it. You choose to do that. Nobody forced you to do it. You intentionally failed in your journey. If you were running a marathon and came 3rd, thats acceptable. You tried but somebody else tried harder. But stopping intentionally in the middle of the race and saying I lost, thats just plain stupid. I hope you get the point here. Whenever you have an urge, just simply sit down ask yourself this simple and straight question: “whether you wanna jack off or not?”. If and comes yes, think about it’s consequences and you will definitely change your mind.
I can agree and disagree with you at the same time in a way.You make it sound like choosing wether or not to indulge in a highly addictive behavior is analogous to choosing between black and white socks.Different types of choices are made under different sets of influences/pressures.The triumph of the rational mind over the “reptilian brain” doesn’t come easily when truly put to the test.Sex related addictions are hard to overcome because they involve a very fundamental aspect of our biology.Trying to fight biology with reason is difficult.Our blood can go up or down but not both ways simultaneously.In my last relapse I had the feeling like I was acting robotically under some kind of mind control.This is the true nature of addiction.Impulse control takes practice and a multi-faceted approach.
I agree with you. It is difficult to fight biology of our body. That is why I said earlier that one should have a clear set of goals as to why they are doing nofap and should never forget that reason. write it, learn it, live it. That’s my motto. One more thing that can help is developing fear of PMO and it’s consequences. I wrote an article on this, check it out: Fear helps in countering urges
As someone still struggling with nofap. It seems to me that you are way simplifying the issue. Struggling with something for years and resolving it within a year or months is very much difficult. I know for myself guilty trapping people with quotes or crude language makes me at times more dishearted. I also know at times it is out of your control. I know for a fact when I am alone and at night that is the most hardest to have self control. Then again I maybe wrong since I have realised I tend to substitute masturbation for my life problems.
In essence please don’t say nofap is simple cause to me it seems that if it was simple for you. You are justifying it for every one else
I am sorry my friend if you feel nofap is complex. But let me tell you this that I have repeated several times, nofap is simple, NOT EASY. You think it was simple for me, well guess what, it is simple for you too. You just don’t realize that yet. If you have read the previous posts that I have posted, you must have read that nobody, nobody in this fucking world is coming to you and giving you a handjob. You are doing that to yourself. How can you blame the world for your own problems. Nobody puts a cigarette in the mouth of a Chainsmoker but themself. You say it was easy for me( at least what you meant). Let me tell you my story, if that’s what you want. I have been an addict for past 7 years. I was happy before nofap. Lonely life, very less talk, grumpy nature, loosing hair, tired all the time, what’s not to like, right. Then one fine day I noticed something. I was missing out on many professional opportunities and I was always blaming someone or the other for it. I always felt, entitled. It was wrong, I knew it. So I decided to go nofap. First 21 days were the hardest. There were days I couldn’t sleep because the urges were so strong. Harmonal changes made me depressed, I even cried a few times. My mind had infinite thoughts going through them at the same time giving severe headaches. Sometimes I was afraid as I might die. But, the fear of relapse was far greater. I kept going through it, I fought the psychological war inside me. Winston Churchill once said (you might have heard of it): “If you are going through hell, keep going.”
After 36 days of nofap, I can assure you that it will become easier. It doesn’t mean that my life changed much from before, but I am working on it and will keep working till the end of the line.
i know what you wanna tell us. i felt the same on my first streak.
but i also know why we get mad about calling it simple.
if you call nofap simple, then you should call everything in life simple.
wanna be an amazing person? it’s as simple as just feeling amazing and spread that
you can oversimplify everything in life and vice versa, you can make everything look more complicated than it is. the hard thing is to find the right balance
Well I can understand why you guys might think what I am saying is not correct and I should be more sensitive towards others feelings. I know it’s my first streak and I don’t know how long it is going to last( I hope it last forever) and I have no right to judge those who relapsed and are fighting this evil. But before finding this app, I was also trying to get rid of this disease on my own. I was trying for the past 1.5 years but couldn’t succeed. I thought I might never be able to do it. Then I found this community. I found that there are many who are struggling just like me and I started my journey. After a couple of weeks and reading a lots of relapse post I came to a startling realization. All of those who relapsed had one thing in common. They were trying to over complicate the situation. They were looking for other drugs (metaphorical) to escape this drug. For example, people (including me, I admit) are trying to do things not because they are good like yoga, meditation, jogging, public meetings etc. But just to escape this disease. I realized it and started doing things that made me feel good and make me a better person like finding some alone time so that I can understand myself better, meeting friends because it’s fun not because I wanted to escape an urge etc. And that is where the difference came. People will stop relapsing only when they are truly determined to fight this evil and are afraid of PMO and it’s consequences. Comparing it with cancer is just doesn’t make sense. Nobody chooses cancer. It’s not an addiction. Please try to be rational in presenting your point.
Man this is what exactly what I wanted to say. I see people saying they on nofap from 8 months ,9 months, but couldn’t keep a streak of at least 20 days. Saying they relapsed, giving excuses. Yes I get it it’s not easy but it’s not impossible.
When others did it you can do it too. See, how it works, yes humans are tend to be competitive in nature, benefit from it , show them people your badges. Show them you did 30 days , 90 days, get companions, share your companion code get connected with the people of most streak. Motivate others to be like you. When you relapse and tell others who are in nofap journey , they feel tempted, their urges will be hard to control. Their capability to control urges weakens when someone says they’ve relapsed.
See one thing I wanted to tell to those who get urges , and relapsed, before relapsing just think about others that if you’d fapped right now you are breaking someone else’s streak, you are taking someone else down. I personally delete the companion Code out of my companion board if they relapsed.And before relapsing think about if you wanted to become the person who motives other or demotivates. It’s on you. You know how to do it , if no then ask we are here to help each other. Peace out✌️
I think nofap is simple in logic but relative in practice. For some people it’s easier for some it’s harder to practice.
To me if you watch pornography there is something spiritual going on. That s**t has power and for some its become an addiction. Masturbation could be spiritual but also biological. Our bodies crave something we don’t need.
everyone’s opinion is probably right about PMO. We are living it. The concept of nofap is simple, but doing it can be difficult.
I’m glad I found this community. Even if we bump heads we are going through this journey at the same time, and sometimes together.
Any changes in hair?
Well, not exactly. See, hairfall is dependent on many factors, including masturbation. Stopping masturbation just ensures that it doesn’t contribute to hairfall. There are many other factors like protein intake, weather conditions, water condition, hair product usage, temperature, pollution etc. Hair are still falling, I won’t lie, but nofap has helped me with other aspects such as battling depression, anxiety, shyness, regaining physical strength etc. Please don’t focus on hair too much, if they are going to go, there is almost nothing you can do about it, but it should not discourage one to stop nofap.
May i know Which day r u in?
I m on Day 42 and counting.
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