Neveragains journal (+the part from the old forum)


#145

Tomorrow I will reach the highest streak of the last month :slight_smile:
Also, just 8 more days and I will have the highest streak of the last 3months

I now have two weeks of holidays. I feel amazing. All the pressure from the exam period is lifted from my shoulders. Thus, feeling really good


#146

just a quick reminder for myself.
one moment, urges can be not-existend, in the next, they can hit you like a truck.

i have them right now, because i don’t wanna go to bed since i didn’t have time for my night routine. there are some things i would like to do but i’m too tires for them. so, i’m looking for ways to stay awake.

instead, i will sleep now witout the routine i would love to do. i will do it better tomorrow.


#147

besides that, i’m on day 10 and not expecting to give-in any time soon :blush:


#148

Deleted my twitch and youtube account. I realized that they trapped me in a cyber world. They captured my thoughts the whole day and prevented me from living the life I deserve.

It really hurts me to do that. It feels like cutting out a part of myself. It became a part of my identity. Maybe the main part. I don’t wanna have that anymore. I have an amazing life. I just have to grab it

Day 11 finished :slight_smile:


#149

Life became such a rollercoaster.
I know that I can’t go back into my old life. Also, I don’t want to.
But I’m still not familiar enough with the new life. I often feel torn apart. Not really knowing how to feel.
Mainly, I miss my refuge. The place where I can flee from my life.

I try to have a lot of time where I have time for myself. Meditating or trying to feel the life around me.

The path I’ve choosen feels right eventhough it hurts like hell.


#150

At some point I will write my story down in one post (I guess when I feel like I am rewired)
I guess I will start now to gather some things that it will be easier then.

my Do’s:

  • Meditation
  • Enough time for myself
  • Finding happiness in small things
  • Habits
  • knowledge that I can change every second
  • not porn but i cause all the problems
    (don’t blame fapping as an excuse)
  • i can choose to have all the benefits
  • identify virtual life and destroy it

my Dont’s

  • Looking for THE solution
  • easy fix
  • porn-blocker
  • excuss my behaviour because I’m an addict
  • wait for nofap to solve my problems

#151

I think I still have too many things I would like to change in my everyday life. Also, I don’t believe that there will ever be a time where everything is perfect. So, instead of building a perfect day, I will focus on a few key parts. Once I mastered them, I can look for other things.

Following are the things I would like to focus on during the next 7ish days:

  • be mindful as often as possible. Especially when coming home.
  • no porn
  • spend more time cooking
  • keep phone in the cellar to prevent relapsing
  • if possible, stand up when the alarm clock rings

Motivation song of the week:


#152

I had now one week to adopt these things.
Here the result:

  • Mindfulness is the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. It feels like really being part of life and not only a mindless creature walking around. This will further be my main goal.
    It also helps me to see urges arise, acknowledge them and let them go.
  • Of course no porn still stands on the todo list. I found out that my reason to quit porn is to not feel dirty again. I should be better than that. And mainly because of my girlfriend. I wanna stop betraying her.
  • cooking is a great thing. from now on I will cook at least one bigger meal during the week
  • phone in the cellar kept me from watching porn

#153

Week 2
*edit: I found a new enemy which made its way to number one goal to fight

Goals

  • STOP Procrastination
  • Mindfulness
    -> Eating without distraction / focus on your meal
    -> Finish things completely
    -> Observe your thoughts more often
  • no porn should also include no pictures (found out that K9 doesn’t block safe search in my browser)
  • Phone is always in the cellar (5 floors below my apartment. It takes quite some efforts to fetch it just to watch porn. If it is in my apartment it is far away from my room)
  • After the clock rings, do some exercises to get warm and awake

Song of this week


#154

@neveragaintw I would like to know your methods of dealing with procrastination. Btw what does mindfulness equate to(how do I know if I am mindful?)


