Nep's diary (in pursuit of being unbreakable)

I got advice from people to create a diary
I kept the title modest for now
This is a start

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:muscle::muscle: Yesss, I’ll follow your progress​:smile:

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Day 17
I had decided to curb sexual thoughts along with not fapping
Thus ending the cycle
I feel more tired as I keep struggling with these thoughts and pull myself out
I overslept a bit
Maybe the flatline is at its peak rn

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Thank you mate
I’m glad

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Day 18
Sucks actually
My mind is screaming for sex
Although my body says no (my balls kinda hurt if touched more than necessary)
Investing myself in studies today

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Day 19
Had my first experience of natural dopamine (via exercise)
I used to workout before but nothing felt as good as this
Detoxing self for 18 days and then getting some dopamine was good

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Day 20
Went on solving problems
Solved the one I couldn’t solve yesterday
I was more patient today
Sign of progress but still not enough
Got to do more

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No longer horny at all
Feels like freedom

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Day 21
Slight irritation
Feels awful
But hopeful too this time

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Day 22
I’ve successfully created a new pattern in my brain
Whenever sex related thoughts come to my brain, it automatically shuts them off. It tells me that this is not right, and you gotta stop it. A good start so far. However it is so delicate and not yet very strong. I realize that I can surpass this newly created program very easily and I can fall back to my old ways. One relapse can reset it all. All it takes is just one relapse. The programming will be broken. I need to wait and make it strongly associated in my brain. Right now it’s just the conscious automatic response. Subconscious still craves for sex. All it needs is just one dose and this craving will take over. I need to change my subconscious. Will take long. Work in progress for now. No relapse is acceptable, no sexual thoughts are acceptable either. For now just work and work. Keep pushing forward

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Confident about exercise. Happy with things. I have to achieve great things. This is a modest start. Solved an aptitude question I didn’t think I could solve. Brain is powerful, we just need to bring out the true potential it has. Somehow I think I know the feeling (maybe before I have experienced it for prolonged time). It’s just like when you watch TV, surf internet and social media and Youtube, except it’s not on computer screen. It’s in your head. Your head is flooded with new ideas and imagination constantly. Looks for new ways. You barely need the outside world, barely need the movies and series to watch. Your mind becomes a beautiful garden with a new flower coming up every time you visit it, exciting you. I know the feeling. Writers who write fiction must be having it. Scientists who create new inventions must be having it too. Tesla always spoke about it I want that power. I want to feel it. I want to explore it. I will have it one day.

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My prefrontal cortex is definitely better now
I thought I was able to take down sexual thoughts
However I can also abstain from other activities (eg. Watching YouTube) to a significant extent. The discomfort that takes place inside feels like a challenge. I can overcome it. Looks like I can go on abstaining every pleasure (including tasty food/snacks I regularly have, watching even the glimpses of TV, and bird watching too) for 2 days max.
Having a good sleep is necessary tho. Quality sleep and increase in willpower go hand in hand.

Other than that, if I still want to study it’s still difficult. I’m still not able to focus properly. Doing productive tasks likewise is still hard. Hope this is fixed soon too. If I can study non stop for hours, that’s it. My mission is complete.

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Day 23
Urges made a comeback
Found a woman here on this forum
My mind started to think absurd :pensive:
Anyway, I decided to stay away from her for my own sake. I hope I don’t see her often. I’ll use this app very less now.
PS - I’m really sorry whoever you are. I’m just being honest in this diary. Thats the corruption of my mind. I can’t help it right now. Step by step Ill eradicate it

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Finished 25 days
Feels like shit
Makes me want to go back to my old habit of fapping
However I worked out twice today
So I feel a bit better after it
And I’m too exhausted to fap, fapping will be too much of an effort rn. Thus no fapping. They were right about flatlines. It makes you think that if you fap you’ll be better. But we know the reality. If I fap, it will feel good for a while, will become the disaster later. I wonder when will I rise above this. Had a heated quarrel with someone, and I had no idea it will motivate me to study. I need more of this, my resources are in very scarce amount now. I need to move ahead. That’s the only way.

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Let’s do this together!

I’m sorry I didn’t understand
Do what together?

Share experiences with each other through Diaries. I’m also starting one.

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good going
keep it up

You too! I want to hear of your success!

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Day 27
Jealousy is a great motivator
I was unhappy earlier for not being productive at all
Then I saw someone. I’m a big fan of him. He knows a lot, and has claimed to have read about 5000 books in 3 years. I thought his intelligence ends there. But it doesn’t. He can also speak several languages. I do admire him, but I’m also jealous of him now. He’s what I want to be. I envy him, but I never thought bad about him. It gave me motivation that will help me to be productive. Let’s see what happens.

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