Bhai, if you are absolutely certain that you will recover in your time away, then I fully support you and I hope and pray for you to have the very best success. I know that there are people who recover on their own.
But I was not one of them. Every time I disappeared and hid myself away from accountability, I became worse. I have never in my life been more addicted than in my times away from this forum. And as a result I became a hardcore addict who PMOed multiple times everyday, and now Iâm paying the price for that by fighting strong urges almost daily.
I wish you the best of success bhai. If that was your last relapse, it is truly a beautiful thing. Youâre 21 and youâll have the opportunity to heal and repair the damage in your life. But I donât want you to be like me. I kept telling myself I will come back to the forum when I have 90 days again, or 180 days, or even a year. But I was binging like crazy. When I eventually returned, I came back on day 0.Addiction grows in isolation.
Donât allow the pain and regret and shame to consume you. All of your brothers and sisters here know that pain. We wonât judge you. If you start to struggle again, we are here for you. Donât allow ego or promises or shame to keep you away.
Same was my case. I fapped even 4 to 5 times a day and watched â â â â 4 times at least during my 4 months away from RC . But I started again in February after my JEE session 1 exam and NOW I am on my highest streak ever. Being on a platform helps us more rather than staying away.
Bro, just a point I want to add, I have been relapsing too for past couple weeks and last week after my last relapse I randomly made a decision to follow your technique of using the forum only, I have uninstalled the RC app (I got this idea from you) also the fact I didnât reset my last streak but instead I made a note like Day 0, with date and time, followed by some words like journey begins here and I am seeing some difference already (ya it seems like I am betraying my companions or keeping them in dark but no as long as I am honest with myself there is nothing like that because at the end of the day I know the exact timing but since I am trying to limit myself with calculating how many days it has been, so this is one good way I have figured out as we are not here to count days but to make it a part of daily routine like eating, taking bath and other day to day activities).
Although I am not yet in a place to make any big claims yet, but ya this trick works at some level, also if you will observe people on high streak they are not always available here and most important thing I have realised is that your thoughts play an important role, PMO is nothing if your mind is clear. But if your mind is not clear than even a simple word, a simple visual or a simple thought can easily trigger you and it will eventually lead to a relapse. I have realised one thing the tough things takes a hell lot of pateince, we relapse because we are impatient, we are inclinded towards instant gratification, we want everything today but life is all about patience. Be calm and try to fight again, take it like your are learning a new skill which is not easy but if you keep practicing you will succeed one day for sure.
On a side note - One of my old buddy here Xevo, you know him too mentioned this long time ago, he said when you see your companions relapsing then there are chances you will relapse too. This was damn true as it increases the probability of your relapses. Since he got frustrated he left the forum for a while and last time I saw his streak was already above 70 days. So donât give up, clear your thoughts first, observe whatâs going inside your head, my last relapses were often just plain habits, I was mindlessly doing things because my mind has become so used to it, but after every relapse instead of hate, fear or regret I got up and tried again because thatâs the only option you have and I believe that is helping me at some level now, as there is some clarity.
I am starting again. Started today at 00:00.
I canât give up. I will keep on fighting no matter what happens.
Even if it breaks me I will keep going.
Also I am going to start writing tasks and things like @Forerunner. He is one of my greatest inspirations in this forum. Watching his diary makes me wanna do it. But wishing it wonât do it. So today onwards, I will be updating everyday all the tasks I did.
@Forerunner I really want to say âYou are my inspiration in forumâ. Yesterday also I relapsed. But this time I wonât be doing it. I wonât be counting days but I have downloaded the app and set my start date in the app.
Wonât be focusing on no-fap but more focused on tasks.
CHANGED START DATE & ADDED ICONS In progress Done/Completed Failed
TO-DO LIST
Watch tutorial on basics of Photoshop
Bench crunches
Swimming at evening
Play FIFA mobile event
Give cycle at shop for repairing
Going to temple for afternoon lunch
Hit bed at 10 pm
Watch serial with family
Read Atomic Habits chapter 1
This much is enough for today. Too much tasks at 1st day will be too much.