#155

These are really hard to capture in words :sweat_smile: I’ll do my best

For me, being mindful means to be aware of my surrounding, my current activity or myself / my thoughts.
It’s a different feeling to take a shower while being distracted by all sorts of thoughts or on the opposite site being aware of the nice sensations of having a nice, warm shower.
Or take walking to work. If you are mindful, you can see beautiful little things on your way. Or you can just head towards your work place, distracted and not aware of your surrounding.

I use these two to relax. They fill me with joy and let me calm down. For me, stress and no way to relax is always a huge source of relapses.

The second one, being aware of my thoughts is used to detect urges in advance and also detecting negative feelings. Listening to my mind tells me what it needs.
(Sure you can’t do that all the time, sometimes the mind needs freedom to do whatever it wants to do)

For the procrastination, Unfortunately, I haven’t completely wrapped my head around that problem yet.
I feel like I have two problems. One, that I don’t do the things that I have to do. The higher the pressure, the more am I looking for alternative ways to do something else. I don’t really have a solution for that yet. Other than just writing myself a fixed plan with the things I have to do. For example I tell myself to do the call I should do today at 2pm.

The other thing feels like a combination of procrastination an mindfulness where I start things but don’t end them.

  • I come home and throw my bag into my room, my jacket onto the ground and start doing something.
  • Later I need the bag. So, I take everything out and place it on the ground.
  • I cook dinner and eat but keep my cutlery on the table after I’m done.

This leads to stress since I see all the things that are just a mess. And always the thought, yes I will clean that up once I have time. And I will never find time. So, the stress is increased

I now try to finish my tasks. Even if I don’t like to do them. Already after a day, it gave me so much pleasure to do the things I hated before.

  • I come home, place my jacket on a hook, I empty my bag and put all the stuff to the places they belong and THEN, I start the next thing.
    it’s more neat, I don’t have to worry about cleaning up old stuff or removing something I just placed somewhere.

#156

Thanks for putting up the effort to describe your journey (and writing this long a post ). I hope I can improve by imitating you. Also, I think I’ve some solutions for the problem of procrastination. I shall share them when I have ‘time’ :joy:. Thanks again.


#157

second week over.
Felt terrible the whole week. always tired and felt sick. But i feel that many things are changing to the positive. This week I really saw how many things during the day I start but not finish.
before, my cloths laid on the ground, food was left on my table, my bed wasn’t made and so on.

Had some problems with mindfulness this week. Maybe also because my head felt foggy the whole time.

I figured out that it is enough to keep my phone at the entrance of my apartment. This is already too fare away that I don’t start watching porn.

One thing I have to change is, to look at my goals more often. It feels like I forget what I really wanna reach during the week.


#158

Week 3

This weeks new top priority: No porn! I don’t wanna feel like shit anymore. At the end of this year, I wanna have a 30 day streak!

As soon as I have some more capacity (once I adopted one of my current goals to enough extend) I would love to change my wake-up time. But I feel like this needs to wait some more weeks.

Goals

  • no porn / no pictures

    • Keep phone at the entrance all the time
  • Stop procrastination

    • As before, see things as complete tasks. Coming home means, placing shoes on shelf, jacket on the hook, take things from university out of backpack. Do all these things before starting something new
    • write a list of things you definitely need to do during the day (like phone calls, important E-Mails and stuff)
  • Mindfulness

    • Eating without distraction (no TV) / focus on your meal
    • Observe your thoughts more often / go for a walk more often

Song of this week


#159

If it is still relevant…
I promised you productivity hacks…
Step 1: sit aside and take a meditation session of 30 min. Decide your long term goal.Ask yourself - 'where do I want to be 5 years from now? ’ (in case it is not clear, try the next day and the day next)

Step 2: set daily goals making sure that you keep taking steps each day to move closer and closer to your cheriahed goal. To do this -use the ivy lee method :
https://curiosity.com/topics/the-ivy-lee-method-is-a-100-year-old-productivity-secret-curiosity/

Step 3: all the time that has been alloted to productivity shall be used using :
https://curiosity.com/topics/the-pomodoro-technique-is-the-productivity-hack-designed-to-halt-procrastination-curiosity/
This ensures that you do not tire yourself out and have plenty of time to feel relaxed and happy.

lo and behold, you have got the best method to be productive (at least for me). :slightly_smiling_face:


#160

Would love to give this comment more then just one like.
Thanks a lot.

