Nerbo's Diary : Life as it passes by

7th May

Played Chess with my Cousin. Scored a win of 6-2.

Became a Genin of the Leaf Village. :grin:


Just wrote something similar in my diary,i reckon around the 21 day mark everything becomes more clearer your work rate/discipline goes up a immense amount.
Keep going brother im rooting for your success :muscle: :heart:


Thanks Boss. I literally love all those who are in this community. The way people here have given me love, I have not had this love anywhere else. Thanks a lot. :heart:


What’s Genin bro? And where is this village?


This was the challenge brother. It began on 1st May. :smile:


Well we are all we got when it come’s to any type of support or relief when talking about our issues and struggles.Everyone can admit they can’t talk out about this in real life.I find so much peace and passion talking and giving love to all other men who are struggling.
Ran out of likes for today, but im for sure going to keep up with anyone on here trying to better themselves and quit p0rn,masturbation


I also began popularizing the ideas and concepts of NoFap in and around my circle of associates. Of course, I haven’t talked about it with the family elders but with my own brother, my friends and even with my Professors I have shared the development of this NoFap movement. I have begun to criticize ■■■■ openly in my academic circle, even though I had a heated debate with some. Ultimately they cannot defeat me, tag me as a conservative and go on about their own destruction. Well I can only pity them and have seen them suffer like hell because of these issues but their egos won’t let them accept what I tell them. I hope that one day we will be able to launch a full fledged movement against ■■■■. It has begun to happen already as I know from Lucid and the updates in USA. Hope this becomes an international phenomenon and a global outrage against ■■■■ can be initiated.


There is definitely more men waking up but for 1 who is waking up there is 5 just starting.


8th May, 2023

Came back from Lucknow. Had a great meeting with my relatives. Brought three books that I intend to read.

9th May, 2023

Nothing happened. Wasted another day.


10th May, 2023

I realized lately that I have mentioned time and again that I have been wasting my life and time away these days. However, if I look at my days carefully I have spent time in making myself happy in the most lawful way possible, which is on close inspection a big deal in itself. I have an enormous time and thus I waste enormously. If I were to submit some stuff tomorrow no doubt I would be grinding right now.

Vacations are not an easy period and you can go hard on yourself instead of giving yourself the time to relax and build new coping mechanisms. The best use that I found was that I provided myself with Anime addiction. Yeah, I know it is an addiction and many have wasted their time and lives away but I do know that for me it is the right thing to watch now. Not just because I am a literature graduate and can later work on these as a research project but also because I needed some interesting stuff apart from the sickening addiction that I am fighting here. Only one pleasure can cancel out another, and one pain cancels out the other. So, instead of saying that I wasted my night, I will say I played an old Java game - Revival 2, with my brother all night and that was so much fun. I felt alive and I felt happy. Of course, tomorrow I need to pack up and the day after I have to leave for my University. So, I will probably sleep on time today.


I relapsed bro, i feel so much down now . It’s disgusting, now i hate myself for what I did​:persevere::persevere::persevere:


Don’t catastrophize. It is not the end. It will come again.


11th May 2023

I realized that if you have a partner who loves you and you live miles apart, NoFap then is the real struggle. No doubt, I have the most loyal and loving partner. Therefore, I am amongst the few who are not here for some lady to get so good that ladies begin to throw lines at them. I am here for my own spiritual purity. I am here for my own health. However, when your partner is in the mood and you can do nothing but sex text, it becomes tough to remain aloof. I promised that I won’t touch but I did end up touching and ultimately the worst happened. I kept debating whether I should reset my counter or not but in the end that slip led to a P-induced slip and I had to reset my counter anyway. I must say though that the crack in the wall was already made by the first case and the second was merely a dumb follow-up. However, I know I have to show control and pass my days with more awareness of my situation. I know the upcoming days are tough, but I also know that I will be able to pull through. I will really miss the MMM war and that Race Challenge but no worries, I will win others for sure and by a long margin.


15th May, 2023

Did not get through any IIT, however, it is not my fault and I do not feel pressed by any guilt.

