Day 7
Today went really well. No real urges since I knew what I wanted to do.
It was more like, naah sure, i could watch porn for 2 hours, but instead I could also clean the kitchen, cook, read that new book about statistics, post here in the forum, do a headspace session, read my fantasy book.
So really, why should I watch porn?
Hope tomorrow will work out equally well
see ya tomorrow to day 8
It was a really good streak. This week, I felt better than ever before. I was so in touch with life. I enjoyed being outside, enjoyed working and being at home. It was such an amazing feeling of being connected with the world.
Yesterday was tough though. Had some important decisions to make, hence anxiety about how my future will look like. I was also tired, because i didnât sleep well the day before. Thus I relapsed. But Iâm confident, that the next good streak is coming.
Today was already Day 1 again.
The next 2 days are weekend, hence I wonât have time to post.
Thus, see you on Monday at day 4
You were doing great brother. Keep up the momentum for this new streak.
It can be really difficult after years of addiction and looking to PMO for comfort, but we have to build the new habit of turning to positive habits and activities when we feel stressed, anxious, tired or bored. We have to become comfortable with the idea that PMO is no longer an option under any circumstances; to really internalise the idea that we will never intentionally look at pornography again.
Listening to a song which makes us happy and uplifts our spirits, reading a good book, taking a walk outside in nature to recharge, having some deep breathes and 10 quiet minutes of reflection, we can find good habits that will bring us out of negative states. There are different activities we can choose to do at different times of the day and for each situation. With time, our brains will become accustomed to no longer reaching out for pornography, and start suggesting some of these activities to us automatically.
See you on Monday bro. Stay strong.
Was a longer break than expected.
I was feeling sick the last few days. And as one can expect relapsed out of that.
I was extremely tired the last few days. â â â â was always the one go to strategy to keep me awake. Every time when I thought I had to study but I got tired I started to watch â â â â on a second screen.
This time, for the first time, I was able to apply a new âstrategyâ. I came home from work early on Monday because I was so tired. And instead of going straight to â â â â I first slept for an hour. It was a tough battle to make this decision but I did it. I knew that sleeping will help more than watching â â â â . 
sure, I still watched â â â â after waking up. But at least I changed the order of things 
Sickness is over and Iâm back on track 
See ya tomorrow to day 2
What is the difference between the virtual world and real life?
In the virtual world you can reach anything that is out there without any effort. You wanna see something that someone did? No problem. It is one click away. But you will never discover or reach something new.
In real life, if you spend effort, you can reach what every you can imagine. Things that never have been done before or more important, things that you have never done before.
One is consummation, the other creation.
Are you still wondering, why you never feel fulfilled after spending time on the computer or smartphone?
See ya tomorrow
Found a nice quote today from Goethe:
Knowing is not enough, we must apply.
Willing is not enough, we must do.
Man I just googled, the man has some more brilliant ones:
Many people take no care of their money till they come nearly to the end of it, and others do just the same with their time.
This one almost brought me to tears. It is my biggest fear. Iâm wasting so much of my precious time. What happens if the day comes and I wasted all my time, accomplished not half of what I could have, havenât experienced half the joy of what I could have.
I started again to wake up at 6.30 am. It is a life changer for me.
I tried for so long to get up at 7.30 instead of 8.30 to get more time for work in the morning. And I never made it. I just wasnât able to get up. (I was never an early riser). But if the clock rings at 6.30 Iâm just up and about and I feel amazing for the whole day.
See ya on Monday to day 6
Hi everyone
I will take a break from this forum. Canât say for how long.
This week was absolutely horrible. Wasnât able to sleep enough, relapsed every day and felt worse and worse.
Yesterday was one of the very worst days in the past 7 years.
But it was a very important day. Being on the ground can open ones eyes.
I figured out so many issued which I have to address first, before I can again continue this journey.
The things i figured out:
So you see, my to-do list is long and I canât divide my energy between both. Once I solved these issues I will comeback and conquer this journey!
By the way, maybe that could be a good strategy for others too. From next week on I will try to keep my laptop and smartphone in my office in the evening. This means, that there just is no way for me to relapse at home. and it could help me to reduce my internet time by a lot!
I wish everyone good and strong next weeks! Cheers
Not sure if you are still reading this, but Iâm sending you my thoughts and love still.
