At the moment, it’s not the easy or busy days which are important for me but the hard ones. I have to learn to handle my feelings. To know where they are coming from and what I can do against them.
So, Yesterday was one of the more useless days. I was extremely tired and would have relapsed immediately if I had time for it. But I was so busy, that I couldn’t.
So, 0hrs yesterday.
Today was a bit different. Still, I felt horrible. Was tired and angry. Wanted to relapse so badly but I didn’t. Instead I tried to figure out where the feelings are coming from. I tried to feel, what activities I wanted to do. I played computer games at some point. For maybe half an hour, I really enjoyed it. after that, I continued for another half hour which I really shouldn’t have.
I felt a change. I became annoyed by the game and got angry. I felt, how my grip on the real life slipped. But still I couldn’t quit. I wasn’t able to turn it off. After 30min of struggling, I turned off my computer and went outside.
Still, the whole day, I was really angry an mad for no good reason. Until I went bouldering in my local gym. It is so amazing to see how my social skills improve. First the event on Wednesday, where I talked with everyone I knew at the conference. The same today. Everyone was amazed, since the best female bouderer came to our gym. At some point, we were doing the same boulder and started to talk to each other. A thing I would have NEVER done a year ago.
Today, I count as a 0.5hr relapse to the gaming.
- 06.05.19: 3hrs
- 07.05.19: 0.5hrs
- 08.05.19: 0hrs
- 09.05.19: 4.5hrs
- 10.05.19: 0hrs
- 11.05.19: 0.5 hrs