Greeting fellas, I hope everyone is doing great. This is my personal diary. You can come here to read about my life and how I think over things. Also, it has been 39 days since I quit PMO, so I will also give timely updates on the progress of my body. You can comment and reply freely on this. I will be happy.
Goodluck @Nerbo for your journey. 39 days is in itself a great achievement. Congratulations for that.
Stay alert @Nerbo because sometimes, people were lulled by high streak!
@Nerbo Good luck buddy. Stay strong as evil can come knocking at your door at any time.
Yeaah Bro, I will stay alert. But I believe I have actually quit it completely. Haven’t felt any urge in long time neither wish to go back. I am celebrating my new life. And as I read in the book, that unless I cheat myself I won’t go back.
By the way, Thank you for the heads up.
Yeah sure Buddy. Thank you.
30th March, 2023
These days life feels very energetic. I have positive vibes and people around me do feel them. I applied for many IITs today and hope that I will get through all of them. Life is more interesting and people praise my confidence and energy. Trying to sleep on time today.
IIT you mentioned, I guess you are an mid tier nerd .
Not teasing you but most IIT ians are people who study hard.
Actually I am not a science student. I have my Masters in English and am now applying to IITs for PhD. GATE qualification is pretty easy in English. And I have a good academic record as well.
Good luck bro.
Don’t think I am a nerd. But I keep a healthy amount of luck in my pocket.
31st March, 2023
Nothing much to discuss. Just that my classmate messaged me from Saudi Arabia, telling me that she misses me. She had tried to be my partner in the beginning of my Masters but I had turned her down as I was already committed, but no doubt she was pretty graceful, especially with her words and way of expression. The way she reads my mind and knows my likes, is simply unmatched. Sometimes I regret having turned down her offer. So when I went to sleep at night, I was thinking of her and that led to a wet dream. But soon found control over myself.
Wet dreams do break the flow of energy as I have realised and for sometime do remind you of a time when you relapsed. In my days of addiction, these wet dreams usually broke the flow and I ended up relapsing actually after a certain number of days.
Her message and the wet dream did play on my mind for sometime but then Ramadan is a real aid in these situations. The moment I went off to pray, all these thoughts got washed away. I had already freed myself from the thoughts while bathing but prayers made sure that those thoughts no longer dwelled on my mind. Apart from this I filled up my brother’s NEET form, counseled a few juniors and had fun with my friends. I also applied for two more IITs today. Had a nice midnight tea and really feel alive.
Also, a few comments on my Diary made my day.
1st April, 2023
A pretty day. The only grayish aspect of the day was the sleep deficit that kept giving me headache. Apart from it I worked with my supervisor, Siddhartha Chakraborti, and had a great time with him. Later on, one of my teachers, Danish Iqbal, took me with him on a ride while we discussed my PhD plans. Our discussion about my novel and the plans of learning Persian did cement my intentions with regards to where did I want to land with my PhD. Danish Sir is always full of wit and I could sense the wisdom behind his slow, but genuine remarks.
One thing I must bring to notice here, in the context of NoFap, that this new lifestyle is very energetic, but it also gives you enormous amount of calmness in situations where you would otherwise panic and mess up things. In my previous meetings with Danish Sir, I was always blabbering and making zero sense, but today I felt as if I made perfect sense. Even he was a bit respectful towards my opinions. To the people who are unaware of what this person is, he is the most intelligent of all the faculty members of our department and even the Head of the department respects his academic merit. He has been to the USA for an year on a fellowship and knows the West and East equally well. So, it is usually a big deal if he pays attention to what you say.
Anyway rest of the day was all about sleeping my day out and having tea out at tea stalls until late night. Then we returned to hostel for Sahri and now while waiting for the Adhan for my prayers, I thought that in the meantime I will update my diary.
I have also recently noticed that now more and more people are making to higher streaks. Earlier the number of people in lower streaks was high but now the number has increased in higher levels. Although, I know streak is not the right word here but for a general sense of achievement I have used it here.
All in all, it was a fine fine day and we can hope to have more from life everyday when we live a life of freedom, a real life free of guilt, depression, self-abuse and self-hate. I absolutely love myself for having protected myself on my own from that complete ruin towards which I was quickly moving.
Goodnight everyone. See you Tomorrow.
