Day 1
Heavy urges of the: you did it yesterday, just do it today again-kind
Strategy: Say no, no to all this shit. I won’t do it, won’t give in. I know where I wanna be in half a year. I wanna be free of it and start an amazing life with my girl friend.
Even though urges were heavy, I got through it pretty well.
See ya tomorrow to day 2
Day 2
yesterday went pretty well. We had a soccer tournament with my research group which was quite fun. Socializing became such a great thing.
At night, the temperature didn’t drop below 30° in my room which was an absolute pain to sleep. Wasn’t able to fall asleep, got bored because I had nothing to do and almost watched porn. But boredom isn’t a thing that will make me relapse anymore! Instead I listened to music until I fell asleep.
In total, quite a good day.
See ya tonight to day 3
Day 3 + 4…
…where pretty easy. Did a lot of cool stuff. No mature urges occurred.
My current opinion about nofap:
you need exactly 3 things:
lack one of em and you won’t succeed.
Cheers and see ya tomorrow to day 5.
(it feels so great to be able to say that. In the last 8 or so months I have never really been able to cross the 1 week mark twice in a row (or at least that’s what I think, I deleted my app data. I can feel that this is the time where everything will work out!!! 
)
Day 5 and 6
Urges are there but it is interesting to see, that other things have more priority than porn.
If I’m tired, I wanna sleep. If I’m at home, I wanna do my hobbies. Life feels so much better.
Also psychotherapy helps a lot! I guess I would still stumble around blindly without it.
Sorry I just have to vent out a bit. I don’t wanna write this in an open thread since I don’t wanna start a fight but still I feel like some people should consider that.
I still get insanely aggressive when I see absolutely stupid comments. One person talking about shit that hardmode is the only true mode and that it can do all the miracles to you and that it will heal everything you can think of. Also, that porn is the source of all bad things. Condemning everyone who dares to say that there are more natural ways than hardmode. But in the next comment, bragging about having sex for 4 hours. WTF? Even if this wasn’t a contradiction, having sex for 4 hrs just sounds like the next addiction or weird thing to do. Who wants that? I don’t wanna spend half my day edging while having sex?? I wanna actually participate in life.
I get pissed about this stuff because it’s just so poisonous for our community talking about these extreme forms and pretending that these are normal. It puts a wrong image of what life should be into the minds of the new and undecided ones. Life is all about balance!!
Hope I will be in better mood tomorrow.
See ya to day 7
The moment when you push the hardest is when it breaks!!
I have to make a bad decision. Maybe a year ago, I had months where it was really easy to reach 6-8 days. No urges at all. But then, a really heavy one always hit me and I relapsed. I was never able to push beyond one week.
My last relapse was day 8, and yesterday, again at day 8, the heaviest urges hit me. I felt and still feel horrible. I really almost can’t bear it. Today I even peaked at porn. The urges didn’t get worse after peaking (don’t think they even can get worse) but neither did they get better.
I had two options. Reset the timer which would mean that I will completely relapse with masturbation and everything. But I don’t wanna do that. Sure, the urges would disappear which would make my day much better and way more productive but I would have the same urges again after one week and the cycle would continue. I wanna push through this shit!!.
So, I will push on. I freeze my timer at day 8. As soon as I was able to have 2 completely clean days I will continue counting from day 8 on. I have to be able to push through these hard urges. It is of no use if I just relapse and do the easy stuff from day 1-5 again and again.
I have to push harder, have to break the addiction and I will do this!!
I have to remember my goals. I wanna be an amazing person, supportive, sympathetic and energetic.
I have to remember why I wanna do this right NOW and not tomorrow. Christmas is coming and I wanna be free by then!!
I have to remember my strategies. I put my phone far away, I set timers for my productive work, I went out for a walk to calm down.
I suppose that today will be a nightmare but I hope I can do it.
So this is and stays Day 8
Skipped many days.
Short summary:
Friday was a day as close to perfection as possible. Everything worked out just amazingly well.
Did a lot of cool stuff on the weekend and didn’t have time to spend much thought on porn. Since I neither watched porn nor touched myself during Friday and Saturday, I continued my counter afternoon of Saturday at day 8.
So, today is day 10.
Urges were pretty bad. In the afternoon I took my phone, unlocked it and was ready to watch P. But in this moment I realized that there were days where urges were harder. And i resisted on these days. So, if I didn’t need to watch porn on these heavy-urge days, then there is also no reason why I should need to watch right now. And with that thought I was able to resist.
This evening, porn was the main thing that was in my mind. It was everywhere present. But I’m really glad that I managed to resist another day.
I read through @Forerunner 's post. It was so motivating to see that people can manage to go through all this with a healthy way of thinking. Not wanna to go head first through the wall but with a healthy mindset. Thanks a lot
See ya tomorrow to day 11
This is an interesting mindset for dealing with the urges! I’ve made it through worse, so why would I stumble now? There are so many methods, but we only need one to win - keep going brother! Day 11 tomorrow!
