just a quick reminder for myself.
one moment, urges can be not-existend, in the next, they can hit you like a truck.
i have them right now, because i don’t wanna go to bed since i didn’t have time for my night routine. there are some things i would like to do but i’m too tires for them. so, i’m looking for ways to stay awake.
instead, i will sleep now witout the routine i would love to do. i will do it better tomorrow.
besides that, i’m on day 10 and not expecting to give-in any time soon 
Deleted my twitch and youtube account. I realized that they trapped me in a cyber world. They captured my thoughts the whole day and prevented me from living the life I deserve.
It really hurts me to do that. It feels like cutting out a part of myself. It became a part of my identity. Maybe the main part. I don’t wanna have that anymore. I have an amazing life. I just have to grab it
Day 11 finished 
Life became such a rollercoaster.
I know that I can’t go back into my old life. Also, I don’t want to.
But I’m still not familiar enough with the new life. I often feel torn apart. Not really knowing how to feel.
Mainly, I miss my refuge. The place where I can flee from my life.
I try to have a lot of time where I have time for myself. Meditating or trying to feel the life around me.
The path I’ve choosen feels right eventhough it hurts like hell.
At some point I will write my story down in one post (I guess when I feel like I am rewired)
I guess I will start now to gather some things that it will be easier then.
my Do’s:
my Dont’s
I think I still have too many things I would like to change in my everyday life. Also, I don’t believe that there will ever be a time where everything is perfect. So, instead of building a perfect day, I will focus on a few key parts. Once I mastered them, I can look for other things.
Following are the things I would like to focus on during the next 7ish days:
Motivation song of the week:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPXIgEAGe4U
I had now one week to adopt these things.
Here the result:
Week 2
*edit: I found a new enemy which made its way to number one goal to fight
Goals
Song of this week
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5MaONqkYYw
@neveragaintw I would like to know your methods of dealing with procrastination. Btw what does mindfulness equate to(how do I know if I am mindful?)
These are really hard to capture in words 
I’ll do my best
For me, being mindful means to be aware of my surrounding, my current activity or myself / my thoughts.
It’s a different feeling to take a shower while being distracted by all sorts of thoughts or on the opposite site being aware of the nice sensations of having a nice, warm shower.
Or take walking to work. If you are mindful, you can see beautiful little things on your way. Or you can just head towards your work place, distracted and not aware of your surrounding.
I use these two to relax. They fill me with joy and let me calm down. For me, stress and no way to relax is always a huge source of relapses.
The second one, being aware of my thoughts is used to detect urges in advance and also detecting negative feelings. Listening to my mind tells me what it needs.
(Sure you can’t do that all the time, sometimes the mind needs freedom to do whatever it wants to do)
For the procrastination, Unfortunately, I haven’t completely wrapped my head around that problem yet.
I feel like I have two problems. One, that I don’t do the things that I have to do. The higher the pressure, the more am I looking for alternative ways to do something else. I don’t really have a solution for that yet. Other than just writing myself a fixed plan with the things I have to do. For example I tell myself to do the call I should do today at 2pm.
The other thing feels like a combination of procrastination an mindfulness where I start things but don’t end them.
This leads to stress since I see all the things that are just a mess. And always the thought, yes I will clean that up once I have time. And I will never find time. So, the stress is increased
I now try to finish my tasks. Even if I don’t like to do them. Already after a day, it gave me so much pleasure to do the things I hated before.
Thanks for putting up the effort to describe your journey (and writing this long a post ). I hope I can improve by imitating you. Also, I think I’ve some solutions for the problem of procrastination. I shall share them when I have ‘time’ 
. Thanks again.
second week over.
Felt terrible the whole week. always tired and felt sick. But i feel that many things are changing to the positive. This week I really saw how many things during the day I start but not finish.
before, my cloths laid on the ground, food was left on my table, my bed wasn’t made and so on.
Had some problems with mindfulness this week. Maybe also because my head felt foggy the whole time.
I figured out that it is enough to keep my phone at the entrance of my apartment. This is already too fare away that I don’t start watching porn.
One thing I have to change is, to look at my goals more often. It feels like I forget what I really wanna reach during the week.
Week 3
This weeks new top priority: No porn! I don’t wanna feel like shit anymore. At the end of this year, I wanna have a 30 day streak!
As soon as I have some more capacity (once I adopted one of my current goals to enough extend) I would love to change my wake-up time. But I feel like this needs to wait some more weeks.