You are an incredibly self conscious person, and - if I may say so - combined with some of the problems you are tackling it makes of a much steeper hill. Nonetheless, it will be worth having that gaze from the top.
I can completely understand taking a break. This forum is meant as a means of help, of aid in everyoneâs particular journey. If it is distracting you in any way, going your own way is a good, if not the best decision. Just remember that you are not alone, and that you will always find an open ear and support here if you need it.
Just donât make sure you are not backing up to be alone because you feel bad about what you think you are. You might not be happy or content about the way things are going for you right now, but that doesnât mean you are of no value or not worthy to be accepted or loved. You are! This is your life, your journey and even if there are things to be learned from others, everyone is unique. Comparing doesnât work out. I wish you all the best with figuring out what you want to figure out. And again, we are here for you.
See you around mate!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFalmesXWMY
https://zenpencils.com/comic/89-stephen-fry-ultimate-self-help-book/
https://zenpencils.com/comic/160-edgar-albert-guest-it-couldnt-be-done/
Hi everyone
Thanks a lot to everyone for your help and support. It is amazing to know, that so many people are there for me and are assisting me.
So, what happened during the last 1.5 months?
I tried to stop comparing myself with others. It became extremely toxic to always look at others. I started to hope that others do worse just that I feel better. I distrusted positive results of others and so on. It took away so much joy. I started to work because I like to. I try to find more joy in doing things and less in comparing myself
A second thing is, that Iâm still not better at handling free time. We figured out, that I always look for the best thing. The thing that stands out and is on a scale by fare the best option. I canât handle the feeling if I have multiple things but canât decide between them. That is exactly, where I start to relapse.
For a few weeks I started an experiment and left my smartphone and laptop at the office and it was a life-changing experience. I realized how often I use them and I found a deeper contact to myself. I really have to start again with that.
Unfortunately, it doesnât go as well with nofap and I really donât know what to do. The problem is, that I act so often just out of an impulse. And that really has to stop. Over the two years I learned so many helpful strategies but I always applied only one at a time. Maybe it is better and will probably feel more natural if I do multiple things to prevent a relapse but with less fever. It is just so frustrating. It feels like Iâm doing everything right and that my life is getting better and better. I have everything I want. There are few things about my life that I really wanna change. And still without that, I still struggle with this shit.
There are so many small habits I wanna change out of hope that it will work out with nofap. So, lets just start doing them. I will write a list here and (most of the time) each day I will write how it worked out. I did this many times before and most of the times it really did help. It helps me keep track and stick to the goals.
My goals will be:
I think thatâs about it. Hope it works out!
See ya tomorrow to day 1
An interesting thought just came to my mind.
I talked with a friend about gradient based optimization of decisions. Itâs the idea that at every moment, you could think what would make my situation better and you are moving in this direction.
And i feel like I am really good at that. I set myself a goal and do everything to get there. My marks need to get better? â I do everything to reach it. The problem is, that I do that with absolutely everything. We figured out, that I canât stand not having a fixed goal. just doing something because it is nice. So, in my mind I set myself a goal without me knowing it.
And just know i realized, that my goal for free time is to get happy
And here is where the devil is. What does it mean to be impulsive, react extremely spontaneous and wanting to optimize happiness? What does happiness even mean?
I basically reached my goals during the last 15 years. I donât think that you can feel more âhappyâ as during masturbation. or at least if you define happiness as the state where you donât worry about things, where you are disconnected from the world and where you have a lot of dopamine and endorphins in your blood.
Optimizing the momentary happiness will always lead to instant gratification. You have no work and get result.
I think, I canât change my impulsiveness. Thatâs who I am. And itâs nothing bad.
What I have to change is what I see as my goal for my free time.
Letâs see if I can come up with something good. At least in my head it feels very logical 
Day 1
Fridays are always too busy to write, so I do it on Saturday
Since I donât have any time to relapse, Fridays are pretty easy from a nofap point of few.
Interestingly, I found a few moments since the last point, where I felt how free time could actually be.
I had to help my dad bring the plants into the shed for winter. Usually I hate to do that, since it feels a waste of time since I could do stuff which makes me more happy. But today for brief moments I felt, that it was right to do. That my gut feeling said, this is what you like. My feeling said, that there are way more parameters which are important, than just happiness.