I feel like I already went some steps in this direction (for example, I wrote down my long-term goals and pinned them onto the wall in front of my desk as a reminder). But I see that I can refine my strategies by a quite a bit :slight_smile: .

I will definitely include these tips. :smiley:


#161

@MrXYZ thanks a lot for your comment last week.
I felt pretty bad the whole week until you wrote me. I felt less alone and got new power to fight this addiction!

In general, the week went pretty bad. But after relapsing to P a thought popped up in my head. I really hope that it sticks deep and that I can never forget it
(I watched the most extreme things I’ve ever watched) and at some point a voice told me “what if that was your girlfriend.” I almost vomited by the thought.

it’s the most disgusting thought I’ve ever had about porn and it could be a very strong help.

positive things:

  • I got really good at finishing tasks. My room is still tidy, since I don’t just leave my things where i stopped using them. Feels pretty good.
  • I started to learn to draw. (I’ve never drawn even the tiniest piece since I always believed that I’m bad at it). it feels so refreshing to do something new.
  • I am much more happy. I had to remember to be more happy and don’t worry about everything

#162

Week 4

Remember the “porn image” all the time.

As soon as I have some more capacity (once I adopted one of my current goals to enough extend) I would love to change my wake-up time. But I feel like this needs to wait some more weeks.

Goals:

  • no porn / no pictures (Week 1)

    • Keep the porn picture in my head
    • Keep phone at the entrance all the time
  • Stop procrastination

    • Every evening, write a list of 6 things I need to do the next day and sort them by importance
  • Mindfulness

    • Eating without distraction (no TV) / focus on your meal
    • Observe your thoughts more often / go for a walk more often

Accomplishments:

  • I finish one whole task before I start a new one

Song of this week

This week there is no song but instead quotes.
I had the problem, that I thought that I’m only valuable if I am successful. I have to be the best student, otherwise I could also kill myself since someone else is more important than I am. Also, I thought that people only like me, if I am successful and get prizes and titles. Here some quotes to this topic

  • "The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive." Albert Einstein

  • “One thing I didn’t understand in life was that I had $100,000,000 in the bank and I couldn’t buy happiness. I had everything: mansions, yachts, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, but I was depressed. I didn’t know where I fitted in. But then I found family and friends and I learned the value of life.” Vanilla Ice

  • “We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.” Joseph Campbell

  • “The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.” Kalu Kalu

  • “Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.” Albert Einstein


#163
  • I really like the idea to write a todo list of 6 things for the next day every evening.
    I often can reach about 5 of the 6 which is a really good feeling.
  • Finishing one task before starting another is still working well.

unfortunately I wasn’t able to not watch porn :sweat:.
It’s just so weird. In one moment I have no urges at all, in the next my mind got overruled by a porn urge.


#164

Week 5

This week will be to reduce my computer usage

As soon as I have some more capacity (once I adopted one of my current goals to enough extend) I would love to change my wake-up time. But I feel like this needs to wait some more weeks.

Goals:

  • Computer usage

    • Check the Forum only ONCE per day. Only in the evening 30 min before I go to bed
    • Right after coming home go for a quick meditation session.
    • After each meditation think about the next 2 or 3 things you are going to do
    • pomodore technique: study for 20 to 30min. 5 min break afterwards
    • This 5 min I mustn’t spend on the computer
    • After something like 3 sessions I spend a 15min break meditating
    • Again after meditation, think about your next 3 tasks.
  • no porn / no pictures (Week 1)

    • Keep the porn picture in my head
    • Keep phone at the entrance all the time
  • Stop procrastination

    • Every evening, write a list of 6 things I need to do the next day and sort them by importance

Accomplishments:

  • I finish one whole task before I start a new one