Goals
no porn / no pictures
Stop procrastination
Mindfulness
Song of this week
If it is still relevant…
I promised you productivity hacks…
Step 1: sit aside and take a meditation session of 30 min. Decide your long term goal.Ask yourself - 'where do I want to be 5 years from now? ’ (in case it is not clear, try the next day and the day next)
Step 2: set daily goals making sure that you keep taking steps each day to move closer and closer to your cheriahed goal. To do this -use the ivy lee method :
https://curiosity.com/topics/the-ivy-lee-method-is-a-100-year-old-productivity-secret-curiosity/
Step 3: all the time that has been alloted to productivity shall be used using :
https://curiosity.com/topics/the-pomodoro-technique-is-the-productivity-hack-designed-to-halt-procrastination-curiosity/
This ensures that you do not tire yourself out and have plenty of time to feel relaxed and happy.
lo and behold, you have got the best method to be productive (at least for me). 
Would love to give this comment more then just one like.
Thanks a lot.
I feel like I already went some steps in this direction (for example, I wrote down my long-term goals and pinned them onto the wall in front of my desk as a reminder). But I see that I can refine my strategies by a quite a bit .
I will definitely include these tips. 
@MrXYZ thanks a lot for your comment last week.
I felt pretty bad the whole week until you wrote me. I felt less alone and got new power to fight this addiction!
In general, the week went pretty bad. But after relapsing to P a thought popped up in my head. I really hope that it sticks deep and that I can never forget it
(I watched the most extreme things I’ve ever watched) and at some point a voice told me “what if that was your girlfriend.” I almost vomited by the thought.
it’s the most disgusting thought I’ve ever had about porn and it could be a very strong help.
positive things:
Week 4
Remember the “porn image” all the time.
As soon as I have some more capacity (once I adopted one of my current goals to enough extend) I would love to change my wake-up time. But I feel like this needs to wait some more weeks.
Goals:
no porn / no pictures (Week 1)
Stop procrastination
Mindfulness
Accomplishments:
Song of this week
This week there is no song but instead quotes.
I had the problem, that I thought that I’m only valuable if I am successful. I have to be the best student, otherwise I could also kill myself since someone else is more important than I am. Also, I thought that people only like me, if I am successful and get prizes and titles. Here some quotes to this topic
"The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive." Albert Einstein
“One thing I didn’t understand in life was that I had $100,000,000 in the bank and I couldn’t buy happiness. I had everything: mansions, yachts, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, but I was depressed. I didn’t know where I fitted in. But then I found family and friends and I learned the value of life.” Vanilla Ice
“We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.” Joseph Campbell
“The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.” Kalu Kalu
“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.” Albert Einstein
unfortunately I wasn’t able to not watch ■■■■ 
.
It’s just so weird. In one moment I have no urges at all, in the next my mind got overruled by a ■■■■ urge.
Week 5
This week will be to reduce my computer usage
As soon as I have some more capacity (once I adopted one of my current goals to enough extend) I would love to change my wake-up time. But I feel like this needs to wait some more weeks.
Goals:
Computer usage
no porn / no pictures (Week 1)
Stop procrastination
Accomplishments:
I finally reached it. It is the most amazing thing
I started this journey like everyone else. Installed the app and told myself to never watch P again. By brute force methods I reached a huge first streak. But afterwards, no real progress came. I relapsed again and again and nothing helped.
A few months later I decided that I will do it a different way. That’s where I wrote the “happy mind guide” and from then on it was my belief that this is my way to go. Some things in the guide I would now do slightly different, but I believe the main idea behind it is still a really good way to go.
But during the last few months, I got desperate. I started to doubt my way. I’m not going for cold showers or pushups. I don’t pack my day full of things or participate in challenges. I don’t even see nofap as my main priority to get clean of my addiction. Most people write things like “do nofap and your life will become amazing”. I always believed “change your daily habits to get a great life and nofap will arise which makes your life amazing”. Many people are criticizing this because they think that I’m not fully committed, that I just do it for fun or to troll. They don’t see how much effort I spend, how much energy it costs me to reach my ultimate goal of beating this addiction. I already changed so many bad habits and invested hours and hours in this.
During the months, my life became great. I changed so many things and felt better and better. But my streaks didn’t go up. I stayed on a 7 days average where others reached much higher.
But now, last week. For the first time since the start, I felt different. I had weeks without urges before but still P was somewhere in my mind. This week was the first time that I didn’t even saw a reason why I should watch P or M. I felt amazing, self-conscious, relaxed. I felt so good that there just was no reason for me to watch a porn. And I can now confirm: A happy mind doesn’t need such a stupid addiction. I will still need much more time to finish it but this week I made another huge step in the right direction
It showed my that I’m on the right way. That my way can work. It gave me so much new energy to pursue my goal of beating this fucking addiction. On the other hand, I realized that with the current forum community, neither are my points of few accepted/wanted nor do most general advices work for me. Probably, no one is even reading this. I think I will continue writing this diary once a week because it helps me a lot to sort my thoughts. But I won’t participate in other forum treads anymore and hence also suggest that I will step back from my mod responsibility.