Nep's diary (in pursuit of being unbreakable)

2 days out
I have less anxiety now.
I’m glad I’m holding up😃

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I have to fight. I have to hold on. That is the only way. I know very well what it does
It hurts
It scares you
It overwhelms you
But when you cross that
It pumps you

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Everything is all about how bad you want to be away from porn.

I’m so damn horny right now
But I can’t relapse
Good thing is that my brain is being programmed to take on a lot of guilt after relapse(I used to feel nothing before). Something I can’t really take on. Time to sleep. And study as hard as I can.
Had loads of dopamine today. Watched YouTube like crazy. I here on promise I’m not watching a single clip tomorrow. What I can do is give myself inputs

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Dont do it bro,
Im regreting after my relapse today, please stay patient i know im no one to advice you but, you will sense a victory after the urge is over.

I know
I’m that guy who has taken a head on with 10 hours of consistently being horny😇
Time to put that training to use. I feel headache too. Its a good sign. I’m rewiring. Gotta love these headaches

My monster is coming up again. Gotta love that metal bat vibe. More they hurt you more you’re pumped up. More damage you take more your attributes increase and harder you strike them back. Wish I could do that in real life. Maybe I will, one day :upside_down_face:

Don’t focus on the urges. Let them be and observe how they pass.

Those were words of an attention seeking loser.
I’m sorry guys.

t’s OK. You have the right to feel what you feel. Do it with consciousness. And then do your best to let it go.

I have relapsed today again
I thought I could surpass my loop of 12 days
I couldn’t again
Now I take a vow
Starting now, I will surpass my record
And I won’t be coming to my diary before that at all
Starting today, till I hit day 15
I make my promise to God and everyone out here
I’ll not relapse no matter what.
Thank you everyone who have encouraged me and who have stood up with me.
I swear on my community, I will not relapse. I will die but not relapse till I go to day 15, and after that I’ll break my record of 37 days too.
God please give me strength. I have to surpass 2 weeks now

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I’m on my 15th day today
I kept my vow
And I’m happy about it. It is time for a new battle. I will call it rewiring 2.0
To break the 12 days loop I need to hit 20 days and I have to make sure I don’t make another loop.
Other than that, being massively productive again.
I did study for 8+ hours for last 2 days, till my head got dizzy too. But totally worth it.
This is a big jump from being unproductive and thinking too much all day.
The goal now would be to incorporate the most important thing for me (studies) as a part of my lifestyle. I can incorporate exercise and other things later.
Thank you God for giving me strength to be able to make it this far.
I’m coming with a new boost again

Crossed my 2nd highest streak of 28 days
Right now at day 30
Hopefully I can also cross my highest streak of 37 days now
Just another week.
Urges are on fire, and almost gave up last night. But God knows something made me hold on (God himself did it I guess, I can’t be more thankful)
It’s time to evolve beyond this. I need to channelize this extra energy for a better purpose.

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