Life of a researcher is not easy in the least. I know it is pretty pathetic to say like this and I don’t want to be a crying baby but I despise these current education reforms more than anything. No incentive is being given to research in India. There are almost no seats for Unreserved students for PhD in institutes, IITs are unable to fund scholars and the coaching monopoly has pushed the cut-offs of Fellowship above the roof. Everything is down to objective mugged up examination and there is no respect of intellect whatsoever.

Even in these circumstances, I will not stop dreaming. I will not stop pushing myself against the waves. I will not bow in silent obedience to this tyrant system.


Nobody, it is true, directly disputes the proposition that debauchery should not be practiced, either before or after marriage, that it is wrong artificially to destroy childbirth, that children are not to be made playthings, and that amatory union ought not to be placed higher than anything else, – in short, nobody denies that chastity is better than looseness of morals. But they say: “If the single state is better than wedlock, then people ought evidently to do that which is better. But, if people do that, then the human race will come to an end, and therefore the destruction of the human race cannot be its ideal.” Yet, not to mention the fact that the destruction of the human race is not a new conception for the people of this world, being a dogma of faith with the religious people and for the scientific men an inevitable deduction from the observations in regard to the sun’s congealment, – there is in this expression a great, wide-spread, and old misunderstanding. They say: “If people will reach the ideal of complete chastity, they will be destroyed, and therefore the ideal is wrong.” But those who say so purposely or unwittingly mix up two different things, – a precept and an ideal.

Chastity is not a rule or a precept, but an ideal, or, more correctly, one of its conditions. An ideal is only then an ideal when its realization is possible in the idea only, in thought, when it presents itself as attainable only at infinity, and when, therefore, the approach to it is infinite. If an ideal were not only attainable, but we could imagine its realization, it would cease to be an ideal. Such is Christ’s ideal, the establishment of the kingdom of God upon earth, – an ideal which had been foretold even by the prophets when they said that the time would come when the people would be instructed by God, when the swords would be forged into ploughshares and the spears into sickles, when the lion would lie with the lamb, when all the creatures would be united in love. The whole meaning of human life consists in a motion toward this ideal, and therefore the striving after the Christian ideal, in all its entirety, and after chastity, as one of the conditions of this ideal, not only does not exclude the possibility of life, but, on the contrary, the absence of this Christian ideal would destroy all movement forward and, consequently, all possibility of life.
-EPILOGUE TO THE KREUTZER SONATA by Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (In the translation by Professor Leo Wiener 1904)

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20th May, 2023

I have wasted much of my time already and cannot think what will happen for the rest of the time. I kept putting things off and now I believe I am short of time again. I will be able to get back home only by the morning of 22nd May. My exam is on 13th June. I don’t know what to say. But I will begin pushing from tomorrow. Good night.

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This defines my feelings so well.


21st May, 2023

I feel an Energy Buuuuuurst. :fire::fire::fire::fire:


I don’t know sometimes spiritual songs touch me so deeply that I cannot come out of it. Especially Sufi Qawwali and Irfani kalaam have quite an impact on me. I completely get lost.

This is however a thing that I had in me when I was young and my mind was not corrupted by ■■■■. I feel that I am slowly gaining my old self back. This freedom is so dear to me. I will not lose it at any cost.



Writing my unfinished dreams one night,
By the dim, shimmering candlelight
I saw that much of my life was yet
In some hopeless sighs and tears set
Crumbling the paper, with no hope to win
I threw my dreams, into a dustbin

Throwing myself on the bed, I cried
What went wrong, had I not tried
Why, when I worked and toiled
Were all my efforts by destiny soiled
Why do others who enjoy, also win
While my dreams rot in my life’s dustbin

Closed my eyes, took a deep breath
Letting go of life, I thought of death
Will I bloom or simply, go lifeless
Without a boom, in eternal silence
Can I not still the time ball spin
And pull my life out of the dustbin

Life is long and it might be
If not all, some dreams can see
Through the tunnel, by one last fight
the light of success, in the darkest night
Wiping my tears, with a grin
I went placidly to the dustbin

I looked at the crumbled paper there
Pulled it out, from the bin of despair
Struck off some and darkened some
Pasted the paper on my table with gum
Then wrote with pen on my skin
No matter what, I will win.

  • Nerbo