You’re very welcome man! Honestly, this is the only time I’ve had a healthy way of thinking about this for the past 12 years. I felt obliged to share this new thought process; if any word of what I wrote resonates with someone and can help out, that’s all worth it.
i don’t know what to do. urges were really bad yesterday. today is even worse.
i know that if I go home now, i will immediately relapse. i’m even close to relapsing at my office which never happens 
i don’t wanna relapse but i wanna watch ■■■■ so badly
First accept the urge, don’t fight it. Then examine it. Why do you want to watch that stuff? You’ve watched for years and it hasn’t brought you any joy or peace or love. Every time you went to it looking for comfort and relief, it lied to you and made the situation painfully worse.
Then decide that life on the other side of this journey is far better than 5 seconds of PMO pleasure, followed by the shame and regret of relapsing. Think about the man you want to be. How you want to be with your girlfriend. You don’t need this in your life. You’re not missing out on anything.
Thanks a lot. I will go for a walk before I go home to get some clarity and get the chance to think about everything.
It’s just so hard. I feel like something was torn out of my life which I will never get back. This, paired with the anxiety that I will feel like that for the rest of my life makes it extremely difficult.
I currently can’t imagine, that urges will get less at a certain point. My mind tells me that it will become worse and worse until I break. And I just don’t know for how much longer I can live with this feeling of cravings.
What do you feel is missing?
The urges most certainly decrease with time. Undoubtedly. After about 6 weeks they are much weaker in intensity and less frequent. We will always have urges, but with time they will become so faint that urges aren’t the proper word for it; they’ll be more like suggestions. It will not always be a constant battle. The main reasons why people fail after long streaks are overconfidence, boredom and saying that just a peek won’t hurt. It isn’t strong urges that they have to deal with anymore - so there’s great hope in that.
‘The worst part about anything that’s self-destructive is that it’s so intimate. You become so close with your addictions and illnesses that leaving them behind is like killing the part of you that taught you how to survive.’
Anonymous
PMO has been a part of us for so long that it’s like a tumour which has gotten tangled up in our arteries; we can’t cut it out surgically or we’ll go down with it. We have to slowly starve it to death.
When I have urges, I tell myself the honest truth; I can go back to PMO any time I want to. It’s 2019. I’ve a home PC, a smartphone and a laptop all with internet access. I can go visit the library or an internet cafe or the Apple store or borrow a friend’s device. PMO will always be accessible and available. This allows my brain to stop feeling like I’m punishing myself or missing out on something - I can literally go back at any moment if I want to. The magic is in whether I really want to go back. Not once in all these years of addiction could I look back at a session and say, yeah, that one was worth it. I’m glad I relapsed. Clearly, I want to be free of it more. The more you explore this idea and can see the life you want to live without it, the easier it gets.
‘It’s gonna get harder before it gets easier. But it will get better, you just gotta get through the hard stuff first.’
Anonymous
Yesterday wasn’t a clean day, but I learned something important. Also thanks to Forerunner. Your insights helped a lot!
Urges will not disappear when you fight them, neither when you ignore them.
During my depression 9 years ago, I thought that suicide is the only possible way to solve my problems. I didn’t see that the cravings to die will stop at any point since it was the only logical thing to do.
Nowadays, when I am in a really stressful or uncomfortable situation, I still think that suicide would be such a good thing. It would solve my problems. And here is the important detail. Suicide IS a solution to all your problems. But it comes at extremely high costs. You will make the life of others worse and you remove all possible nice moments of the future. And that’s why these thoughts have no power at all over me. Since I see that the costs are too high.
The same is true for porn. It IS a solution. While watching, you WILL forget all the problems, you will relax and feel happy. And that’s just undeniable. There won’t be a time where I wouldn’t enjoy masturbation or looking at a beautiful girl. But I have to learn that there are better ways to cope with my problems and that the costs are too high.
I had huge problems with denying all the stuff. Trying to tell myself that I don’t enjoy it, that I won’t feel better while doing it. i spent so much effort on that, that I forgot to ask myself: What are the costs and is there a more cost-efficient way.
I dont know if i can comment on your diary… but still i will risk it. I cant see my fellow brethren like this…
So, brother
First, To understand My comment… you must read it by heart… leave your mind for a second.
Let me tell you straight… Suppression is not the right way… i have seen people fail … even if they go to 290 days on hard mode…
It comes from Personal experiences…
It comes from self observations & Understanding.
It is the power where choice is easy… Urges & temptations are always there … but … It provides a magical sword to us… which cuts through all temptations…
When the clouds disappear and light falls on the path… we see our destination far away… and we start our journey… The Beginning…
Sure, everyone is allowed to comment
Well said 
I haven’t been online often the last week. I had, and still have, to decide an important thing.
A professor called me an overachiever last week. He said it by the way and I’m not sure if he knows how much this single sentence helped me. I never heard that term before. So I googled it and was shocked how well it describes all my problems. It opened my eyes to what I believe is right and what should or could be right.
I now have to decide: Do I wanna strive towards being a famous scientist, striving towards a Nobel prize, working 24/7, loosing everything to have the chance to actually being the best in what I’m doing or do I wanna be a good person. I person with a good, healthy life. Who can handle mediocrity and lead a happy life.
I mean, the question is just rhetorical but in my mind, the only true things is being the best. I MUSTN’T be second.
