Day 3
I’m building up momentum.
Physical strength has reduced, and I can feel it, however this experience has told me that effects of nofap aren’t really placebo. I wasn’t expecting the loss in my physical strength, and I was trying really hard.
This isn’t even about extra testosterone, feels like I lost a part of me.
I can safely say that my sexual energy had started transmuting itself, too bad I happened to relapse.
I will be keeping myself busy. And hoping that I’ll gain back some vitality.
No sexual thoughts so far in 3 days, and they tried to pop up but I sent them away. Yesterday I had the urge to watch ■■■■, and I just locked my phone.
There’s something I feel like I’ll achieve, sort of an ability I’m going to unlock. If my feeling is true, then I’ll keep moving forward.
My mother today told me a story of a woman in our neighborhood. She got married and has a daughter now.
However her life was very rough. Her mother disappeared somewhere and they were 3 sisters. Her dad was an alcoholic and died shortly after her mom disappeared.
The 3 sisters struggled, worked as kids and finally managed to get their life back on track. They survived and are going much better than what they originally had. The youngest sister was just 12-14 months old when they were on their own. They have my utmost respect.
I’m a lot more lucky compared to them, and I can’t thank God enough for that. I just hope that my struggles would bear me fruits too.
Day 5
had an urge. Couldn’t control it and was about to browse, but my mum got me from behind. She had brought some buttermilk for me.
Thankfully I was still stuck on whether I should browse or not and hadn’t made the decision and if she had been 5 minutes late and if I had been browsing, she’d have seen everything. I’d have had no answers at all.
What an incident to give me realization. Threw away the phone right after that.
Damn,i could never imagine this,even after all my years of p0rn i have never had a family member see or catch me.I feel like if my mum caught me it would be the ultimate shame and disgusting feeling ever,even worse than a normal relapse.
If this isn’t a sign for you to stop now or your future could have this same scenario actually come to life is scary.
A lot of overlapping of two different and contrasting desires. Both seem equally strong.
Feels like I’m going to lose my sanity at this point.
Emotionally drained, but I can’t back down.
For now I’ll go to sleep but I wonder what will happen tomorrow.
Let’s see
All deprived of dopamine. It sucks a lot. But soon I hope my dopamine will be replenished. Just a little more my guy. You can do this. You’re about to bring a tremendous change.
This stress is too strong to bear. At this point I don’t know what to do. I’m not interested in viewing ■■■■. I just want to live.
Only God can help me now. I did everything I could.
Sexual thoughts seemingly are all gone. I managed to tame them down. To be able to respond them with “no” is getting more natural. It’s not so stressful as it used to be before. Now I have to go for the next stage. Where I’m able to say “no” to any of the comforts. And then also to be able to work continuously for long hours. Basically surpassing the limits of my productivity.
I want to be a monk and stay a monk for my whole life. Don’t want to waste my sexual energy anywhere. Don’t want to waste my brainpower in pleasing a woman.
Idk what will future bring but for now (and also in future if this works good) this is the mindset I have and I’m embracing it fully. Because this is what I need.
Maybe I won’t find that partner ever but then again this attitude will keep me strong for whole life.