In general so far a very good day
Finished Day 3
This is the longest streak of November so far
I think my new point of few is really good.
Today I had multiple times where I felt amazing. Where I felt connected with life. I think, so far it is the most promising approach ever. It resonates so positively with me. It just feels right.
See ya tomorrow to Day 4
(Next goal is 7 days which would be the largest streak since the 10th of Oct. So, a pretty huge deal for me)
Iâm so bad at sticking to my own rulesâŚ
but it was also not necessary to report here every day.
Day 8!!
it is extremely said but this is the longest streak in the last 3 months
my new approach worked out soooo well it was unbelievable.
i would allow myself to watch P if i knew what it is that i wanna watch.
so, i had the two different situations, where i thought about watching P but i was so well connected with life, that i was like âyea lets watch but first, lets cook, clean up my room, read some in my bookâŚâ the other option was.
âdamn i wanna watch so bad. but i donât wanna see any naked pictures. but if they are not naked what is the point of watching??â
the second one was somehow really bad. it felt like i desperately wanted a drug but it was just out of reach. even if i wanted to take it, i wasnât able to get it which made me feel helpless.
so, 8 days are over. on sunday i will reach the longest streak since april and in 1 week it will be the longest i can remember
see you back here to at least day 9 (maybe more )
longest streak since 1.august 
next goal is monday evening where i will reach the longest since april
in the last 2 weeks i came closer to the life i always dreamed of than i ever did.
And i figured out, to strengthen this, I have to stop focusing on nofap (here he is again, the heretic, the traitor and troll 
)
(Donât worry I wonât start watching P again)
In the last 2 years I made a huge step from believing that my life is only worth something if Iâm the best, otherwise I should commit suicide, to it is okay not to be the best but still I should stand out, to finally: I enjoy what Iâm doing and by that I will naturally excel. And even if I donâ it doesnât matter
The other thing i realized is, that I was looking for the perfection. In my free time I wanted to do the absolutely best thing for me. But how do you judge that? Is reading better than meditation or biking? So, I did what made me the most happy. What makes you more happy? cleaning the bath or fleeing from all responsibilities by watching P and even add joy by M? Few things can compete in terms of momentary happiness. The whole internet (social media, youtube, P and so on) are designed to give us instant gratification. Real world things canât compete with these huge amounts of satisfaction.
So, I needed a new thing:
I let my gut feeling decide what is best for me. I let go and just enjoy whatever life presents me. (It sounds way more passive and lethargic than it really is )
Last week was amazing. I was so happy and enjoyed my life. Even in the last 2 weeks I only peeked twice for maybe 5 min which for me is something I never did. Either I fully relapsed in a 3 hours binge or I didnât watch. But there was no such thing as peeking and deciding that this is not what I wanted to do.
To conclude:
I continue to not use my laptop and phone for anything else than work. This was the most important physical change. From a mental perspective, I wanna dig deeper into this feeling of enjoying life since I now know, that this will be my solution to nofap. The problem now is the following (thatâs the heretic part):
What if I have sexual cravings for a whole day? If I canât think of anything else?
This means, that I canât train my new habit of enjoying life. I had that situation once last week. After a whole day of craving i quickly masturbated for 2 min and all the cravings went away and I was again able to focus on my day and stuff. So, yea, probably I wonât have a âcleanâ streak but I donât care. Once I established my gut feeling, I can still address this issue.
hmmm, last few weeks were bad. So bad that I wasnât in the mood to post anything.
Stress and anxiety got their grip back on me. I currently have an extremely stressful time. Finishing my masters, applying for PhD, planing holidays, housing and so on. Just too many things. I got stressed again, canât relax and feel like I have to work all day. Procrastinating a lot which lead to even more stress and porn.
I really have to be able to find a good solution to handle stress and anxiety! The 2 weeks I described before were some of the best of my life and I wanna have that back!
Somehow, the approaching deadlines make me feel like I have to hurry. And I hate this feeling. There is no need to hurry. I work best and fastest if I enjoy my work. I really have to get my focus back on that.
I will try that tomorrow. No hurrying, a lot of enjoying.
See ya to tomorrow to day 1
