Arrrgh man!
You need to stop doing what you think is rational, seriously. Forget all nonsense about rationality, relapses and Black & White thinking.
You might say “how do I act irrational?”
“Do something crazy, like crap on the floor?”
And so this kind of rationalising carries on, and on, and on. The mind taking control, deconstructing everything.
Yes, you need to do the thing you never do.
That’s something worth rationalising.
When was the last time you did something you’ve never done?
Sometimes I’ll purposefully be messy just to teach my mind a lesson, and say “why not?”
“I am the boss”
Don’t argue. I’m making a choice.
“Mr.Mind, go and sit over there,
Mrs.Active-Choices is taking charge today”
Use K9, only Google, making loads of blocks to search engines, make a forgettable password and hide it somewhere, I’m doing this at the moment.
Since now having a studio setup with a new PC, from just having a smartphone and a laptop on temperamental wifi, it’s obvious the more restrictions you have the better without a shred of doubt.
It’s so easy for me to get hooked since the change, and now with the added bonus of a nice big monitor (that I actually don’t need)
The novelty of it really takes a hold. It couldn’t be more obvious, I was better off sitting on my bed looking at ■■■■ on my phone, watching my data usage decrease, struggling with WiFi, having to declutter cookies and the like, instead of having mental battles, using up my attention.
Yes, I’d rather my data usage was depleted on ■■■■, instead of spending my vibrancy on a hidden personal fight, that conflates natural sexual desire with simple indecisiveness.
Forget what you currently think the habit is;
Do I actually consent to let novelty (that part of my mind that is curious) take control?
Really?..?
Dominated by nihilistic thinking?
By that I mean, the lazy, life-is-easy state that leads to a “what’s the point?” mindset.
“does is it matter?”…
If so, you might as well admit ;
“situations are my master”
“My decisions are of no value”
All these Mental cognitions,
“this time, I’ll do it”
“if only I do xyz”
“I need to make a new plan” yada yada…
Put it all in a basket and burn it
Actions speak louder.
You are not just your mind.
When your thoughts, feelings and actions start to agree with each other you’ll be laughing.
caring for your well-being.
“■■■■, Insta, x Youtube vids?
Why the f*@k do I wanna look at that?”
Stop going to your thinking, neglecting simple actions, and how you truly deeply feel in your heart of hearts.
Stop arguing, your mind trying to take president over the whole situation yet again.
Good on you for seeking a therapist.
A leap of faith into the unknown, or simply just going on autopilot!
So currently I have an easy password for k9, just while I unemotionally sit back, take it slowly, and add those little gateways, one by one, to be blocked. No search engines, just Google.
I don’t know what I did, but it’s impossible to see anything x rated in Google since messing about with SafeSearch, even when I try to turn it off, it’s still on, so I just resort to duckduckgo, or download Tor (both now a blocked in k9)
[Leaving the face your fear debate aside]
YouTube is always gonna be a gateway.
Forget NF, but Focus all of your energy and all of your might on YouTube and the Internet.
Your boredom and Youtube usage need serious addressing.
Actually ask yourself serious questions about it.
“what am I actually watching?”…
“what’s it’s true value?”…
“why? why? why?”…
Be brutal with yourself.
Brutal like you are with NF.
“Can I actually give it up for 60, 30, or even 5 days?”… ???
Instead of responding, sit back and look at what’s going on as a 3rd party.
You’ll probably find the moment coming when the thoughts say… “oh, but its the habit…” etcetera
Quickly followed by your ideas, and your mind getting booted up, making up BS, having a field day, literally taking the piss out of you.
Dominated once again by your mind in all situations. A slave to your surroundings.
Nothing timelessly true.
Ask yourself…
“Errrr, excuse me, What’s going on?
Is this actually helping? Or is useful?”
Perhaps you are just bored, and enjoy the mental journey, as most do.
The mind yearning to solve problems, even creating them, just to be No.1
Leave it. You’re mind is not gonna save you.
You ARE fine as you are. Leave it.
“Oh what a kill joy”
“I want mental activity,…
without my mind I can’t win”
Okay, good luck with that.
Stuff WILL fix itself once you allow it.
Over feeding the plants will drown them.
Concentrate on loving now.
Tomorrow will sort itself.
It always does and always will.
There’s nothing to fix, your mind is a tool.
You don’t need your Philips screwdriver every second, but when a few screws need tightening.
Why not join my Daily Check-in diary?
just to keep committed and active here, without a need to start making up or listing problems, though you can, and I think many will benefit from your pragmatism.
If your life is so good, why aren’t you concerning yourself more often with helping others on a daily basis, rather than being idleminded messing about on YouTube to avoid boredom?
Do you cook? Clean? Do the shopping? Volunteer? Pick up dog poo?
Ask how can you offer your help?
Or even think about how you can aid others?
You know the things you’ve gotta be getting on with.
You know to brush your teeth,
Do your studies, keep the tank topped up etcetera.
Love what you are doing.
If you’re not loving, what is going on?
Without love, it’s one-sided.
Keep your thoughts hovering over the ultimate goals, aiming for something of value in your life, something you’d like to be and do.
What kind of person do you actually want to be?
What do you think an awesome person looks like?
Don’t waste time on sitting on the fence, waiting to have a debate or become slothful when your mind wonders.
Make that choice. Make a decision.
Emotions, arguments, chattering mind on the shelf.
Honour your choice,
Make those harsh restrictions, no loftiness.
Habits will die hard! (end of story)
We ALL know; start meditating amongst many other things. But is the meditation actually helping to go any deeper? calming the mind?
Or is it just fruitless routine?
Let go of outcomes, gladly accept failure.
Stop wanting, start rejoicing in possibilities.
Don’t you want to be that cool guy that is like ;
“■■■■?.. Nah, it’s not my cup of tea”
Challenge yourself to give up YouTube.
And don’t be so organised.
Have a poo in the kitchen or something
Or put salt in someone’s coffee.
Do something stupid.
Why not? It’s not gonna kill you.
Peace