April 2, 2023
Rode bike like hell all around my city and enjoyed life to the lees. All this energy came from my free life. I was proud that I had a lot of energy and power.
Actually I haven’t drove a lot of bike and I find myself still in the learning phase. But the thrill was epic.
April 3, 2023
I had a long discussion with my juniors and even discussed how to make more of their lives and how to be more productive. I told them about NoFap movement as well. My life as such is not very productive nowadays but I seem to be growing much more philosophical with time. Tangible success parameters seem to make lesser sense to me now and I am exploring some more hidden avenues of thought.
It seems that NoFap is some catalyst which brings out the superpower in you. My superpower of thought and expression of complex ideas has been unlocked as I feel. I am able to deliver long talks on topics and make them interesting as well. I am able to entertain and help people around me via these discussions. People have begun to almost celebrate me like a sage. Many people now knock my door to get rid of their worries. Somehow whatever I say seems to help their case.
My own life is now much more interesting and I sort of don’t feel that I need to be at a better place or position rather I more often celebrate wherever I am and whatever I am doing.
This leads me to an important conclusion:
‘In a post-PMO life, in a free life it is not absolutely essential to exercise and meditate, of course if you do it is absolutely wonderful and helpful, but sometimes inspite of it, you will fall. The most important thing is to realise that you are doing what you want to do at this moment. It is the thought of having control over your life decisions that makes a free life worth living. An uncontrolled life will ultimately throw you off its back, no matter what you do, because then even a second of taking your guard down is fatal. Maintaining an eternal vigil over your senses is not always feasible. Controlling your senses is difficult and instantaneous, while controlling life is easy but a long and thoughtful process. Once you have control over life, your senses will not rebel against you, because rebellion of senses is a function of being not under command. When the senses lack direction, they wander in dark zones. Having life under control, prevents them from wandering unguided. In short, having control over senses is like knowing the way back to your home. But having control over life is like the skill to read a map. The first will aid you everyday and bring you back home with safety, but if you wander on a different path or find the path blocked, you will find yourself in trouble. The second will not only help you to get back home via multiple ways but will also allow you to wander beyond your usual destination. NoFap, in this manner, doesn’t actually make or forces to live a disciplined life, rather it makes even living without a fixed schedule productive by making all your investments of time rewarding.’
April 4, 2023
45 Days of Freedom.
I cannot thank this community enough. This new life is so sweet and so charming. Fearless, bold and energetic. I feel that now I can prioritize myself while also helping others in their worries. Earlier I got washed away by the need of others and could not concentrate on my own life. Now things are different and now I feel much more guarded and fool-proof.
I have also began reading other people’s diaries and honestly I enjoy them a lot. Everytime I read someone I feel that they have something new to tell. I love how people come and comment on each other’s diaries. That shows real brotherly spirit.
I guess I will stop coming here once I have crossed 60 days. Because my brother who is currently enjoying 200+ days of freedom only needed it until 60 days. After that he gave all his thought and energy to his goals. He never got an urge again and lives a free and happy life.
Hope to be free with him soon. For now, Goodnight.
Actually, recovery differs from a person to another. Some take 40 days to recover, others 60, 90, or even a year. It differs from a person to another and gets effected by many aspects like the addiction duration. For an example, someone who spent 1 year masturbating will take less time to recover than they who were addict for 10 years.
All the best for your journey man! I didn’t say that to make you afraid or anything but I told you that cause if you have an urge on day 60 or more you won’t lose hope on Nofap.
Cause believe me, I know many people who relapsed after +300 days streak!
(I Know I didn’t believe it the first time I saw it too )
Well in that case, I won’t believe either, because I believe that believing this to be true will take power away from me, and we must never believe a proposition that disempowers us. We must not always be truthful to the universe, some truths are too brutal to be believed, or to be invested with emotions, particularly fear. For example, it is a universal truth that I can die the next moment. This is true wherever I am and in whatever position I am, but if I am to believe that I will die the next moment, it might happen that I won’t survive even this one. So even with truths we can have our own experiments.
Sheer love for you brother
The last reply is just a philosophical aside, a sort of an intellectual gift, although I believe you might be in possession of richer thoughts than me.
The care that people here show for each other makes me re-establish my trust in the goodness of life. These small messages, lines, words, gestures of care are the essence of being human. Feeling for each other, and making sure that others are well warned off about the incoming danger, makes you a great human.