Today my face is shining so much.
The glow is even more enhanced in sunlight.
I feel like I’ve got an irresistible charm 
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Also today I have got heightened situational awareness, and faster reflexes. Ability to think clearly is quite a superpower. And that calm + angry combination is the best one.
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I think I cheated on chocolate ice cream with mango 
And this affair is going to be a long one
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reasserting it today with even more anger.
Over time I have struggled with wanting the conjugal love.
Today I’m angry and standing firm against that desire.
My heart speaking to me that it brought me nothing but misery and that I don’t need it.
Last time it was her cancer that made me do it, this time I want nothing to stop me. I’m no lover, I’m a monster. I don’t ever want to stop being one.
I will never forgive that guy who did this to me (or us), and hopefully the law of Karma will take care of it eventually. He’s going to pay for separating us.
I don’t ever want to release my sperm ever in my life, and I want to be free from a woman’s charm completely. I want to keep that sexual energy flowing through me and charging me up like electricity surging through my veins. I want to destroy everything that stands in my way. I want to burn down everything that tries to come between me and my objectives. I don’t want any silly sensual desires, not just sex but all the others
to come in my way ever. I will get rid of them from my system one by one. I mean I just had one really tasty ice cream bowl yesterday so yeah there’s a lot of work to be done. I will destroy them one by one. Because nothing will stand in my way. All that will be left is me.
Today there’s a good leap from what I was before. And if I get back on track I will have sufficient strength to not give in to the pressure from others.
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possibly had a nightfall. I’m not sure. There are minor stains in my pants, but not like the usual big load I’ve had.
And honestly it is kind of relieving. Not having any urges today.
I guess it was a nightfall but not a big one. Very little came out.
Maybe it means that my body has increased its tendency to absorb semen.
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Urges are too high again. What the hell is happening to me 
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Okay I got this.Have to hold on for a while. I can fight this and win. I’m not quitting so easy.
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the desires of sensual pleasures aren’t really letting me go.
But I’m standing against them stronger than ever.
Got to give them some credit for their “persistence” to not let me go.
I just have to be more persistent than them. Hoping to make out of it alive.
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That sounds like a true warrior. Yeaaaah. 
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the desires? well damn. But I guess you are right 
For now I’m weaker than them.
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Tell your brain who is the boss. Tell him you are the boss. Tell him you disapprove of this. Tell him you are stronger.
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working on it. Hoping to make it out
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let me go you fucking moron.
I’m not your slave. I’m a free man
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really craving some bananas right now.
Tomorrow I’m going to get some.
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kya hoga iss desh ka 
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I see a pattern
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yeah I saw it too…
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Day 40
Having the urges to watch shitty things.
Turns out blockers are inefficient in helping.
Good thing digital detox app exists and it is the only thing which can help me.
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let me go man.
I don’t belong to you.
I belong to my dreams and it’s all I care about.
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It hurts.
I’m somewhere in the middle of my desires and wanting to do better than before.
It is the unstable transition state and I got to hold on.
But it hurts. I still have a little brainfog and I don’t know what to do. Although I do have hope that things will be better in a few days and I will be transformed into a new version of myself.