So, I will need some time to go through my traits, my believes and the things I like, to decide where my life should go.
Questions like: Do I wanna work 10 hrs a day because I wanna be successful or because I love my work? It sounds like a detail but it really isn’t
I think, do what gives you happiness, not what seems like a good plan or idea.
Do the stuff that you find awesome and have a vision for - it’s a gift that needs your attention.
The trick is balancing your enthusiasm/skill with the world and people around you.
Being able to compartmentalise, putting something aside, giving attention to other areas of life that get neglected due to work,
And also setting strong boundaries about your work - being consistent in your attitude about your career, so others simply learn how to deal with your crazy-you, rather than change you.
Please send me a cheque when you’re famous, and a science superstar! 
I look forward to it.
Wishing you well in your career 
The first part goes for NoFap too -
I don’t do the things I love because it’s a good idea, I do them because I love them.
What I would say to this, is why does there have to be a choice between them? Why not choose to be the famous scientist, Nobel laureate who is top in his field and also has a happy, balanced life? Think of your balance in life like a table; if you put all of your energy into one leg, the table is useless as the rest of the legs are too short. You don’t want to be up on that stage holding that Nobel prize medal and feeling unsatisfied because it’s the only good thing in your life. You want to have family, friends, your girlfriend/wife there cheering you on. You want to be that scientist who looks healthy, not with gaunt circles around his eyes like he’s been underground in a lab for months.
There is absolutely no reason why you can’t accomplish your noble goals in life without being fulfilled and content at the same time. Just because people in the past suffered 20 hour days to get there doesn’t mean you had to. They didn’t have all the benefits of modern inventions and achievements that you do. Moreover, they didn’t have the same level of appreciation for mental stability and emotional wellbeing that modern psychology has uncovered. Resting and taking time to do what you love isn’t laziness - you’re actually being more efficient. A content worker works harder and better in the time allocated to his profession.
If you’re an overachiever - take pride in that. Achieve more! Add fulfillment, relationship success, healthy lifestyle habits, joy, self-awareness, being PMO-free and more to your list of achievements.
Thanks a lot guys.
Long time without a post. was a pretty rough time.
Don’t wanna go into too much detail but the main questions or topics my thoughts where revolving around were of the kind:
Do I need to be a professor or do I want to be one?
Do I need to do everything perfectly or do I enjoy the process of striving towards perfection?
The difference in between is huge. If I need to do something, then I’m looking to the outside. Looking towards what others do and think
If I wanna do something, then it is for myself.
The first can almost never make you happy while the latter is the way towards happiness. I can keep my goals the same but I need to change the reason. I don’t need to be a professor. I like to gain knowledge and to give my knowledge to others. For that I don’t need to be the best professor. There are many other ways.
Anyway. Starting again from day 0
The important thing is, it is getting better and better.
But first.
Why bothering? Because I wanna have a life dedicated to the things I enjoy. I don’t wanna be commanded around by porn
Why know? In 4 months I will hand-in my Thesis. I have the possibility to hand it in while having a huge streak. I could accomplish to amazing things at the same time. Plus I don’t wanna drag this whole shit into my relationship
My strategy: Here is the new thing. All the things I’m currently doing strategy wise are really good but I realized a new thing.
We always talk about morning and bed-time habits. But I missed an important one.
First, morning: It is here to increase my energy and motivate me for the work of the day. It makes it possible to focus on what lays before me.
One important thing I have to change here is: No smartphone during the first hour of the day.
The rest is already pretty good.
Evening: It is here to wind down and prepare yourself for a good and healthy sleep
I don’t have to change anything here
Everything between Evening and Work was, so far, just the thing in between.
But I need another ritual after work. One that enables myself to spend My Time the way I want. During the day, I work towards a goal, during night I restore my energy. But in between, that is the time for myself. To enjoy my time, to look after myself and so on. I don’t need the efficiency I have during work, nor the level of relaxedness I have an night but something in between
So, during the next days I will come up with some habits for when I go/come home to bring myself into the proper mood.
See ya tomorrow to day 1
yesterday was rough. was somehow feeling very said and tired.
but i came through the day
hope today will be better
Day 6:
Sorry for not being active that much. Finding again so many things to fix in life kept me quite busy and thus also wasn’t in the mood to write anything.
My main goal now is to break the longest streak of the last 5 months (damn that’s embarrassing) of ridiculous 10 days.
If I can go through the next 3 days, I’m positive that I can make it to day 12.
I just don’t wanna do this shit again. Today I had urges. but I saw which path I wanna take and decided against relapsing. I had a feeling of being able to choose between living and hiding again. Feeling alive or cutting away all feelings
3 things are currently really important for me to avoid: Tiredness, Hunger, Anxiety
These three make me feel uncomfortable and hence I wanna flee into the virtual world.
So:
Also, each time before I leave the office, I write a list with the things I will do on the coming evening. Like that, I have always better things to do than relapse. I just have to go through my list and do one after another.
I know, that this point isn’t something I could do for the rest of my life. But I think it could help me in the first few weeks for rewiring.
Thanks for being here and see ya tomorrow