I PRAY TO GOD THAT THIS TIME TO GIVE ME POWER TO OVERCOME. A LOOSER LIKE ME NEED TO CHANGE AND THATâS WHY I NEED POWER TO CHANGE.
EDIT 5: Today around 11:00 morning I went to gave cycle for repairing. Walked an total of 3 kms and it was really hot. But I enjoyed walking. After reaching home I wanted to walk more. Fully energetic today.
EDIT 6 Due to rain my swimming routine got wasted. I was totally in motivated mood while rain and thunderstorm ruined the whole fun. But rode scooter at rain. It was awesome experience. The rain falling on me, me riding the scooter and water targetting me Awesome experience.
EDIT 7: No mood to read or watch tutorial. Will do it tomorrow.
EDIT 8: Shit this entry is totally messed up.
I am happy for myself. Completed 5 tasks out of 9 which is itself an big achievement for me.
Walking exercise
These are not the words of a loser - this is the speech of a warrior. The Will of Fire burns bright within you. Hold onto it and remind yourself of that fiery passion every day. This is the same fire that has carried me to 40 days past 150 strong urges.
Always remember that people only post what they want you to see. I didnât post all the failures I had last year. The times when a 48 hour streak was a huge achievement. When I thought that I gave it my all and only managed 11 days, after having completed 250+ days in the past. Trust me when I say this, anything that Iâm doing, you can do it too, and do it better.
No one on this forum has been a bigger loser than me. Many of you didnât even know PMO was harmful. You didnât know that you shouldnât do it. I have known my whole life. I have been trying to quit for over 15 years. Every new year I swore it would be clean, and each year I broke that promise. If someone has tried to crack an exam for 15 years and failed each time, what other word can you call them? But those who have lost the most have the most to gain. If you feel like a loser bro, focus on how much being a winner would change your life.
We are with you bhai. Glad to see you back here again and that you didnât allow the relapse to keep you away.
You have what it takes. New start bhai, keep going. May GOD give you the strength to overcome.
I am sad to say this but I relapsed a few minutes ago. Also going to sleep at 4:57 morning. Idk why didnât felt sleepy. Now head is paining and iâm sleepy.
Since due to lack of sleep imma keep tasks simple and easy.
TO-DO TASK:
Watch tutorial video of photoshop
Bench crunches
Drink lots of water
Read atomic habits chapter 1
Hit bed at 10:00 pm
I wonât let myself down again with the same mistake again.
I started the challenge fresh today morning on 29/04/2023. Giving up is never an option.
I got to know the love story of parents.
30/04/2023 [SUNDAY]
TO-DO TASKS:
Group call from CHALLENGERS WhatsApp group
Drink lots of water
Read atomic habits chapter 1
Today I had urges but slight ones.
Played masala songs with daddy. Dad teased mom by playing Go down meh and other â â â shaking songs. . There were chances of relapse but didnât relapse. A video posted by Kazim bro made me motivated.
Relapsed. I was watching kite anime but there was an sexual scene which caused me to relapse. It was my fault for not watching the imdb parents guide.
Bro, on this journey we have to protect our eyes from unclean images.
That is an 18+ anime. You donât want to watch something like that. It isnât safe for you to look at. Donât allow your mind to tell you things like âOh, this isnât pornography, so it is okay.â
It doesnât need to be pornography for it to be unsafe for you. There are certain music videos or movies or TV shows which are unsafe for me, so I wonât watch them.
It doesnât matter if itâs explicitly pornography or not. If you relapse to it, it is pornography for you.
Thank you for the advice Forerunner bro, I donât watch adult anime much, But yes it was my mistake, I was watching shippuden again which is very safe one. But when I saw kite, thought âOk, let me just watch itâ and I got scammed.
Started building good habits. Winners are those who doesnât give up and that is what Naruto taught me. If I give up, Naruto will hate me because he bust his â â â of and grinds for that thing and I canât put a black mark on his name.
Today onwards I am doing Naruto challenge hosted by @Nerbo bro.
In progress
Done/Completed 
Failed
Awesome experience.
